expired reader x bsf matt texts !!
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sigh I love them
( this follows after she gets hospitalised ! shes not dead yet guys WHOOPEE )
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expired reader x bsf matt texts !!
au masterlist
sigh I love them
( this follows after she gets hospitalised ! shes not dead yet guys WHOOPEE )

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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ฤฑlฤฑฤฑlฤฑฤฑlฤฑฤฑlฤฑฤฑ male fantasy by billie eilish โซโหเฟ
โ expired reader x bsf matt
CONTENT: matt talks to his therapist about expired reader
WARNINGS: panic attacks, crying, yelling, matt gets angry, themes of death grief and denial.
WC: 800 words
happy valentines day !!
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"A part of me hates her." he scoffed, laughing at himself.ย
empty pages
โโโ expired reader has been told she's dying. but how much does it matter if she wanted to anyway? best friend matt is heartbroken to be losing the girl he never shared his feelings for - until now.
warnings: suicide ideation, mentions of self injury/ suicide (no actual suicide), struggles with connections/relationships, medical trigger warning !! sickness, lots of crying, death is written as peaceful, mentions of childhood struggles, heavily implied death.
wc: 1.1k
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PART FOUR - FINALE
How do you want to be remembered?
empty pages
โโโ expired reader has been told she's dying. but how much does it matter if she wanted to anyway? best friend matt is heartbroken to be losing the girl he never shared his feelings for - until now.
WARNINGS: ED, mentions of death, suicide idealation, self hate, themes of sickness, BE CAUTIOUS IF YOU HAVE HEALTH ANXIETY, matt is whipped, fluffy, ummmm kissing maybe who knows
WC: 1.1k
au masterlist || previous || all aus || taglist
PART THREE
It's all cycles.
Living, not wanting to live, dying. Breathing, choking, suffocating. Waiting. There's a lot of waiting.
expired reader blurb หหห
BLURB: "everybody dies" - expired reader is hospitalised.
WARNINGS: sensitive topics!! reader is hospitalised, themes of sickness, implied suicidal behaviour, descriptions of pain and passing out.
read with caution !!
wc: 600
au synopsis:
โโโ expired reader has been told she's dying. but how much does it matter if she wanted to anyway? best friend matt is heartbroken to be losing the girl he never shared his feelings for - until now.
this is part of my billie eilish writing marathon [here]
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch โข No registration required โข HD streaming
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐:
- or MORIBUND: the word for someone who is near death; terminal decline.
- or IN EXTREMIS: Latin for 'at the point of death'; or extremely difficult situation.
EXPIRED READER - has been told there's an 15% percent chance of her surviving her illness which decreases slowly everyday.
EXPIRED READER - has a history of mental health issues and was not sad when she found this out, rather relieved.
EXPIRED READER - only starting enjoying life once she found out there wasn't much of it left for her.
EXPIRED READER - tried to live more optimistically for the sake of those around her.
EXPIRED READER - doesn't take her life seriously.
EXPIRED READER - has debilitating stomach pains on a lot of days so she can't even get out of bed.
EXPIRED READER - is able to run around freely on her better days.
EXPIRED READER - doesn't like the pity she gets.
EXPIRED READER - refuses to acknowledge how her death could impact others, as its too hard to think about.
EXPIRED READER - is a relatively popular youtuber and influencer.
EXPIRED READER - who's videos consists of conversational themes (sharing stories of her life and philosophical personal topics) and a lot of vlogging.
EXPIRED READER - who met the triplets when they came to LA.
EXPIRED READER - who made a lighthearted video talking about her diagnosis which got a lot of attention online.
EXPIRED READER - who didn't collab with the triplets initially to avoid hate but appeared in vlogs after being diagnosed.
EXPIRED READER - gets accused of lying about her illness by people online.
EXPIRED READER - gets invited to red carpets and interviews following her video on her sickness.
EXPIRED READER - who has never been in a relationship.
EXPIRED READER - who has always been career based.
EXPIRED READER - wants to try a lot of new things before she dies.
best paired with.. MATT
MATT - who is EXPIRED READER'S best friend.
MATT - who has always tried to help EXPIRED READER with her mental health and bonded with her over it.
MATT - who tried to hide his upset over her sickness in order to stay lighthearted and not upset EXPIRED READER.
MATT - has always adored EXPIRED READER.
MATT - who invited EXPIRED READER to stay in him and his brothers house after she was diagnosed.
MATT - who goes to all of her appointments and will always take care of her on the worse sick days when she'll let him.
MATT - loves being shipped by fans with EXPIRED READER online and gets annoyed when she's shipped with chris.
MATT - who unashamedly has a crush on EXPIRED READER which has become almost an inside joke with their viewers.
MATT - who thinks he'll never love anyone else but EXPIRED READER, especially if she dies.
MATT - always spoils EXPIRED READER with anything she could want to try and keep her happy while he can.
taglist: @pair-of-pantaloons @oopsiedaisydeer @corspebridedelrey @faiyaz555 @izzylovesmatt @sturniolosrtewsexy @courta13 @sturns-mermaid @emely9274 @baebadoobee4ever @fw-lee @afr8idofrats @stvrniolotrxpl3ts
empty pages
โโโ expired reader has been told she's dying. but how much does it matter if she wanted to anyway? best friend matt is heartbroken to be losing the girl he never shared his feelings for - until now.
expired reader x matt
a/n poured my heart and soul into this chapter please read ๐
warnings: mentions of sickness DO NOT READ IF you have issues with health anxiety as i think it will be quite triggering, consistent theme of death and dying aswell as suicidal thoughts. SERIES ITSELF will contain angst fluff and smut <3
wc: 1.5k
PART ONE
the phantom pressure on your neck tightens. warmth clinging to your eyes while you try and swallow down relentless sobs.
the road passes the window, your grip on the seat belt to ground yourself. your entire body is tense and you can't relax, prevented by cyclical thoughts of how you can't breathe, you can't function, you can't do anything.
you don't know how you're supposed to feel.
youve spent your entire life begging for the end and now youre a walking time bomb. you don't even know when it'll happen. it could be tommorow, it could be in one month or six. it could be right this second.
or this second. or this one.
is it bad that you want it to be?
saves you from waiting. and everyone else.
your upset morphs into bitterness. of course the death you get involves having a probable psychological reset, ending up in seeing the value in living for once. why couldn't it just happen?
like a heart attack or a car crash. it's wrong to want but you can't stand waiting. the hyperattentitive listening to your breath, your pulse. hoping they'll just stop. they don't. but one day you'll go to check and they will. and it'll all be over.
how the fuck would anyone cope knowing that?
"what you thinkin'?"
he reaches his hand over to you, inviting it as an alternate to the seat belt you were still choking. you accept the offer - fiddling with his fingers and rings. how do you explain this to mr perfect? mr happy. matt wouldn't consider himself mr happy, but he's your happy.
"'m angry. I think."
"me too." his voice was softer than his implication.
his thumb caresses the skin of your thigh, your gaze fixed on the front view mirror. youre glad he came with you to the appointment. you don't think you could've reiterated what the doctors and everyone said. you also weren't entirely listening.
all you had to do was ask him to come and he did. simple enough to say but hes the only person in your life who would. its always trades and even deals instead of actually caring about you enough to just do it.
but at the same time, you know why matt does it. he isnt exactly shy about his feelings, constantly flirting and staring. its purer than perceivable but that makes it all the harder to accept. being around matt feels like living, which is more than you feel worthy of.
"dunno what im supposed to do." you mumble out.
matt pauses before responding, "what d'ya wanna do?"
die. live. suffocate. survive.
it feels as though youve been living that cycle since you were born.
rotting. waiting.
does the death sentence actually change anything?
watching. listening.
you always thought you'd pass away by your own hand. isn't this essentially the same?
breathing.
do you change nothing? do you pretend you're the same?
"could do anything you want." he continues, interrupting your emotional spiral from unravelling further. "what's first?"
his hand quickly shifts to the gearstick, beginning to pull into the driveway of your house. when still, he returns his hand to the place on your thigh, turning his gaze towards you in the passenger seat.
"nothing?"
a small smirk appears on his face. "yeah we can do that."
โโโโเญจเงโโโโ
the movie you don't care about filters the silence of the room. you try to focus on your own breathing - monitoring the normality of it. your head is pressed against matts chest as his arms are resting around you. youre certain matt isnt paying much attention to the movie either.
its as if you're a walking hypothetical. people speculate about how they'd react if they find out they had a limited time left to live. it's all fun and games, imagining the perfect reaction and final moments but it's all unrealistic. you can't just decide immediately the best course of action and you can barely name the emotions you feel about the fact you're going to fucking die.
you hear his breath hitch before he takes a deep inhale. oh god.
"can I um- can I ask you something?"
"matt-"
"I know you don't wanna have this conversation b-but we need to have it."
you push yourself out of his grasp and sit up, knees pressed close to your chest in avoidance. matt becomes even more timid following the distance you created between you, sitting up and placing himself beside you.
"you know how I feel." he strains out his words, fearful of how you'd receive them. "a-and I just think we should talk about them while-" he chokes a sob as you finally meet his gaze to see how glossy his eyes had become. "while we can."
you shift yourself closer - wrapping your arms around the top of his back as matt instinctively reciprocates the hug. it's a tight grip, forcing closeness as if you'll evaporate if he isn't quick. "'m sorry" you whisper while you press kisses onto matts brown locks, fingers beginning to twirl them in a soothing manner. you're filled with relief when his breathing settles into an even pace.
"is it really fair on you, matt? 'm not-" your voice loses certainty as you feel the warmth return to your eyes. "'m not gonna be here long."
he only hugs you tighter, "don't care."
matt couldn't just watch you die, not when he'd essentially been doing that since you met. he didn't understand his role, or if he even had one.
was he suppose to use those final months the way he wanted to spend the years with you as he'd imagined? or was that unfair? he'd have to move on eventually, at least that was your stance on the situation. matt was sure he wouldn't. especially not if you left him this soon. you'd formed an imprint on his heart, one that he undoubtedly cherished and always would until the day he died.
"i-i can't, matt" your voice is laced with regret, the words beginning to echo through matts mind. "I can't" you mutter quietly, repeating it almost as if you're promising something to yourself.
a sob escapes you, matt retreating slightly to cup your face in his hands gently. he starts wiping the swimming tears with his thumb as you sob quietly, your hands placed on the top of his. "'s not fair" you mumble out. matt shakes his head in agreement. you reach your arms around the back of his neck, matt reciprocates the gesture and wraps his arms around your lower back, allowing him to cradle you in his lap. he rubs soothing patterns on your back while you softly weep buried in the crook of his neck.
"I just," you sniff, "just want control over my own life," matt begins placing delicate kisses on your shoulder blade, each placed with intent as if trying to transfer his own life to yours.
"could um, could make a list? of everything you wanna do?" he whispers softly inbetween kisses.
you hesitate for a moment before nodding as you rest on matts shoulder.
"not now" you mumble, too exhausted and relaxed against matt to want to get up.
"not now, okay" he agrees, "just stay there, yeah?" he begins to lean himself more securely against the headboard as he ensures your comfort in his grasp. your breathing is calmer now, peering up to admire matt as he comforts you, fiddling with your hair. seeing you relax calms matt down too, he focuses on your breathing while he admires your features. "any ideas?" he queries with a small smile on his face, wanted to lighten the atmosphere.
you ponder for a moment, meeting matts loving gaze and scanning his face.
"wanna.. get high" matt chuckles in response, not having any guesses but regardless, that wasn't what he anticipated.
"yeah?" he smirks, glad to see your personality shine through despite the weight of the day so far.
"and get really drunk" you mirror matt in giggles, his laugh shaking you as you lay against him. "like say something stupid drunk"
"what's stupid to say?" he says inbetween small chuckles.
"I dunno, i gotta get drunk and find out!"
your laughs layer together, the same way they always had. reminding you of your whole life thus far, matt relentlessly sticking by your side through-out.
"kinda want a dog" you begin thinking out loud, evaluating all your options. "but I don't want it to end up alone."
matts smile wavers slightly but he pushes forwards nonetheless. "I could look after it," despite matts desperation to avoid acknowledging the very likely fact he'll eventually be living in a world without you, he knows he has to. if he's afraid then how could you not be? "yknow, after."
you push yourself closer to him, inhaling his scent and indicating for him to hold you tighter. the idea of your own death making you feel more fragile than ever.
"be like a mini me for when I'm gone." matt nods in agreement, not trusting himself to give a verbal response. he places a kiss to your temple, earning a giggle from you as well as a return to a smile on both of your faces.
"what else?"
โโโโเญจเงโโโโ
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p.s im quite proud of some parts of this chapter ๐ also I've ironically had a couple health scares since I made this au but yas I hope you enjoyed :3 also this chapter is dedicated to @mattsstarlet for giving me the motivation to start writing this chapter :3
taglist: @pair-of-pantaloons @oopsiedaisydeer @corspebridedelrey @faiyaz555 @izzylovesmatt @sturniolosrtewsexy @courta13 @sturns-mermaid @emely9274 @baebadoobee4ever @fw-lee @afr8idofrats @stvrniolotrxpl3ts @chrxsprettygirl @franticroads @m4gz-png @sosasturns @clairomatt @allisonclairee @mattshorsenecklace @whor3ing @matts-girlfriend @obsessedwiththesturniolos @shadowthesim237 @xeneasworld @chrisslut04 @jetaimevous @eeyoresturnz @vanteguccir
expired reader blurb หหห
content: "when the party's over" - expired reader is drunk and missing.
warnings: upsetting content - implied unalive attempt, intoxication, bad physical health, fear and just sad :c use of y/n
this is part of my billie eilish writing marathon [here]
หหห empty pages is the main series but this can be read separately. หหห
wc: 700 words
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Matt knew something had gone wrong when she didnt answer the door.ย
She had countless days where she would try and push him away, telling him she wasnt worth any of his efforts. Matt would find his way to her regardless, comforting her even when she felt she didnt deserved it. pain self inflicted or by someone else, it didnt matter, he would show up. Shed have a conversation at least, almost allowing matt to talk himself inside. He was always worried for the day he didnt get an answer. He never wouldve expected it to be tonight.ย
Her body had given her a break the day before, not like a walking exhausted machine as she usually described herself. She laughed at his dumb jokes, they cuddled, she even danced. It was the familiar self that matt always knew could never be buried too deep down.
He said goodbye in the early morning, kissing her forehead with reluctancy as he went home to do work with his brothers. She knew hed be gone the whole day, she knew hed be back exactly as he was now, knocking on her front door. The neighbourhood felt deserted, as if buildings could echo her absence, practically yelling through silence that something was wrong.ย
He couldnt stop calling. Pacing her front porch, growing aware she probably wasnt home but didnt know where to start searching.ย
โFuck, fuck, fuck.โ he repeated, as if it brought some kind of comfort.ย
Nothing could. Not until he heard her voice, not until he knew she was at least alive. He walked down the porch steps, horrified scanning the streets hoping shed appear out of the nothing. Everything was dim, the darkness was choking him, every option for his mental scenarios on where she was felt more and more real as if hed already lost her.ย
His screen lit up, glowing like her life was shining in his hands; but relief couldnt settle yet.
โy/n?โ
โS-stop- callin. โm not.. Um.โ
โbaby where are you? Let me come get you please, i can look after you. Are you on your own? Have you been drinking? Where are you?โ
โโs just me matty.. donโ think i can c-come homeโ
โIts not safe, i need you to tell me where you are. Please.โ
The static froze his pacing, her voice felt even further now that hed lost it again.
โH-hello?โ
โg-gotta let me go matty.โ
โThats not happening, baby, im not doing that.โ
Her small cries strained at his heart, hed never felt this helpless, hed never let himself this far away from her before. He hadnt lost her yet and he wasnt going to let that happen now.
โyou dont needa wait up for me-โ
โ-I need you. I know youre in pain but i need you okay? Let me take you home.โ
โdont-dont. dont needa lie for meโ
โIm not lying baby i dont lie. You know that, yeah?
โ..yeah i know. Im not-โ her voiced cracked at the weight of her own words. โIm not good matt. Im broken. im not good for you- im not even good for meโ
โYou are good for me i promise you, im happiest with you- i c-cant. i cant be without you.โ
His body felt twisted, tension squeezing himself closed as if his heart was about to burst. Her cries tugged at the feeling, but it felt better than the silence. Helping her through the pain hurt less than her absence, and hed never trade her away for it.
โI-iโll walk homeโ she sniffed once more.
โLet me come get you please, and dont hang up.โ
โI can get home. โm gonna walk i-iโll see you home. at my home.โ
โy/n wait i just need you to turn your location-โ
โCan do it- let me do it. Wanna walk. Let me say bye mattyโ
โYoure drunk, its dark, youre not safe. At least let me walk with you.โ
โ..okayโ
โYeah?โ
โIll turn my thing on โn you find me?โ
โYeah iโll find you, baby. dont hang up okay? d-dont leave me please.โ
โโm not leaving. Iโll wait here for you.โ
a/n THIS MADE ME SO UPSET
everything taglist: @pair-of-pantaloons @oopsiedaisydeer @corspebridedelrey @browniepop62 @izzylovesmatt @michele-sturns @courta13 @sturns-mermaid @emely9274 @baebadoobee4ever @fw-lee @afr8idofrats @stvrniolotrxpl3ts @chrxsprettygirl @franticroads @m4gz-png @clairomatt @allisonclairee @mattshorsenecklace @whor3ing @matts-girlfriend @obsessedwiththesturniolos @shadowthesim237 @chrisslut04 @jetaimevous @eeyoresturnz @dolliraez @sugarraez @pizzapocketpocketpizza @k1ssettae @pink1man @bbgirlmatt @fadedstvrn @sturnslutz @ribbonlovergirl @msvalsius @mattsfavoriteteddybear @sturnberries @jacsismattswife @tezzzzzzzz @matts-hersheys-kisses + all matt only taglist : @trulygentle @apersononearth011 + angst and fluff only taglist : @xeneasworld @auttysturnz @kayskreativeideas @franticroads