#existentialism ?

i thought i had things figured out but maybe i dont, i dont know who i am or how i fit into things i guessi thought, if small is the divine soul/being/whatever here, then i guess i must be the human part of it, but now i dunnomaybe i’m not, i dont feel ~human~ but i assumed it was because i had past lives as animals or something, which i still could havei dont even know if i was the “original” person in this body anymore honestly, idk if its possible for me/us to have switched though, and it’s not that i dont recognise it as my body but idk... i don’t relate to it as mine i guess. i recognise my face and stuff as the body i’m inhabiting but it doesnt feel like “mine” and idk...i’m wondering if small is right and that “other person” in my head that i mentioned before is actually the “original”, and maybe we somehow switched at some point because of something, i guess it would kind of make sense too, idk... a lot of my(our?) childhood memories are also in third person and seem like theyre happening to this body, but not necessarily to me also (especially a lot of the unpleasant ones) even though i do remember them and i(we?) haven’t had any, like, weird memory lapses before? idk?ugh things are weirdi told someone the other day i might be a divine as well but im still not sure. but now i wonder if really me and small go together somehow, and thats why we’re both in the same body, like one of us is the “good”/benevolent aspects of our(?) divinity and the other is the... less good/scary aspects of it? if that makes sense? (and idk if we were even separate outside of this, maybe even as a divine we shared a body too, bc i do relate to how small looks, but at the same time not? or maybe just being like this is making things seem like that, idk, its hard to tell....)(and this doesnt even explain why the other facets are here tbh)