#existential grump

I'm talking to my mom right now (someone who, to my knowledge, did not vote but was hoping for a Trump win) about politics, and it's going surprisingly well. Not well in that we disagree on a lot, but well in the sense that for the FIRST time in my almost 28 years on this earth, she is being genuinely receptive to what I have to say, hearing my concerns, and has agreed to read any sources I give her to better understand why myself and others like me are so fearful for what is on the political horizon with an incoming Trump presidency.

This just wouldn't have happened ten years ago. She used to be very blatantly queerphobic and held a lot of bigoted beliefs. I stopped talking to her for a few years for this reason, and it wasn't until a couple years ago that I found she'd made an effort to grow and we were able to reconnect. She still obviously has a lot of right-wing ideals, but this time she's willing to listen and not dismiss what I'm saying as hippie liberal nonsense, and so we've actually been having a dialogue about the election.

I was blunt and pulled no punches in what I said to her, but only in a factual way that tries to convey the reality she does not see due to not having certain life experiences. I was polite, no insults, no name-calling- not even in a coddling way, just in a 'we are two adults both engaging in genuine good faith and trying to have a discussion' kind of way. I did not hesitate to outline the intensity of my views and why I stand for what I do, and she was also earnest with me and explaining that her being Republican is about things like the economy and national security and that she has long since gotten over any hateful views of queer people, and I believe that she means this. It does, of course, open a can of worms that I then got into about how it is wrong to put the economy above the rights of others and that a perfect economy that can only be built upon the discrimination and harassment (and worse) of others is not something I can accept.

At the end of where we've gotten in the discussion thus far, she told me that she wants to be an actively better ally for queer people (she uses LGBT+ because that's the term she most recognizes as being inoffensive/correct) because she doesn't want people to think she agrees with *those* aspects of Trump's beliefs, and I do actually think she meant it wholeheartedly, and that she wants to prove that she does care about others. We have to dissect and talk about how that's why still choosing the economy over human beings is so hurtful and voids the good she earnestly wants to do and what she is willing to let slide that has no business being allowed. At least that's what I'm hoping that I can convey.

And like, yeah, it shouldn't be this hard to convince people that putting your fellow human beings above profits and the economy is important, but look. She is willing to listen to me, and hear what I have to say. And I am hearing what she is saying, and letting her speak and say what she wants to say and try to communicate to me. If I'm going to oppose her views, I need to really hear them and hear what they are and why she's aligning with them. That's what I'm trying to do, and it's helping me have a discussion that is actually making her rethink things in a way I've never seen her do before. Maybe it means more to me because I'm her son, but still- and remember, she used to be vocally bigoted, and it wasn't until recent years that I saw her become open to reconsidering and learning that it's unjust and unfair to treat someone differently for something like who they love or if they are a different gender than they were assigned at birth. She has genuinely grown as a person and I have seen it and that is why she is back in my life and we talk regularly.

That said, you can tell by this whole post that she's clearly not the ideal ally yet, far from it. But I'm still going to talk to her in good faith because she is willing to do the same, and that gives me a genuine hope that she might be able to see things in a new light and understand what I'm trying to say, and hopefully I can understand where she is coming from so that I know how to speak her language, as the saying goes.

This probably feels like such a small victory to some, or like not a victory at all to some, but I see this as huge, because I'm very used to conservatives NOT being willing to have a good faith discussion. It seldom occurs where I can find someone on the far right who does actually want to hear the other side and figure out why we're having such a disconnect. But if I'm able to have a genuine dialogue with someone who is a potential, but imperfect, ally, that is a wonderful opportunity in my mind, to meet someone where they're at and maybe get them to hear you out and end up with someone who is willing to change course and stand up for others.

It's far better than an entire group of people continuing to enable politicians that actively cause harm for entire demographics when they otherwise could be convinced to not be doing that. And yes, it's not your job to slowly and patiently inform people and get them to listen and all that- but if you ever have the energy to do so, especially with someone you know personally, I encourage you to do it. And listen to what they say, too, because if you want to oppose someone's stance you have to know why it's harmful and why it's something that should be opposed. Know what you stand for, and know what you stand against.

Anyway, she is my mom and I want her to hear what I'm saying and take it to heart, so I'm going to spend my evening putting together credible resources to show her why myself and many others are afraid of what's to come- I'm going to look for things like example of harm Trump did during first administration, sources of harmful promises he's made and plans to enact in this upcoming term, statistics about what different political parties believe, analysis or research done by experts evaluating both parties' plans for the economy, or anything else that can sort of unpack all of the evidence that a lot of people are about to be in very real danger. If you happen to know of any credible resources in that vague genre, please share it with me!