straight up vibin'

the thing about phone in bed is that it's so awesome. almost makes you feel like betraying & destroying yourself for nothing isn't all so bad

explosion at health potion factory 0 dead 0 injured

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)

it really is crazy how there are so many influencers with millions of followers i have never heard of in my life

every day someone is like ‘have you heard about the situation with johnny youtube?’ and i go. pardon. who the hell is that

i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic

rolling up to Wendy's to get an erotic chicken sandwich

When all you have is a handsaw, every problem looks like a beautiful lady in a box. And you have a magician outfit. And people are watching.

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

I think that media literacy step one for any video is "why is a camera pointed at this?" If there's no obvious reason for a camera to be pointing that way all the time, someone filmed the video on purpose. We aren't a fly on the wall, we're a deliberate audience.

My job? I’m the bat enemy in 2D games that flies at you from a diagonal angle you can’t shoot in, it’s an under appreciated role but really serves to test the player’s understanding of the mechanics leading up to harder challenges. I also receive an intense smug satisfaction when they can’t hit me.

today i just (remembers to maintain privacy online) did something really cool. you have to trust me

trans women i love you

disabled trans women i love you

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

the first rule of omorashi is to have fun and pee yourself

just told my mom i was gonna freak it sensitive style and she hyped me up with “ooh quiet down…. quiet down..” while i was dancing

happy almost 80 thousand (?!?!??!?!!) notes to this post. Please stop asking to date my mom she is already married to the grind