Advayavada Study Plan – week 16

[Advayavada Study Plan – week 16] Dukkha (Pali) or duhkha (Sanskrit) means suffering, sorrow, dissatisfaction, frustration, anxiety, or stress; it is the first of the four noble truths of Buddhism and also the third of the three or, in Advayavada Buddhism, four signs or marks or basic facts of being, the other three being the impermanence or changeability of everything (see week 14), the…

Advayavada Study Plan – week 42

[Advayavada Study Plan – week 42] Dukkha (Pali) or duhkha (Sanskrit) means suffering, sorrow, dissatisfaction, frustration, anxiety, or stress; it is the first of the four noble truths of Buddhism and also the third of the three or, in Advayavada Buddhism, four signs or marks or basic facts of being, the other three being the impermanence or changeability of everything (see week 40), the…

It seems the more awakened I become the more of these episodes as I like to call them I have and the more intense they feel. It first starts off with me feeling trapped. Like the real me is locked behind my eyes or something. Then I start to kind of float away, and I see an aerial view of the world and then all of a sudden I’m just rushing through it all. Through city blocks, through trees in the forest, through the hallway in someone’s home, and I can hear and smell and feel and see it all at once. It feels like a weird limbo where I’m aware that I’m really in my body but I’m also aware that I’m everywhere else too. Like I know the answer to every question I’ve ever had but also like I know absolutely nothing. It’s an experience that it so very hard for me to describe but it sends me into such panic. The worst part is I never know how long they will last. Sometimes only minutes, sometimes days and I don’t know how to function when I’m going through one.  I literally had to lock myself in my room and just sit there and breath through the anxiety and  hysterical tears until it passed. It’s just so overwhelming, I experience every emotion in it’s extreme all at the same time and I can feel the energy of everything. Thankfully having experienced this multiple times I’ve learned that going for a walk, deep breathing and journalling helps me make it through. 

Ultimately though, what gave me the most relief this time was what felt like the most gentle embrace from the universe. My middle name is Luz, which means light, and over the past months the sun has sort of become my symbol. As I was sitting in the park a little while ago after my walk, staring into the sky crying, all of a sudden I saw the silhouette of a smiling sun against the night sky. It was a decorative sculpture attached to the top of the playground. Maybe I should be seeing these panic attacks/out of body experiences (?) or episodes as gifts. Either way, in that moment I was reminded to surrender myself to the universe, let go of my ego and not only believe, but fiercely accept that everything is going to be okay. 

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Advayavada Study Plan – week 16

[Advayavada Study Plan – week 16] Dukkha (Pali) or duhkha (Sanskrit) means suffering, sorrow, dissatisfaction, frustration, anxiety, or stress; it is the first of the four noble truths of Buddhism and also the third of the three, in Advayavada Buddhism, four signs or marks or basic facts of being. In Advayavada Buddhism, it furthermore does not include emotional grief nor physical pain, and is,…