#except this chapter

He gripped the edge of the building and urged himself to be rational. Carapace wasn’t even that late - only like fifteen minutes. And if something had happened, Ladybug at least knew who Carapace was. She could check on him if he needed.

His fingers itched towards his baton, tempted to call her now. He resisted the urge, knowing he was likely being irrational.

But what if something had happened?

He was dialing before he could think too hard.

Ladybug must have already been transformed because she picked up immediately.

“What’s up, kitty cat? Please tell me there’s not an akuma.”

“No akuma,” he instantly reassured. “It’s Carapace. He’s late.”

He was met with silence on the other end.

“Okay, and?”

“And nothing. He’s never late. What if something’s wrong?”

“Chaton,” and he could hear the fond smile in her voice, and for once he had no patience for it. “People are sometimes just late.”

“Could you check on him?”

“How do you expect me to do that?”

“Well, you know who he is right?”

“Yes.”

“Look, I know I’m being ridiculous. But he’s never been late. Not once .”

“Never?”

“Never.”

“Wow.”

Chat Noir grinned. “I know, right?”

“Hey Kit-Kat, sorry I’m late!”

Chat Noir whirled around, every muscle in his body turning to jelly as relief flooded through his system and he threw his arms around Carapace, almost dropping his baton in the process.

“Woah,” Carapace grunted, catching Chat, and steadying them both. “You, okay?”

“I am now,” he murmured. Then he brought the baton back up. “Hey LB? He’s here now. Sorry for bothering you.”

“It’s okay, Chaton. You can call me anytime.”

“Thanks!”

“Hope you have fun tonight,” she said cheekily, and then she hung up.

Chat looked up into his boyfriend’s face, who was considering him with raised eyebrows.

“Do I want to know?” he asked.

“You were late,” Chat said, feeling the heat bloom across his cheeks. “I was worried. So, I called the one person I knew could check up on you.”

Carapace’s arms tightened around him. “Did you not think to call me first?”

The heat spread to both sets of his ears. “No?”

Carapace laughed, and leaned his head on the top of Chat Noir’s head. “I’m sorry I worried you. I was only late because I lost a battle with a roll of wrapping paper.”

“Wrapping paper?” Chat repeated.

Carapace held up a wrapped box, looking super embarrassed. The paper was not smooth around the corners or the ends of the rectangular shaped object. It bunched up in crinkles, and Carapace had clearly attempted to overcome the problem with a ridiculous amount of clear tape. It was effective in hiding the box’s contents, if not effective in smoothing out the paper.

But Chat Noir took the gift with a delighted grin.

“May I open it?”

“Please!”

Chat Noir plopped down with the present in his lap before his claws tore through the decorative paper to unveil a medium sized hardcover journal. The cover was a picture of a black night sky with the green magical glow of aurora borealis threading across and around the front, side, and back. The pages inside were lined, heavy, and smooth.

Adrien knew the colors were inspired by the respective colors of their transformations, and the subject based on his own interest in astronomy and physics. And he knew it was meant to serve as a dream journal.

Chat stared at the gift cradled in his claws for several seconds, his eyes burning with threatened tears at how much thought went into the simple gift.

“I don’t know how close you are to needing a new one, and I know that picking out a journal can be super personal,” Carapace said. “But I really thought you’d like this one.”

Chat Noir nodded frantically, incapable of words.

“I was just thinking about what you said about having a shelf just full of them. And I figured that someday, when we get that place together, you’d have a shelf filled with all your dream journals in a row. And I wanted to see this one in the line up, and know that was the point where I entered your life. Like some kind of invisible timeline that no one else would understand.”

The picture Carapace’s words painted was so vividly clear to Adrien’s mind’s eye. He could almost taste it. He thought back to what Nino had said about boring Tuesdays and the clocks on double speed. He wanted that future. He wanted it so badly it hurt. And he wanted it with Carapace.

“Th-thank you,” Chat Noir croaked.

Carapace smiled. “You okay?”

“Yes! More than okay. Just… overwhelmed. I think this is the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me. And the dream that you describe behind it only makes it more meaningful.”

Carapace pressed his forehead to Chat’s, and he closed his eyes, savoring the intimacy of the gentle contact.

“Can I tell you my name?” Carapace asked.

Every muscle in Chat Noir’s body froze and his eyes shot open. “What?”

“My name? Can I tell you my name? You don’t have to reciprocate. I just… I want you to know. And this way you wouldn’t have to worry as much about me on the rare occurrence that I’m running late.”

Chat closed his eyes against the genuine pleas. “Please don’t tempt me,” he begged.

Because if Carapace told him his name, there was no way Adrien wouldn’t reciprocate, and he still… he wasn’t ready. He hadn’t prepared or planned. He had no idea how to explain everything that came with his name, but maybe he needed to start thinking about it.

And then there was always the danger of sharing his identity that Ladybug had drilled into his head.

Carapace pulled away, his shoulders slumped and his face suddenly a blank mask. “Okay. I won’t then,” he said.

Adrien wanted to reach out to him, hold his hand, reassure him that it wouldn’t be this way forever, but he had no idea how to bridge the sudden chasm between them. But the silence was killing him.

“Are you okay?” Chat Noir asked.

“Fine,” But Carapace’s voice remained stiff and far away. The intimacy and closeness from the moment before had evaporated like it never was.

Adrien wanted to cry. “Are you mad?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.  

“No. I understand. I just… wish that you had at least taken a second to think about it.”

“I’m sorry,” Chat whispered, his fingers twiddling anxiously in his lap.

“Do you even want to know?”

Chat’s head whipped up, and he searched Carapace’s face. His boyfriend wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Of course I do!”

“Seems like you care more about following Ladybug’s rules.”

“That’s not fair.”

Carapace finally turned to him then, took his hand in both of his own. “Kit-Kat, I think this could be something. I really think you could be the one for me.”

Adrien couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He clung onto Carapace’s hands that held his own, afraid to let go.

“I feel the same way,” Chat Noir insisted.

Carapace offered him a small smile. “But I don’t know how it works when we can’t even really know each other.”

“We do know each other,” Chat Noir argued. “I think you know me better than anyone at this point. Or you may be currently tied with my best friend.”

Carapace shook his head. “But that’s my point. I don’t even know who your best friend is. We can’t be part of each other’s lives, so how are we supposed to build a life together?”

Adrien didn’t know how to fix this. His insides had turned to lead and his brain held only panic. He couldn’t formulate the words that he needed to explain.

“Look, it’s fine,” Carapace said. But it didn’t feel fine. “I think I just need a day or two to think.”

“To think?” Chat repeated hollowly over the lump in his throat.

Carapace smiled again, but it felt so far away. He kissed Chat Noir’s hand, and for the first time, Adrien hated the barrier between them his suit provided. “Just give me a day, okay? I’m not very good company at the moment. I’m going to head home.”

To a home Adrien has never seen. Didn’t know where it was.

“Okay,” he managed to say.

“I’ll call you.”

“Sure.”

And then Carapace was gone, leaving Chat Noir alone, clutching the journal Carapace had just given him. Everything had started out so well. What had gone so terribly wrong?

Why hadn’t he just let Carapace tell him his name?

Chat Noir leapt from the rooftop to the closest alleyway he could find, and let his transformation dissolve as he slumped down to the ground, letting his tears burst past the metaphorical dam that had been holding them back since Carapace had pulled away. He still clutched the journal to his chest.

“Kid? What happened? Why did you detransform?” Plagg asked, nuzzling his cheek in concern.

Adrien didn’t answer, but the truth was he didn’t much want to be Chat Noir at the moment.

…

Nino fell heavily into his bed the second he came home. He let his transformation fall away, but otherwise didn’t bother changing out of his clothes.

He grabbed the turtle plush that sat on his nightstand and clutched it to his cheek in a poor imitation of the way Chat would muzzle their cheeks together.

He shouldn’t have pushed. He knew Chat was skittish, about a reveal. He just wished he knew why.

Was it just because he was scared?

Or was it because he wanted to keep everything casual. Maybe Chat didn’t want anything more serious than what they already had.

He shook the thought away. His boyfriend had said the exact opposite on more than one occasion, and Nino had plenty of evidence that Chat Noir was only earnest and genuine. He wouldn’t string Nino along for his own enjoyment.

Which meant something else was going on.

Nino wished his boyfriend would just explain.

But in the meantime, he had to find a way to be patient. He didn’t want to push too hard, and lose Chat in the process.

He squeezed the plush on his face hard enough to make it burst into song.

He shouldn’t have left. But he hadn’t known what else to do. He was hurt, but he didn’t want to punish Chat for not being on the same page as he was by being surly and sullen.

But wasn’t leaving early a different sort of punishment?

His phone rang, and he glanced at the screen. Adrien’s smiling face lit up his screen. He answered immediately. Adrien was probably the only person he could stomach talking to at the moment.

“Hey dude,” he said, only to be greeted by the sounds of Adrien’s sobs through the speaker.

He bolted upright in the bed.

“Dude! What’s wrong?”

But Adrien couldn’t stop crying long enough to explain.

“Dude! Just breathe. Can you do that for me?”

Adrien’s sobs gradually faded, replaced with heavy uneven breathing.

“Where are you, dude? I’ll be there in less than five minutes.”

Even if he had to transform, Nino would always be there when Adrien needed someone.

“Thank you,” Adrien choked out. A second later, Nino’s phone buzzed with a notification. Adrien had  just turned on his location sharing.

Nino interpreted the map. Adrien wasn’t that far away. He was already out the door.

“I’ll get there faster if I hang up,” Nino explained.

“No!” Adrien’s response was visceral and panicked.

Nino nodded even though Adrien couldn’t see him.

“What happened?” he asked instead.

“My boyfriend and I got in a fight, and I don’t know how to fix it,” Adrien sobbed.

“Keep breathing, dude,” Nino directed as he crossed a street. Only three blocks left to go.

“What if… what if he breaks up with me?” Adrien asked.

“Dude! You’ve been telling me for awhile that things have been going really well with this guy.”

“They have! But tonight…”

“Tonight doesn’t matter. If things have been going that well, one fight won’t break you. And if it does, the relationship was never that strong to begin with and you deserve better.”

“Okay,” Adrien managed, still sniffling.

Nino trotted into the alleyway that his phone led him to. Adrien was huddled on the ground with his knees pressed into his chest.

Nino fell to the ground beside him, not asking questions about what the hell Adrien was doing it on the ground in an alleyway. He took Adrien’s hand. Adrien clung to him and broke into tears all over again.

Nino let him cry, whispering reassurances until Adrien was calm and still again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Nino asked into the silence?

Adrien nodded.

“Okay, so what was the fight about?”

Adrien started at the blank brick wall opposite them.

“Adrien?” Nino prompted.

“Yeah, I was just thinking about how to explain.”

Nino rubbed the back of Adrien’s hand with the Pd of his thumb. “Take your time, dude.”

Adrien sucked in a heavy breath. “Nino, before I explain, I need you to understand he is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I almost missed it. If you hadn’t pointed out to me how I was behaving awhile back, I might not have ever noticed, might now have ever said anything to him. He had lots of reasons to think I wouldn’t be interested so he likely would never have confessed to me even though he knew how he felt.”

“But you did notice. You did say something.”

“I know. And I feel so lucky. But the whole thing feels so fragile, so fleeting. I’m not used to having good things. Not and keeping them. And I’m so scared that if anything changes, it’ll all come crashing down.”

“Does he want to change something?” Nino asked gently.

Adrien nodded. “He wants us to be public, but I’m terrified that my celebrity status or my father will destroy us, and I don’t know how to face life without him anymore.”

“Dude, if he can’t handle that aspect of your life, how do you ever expect the two of you to work out?”

Adrien didn’t say anything.

“Sorry, I might be projecting a bit,” Nino said.

“Projecting?” Adrien repeated, looking over at him. “Is everything okay?”

Nino sighed. “Yeah, I didn't get into a fight with my boyfriend, but it just felt like for the first time we didn’t maybe want the same thing out of our relationship.”

“Are you sure? Maybe it’s not that you have different wants for your relationship, but that you’re going at different speeds.”

Nino considered Adrien’s words. He probably was right. Nino hoped beyond hope that he was right.

“But I also may be projecting.” Adrien admitted.

“I hope that’s all it is,” Nino said. “I can be patient. But enough about me. I didn’t mean to side track from what you called about.”

“No, it’s okay. We are here to support each other, right?”

Nino smiled. “Always, dude.”

“As for my relationship and exposing him to all things Agreste, I think you’re probably right. I want to give him all of it. He deserves it. I’m just so scared. I don’t know if I’m ready for what he’s asking.”

“Is there like a small thing you can do to show him you want to move in that direction?”

Adrien stared at the wall again for a moment, his brows furrowed together in thought.

“Yeah, there might be.”

Nino smiled. “Feeling better?”

Adrien’s eyes were still a bit glassy, but his mirroring smile was genuine.

“Yes. Thank you!”

“Great! Do you want to get out of here? Maybe grab some coffee or some pie?”

Adrien nodded enthusiastically. “That sounds amazing.”

Nino hauled him to his feet and something fell to the ground with a thunk. When Nino turned back to pick it up, Adrien had already slipped whatever it was into the side of his jacket out of sight.

“Everything okay?” Nino asked.

Adrien smiled. “Yes, of course. Let’s go.”

And they left the dark alleyway walking side by side with elbows linked in search of pie.