leaving the rqc to join mogaiblr feels like a mistake, at least bcs of how honest i have been about being an ex rq. noone wants to hear that. noone wants to hear about recovery. theres a small group of likeminded ex rqs that i appreciate, but its like theyre the only ones who are genuinely kind and understanding. i wish mogaiblr cared more about recovery.
I don't blame you for struggling. I'm proud of you for finding folks who get it and support you, and I also wish there was more understanding and acceptance for people who are recovering. Unlearning harmful stuff is difficult without even taking the ostracization into account, and the harassment and hostility towards rqs doesn't really make ex-rqs want to leave the community either. (I think there's a lack of understanding that (ex)rqs are people in general, really)
Don't let people get in your head about it. Nobody's irredeemable, and anyone can grow and change with time. If given the choice between people that've done something harmful they regret, versus people that claim to have done no harm wrong at all? I'm going to pick the first category every time, because the latter half are usually stubbornly unaware of the real harm they cause to the people around them.
There's a thought I've been having a lot lately, about societal forgiveness. The idea that you don't have to individually like or forgive someone, but you can still accept that they're deserving of basic respect and support. You don't have to like everything someone does to congratulate them on the progress they've made as a person. The myth of the "good queers" vs "the bad ones" is how a community eats itself alive.
Anyway, anon. If nobody else is in your corner, I'll be. I'm proud of you, and whatever happens I'm gonna be proud of you. Recovery is an uphill road, but you'll get there, and I'm cheering you on through it all.
