man my day was going just fine until I got a text from someone from my old church. haven't heard from this lady in months since she finally seemed to stop reaching out, and here she is.
the worst part is that she never did anything directly to hurt me. most people in that church didn't. I just can't abide by their ideology anymore, and any attempt by them to reconnect just feels like its going to lead to more of the same. "why haven't you been at church?" "we miss you!" "we would love to hear from you again, its been so long..." "I wish you had come to me when you were feeling this way about the church..." "you can talk to me about anything. you know that, right?"
I can't deal with that. Not again. I won't open the floodgates.
...but I know this comes from a place of genuine care, at least for this lady. she and one other who used to reach out watched me grow up. it hurts to have shoved them away, but I know they're just going to circle things back to the church.
the emotional manipulation isn't even intentional, what's happening isn't malicious, but it still sucks.
