#ex!will

"we have to talk," your voice is curt as you push past him into the apartment. you stop short when you see mack sitting on the couch, staring at you with a bewildered look on his face. you clear your throat and turn back to will, a flush on your cheeks and an indecipherable look on your eye. "um. in your room?"

will nods, speechless.

you march into his room, will following obediently. he glances quickly at mack, who's looking curiously at will, who just shrugs in response.

will closes his bedroom door behind him, and plops down on the end of his bed. he expects you to sit next to him, but you don't. you start pacing back and forth in front of him, balling your fingers into a fist, nervously biting your lip.

"what's... what's going on?" will asks, feeling more unsure than he has in a while. he has no idea what's going on here, so he doesn't know what the right or wrong thing to say would be.

you're anxious. worried about something. visibly. his mind starts running wild with possibilities. you're moving away, you have a new boyfriend, you've decided he's the worst kisser in the world and you never want to see him again?

you force yourself to stop pacing and look at will head-on. you're wearing an oversized hoodie (will's heart warms as he realizes it's one of his), sweatpants, and your favorite casual slip-on shoes, with a tote slung over one shoulder. you usually try to make yourself a bit more presentable than this, and the fact that you haven't is very telling. right as will is going to beg that you just tell him what's wrong, you open your mouth and the words fall out.

"i think i might be pregnant."

will's entire world stops.

his mouth drops open, his ears start ringing, and all of a sudden his heart is beating wildly in his chest. he just sits there, staring at you in shock for a few seconds.

he surprises you by reaching out, grasping your hips, and pulling you onto his lap enthusiastically. you let out a little gasp as will kisses you, and then starts planting little kisses all over your face. his hands are at your waist, holding you steady but gently, his touch and hold on you filled with more reverence than you were prepared for.

honestly, you thought that when you told will about your fears, he was going to tell you to leave. you'd anticipated lots of reactions from your ex-boyfriend, but this was not one of them.

when will stops kissing you, he leans back and looks you up and down. his eyes linger on your stomach, clearly looking for any slight change that might indicate someone lives there now. he's so excited, already, and that's when it hits him.

i think i might be pregnant.

his eyes travel up your body, from your navel to your breasts to your face, holding his breath. "are you?"

you shakily reach into your tote bag, and pull out two little boxes. both are pregnancy tests.

"i don't know yet," you breathe. "i wanted... i want to take them with you,"

will leads you to the bathroom, both of you very pointedly ignoring mack still sitting on the couch. will catches the look of frustration on his face, which means he was most definitely trying to eavesdrop, but was unable to glean much from the mumbles he could hear through the door.

the two of you go into the bathroom together, will closing the door and softly locking it behind him.

you make him turn away while you actually take the tests, not wanting him to see you pee on the little white sticks. will would have held your hand while you did it, but he understood that you wanted privacy.

afterwards, you set the tests on the counter, set a timer for five minutes, and then sit down with your back to the bathtub.

will sits next to you, wrapping an arm around you, and pulling you into his body.

"tell me what you're thinking," he murmurs softly into your ear. he presses a kiss to your temple, nuzzles your face, does anything and everything he can think of to comfort you and calm you down.

you hesitate for a second, and when you start talking, it's like a dam broke loose.

"i'm panicking, will," you admit. tears are beginning to gather in your eye as you continue to rant, "we're-we're young! i'm a waitress, and you're constantly on the road, and we're broken up!"

you add the fact that you're broken up as if you forgot, tagging it on the end to remind yourself, and him.

his heart soars.

will kisses your cheek, rests his forehead on your temple, pulls you tighter against him. "don't freak out," he says, tone as gentle and loving as possible. "we can figure it out. whatever happens, i'm by your side. i promise,"

you calm down a little bit at that, your breath coming out a bit slower and more even at his words, which will is thankful for.

on the outside, he's calm. he doesn't want to freak you out at all, doesn't want you getting the wrong idea.

but on the inside, will is celebrating. he's jumping up and down, fist bumping the air, already thinking about it. imagining it.

first, he thinks about you. you, pregnant. you're already beautiful, gorgeous in an ethereal way. seeing you never fails to make his breath leave his body, but if you were pregnant? with his baby? he thinks he might die at the sight of you. he can already feel the possessiveness overtaking his body at just the thought of it. he has the urge to touch your belly now, caress the baby he desperately hopes is there, but he knows you wouldn't be a fan of that, so he holds himself back.

then he thinks about your baby. a perfect little mix of the two of you. the baby would have your hair, your nose. hopefully his eyes, a feature of his which has become a favorite ever since the two of you got together, since it's the feature you always complimented the most.

a baby girl, hopefully. a daddy's girl, who he would dress in only the prettiest of outfits. he'd spoil her rotten, getting her the best toys, the best baby products, the best of everything.

he'd be okay with a little boy, of course, but he can already tell. it's a girl.

he'd buy a house. a house where your girl could grow up, and maybe have some siblings eventually. a dog for him, a cat for you. buying a house would show his devotion to you, how much he loves you, and you would take him back. finally.

you'd be a family. all the guys would finally see that all the pining, all the yearning and the loving from the sidelines and the begging, has paid off. that he was right.

will can't wait for the timer to go off.

you, on the other hand, are having slightly different thoughts.

if this test is positive, your entire world is going to be flipped upside down. you rest your head on will's chest, trying to soak up some of his strength for yourself, because you're freaking the fuck out.

you first realized your period was late three days ago. you got a notification from your period app reminding you to log your flow, only for it to occur to you that you'd had no flow. at first, you tried to tell yourself that it was probably just a late period. stress, bad diet, something like that. you'd get it in the next couple days.

but then it didn't come. and then it didn't come again. and when your underwear was still clean, and your white sheets were still perfectly pristine, you finally admitted to yourself that it might not just be irregularity.

you couldn't remember an exact date when it would have happened, because you and will fuck a lot (something you would never admit to your friends). sometimes you use condoms, sometimes you don't. you know that every time you don't you're making a horrifically bad choice, but you're on the pill, so you didn't think it would be a huge deal.

how could you have been so stupid?

at least will is calm, because if he was freaking out, you would be absolutely hopeless.

sure, a baby sounds nice. in theory. you can't lie and say that you would be... devastated. you've always wanted kids, and even though you're young, you know that you could make it work. having a baby with will would maybe not be the best thing... you've been trying to end whatever's going on between the two of you for months, you just don't have the willpower to actually never see him again. having a child with him would definitely complicate an already complicated situation.

even through all of that, having a baby would be hard. you're still in school. you're waitressing at a local diner. sure, will has nhl money, but you would hate it if he paid for everything for you, if you lived off of his money. you never want to be dependent on a person like that, and you know that he would try.

"i mean it," will says, breaking you from your stupor. "i'm with you. no matter what. i'll come to doctor's appointments, and go baby shopping, and get whatever you need at any point, ever. i'll bring you on roadies, so i'm always with you if you need me. i'll hold your hair back while you throw up, i'll-"

he's cut off by the alarm going off on your phone.

for a minute, neither of you moves. you're terrified to get up, to look at those pieces of plastic, so inconsequential and yet so incredibly life-changing.

will kisses you. soft, loving.

you get up.

you hadn't realized that you'd placed the tests face down when you set them on the counter, but you did. you feel will come up behind you, his chest to your back, his hands falling to hold your waist.

you take a deep breath, find comfort in will behind you, his touch, his support.

slowly, you reach for the tests.

you close your eyes tight as you flip the first one, and then the second. will's body has gone rigid behind you, but you can't tell what that means.

and then you open your eyes, and you let out the longest breath of your life.

negative.

"oh thank fuck," you say, already smiling like an idiot. you start laughing from relief, and turn around in will's hold, wrapping your arms around his middle and hugging him. you bury your face in his chest, your heart feeling lighter than it has in days. "oh my god, thank fuck,"

will's quiet, still. he's holding you, hugging you back, but you can tell that something's wrong.

when you look up at him, there's an unreadable expression on his face. he looks beyond conflicted, relieved and upset at the same time.

you decide not to say anything.

"well, thanks," you pull back from him, leaning against the counter. you look up at the ceiling and let out a long breath of relief. "i'm gonna get going. thank you so much for the support, seriously. oof, that is such a relief,"

"of course," will responds, but he sounds hollow. he looks back down at the tests, brow furrowed. "anytime,"

you giggle at that, shaking your head lightly. you turn back around and start cleaning up all the test stuff, wrapping them in toilet paper and throwing them in the little trash can by the toilet. you rip up the box into little pieces, not wanting macklin to see the box and get any ideas, throwing that away, too. you look at yourself in the mirror for a few seconds, really taking in the fact that your body continues to be your own, that there are going to be no huge changes and no incredibly stressful things happening to it anytime soon.

you give will one last kiss before grabbing your tote, and leaving.

will closes the door after you, standing there, numb with shock and disasppointment.

he'd really thought it was going to be positive. he'd really wanted it to be positive.

"everything alright?" mack asks, still lounging on the couch. "why were the two of you in the bathroom?"

will wanders to the living room, plopping down in the armchair as if in a daze. "taking pregnancy tests," he replies simply.

mack's mouth drops open in shock. at first he doesn't say anything, just staring at will, searching for any sign of what the result was, but will's face is carefully neutral.

finally, he asks. "is she-?"

"nope." will cuts him off. "she is not pregnant."

mack's eyes narrow, confused by his best friend's reaction. "and that's... good. right?"

will sighs. "yup."

he sits there for another few seconds, and then getting up, wordlessly going into his room. he slams the door behind him, and then flops on his bed, face buried in his pillows.

the room still smells like you, and that makes this feeling ten times worse.

will knows that he should be relieved. that he should be so beyond thankful that he doesn't have to deal with having a baby with his ex-girlfriend, but he's heartbroken. not as heartbroken as he was when you broke up with him, but it's close.

he was already imagining his future with you, becoming a father. he'd had that hope for approximately ten minutes, but he'd already allowed it to consume him.

even though he knows it's bad, he's already planning your next encounter, already rehearsing the words he's going to say to you, to beg to forgo a condom.

there's one word running through his head.

hopefully.

a few months ago, you could just laugh awkwardly, brush him off, and then leave, or kick him out. this conversation usually came after the two of you spent the night together, when he’s feeling particularly tender and misses you the most. after a while, you came to expect it. you’d wake up in the morning, rest in bed for as long as possible, before he inevitably brought it up.

but he hasn’t brought it up in a while. and unfortuantely for you, this conversation isn’t as easy to avoid as it once was.

because now, there’s a very big, very important thing keeping the two of you together.

you’re pregnant.

“about what?” you ask, keeping your eyes on the screen. you know that extending the whole situation by pretending to play dumb isn’t your smartest move, but you’re kind of hoping that if you just dodge whatever he’s going to say for as long as possible, he’ll just give up and move on.

you’re not that lucky.

will moves to the couch without saying anything. you’re lain across the length of it, so you think he won’t be able to sit with you, but you’re wrong. he picks up your ankles, sitting where they were, placing your socked feet in his lap. immediately, he goes to work rubbing and massaging them, causing your eyes to flutter closed and a happy moan to leave your lips.

he goes at this silently for a few minutes, fingers working magic on your swollen feet and ankles. ever since you got pregnant, he’s been like this. so attentive, and caring, and loving.

the baby was a… surprise. to say the least. in hindsight, it honestly shouldn’t have been as shocking as it was, because you and will weren’t being the most careful. yeah, you two have been broken up for a little over a year, but you still saw each other. you still had sex, pretty frequently. honestly, it was almost every time will was home, the two of you were meeting up at least once. most of the time in your apartment, on occasion at his, when mack wasn’t home. and even though you knew better, you know better, there were a few times where the two of you didn’t have any condoms on hand, and didn’t think it would be a huge deal.

well, it turned out to be a pretty huge deal, because now you’re laying in his apartment and eight months pregnant. you don’t live here, not technically. most of your stuff is here now, and the things the two of you have accumulated for the baby are here and not at your apartment, but you refuse to officially move in. will’s been begging you for weeks now, but you’re trying your best to maintain as much independence as you possibly can.

you’re so caught up in the drama unfolding on your tv, and the amazing feeling of will massaging your feet, that you forget how will approached you, not even five minutes ago. that he started that damned conversation.

and then he reminds you.

“i think we should get back together.”

will’s voice is soft, and he says it quiet. almost like he wants you to miss it, to just hum and nod and agree even though you didn’t really hear him. but you did hear him, and your heart drops the second you register his words.

all sense of relaxation from the foot massage dissipates in milliseconds. your whole body tenses, and your heart starts racing.

the very last thing you want right now is to be talking about this.

“will…” your tone is warning. “please. can we just… not?”

you’d been trying to avoid looking at him, but then his gaze swings to you, and like a magnet, your eyes find his. his cheeks are pink and his eyes are glassy, his expression so full of love and yearning your heart nearly stops.

“baby,” he starts, and your breath hitches in your chest. “i know you don’t want to talk about this, but we need to.”

you can’t hold back your scoff. “no, we don’t. in what world do we need to talk about this?” you sit up and look him dead in the eye, trying your best to convey your annoyance at this whole ordeal without having to outright say it. “will, this whole… situation we’re in is already complicated enough. i’m already stressed enough. i just can’t do this right now.”

“what can i do?” he blurts out. you just look at him for a minute, confused on what he’s asking. he sighs, and continues. “what can i do to prove myself to you? that i’m not gonna be like i was. that i’m gonna be a good boyfriend, a good dad. what can i do?”

you just stare at him, dumbfounded, for a few seconds.

this is a question you haven’t prepared for, haven’t really thought about.

“will, i…” you start. you feel a little flutter in your stomach, like butterflies. earlier on in your pregnancy, your baby din’t move very much. you were constantly worried that there was something wrong, calling your doctor at least once a day to ask ten questions at once. a few weeks ago, you and will found out the sex of your baby. a little girl. he’d been ecstatic, kissing your belly and kissing you, holding you close and thanking you for everything that you do, everything you’ve ever done for him. ever since you found out that you’re having a girl, it’s felt like she’s started moving ten times as much. usually it’s a little kick, or a wiggle. it always makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside, but right now, it’s making you sick to your stomach. a reminder of both why you can’t take will back, and also exactly why you should. “i don’t know what to say.”

he gets up from the couch, gently placing your feet back on the cushion, making sure they’re covered by the blanket to keep them warm. you expect him to walk away, to go into his room and wallow in his emotions for a bit, but he doesn’t. will gets on his knees, and shuffles nearer to your head, placing a hand on your belly, your baby girl instantly landing a kick to the exact spot his hand is.

a little smile makes its way onto his face at the feeling, as it always does, but the happiness at her greeting her dad is tinged with the sadness that this whole conversation is causing. your stomach sinks.

“i love you,” he says, your eyes widening in shock. “i know that’s not what you want to hear. i’m sorry. but i can’t not say it anymore, because i need you to know it. i love you so much, and i love our baby. i can’t wait to be a dad, and i’m going to be the best one that i possibly can. i’m always going to be there for her, going to help raise her as much as i can. i’m going to teach her how to skate, teach her how to play hockey. if she wants to play hockey professionally, like i do, i’m going to encourage her and help her to do that, to get there, as much as i possibly can. she’s never going to want for anything. she’s going to feel so loved, never going to doubt that she has someone in her corner. but it’s going to be better, because we’re both going to be there for her, always.”

tears have sprung to your eyes. will’s thumb is caressing your belly, rubbing up and down soothingly, and your daughter has settled, both at the sound of her father’s voice, and at his touch. pregnancy hasn’t been easy, but will has been there for you throughout the whole experience. he’s supported you through every single thing you’ve gone through, told you how beautiful you are when your belly started growing, researched anything and everything you were worried about, and made sure nobody said anything negative to you about anything.

being pregnant with your ex-boyfriend’s baby is a strange experience. you did your best to hide the fact that you were still seeing him, from your friends but most importantly, from your family. your parents and siblings saw you through the worst of the things you dealt with when you and will were together. they held you through his cruel words, and ignored pleads for him to love you.

when the pregnancy test came back positive, you were shocked, scared, excited, and everything in between. you knew pretty much instantly that you wanted to keep the baby, no matter what will said. obviously, when you told him, he was ecstatic. you were honestly more scared to tell your family. they were the ones who witnessed all the damage will caused you firsthand, and you telling them that you’re having his baby was definitely an awkward and tense conversation to have. you assured them that there’s nothing going on between the two of you (lie), and that you only saw him once, which resulted in the pregnancy (another lie).

you and will were together for a year and a half before you broke up. you loved him, you really, really did. throughout that year and a half period, you tried desperately to make it work, to keep it going. before you started dating, you’d been talking on and off for years. you’ve known each other since you were both freshmen at boston college, and you’ve loved him the entire time you’ve known him.

admittedly, you love him now. even after all that he did during your relationship, even though he didn’t realize how much he loves you until after you were gone, you love him. especially through this whole pregnancy, with how unexpected it was, and how unwavering his support for you has been. you’ve really been able to lean on him, to depend and count on him, and you’re so unbelievably grateful for that.

you want to take him back, you do. your life would be ten times easier if you and will were dating, and you know that. but as much as you want to, as hard as you try, you just… can’t.

you take a shaky breath, and start to stand up, pushing will off of you. he stays kneeling on the carpet, eyes watching as you begin to pace the living room. you’re trying desperately not to cry, mostly because you feel like you’ve done nothing but cry this entire pregnancy, and you’re not sure if you have any tears left.

“i want to, will,” your voice is thick. “i want to so bad. trust me, you’re doing amazing. i want our baby to have parents who are together, who love each other and trust each other.”

“then why? why are you holding yourself back?” he gets up and crosses the room so he’s standing right in front of you, gently grasping your hips and pulling you close, so close that your bump grazes his lower stomach. your daughter, pefectly cradled between her parents’ bodies, safe and loved and directly in the middle of every problem they’re having. “just let me love you, baby. love me back.”

“i want to,” you repeat quietly, tears beginning to slide down your cheeks. you let out a sigh and rest your forehead on his shoulder, your arms sliding up and wrapping themselves around his neck. “i just don’t trust you anymore.”

you allow yourself a minute to be held by him, to cry into his shoulder and lean on him and feel how steady and loving he is. you feel him shudder at your words, but he doesn’t say anything. doesn’t ask you why not, or tell you that you can now. he just listens, allows you to seek comfort in his hold, and is just there for you.

you hate him right now.

“you were like this before,” you say, sniffling and ripping yourself away from him at the same time. “before we got together. you were sweet, and caring, and there for me. you said pretty things to me and made me feel loved. but then we got together, and that all stopped. no more nice words, or kisses, or love. you got me, and then you started treating me like shit. i won’t go through that again.”

“y/n…” will takes a step towards you. you take a step away.

“and it’s scarier now. we have a baby on the way,” your cradle your bump protectively, your eyes squeezing shut at the thought that your baby girl could ever possibly go through anything like that you did when you were with will. “she’s not even here yet, and she’s my whole world. you say you won’t treat me like that anymore, won’t treat her like that, but i don’t even want there to be that possibility. i can’t do that to her. i know, logically, that you won’t be like that. at least not with her. but i’m just… scared.”

will stands there, looking at you with an expression that can only be described as heartbroken. he doesn’t say anything, because he knows he can’t. you’re right. he was awful to you when you were together, and it’s the biggest regret of his life, the thing he’s most ashamed of. he hates thinking about it, hates remembering who he was.

he was in a dark place at the time, because of things that weren’t your fault. the team was doing bad, and he felt like he was failing in life. he took it out on you, and that wasn’t fair.

will has never blamed you for breaking up with him. even the day that you did it, when he was feeling the most tender and the most raw, he understood. which makes him feel worse, because he knew that he was being a bad boyfriend, a bad person. and yet, he thought you would stay anyway.

he collapses onto the couch, resting his elbows on his knees and holding his head in his hands. on the other side of the room, you stand, the love of his life and the mother of his daughter, staring at him with fear and love warring on your face and in your heart.

“i have to protect myself, will,” you say softly. “i have to protect my heart.”

“i know,” he murmurs. he looks up at you finally, and the sadness in his eyes nearly makes your knees buckle “just know that i love you. and i’m here when you’re ready.”

you nod, heart aching in your chest. “i know. i love you too.” will’s eyes widen, but you turn away so you don’t see the exact expression on your face. you just can’t handle it. you start walking towards will’s room, knowing that he won’t follow you, even though it’s his apartment. you stop right before you enter to say, “i’ll get there. not right now, but i’ll get there. eventually.”

when will knocked on your door tonight, you immediately knew that he was looking for something more than just cuddles. more than just spending time in your presence. there was a hungry look in his eyes that you became very well-acquainted with when the two of you were together.

it should've been that exact look he gave you, the way his eyes slowly raked over your body, covered by nothing but a thin tank top and teeny tiny sleep shorts, that should've made you send him away. slam the door in his face and tell him to leave you alone.

but you didn't.

you'd been cuddling on the couch together when his hands started wandering. he'd begged you for something, anything, so you told him that he could eat you out.

which he'd done, eagerly.

he'd lain you down on the couch, pulled your shorts and tank top off, and buried himself between your thighs. every few seconds, you felt him rutting against the couch cushions, but he hasn't said anything.

you've cum three times so far, each time holding will's face against you, probably suffocating him, but you don't care.

after the third time, you let out a heavy breath and slump against your pillows. your eyes are closed, breathing heavily, a blissed out smile on your face. you release will's curls from your fingers, your entire body relaxing, completely ignoring him still kneeled between your knees.

he's quiet for a while. you keep your eyes closed, trying to convince yourself that it was anyone but your ex-boyfriend who just made you cum so hard you saw stars, multiple times, kind of hoping he just gets up and walks away.

but then you feel will shift a bit closer to you on the mattress.

"um, c-can i..?" his voice sounds small, breathless. when you crack your eyes open, you see that will's shucked off his shirt, leaving him in nothing but his sweatpants, which have a very prominent, painful-looking tent in them. your stomach does a little swoop when you realize that there's a little wet spot on the front of his pants.

you're so transfixed by the sight of him that it takes you a second to realize he's asked you a question. your eyes slowly travel back to his. "hm?"

will tentatively reaches a hand out, gripping your thigh with more strength than you were anticipating. "can i... go inside? please?"

it takes your orgasm-addled mind a few seconds to comprehend what he's asking, but when you do, you let out a laugh. "seriously? no, will. come on,"

"please," will whines, his entire body shaking slightly, every muscle coiled tight under his skin. "w-want it so bad,"

you watch as will's other hand wraps around your other thigh, squeezing them as though it'll do anything to curb his need for you. you watch him for a few seconds, watch as his eyes train on your folds, his cock twitching in his sweatpants.

"i'm not gonna tell you again," you finally say. by the look on will's face, one would think you've just hit his dog with your car.

he's quiet for a few seconds, breathing heavily, whining low under his breath. he leans forward, resting his forehead on your navel, pressing kisses right under your belly button. he grips your hips so tight you hiss, and the next time he looks up, his eyes are looking at you so desperately that you nearly cave right then.

"please, i'll be-i'll be so good," he begs. "so, so good just... just anything, please, anything at all,"

you hum, tapping your finger on your chin, thinking. "i don't know..."

will whines again and leans a little bit closer, hovering over you a little bit more. "j-just the tip, then. please, just the tip,"

you grin. that sounds like something you can agree to.

"fine," you say, opening your legs a little wider. "but just the tip. you better behave," your voice gets stern there, causing will to let out a little whimper.

"thank you, thank you so much, thank you," he babbles, immediately fumbling with the ties at his waist.

he pulls his sweatpants down, revealing his cock. you try to look away, to act casual, but you can't. it wasn't until right now, face to face with will... like this, that you realized how much you've needed this.

will's breathing is heavy as he strokes himself a few times, throwing his head back and groaning. he rubs himself up and down between your folds, whimpering, breathing shaky.

when he finally lines himself up, his hand travels up your body, finding your hand, and lacing your fingers together, squeezing tight.

"fuuuuuck," will says under his breath, pushing just the head inside.

he pauses, his stomach tensing every time you clamp down on his tip. his eyes flutter shut, and he hangs his head, his chin against his chest.

you bite your lip, eyes glued to him. he looks beautiful like this, so desperate for you, willing to do anything just to get a piece of you. his hair is mussed from when you'd been using the strands as your personal handle, his hands eagerly tugging on the parts of himself that you weren't allowing him to shove inside you.

"god you feel amazing," he whines, rocking his hips shallowly, looking pained with every movement. "i-i wish... wish i could...."

he doesn't say it, but you know what he wants to say.

you smirk, reaching a finger down to rub at your clit, letting out a relieved little sigh.

will lets out a grunt and smacks your hand away, replacing your fingers with his. you moan as he rubs at you quickly, wanting to feel you clench around him.

he gets there fast, faster than he ever did when the two of you were together. he starts letting out broken moans, his breathing getting shakier, his eyes shut tight, pointed at the ceiling. as if he's trying to think of anything else, to prolong this.

"are you close, baby?" your voice is sickly sweet, reaching your hand between your bodies. you slowly pluck his fingers from himself, and wrap your own around his member.

instantly, his moans get louder. he folds in half, his stomach fluttering as you start slowly jacking him off. he slips a little farther in you from the motion, causing him to whimper.

you smirk. "it's okay, honey. just let go, you know you want to,"

he starts shaking his head silently, gripping the couch cushion on either side of your hips, biting his bottom lip. his eyes are shut so tight the skin around his eyes is turning red, breathing like he just got back from a run. sweat is beading on his forehead, running down his temples, and you swear you've never seen a prettier sight.

you start moving your hand a little faster. "y'know, you were never this eager for me when we were together," you tsk. "a shame, really. i would've been so much happier if you let me know that you wanted me every once in a while."

will whines, gripping the couch cushion so hard you're worried he might rip it. you're being mean now, you know that, but you feel that he deserves that.

plus, he always liked it when you talked mean to him.

he starts rutting into you a little harsher, sinking another inch into you. you both cry out, and you're tempted to shove him in the chest, but you don't. as much as you hate it, you need this as much as he does.

he stays like that, in a little bit more than he should be, but not pushing anymore than that, for a few minutes. your composure is fraying at the edges, the urge to have him buried deep inside you getting stronger and harder to ignore by the second. he's rubbing your clit, hard and fast, trying to rut into you without actually going deeper. his brows are furrowed, the expression on his face can only be described as pained, and you think it might be your favorite sight in the world.

but you can't hold out any longer.

"will," you gasp out. "just-just do it,"

he looks up, more hope in his eyes than he'd probably like to admit. "what?"

"will, fuck me, please," you bat your lashes at him, knowing that's what gets him, and wrap your legs around his waist, using the leverage to pull him closer.

"b-but," he looks like his brain has short-circuited. "but you said-"

"will, i swear to god if you don't fuck me right now, i'm going to kick you out," you threaten, and will can tell by the look in your eyes that you're entirely serious.

he doesn't wait a second longer, sinking into you with a little, "haaaah," and furrowed brows.

you let out a moan as he starts pumping into you instantly. his fingers never leave your clit, determined to make you cum one more time.

he buries his face in your neck, making sounds you've never heard from him before.

"thankyouthankyouthankyou," he says into your neck, followed by a soft, "ngghh,"

"good boy," you whisper in his ear, and feel him twitch inside of you.

you know that you shouldn't tell your friends about this, but you know that you are. and you also know that they're going to chastise you, say that you need to block him, stop letting him in your apartment. that you're not only keeping yourself from moving on, but you're leading will on, and even though they don't like him, he doesn't deserve that.

but as will finally releases inside of you, filling you up in a way that you've missed, you think that this maybe isn't the worst arrangement in the world.

you're going to get back together eventually. just not tonight. no, tonight, will is going to do anything and everything he can to please you so that maybe you'll move that reunion date a little sooner.

you sigh. this is a bad idea, and you know it. the very last thing you should be doing is letting your ex-boyfriend into your apartment, because you know it's not going to end well. and by that, you mean it's going to end up with him in your bed, and you promised that you wouldn't let that happen. again.

but against your better judgement, you'd watched the game. you know how badly they lost, had seen how dirty the other team had played and still won. and even though you're not together anymore, you know will. you know how bad he's hurting right now.

you look at him again, at how downtrodden he looks. how sad.

"ugh," you say after a few seconds, hanging your head. when you look up, he has the gall to look hopeful, and that's when you crack. "fine. but nothing is going to happen!" you insist.

"yeah, no no of course not," will says, but he's smiling too wide for you to really believe him.

so you step back, and let him into your apartment.

he makes himself at home immediately, kicking his shoes off by the door, pulling his hoodie off and throwing it over one of the chairs in your small kitchen. he inhales deeply, lets out a sigh of relief. you close the door, locking it with a soft click, and watch as he moves around so naturally in your space.

you're not staring because it's weird. you're staring because it's not.

the two of you have only been broken up for two months now, but it doesn't really feel like it, because will keeps coming. coming back to your apartment, texting you throughout the day, asking to call at night when he's on road trips, saying that he can't fall asleep unless he hears your voice. you tell yourself you hate it, that soon you're going to stop answering, stop opening the door, stop letting him in both literally and figuratively, but you're not even sure how much you believe yourself.

will makes his way into the living room and plops down on the couch, looking back at you. "what are we watching?"

you move hesitantly towards him. you stay standing in front of the couch when you say, "i was... in the middle of a criminal minds episode,"

"okay," is will's only response, looking around him for the clicker. when he finds it, he unpauses the episode and watches for a few seconds, before realizing that you're still not sitting down. he bites his bottom lip, clearly thinking, before leaning back a bit and opening his arms.

it's an invitation, clearly. one that you know you should refuse. you should ignore it, sit on the complete opposite of the couch, curl under your blanket, and watch your show as if he's not even there. wait for him to leave, and then block his number.

but you don't do that. instead, you let out a sigh of defeat, and sit down next to him, curling your body into his. you rest your head on his chest, and relish in the feel of his body heat warming you. his arm wraps around you, pulling you tighter into him.

the two of you stay like that for a while, not acknowledging the elephant in the room. you just enjoy each other's presence, pretending like this doesn't go against everything you've told your best friends recently.

the next episode starts. you keep your eyes very pointedly on the screen.

but then you feel it. a featherlight kiss to the top of your head that lingers a second too long.

you ignore it.

he does it again. and then he moves a little lower, pressing a kiss to your temple.

"will..." you warn, but he ignores you.

he shifts you a little bit, leaning back more and pulling you over his body. he kisses your cheek, then the junction between your jaw and your neck, and then he's holding you against him as he nuzzles into your neck.

you squeeze your eyes shut, paralyzed with indecision. and then, on their own accord, your fingers reach up and tangle themselves in will's hair.

he lets out an appreciative little hum, and you close your eyes, cursing yourself.

"will," you try again, but it doesn't sound stern, even to your own ears.

he presses another kiss to your neck, inhaling deeply. "hm?"

"we... we can't," you murmur. your hands are still raking through his curls, his eyelashes fluttering with every soft scratch to his scalp. there's no way he's listening right now. "we broke up, remember?"

he grips your waist a little tighter, sitting up so you're fully straddling him now. he trails his nose up your neck, burying himself right under your jaw, right where you spray your perfume. after a little bit, he asks, "why did we break up again?"

the words are so quiet you barely hear them, but you do. your whole body freezes.

your friends would kill you if they saw you right now.

"because... because," he presses a few kisses to the top of your chest, the part of you that isn't covered by your thin tank top. "because you're always gone. because you don't pay enough attention to me. because we just... we fought,"

the reasoning sounds weak right now, but it's the only thing you have. your only armor against what's happening right now, against how badly you want this. but you have to stay strong. you have to.

will lets out a little sigh, nibbling softly on the skin of your neck. "m'sorry, baby," his voice sounds so wrecked, so entranced, that you have to close your eyes and turn your head towards the tv, trying so hard to focus on spencer and emily figuring something out. "m'so sorry. i've been trying. i call, i text. i come to you after games. what can i do?"

that catches your attention. "what?"

"'m trying. so hard," he says. he pulls back, and you see that his pupils are so large you can barely see the blue now, looking at you with so much love that your heart reacts before your brain does. "tell me what i need to do, baby. i want you back,"

your mouth drops open in shock. you hadn't been expecting that.

"will, no," you say it softly, not exactly confidently, but you know that you should. "you're... you're still on the road. we can't..."

he lets out a groan, pulling his hands away from your waist to cover his face. "i can't do it without you, baby, i can't,"

you sigh, and glance at the clock next to the tv. 11:15. it's too late for this. you've both had long days, you're both too amped up right now. there's no way that you could have a rational, productive conversation right now.

so even though you want to give in, even though you want to take him back right here, right now, you don't.

you stand up, ignoring will's whine of protest, and hold a hand out to him. he hesitantly takes it, and you pull him to his feet.

"let's go to bed," you say, beginning to pull him toward your bedroom. "we can talk in the morning,"

will smiles softly. that's a better answer than he's gotten so far, so he's not complaining.

he takes his shirt off, his sweatpants, too, leaving him in nothing but a pair of boxers. you glance at him and sigh, almost telling him to put his clothes back on, but you don't. instead, you just crawl under the covers and gesture for him to come with you.

he settles in next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist, laying his head on your chest, your legs tangled together under the sheets

this feels comfortable, right. but you know that it's not. if it didn't work before, it's not going to magically work now, but it's a nice thought. a nice thing to ignore while you drift off to sleep in each other's arms.

truthfully, you're not sure how long you'll be able to hold out, but you have to try.

you repeat that thought in your head like a mantra as you tangle your fingers in will's curls again, pulling him close to your chest, as you fall asleep.