#ew venting

Tonight, we closed our final show with my Director / best friend / other father figure ( / IT Director). He's going to NY. I may or may not see him ever again, depending on whether or not I'm around when/if he comes to visit.

We closed our final show with several of the adult Crew, who've been laid off from their various positions in the IT Dept. It's even more doubtful that I will ever see them again.

We closed our final show with my friend Lee, who I've grown to love dearly as we acted in and directed various productions together over the past few years. He's moving on to college, and his mum is moving to Maryland. There will be nothing to give him a reason to return, save a few of us who he's leaving behind in high school. Tomorrow is his Cast/Birthday/Graduation/Going Away party. I'm not going to see him again.

I can't stop crying.

Scott bawled during our Final (!) Circle. My friend Ricky cried and cursed up and down over the situation. Another friend who goes mainly by Loki broke down into tears. I've never actually seen her cry before. Lee couldn't actually make it through Final Circle, and started crying. His Senior Circle Talk was mostly just "I don't want to leave".

My heart just really hurts right now, and I can't build up the right sort of headspace to be Aleis or Haden right now.

In short, I'm sorry about my kind of continuing absence. It's crappy, I know. It's something I'm going to have to deal with more and more often in life, I know. (I swear, if one more person gives this awesome piece of "advice, I'm going to feed them to Audrey 2.) But you know what? 

It fucking sucks.

It sucks to lose these people I love so dearly.

Lee is one thing. I knew that, as much as I love him, he wouldn't be around forever. It hurts like hell, but I accepted it from the get go.

But Nicole, Billie, and Scott are another story.

Nicole and Billie were laid off. A month ago. Zero warning.

And Scott? The man who taught me everything I know about theatre, confidence, and how to have a modicum of self-fucking-worth? Was forced to resign by impending lay offs, courtesy of a School Board lead by an angry middle aged man with a grudge who apparently doesn't believe that one of the leading schools in the area in regards to our technology department actually needs an Information Technology Director as we deal with the process of trouble shooting a veritable fleet of 300 iPads, 150 iPad minis, 300 desk top computers, and 500 laptops of various ages and makes.

I need to stop venting. This was supposed to be a PSA.

Basically, I'm going to be useless at writing for a bit.

Sorry, my loves.