#evilfbbs talks

especially when people have lots and lots of visceral fat and you can absolutely tell from just looking at them even though every medical site I read about it says "you can't see visceral fat". and I am almost certain that I'm starting to put on more and more visceral fat actually which has been making me insanely horny.

last week I went in to see my GP to talk about the results of my 24-hour-electrocardiogram. my heart is fine, apparently I just have a relatively high resting heart rate. during the ECG it averaged 95 👀 my doctor says it's fine, some people just tend to have higher HRs... but I looked it up and all the sources online say that adults should have a resting HR between 60 and 80. the articles do say that one should definitely talk to their doctors if they have a resting HR of over 100. I'm so glad I'm faaaaar away from that still, right? :)

also I got more lab results last week (I have to get blood work done every 12ish weeks because of the HRT) and my triglycerides are elevated again, as well as another marker that -according to my quick Google search- can be a sign of some more serious health issues (like fatty liver for example). so I'm going to talk to my GP again tomorrow, to see if we need to do further blood tests or something.

I'm kinda scared of what they'll tell me tomorrow, as that second marker can be a sign of some health stuff I really don't want to experience... and yet, since getting over that first shock, I've been horny about it non-stop 👀👀🐷

especially because the medical assistant who hooked me up to the machine was tiny compared to me, she was barely able to reach around my midsection to try and attach the machine. I'm ngl it was somewhat humiliating in the moment but also...🥵🥵

I've always had issues with my knees but the last few years I managed to put on enough muscles to help keep the pain at bay. in the last maybe three weeks I've noticed my knees hurting way more than usual and especially my left knee often feels like it'll buckle under my weight soon.

in a similar vein, I am quite used to back pain as I've always been rather 'front heavy'. but lately my back hurts so quickly when I have to stand up for a while. like, preparing meals or waiting in line at the grocery store has been enough to give me back pain lately.

last time my GP took my blood pressure it was slightly elevated. I can't remember the reading exactly, but so far he isn't too concerned. I do take meds that can elevate ones blood pressure, so he thinks we'll have to keep an eye on whether I can stay on those meds or not.

my stamina keeps on declining. I am a somewhat active person irl (mostly because of my dog who obviously gets all the walks he wants) but lately I've been struggling to keep up with my usual pensum.

on that note: stairs have been getting increasingly harder. at work I sometimes have to go up one flight of stairs relatively quickly and it takes me so long to catch my breath afterwards! it's always a bit embarrassing when I'm running late for a meeting and it takes me half the meeting to catch my breath because I had to get up one flight of stairs 😵‍💫😵‍💫

I'm starting to struggle with some mobility issues. rolling over in bed, bending over, getting up from my couch, getting into my car... all of those are much harder than they used to be. my belly is getting in the way more and more.

as far as I know my heart is supposed to be like. fairly healthy. buuuuut I more and more often notice my heart pounding super hard or beating way too fast, especially when I'm super stuffed or horny and especially when I'm both. I asked for a smart watch for Christmas mostly because I want to be able to keep an eye on my heart rate/ pulse etc. 👀

I've been thinking about denial lately. not so much like "what, no, I didn't gain anything, what are you talking about" but more like...

... I'm sure my knees have only started hurting so much because it got so cold recently! that can't be caused by my weight gain, I'm way too small to have actual issues already!

... I don't have to worry about developing diabetes, no one in my family has it and we know type two is mostly predetermined by genetics! so it doesn't really matter how much sugar I eat!

... my blood pressure is a bit high lately, I'm sure that just because of my meds though, right? no way my weight caused this!

... I'm just not quite over that cold yet, that's why I'm so out of breath already! putting on another couple of pounds can't be the reason, I've been gaining so slowly, my body got plenty of time to get used to that weight!