Before Deceit could even utter single other word from his silver tongue, his hand as if conntected to jankie puppet strings, slapped harshly over his mouth. The dishonest side could still feel the sharp sting of his gloved hand across his mouth even as his hand lingered there, no as it was held there by an unseen but a most certainly felt force.
Silence rained down upon them all, wide eyes staring back at Deceit with a hushed air around them all. It wasnāt just anybody that could make him shut up, and that more than anything had made their squabbling come to a screeching halt.
āDeceit,ā The silken purr of his title sent a shiver of nervousness and excitement from the base of his spine, all the way to the top of his scalp. āShut. Up.ā Logan hissed out each word as his fingers clenched down into a fist, he didnāt seem at all bothered by the disturbed..no the downright horrified expression across everyone elseās face. If the twisting smile on his face was anything to go by..he really could have cared less.
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Logan stared warily at the portal. The others seemed so excited to get home, so happy to leave. But Logan...Logan had no home to go to. He had no reason to leave. He'd been dreading it, all this time, he'd been dreading going back.
But now they were.
They were going to leave this magical world and return to the mundanity of the human world.
Logan...didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay, to study magic and maybe find a home in the woods. But his only friends...the only people he cared about were leaving...and he was torn.
"I hope my Mom kept dinner warm for me," Roman joked, and Logan couldn't find it in himself to laugh along. Even Virgil, who he'd confided in those nights ago seemed not to notice his plight.
He clutched his thin jacket tighter around himself. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to go. He didn't want to return to a home that never existed. He didn't want to return to school, where everyone would continue to pretend that he didn't exist, despite all the time they spent together.
"Hey Logan! What are you gonna do when you get back?" Patton asked cheerfully, not seeming to notice the way that Logan continued to curl in on himself.
"Homework," he answered shortly. He didn't like the idea of thinking about the future. He didn't want a job, he didn't want to go to college, a college he likely couldn't pay for, he didn't want a future.
Logan pulled his hood up as stormclouds gathered overhead. His residual magic was leaking into the weather again. With more time, maybe he could've learned to control it.
"Are you sure we have to leave?" he blurted out. "I mean, this world is full of possibilities."
Roman cocked his head. "Are you feeling alright, Specs?"
No, he wanted to scream, I don't have a home, or a family, or dinner waiting for me when I get home. I don't deserve any of it, and I don't have any of it.
"Yes," he said instead. "simply...imagining the possibilities."
Virgil seemed to take notice of his demeanor and realised something. "You don't want to go back, do you?"
Logan ducked his head as the other two continued to stare at him.
"No," he whispered softly. "I have...nothing. Here is...it is fascinating, and beautiful, and everything I've ever dreamed of. I have a home here." Logan forced himself to look Virgil in the eye. "I am...quite uncomfortable with the idea of returning. There, I was nothing, but here, I have the potential to be something."
"Why can't you be something back on Earth?" Roman asked.
"Because I have nothing! I have no friends, no family, no home, no life to go back to! I have the same, shitty school with the same, shitty people." Logan took a deep breath. "I have nothing to lose if I stay. Nothing except you."
"But...aren't we important?" Patton had tears in his eyes.
"Yes...you are...which is why this decision is so hard. But I believe, that if you truly wish to go, you should go."
---
Logan didn't expect them to actually go.
He expected maybe one to go, maybe two, sure, but never all three. He selfishly hoped that maybe one would stay, just to keep him company.
But they didn't.
Maybe they really never had cared about him.
But he had no time to stew in that grief. He had no time to wish for foolish things. He had magic to learn, to control, to make his own.
---
Many years later, Patton, Roman, and Virgil would return.
They would discover that a great darkness had consumed the land, and that an evil wizard was terrorizing everything and everyone.
Nobody dared speak his name, but they pointed out his twisted tower.
They approach his tower, and the window is flung open.
They see a man with pointed ears, sharp teeth, and pupils like black coals.
They recognize him as Logan.
And they are confronted with a decision.
Do they attempt to undo his corruption, or do they attempt to defeat him and kill him, ending his curse on the innocent people.
They have a lot of time to think in the cells Logan had them thrown into.
You see, Logan had a lot of time to stew in his guilt and bitterness. Combined with his affinity for dark magic, well...
Let's just say he didn't become a very pleasant person.
Logan angst where he starts to talk about the stars and (kindly("not) gets told to shut up?
(Ooooh YES!)
Thereās an audible snap as his mouth clicks shut, in all honesty, he had never expected to be told so bluntly or at least he had never expected to be told that about something he loved so much. The others had always told Patton that it was alright to open up about something that was bothering him, and that how he was feeling was never bad. Soā¦the pain that lances across his heart upon hearing those words leave those who he cares for most in the world hurtsā¦it really really hurts to hear them say that.Ā
But in all honesty, heās way too shocked to even think of some snappy comeback, tooā¦heartbroken to give some nasty remark back about their intelligence. Thereās nothing but silence from him, but perhaps thatās what they want from him. After all, theyāre the favorites, heās the black sheep among them now that theyāve come to accept Virgil. So perhaps..
Perhaps its time that he took up Virgilās darkenedĀ mantle,Ā because if they wanted a new scapegoat to silence and derail..or a bad guy toĀ unload their frustrations onto without ever facing consequences. Then theyād certainly get one.Ā
After all, nobody ever said that Logic was a good thing.Ā
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Summary: Thereās always more than one way to skin a cat, or in this case...thereās always more than one way to become heard.
Warning: Intense nightmare, gore, major character deaths (dream), vomiting, and murder.
āItās about damn time you listened to me.ā An ugly sneer lit up Loganās face as he gripped the tattered ripped remains of Romanās bright red sash, it had stayed red through everything, it was as red as the blood that was speckled across the lovely creative sideās face like rose petals that had been blown off the stem of its bouquet. āYes.ā That sneer twisted even deeper into Loganās face, the dark shadows practically etching themselves onto his cheekbones and eyes. āYouāre much more useful like this...wouldnāt you agree Creativity?ā
The hissing poison of Loganās words made Roman instinctively want to lean back, the pain of his knees was already killing him at this point and making even the smallest movement would not only hurt even more, but it would bring about Loganās rage once again. Cracking open his dry bloodied lips, as his tongue sat in his mouth like a damp sponge of lead. Romanās words were stopped well before they ever started.
As Loganās finger, pressed harshly against his cracked split lips, one of the cuts oozing a steady flow of blood at the action. āOh hush hush hush. You donāt need to talk to tell me you understand. A simple nod will do Creativity.ā The smile that was stretched across Loganās face like rubber bands pulled as far as they would physically go made his stomach twist and writhe around inside of him, a hoarse whimper bubbled up from inside of him with little to no warning.
He hadnāt meant to! He hadnāt meant to-
A sharp stinging pain lanced across his face, and the cuts that had dried up once again cracked open like a deep chasm, bringing forth and scattering his blood in droplets all over his shirt that had already been stained to hell and back. The very action of his head snapping backward sent a jolt of pain throughout his body, and it took every shred of willpower inside of him to not scream To not wrench his mouth open and let out a torrent of pained wails that would only bring forth more pain by the very hands of the one that he had once held so dear...that they had all held so dear.
He couldnāt bear to look over to the bodies.
Heād already vomited at the sight of those black painted nails chipped with worry, completely dismembered from the wrist that it belonged to. Heād already wailed with grief at the sight of two perfectly tanned hands cradling a heard while the chest cavity remained empty. Heād wailed, cried, and lamented his loss until he lost his voice, until he had become everything that Logan had wanted him to be.
Silent.
Heād had it coming he supposed, but not Virgil, and never Patton. Their dark spooky storm cloud, and their literal ray of sunshine. Roman deserved all of the pain he could ever receive, for his harsh words, for his biting insults that had left behind figurative scars, and for everything that he couldnāt do. He deserved it all, but never them.
His chest drew in one finally shuddering breath as his eyes darted back up to Loganās, his glasses were cracked, one lens was completely gone while his hair and just about everything about him looked...messy. Nothing like the punctual, puzzle solving, and jam loving nerd that he had known and loved. The crazed delirious eyes that stared down at him said it all and nothing all at once, but even soā¦
Those were Loganās eyes, that warm brown. The brown that resembled the earth after a light rain. This was Logan, this was his Logan surely.
His breathing hitched for a moment, catching on the sob that so desperately wanted to bubble up and tear through his ruined lips. But instead, he reached upwards. Every movement was agony, his torn and stretched muscles reaching almost clawing their way up before he finally managed to wrap his fingers around Loganās frigid wrist.
āLogan.ā His voice was a ghost of a whisper, it cracked once before he licked his lips. That action in itself hurt as the cuts lining his lips stung like hell, but it didnāt stop him as Logan attempted to rear back only held by Romanās pathetic grip. āLogan..Logan...Loganā¦ā His chest reeled and heaved as the world blurred before him, the only thing that he could even say made him sound like a broken record as he messily repeated Loganās name over and over again before his very voice disappeared into harsh ragged sobs that left him gasping for air. His entire body burned with a raw unbridled pain, even more so as he felt fingers as cold as ice run through his short choppy hair.
It was a tender movement, at least until he felt those fingers grasp it tight, wrenching his head upwards so that he could look back into those eyes.
Those eyesā¦
Another sob shuddered Romanās breath, but it lasted no more than a second as something cold and metal pressed against his lips silencing him in a hurry.
āThat,ā Logan leaned in close, his breath smelled of death and decay. Roman almost gagged at the stench, āIs not my name Creativity...I am..ā The blade of the knife sliced through Romanās once perfect lips, and now not only was he gagging and choking on the awful smell but his own blood as well. The tip of the knife trailed gingerly down to Romanās throat, and the last thing he saw before the end, was those warm brown eyes.
The eyes of a murderer.
āRage.ā
Jerking up from his place on the couch, a sharp unfiltered scream wormed its way out of Loganās throat. His fingers scrambled furiously across the floor as his glasses fell from where they had been resting on his chest during his nap, grabbing for them felt akin to playing one of the claw games that Thomas was so fond of. As he grabbed them only for his thick black frame to fall from his limp fingers multiple time. His chest heaved up and down as he let his glasses fall one final time, this time he didnāt even attempt to pick them up this time.
Not as he heard the hurried thumping of feet trampling down the hallways, it all felt so fast and yet so very slow as the nauseating feeling churned within Loganās stomach.
Rage. Rageā¦
The word cycled around in his head as the sickening feeling crawled up his throat like some demented spider, thatās what he had given into, wasnāt it? When heād thrown his crumpled up note card at Romanās head in a fit of pass- no not passion. Whatever he had felt in that moment had most certainly not been passion, it had been..it had been rage. Rage was what had made him lash out like a wild animal, it had made him look insane to the others it had..it had hurt someone he cared for.
Thisāll happen again. The realization was a sudden but no less terrifying one as he sat their numbly, horror reflecting in his wide open eyes. When I feel too much..itāll happen again, itāll happen and it might not be a simple note card next time. When it happens I could..I could-
His gut churned again, and this time it was more than a simple feeling crawling up his throat, as the images, the nightmare, the memories all rolled around in his head. The bottoms of his feet scraped against the carpeted ground, Logan barely even heard the shouts and cries of his name as he darted away like some wild animal. He knew the layout of the mindspace, and as such it was all too easy to slam his shoulder into the bathroom door, knocking it open before he dove for the toilet.
The contents of his stomach spilled out all too easily, and the burning of his throat with each retch was only matched by the burning in his eyes. As cool tears trickled down his face, dripping onto the pale porcelain of the toilet seat. Every heave his body gave felt like a scream ripping itself out of his body, leaving behind an empty gaping wound behind as it did. It didnāt stop the tears from coming, and it didnāt stop the barren sobs that wrenched open his lungs forcing his terrified wails to ring around the bathroom.
He couldnāt stop them, he couldnāt stop them so much as he could stop the others from peeking into the bathroom Worry lit in all of their eyes.
āLogan?ā It was Patton who spoke up first, Patton whoād heart he had carved out of his chest laying it within his own hands. Rage..Rage..Rageā¦ āLogan sweetie, are you alright?ā He wanted nothing more than to fall victim to those hands that reached out to comfort him, but even so, he couldnāt help but to flinch away from them the very moment that Patton laid them on his back rubbing it every so gently.
He didnāt deserve Patton.
āI..ā Virgil paused at the doorway, his own frantic gaze taking in everything. But most of all the tears that drenched Loganās cheeks, the guilt as well as the sorrow that was bubbling over in his eyes. So much of it in fact, that Logan had made himself sick over it, āIāll go and get some tissues..and ginger ale.ā He finally muttered, Patton could handle this for now, but later on, heād crawl into Loganās bed in the dead of night and hold him close. He wouldnāt ask questions, if anything heād wait to be told.
Even so, his departure was a quick one leaving behind Roman.
Romanās whoās fingers twisted his sash in pure concern and distress as Logan rested his cheek on the rim of the toilet, his body shuddering with each sniffle as the moral side continued to just rub his back again and again. Heād never seen Logan like this, heād never seen him this out of sorts and well...it scared him. It twisted his heart just as his fingers twisted the smooth fabric of his bright red scarf. He honestly didnāt know what to do, he was the prince, the one who was supposed to come to peopleās aid and he didnāt know what to do when the person he cared so deeply for was hurting like this. He needed to do something, he knew that much for certain.
So he didnāt hesitate as he stepped into the small space of the bathroom, fixing a smile onto his face however fake it may be. āHeya Specs, do you-ā
The reaction to his voice was almost immediate, almost as if he had been slapped upside the head. Logan jerked his body away from the toilet and Patton as well as he shied away from the both of them, the look in his eyes..it was terrifying. It was the look of someone whoād seen the worst possible monster imaginable and was being forced to stare right back at it.
āPlease,ā Loganās voice came out harsh and whistly, so much so that Roman couldnāt help but to wince. āPlease donāt come near me..I donāt..I..I..ā Horror dawned upon both Roman and Patton at the sight of the tears welling back up in the logical sideās eyes, out of everything they had ever wanted from Logan. Tears were most certainly not it.
āHey hey hey.ā Roman softly whispered, crouching down to Loganās height almost immediately. āEverythingās fine, from the looks of it you just had an awful nightmare buddy. Everythingās going to be just fine.ā
Glancing over to Patton, the moral side bobbed his head in agreement. Although the movement looked all too jerky and uncoordinated to be anything but nervous and jittery. The rushed footsteps down the hall and the flash of purple let them all know that not only had Virgil returned, but he had heard it all as well.
However, despite it all, despite Roman soothing words. Loganās head jerked stiffly from side to side.
āNo,ā He croaked out once again, and for a moment none of them understood. āI donāt..I donāt want to hurt you again. I need..I need toā¦ā Loganās throat burned both with tears and the harshness of his earlier actions. What he was to say would be absolutely true, whether the three before him knew it or not. They would disagree, but it hardly mattered. He was doing this for their benefit, even if he didnāt like it so much himself. āI need to remove myself from the equation before, I can never allow that to ever happen again.ā
A loud clatter answered his words, as the can of soda fell limply from Virgilās hands, a look of pure terror dawning on his face. āNo!ā He barked out his voice distorting and warbling, breaking the thin silence that had stretched between them for just a moment after his proclamation. āLogan no!ā Virgil sounded downright desperate, as he stalked forward eventually coming to his knees before he crawled towards Logan.
Just to come to a sudden halt the second that Logan, scrambled back away from him until his back touched the bathtub.
Roman felt his heart drop to his stomach as Pattonās expression crumpled like a paper bag in the rain. They all looked horrified, everyone but Logan that was. āVirgilās right Logan,ā The creative side found the words pouring from his lips as he moved closer bit by bit, his chest twisted and ached the more he noticed Logan sullen but resigned expression. Logan was ready to go through with this, he was ready to commit to it, even if none of them wanted him to. āLogan,ā Roman reached his hand out for a moment, noting for a moment how Loganās eyes darted down to the bright redness of his sash. āLogan look at me, I know what you did was..not intended. I..You are not a bad person, you felt guilty after hitting me with that notecard, and I know..we all know that you meant no real harm to me. So please..pleaseā¦ā
āDonāt do this,ā Patton spoke up for the first time since Logan had scurried away from all of them, his broken-hearted whisper said a lot, but more than anything it trembled with fear. āPlease Logan, we canāt be us without you. I donāt..I donāt want to be me without you. Please just..donāt think that you have to do this..you donātā¦ā
It hurt like hell to swallow, although Logan supposed that he deserved that as he gripped his knees all the more tighter. For a long moment, he couldnāt bring himself to meet the othersā eyes, he couldnāt look at them. He couldnāt look and be reminded of how he just might hurt them if he snapped again, but in the end, he did. His cracked his lips opened, and for a split second nothing came out. At least until his bottom lip quivered, more tears were welling up, but even now he could tell that these were a different kind of tears.
At least they felt different to him.
He sniffled, before rubbing his hand over his eyes clearing away the mess of his tears. āIām scared,ā Logan finally croaked out, his gaze shifting from Roman to Patton, before finally settling to Virgil. āAnd lost...help me.ā
Understanding finally seemed to bloom on their faces, as they all encircled him. Their warmth wrapped around him, the smell of Romanās shampoo in his nose, the feeling of Pattonās cotton cardigan against his cheek, and the sensation of Virgil clinging to his side. āOf course,ā They whispered, each uniquely different in how they said it, but it still stood to be the same.
He wasnāt alone, he could and would learn, he wouldnāt snap again, and...he had help.
Okay so, as Apathy!Logan seems to be popular I'm going to ruin it all with my shitty idea.
Anyways, what if Logan was Apathy before being Logan but none of the light sides know about his time with the dark sides?
(Sidenote: I hc that Virgil wasn't a proper dark side but just kinda floating around limbo. He knows of both the light sides and dark sides thanks to Deceit coming and talking to him and he's probably the light sides area but was too anxious to go to the dark common, thus he wouldn't know about the apathy!logan thing)
Anyways, I feel like Logan would have a surprisingly hard time adjusting to being a light side. He wouldn't be comfortable expressing his emotions because he's functioned without them before. He would be quite averse to showing his emotion as even now it messes with his job as Logic (logic + emotion = bias) and he would probably hate them since gaining emotion is what threw him over to the light sides anyway and he was comfortable with the darks.
