Author’s Note: So, everytime is finished. I’m happy I completed it but also sad because it is probably the last time I ever will post any writing on here again. BUT the point is, it took a year and a half for me to finish this story and I felt the ending was just the beginning of Y/N and Harry’s relationship. So, I wrote a little epilogue in case anyone was wondering what they are doing in the future. Thank you for everything darlings. Enjoy! - May.
Catch up on everytime here
January 2020. Harry and Y/N go to Anguilla together. Y/N leaves early because she worries her family is going to die from the threat of World War III. Harry goes back to his family too. They do long distance for two weeks before meeting up in Los Angeles again in time for the Grammys. Y/N goes but Harry doesn’t. She’s a little hurt he doesn’t come but she gets over it.
February 2020. Y/N and Harry spend Harry’s birthday together. Harry goes back to London for a week to do some promo and then meets back with Y/N in New York. They go on a museum date and Harry meets the rest of Y/N’s family. Y/N is there when Harry performs on the Today show.
March 2020. Quarantine. Harry tells Y/N to stay with him, Mitch and Sarah as they ride out the corona quarantine. Harry loves the fact he gets to sleep with Y/N every night. Also, that she brought her dogs. Y/N gets a little annoyed living with Harry at first but soon gets used to it.
April 2020. Still in quarantine. They have movie nights. They learn how to cook and bake. They take little walks together. Y/N and Harry start to write songs together. Y/N was against it at first because she didn’t want each other’s opinion influence their writing. Harry ultimately convinces her to write with him. Oh, and it’s also Y/N’s birthday. They have a picnic in Harry’s backyard and Y/N dresses in a cute dress.
May 2020. Still stuck inside. Same as April but Y/N takes up learning a new language. Harry’s been reading more.
June 2020. Harry leaves back for London. He’s homesick. Y/N doesn’t blame him. Sarah and Mitch leave too. Y/N returns home to New York. She stays with her family. Harry and Y/N are doing long distance.
July 2020. Harry misses Y/N after a month and proposes they go to Italy for a month to make up for it. Harry has to do a Gucci shoot there anyways. Y/N accepts. They are living the honeymoon life together in Italy. Eating at restaurants, watching sunsets together, taking walks through the countryside. Did I mention they have sex non-stop? Yup. They’re also doing that.
August 2020. Harry asks Y/N to move into his London house. She’s hesitant since she doesn’t have a home in London and barely comes there. In fact, she only spends half the month with Harry in London. She goes back to New York because she learns her father is sick. Harry tells her to forget about his question - he knows she has more important things to worry about.
September 2020. Harry films the music video for Golden. Y/N’s father gets better but she still stays in New York. She suggests that her and Harry should take a break. They’re both busy with their lives and don’t want to hold each other back. Harry doesn’t want to break up with her but comes around and accepts. Harry joins the cast for Don’t Worry Darling. Y/N stars as a voice actor for a new cartoon show.
October 2020. Harry begins to act for Don’t Worry Darling. Y/N starts to work on her album. Harry and her still talk every few days but it’s tough. They miss each other. Y/N takes up fencing to distract herself from Harry.
November 2020. Same as October. They’re both busy. Y/N knows the lead single of her album.
December 2020. Harry’s still filming for the movie. Y/N comes to Los Angeles to film a music video. She asks if she and Harry could talk. She wants to gets his blessing to put a few songs they wrote together on her album. He says yes. Harry asks Y/N if he wants to spend Christmas with him. Y/N says yes. They’re back together.
January 2021. Y/N releases her music video. She and Harry perform at the Grammys. Harry wins an award. They have celebratory sex. Y/N gets pregnant.
February 2021. They spend Harry’s birthday together. Y/N finds out she’s pregnant and tells Harry. Harry and her are thrilled. Harry thinks it’s perfect timing. Y/N, on the other hand, has to hide her pregnancy as she promotes her music. Y/N moves in with Harry.
March 2021. Y/N starts to feel morning sickness. But she releases her album! Harry is strangely happy to see Y/N sick with his baby. He thinks of proposing to Y/N for her birthday.
April 2021. Y/N’s birthday. Harry takes her to Paris. He proposes to her. Of course, she says yes. She’s crying from happiness. Correction: They’re both crying from happiness. Y/N says they are not getting married until after she gives birth.
May 2021. Everyone finds out Y/N and Harry are engaged after a photo of Y/N wearing her ring comes out. The world freaks out.
September 2021. Y/N is seven months pregnant. A photo of Y/N looking very pregnant is leaked. The world freaks out again. Harry confirms she is pregnant using his famous “She said ‘I’m having your baby. It’s none of your business’” Kiwi lyrics.
November 2021. Y/N gives birth and it’s a boy! They’re over the moon. The world freaks out once more.
February 2022. Harry and Y/N get married in Italy and they all live happily ever after . . .
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Author’s Note: It’s the end of an era. I’m so happy I finished but also sad to say goodbye to this story. Thank you all for going on this journey with me. You didn’t have to read none of these chapters but you took time out of your day and you did and I am so grateful for that. An epilogue is coming out tomorrow but I hope this final chapter is perfect for you. I always write hoping it would be perfect. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Stay safe. -May
Catch up on everytime here
December 18, 2019. London. 11 AM.
“Okay, how about this one?” I asked, stepping out in the blue dress.
“Hmmm,” Adrian hummed. “I feel like we can do better”
“Oh, don’t listen to him” Camila said. “It’s your night. You choose whatever you like”
“And you look great in every one” Harry said.
I turned to look at Harry, who was sitting on the couch in the corner of the room.
“Thanks” I told him. “But that doesn’t help”
“I’m just being supportive” Harry said.
“I can see that” I said.
I squinted at myself in the mirror. Why did this dress had to be so long? It was pretty but it was long. Should I just wear a pantsuit? No, no, no. I always wear a pantsuit. This is a special occasion for me. It was my documentary. It was a part of my life. And I needed the perfect outfit for it.
“I think I’m going to choose that Bazaza dress” I said.
“The flower dress?” Adrian asked.
“Yeah” I said. “Why not? I liked it. Harry and Camila did too”
“I actually liked it a lot” Harry said. “More than the others”
I smirked at him.
“Don’t you want to pick something more . . . attention grabbing?” Adrian asked me.
Harry and I looked to each other and then back to Adrian.
“Like what?” We asked.
“Like Karl Lagerfeld!” Adrian said. “Or Iris Van Herpen, or Moschino of all things? Something more you?”
“Adrian, we’ve been doing that all year” I told him. “I would just like to wear something more normal for once”
Adrian squinted at me, not accepting my choice. He opened his lips, ready to convince me but stopped when his phone started to ring. Adrian took out his phone from his pants’ pocket.
“Give me a minute” He said to us as he walked out of the room.
I crossed my arms, smiling to myself. I walked over to the couch Harry was on.
“Well, that settles it” I said, sitting down next to Harry.
“The dress or Adrian’s boyfriend?” Camila asked me.
Adrian’s boyfriend? When did a Adrian get a boyfriend?
“When do you mean Adrian’s boyfriend?” I asked her.
“Adrian’s boyfriend” Camila said. “Who do you think has been calling him nonstop for the last two weeks?”
Harry and I looked to each other, equally confused.
“He didn’t tell me” I said.
“He didn’t tell any of us” Camila said. “Rose put it all together and just told me yesterday”
“And you didn’t tell me?” I asked.
“Maybe Adrian doesn’t want to tell you yet” Harry said.
I pouted my lips at Harry.
“But we’re a family” I said. “We tell each other every thing.”
Harry raised his eyebrow at me.
“Fine” I said. “I’ll let it go”
Harry nodded, smiling at me. I looked down.
I still haven’t given my answer to going to Anguilla with him. I also didn’t ask him if he wanted to come to my documentary premiere. I wanted to but I knew how much Harry wanted to keep his love life private. I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to keep our relationship on low profile for a month or two. But then again, why would he invite me to Anguilla if he thought that? And it was an important event for me. Harry was my best friend and my boyfriend who should be there with me.
“So, umm . . .” I said, looking up to Harry. “Do you want to come to my movie?”
“You’re asking me now?” Harry asked in a sarcastic voice.
“Well, I figured you didn’t want to go” I said. “I know how you like to keep your relationships private at the start. You don’t have to come but . . . do you want to?”
Harry nodded, smirking.
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world” Harry said.
I smiled.
“I don’t have to walk the carpet, do I?” Harry asked, jokingly.
“Oh, no.” I said, playing along with him. “Those are only for the stars”
“Heyyy” Harry said, sounding offended.
“You didn’t let me finish” I told him. “The stars of the movie”
Harry and I chuckled.
“I can’t decide if you two are the cutest people I know or the most embarrassing” Camila told us.
I stuck my tongue out at her. Adrian walked back into the room. I looked to Harry.
“I’ll get out of this dress and then, lunch?” I asked him.
“Sounds perfect” He said. “I’ll tell Lambert”
I nodded as I got up from the couch. I walked into the bathroom, locking the door. I began to undress, stripping out of this dress.
Harry Styles, my boyfriend, was coming to my movie. He was coming to support me. I was happy he was coming. I should be. I should be but if I was, why did I feel a little anxious? Like I wasn’t supposed to go with Harry?
I shook my head.
No, no, no. I was happy. I always do this to myself when I am finally happy. I’m not going to self-sabotage this for me again. I’ve done that enough. Harry loves me and I loved him. I loved him. I did.
It was just my negative thoughts trying to take over me . . . right?
December 18, 2019. 2 PM.
*HARRY’S POV*
“I need a suit” I told Harry.
“For what?” He asked.
“I’m going to Y/N’s movie premiere” I said.
“Ah,” Harry said. “Now, that makes sense. Is it casual or-“
“I’m not walking the carpet” I said. “I’m just there to support Y/N”
Harry Lambert rolled his eyes at me.
“You know you can just pull out one of your suits from tour, right?” He asked.
“Yes but it’s Y/N’s night” I said. “I want to look good for her-“
“And not outshine her?” Harry cut me off, asking.
“Exactly. . .” I said.
“When is this again?” He asked.
“Friday” I answered.
Harry sighed, looking down. Adam entered the dressing room. We arrived early for rehearsals for the show tomorrow.
“I thought I would be the first one here” Adam said.
“Well, I beat you by twenty” I told him.
I looked back to Harry.
“Can you do it?” I asked him.
“Yeah, fine” He said. “I’ll look and give you it that morning”
I smiled, nodding at him.
“Thanks” I said.
“Part of the job” Harry commented.
“What are you two talking about?” Adam asked us.
“Y/N” Harry and I said at the same time.
“Oh,” Adam said. “She’s coming tomorrow night, right?”
“Yup” I nodded. “I told Lambert I was going to her documentary premiere. Needed a suit”
“Oh, that’s sweet” Adam said. “How is it so far?”
“How’s what?” I asked.
“Being with her” Adam clarified.
“Oh, I love it” I said. “I actually feel happier than I’ve ever been. There’s no pressure at all. I don’t feel as nervous as I was with my other girlfriends”
“She sounds like she makes you happy” Adam said.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t he be dating her, Adam?” Harry asked in a sarcastic tone.
Adam and I both shook Harry’s comment off.
“Yeah, I am happy” I said, smiling as I looked down. “I’m lucky to have her”
I was lucky to have her. Really lucky. She was Y/N. She could chosen to be with anyone else but she chose me. She was with someone else and left him for me. I couldn’t even describe how lucky I was.
I looked down to my hands. My focus was on my red gemstone ring.
I couldn’t describe it but I could show Y/N how lucky I was to have her. And what better time could I show her how much she means than on her night?
I smiled to myself, getting an idea.
“Oh, no” Harry said. “You have that look again”
“What?” I asked, looking up to him.
“That look” Harry said, pointing to my face. “Please don’t tell me you have one of those ideas again”
I grinned.
“I have an idea” I said. “Just not that one”
I looked to Adam.
“Adam,” I called on him.
“Yeah?” He asked.
“Where do you get flowers for Emi?”
December 20, 2019. 5 PM.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
I waited a moment outside the door for someone to open. I knocked again louder. Ali opened the door a second after.
“Ali” I smiled at her.
“Harry . . .” Ali said. “Nice suit”
“Thanks” I said. “Your dress looks good”
Ali nodded.
“Let me guess those are for Y/N” Ali said, pointing to the flowers in my hand.
“Yeah” I said. “Is she done yet?”
“She’s been done but . . . sure” Ali said, retreating back into the room.
I followed Ali as she led me through the hotel suite. I stopped for a minute when I saw Lisa, Camila, Rosé, Adrian, Lily, Jie Lin and Jessie. I greeted all of them with a hug, asking how they were. I kept it short, knowing Ali was getting annoyed with me.
“Harry is here” Ali said, walking onto the suite’s balcony.
I stepped outside onto the balcony. Y/N sat at a table, talking to her mother and Julia, her sister.
Y/N smiled, looking to me. She smiled more when she noticed I had flowers for her.
“H,” She said, standing up and waking over to me. “You got me flowers?”
“I did” I said. “Why wouldn’t I?”
Y/N smiled at me. I handed her the flowers.
“You look gorgeous” I complimented her. “As always”
“Thanks” Y/N said. “I would kiss you but I don’t want to get red lipstick on your face”
“Well, now I want you too” I said, teasing her.
Y/N’s mother coughed, trying to get our attention. Y/N and I looked to her.
“Ariela” I said, greeting her with a hug. “How are you? Y/N told me you’re going to Holland for the new year”
“Going to visit my brother but yes” She said, flashing a fake smile at me. “How are you, Harry? You look handsome as usual”
“Doing quite well” I said.
I looked over to Julia.
“How are you, Julia?” I asked her.
“How do you think I am?” She asked, walking over to give me a hug. “Ooh, you smell much more nicer than I thought”
“Is that a bad thing?” I asked.
“A little” Julia said, teasing me. “By the way, Y/N owes me a fifty. She said she would never date you and I bet-“
“I’ll give you the money later, Jules” Y/N said. “Can you give me and Harry a minute?”
Julia nodded.
“C’mon Mom” Julia said, walking out of the room. “The lovebirds need their space”
“I’ll take those for you” Ariela said, looking at the flowers.
Y/N handed them to her. I watched as Ariela walked away. Y/N let out a little sigh. I smirked at her.
“You owe your sister fifty dollars” I said.
“I do” Y/N said.
“I take it you told them about us” I commented.
Y/N nodded.
“Yup” I said. “This morning”
“Well, that would explain the little stink eye your mom gave me” I said. “She doesn’t like me, does she?”
“Oh, she will” Y/N said. “She always hates my boyfriends at first”
I smiled at her.
“Is it the tattoos?” I joked with her. “Is it because I’m not Jewish? I think I know all the holidays from Ben”
Y/N smiled, shaking her head. Y/N looked down on the street from the railing. I watched as her smile disappeared. I had a little feeling something was wrong.
I stood next to her, intertwining our fingers together.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
Y/N looked to me.
“It’s nothing” Y/N said. “I’m just having one of those self-sabotage moments again”
“You are?” I asked. “Does it have to do with your mom?”
“No, no” Y/N shook her head. “Well, kind of”
Y/N looked down.
“Remember that night you kissed me?” She asked. “I said that night I felt something was wrong or missing whenever I was with someone?”
I squinted at her.
I did remember. She was talking about how Ashton didn’t make her happy enough. Wait, was she thinking of-
“Well, when we went for the fitting” Y/N began to speak. “I noticed that I felt-“
“Are you leaving me?” I asked, cutting her off.
Y/N stared at me, surprised.
“Because if you are . . . why?” I asked. “You said you loved me. Did something happen? Did I say something? Was it too much pressure-“
“H, I’m not leaving you” Y/N said. “I’m not. If I was, I wouldn’t break up with you now of all moments”
“You’re not?” I smiled in relief. “You sounded like you were going to”
“No, no” Y/N shook her head. “I was going to tell you that I don’t feel that way with you . . .”
I grew confused.
“What?” I asked her.
“The long story short is,” Y/N continued to speak. “I got into a fight with my mom about you and she said asked what made you better than everyone else and I realized it. I realized I always felt something was wrong because they weren’t you”
Y/N looked down, fiddling with her fingers.
“So, yeah. . .” She said, looking up to me. “This was just me trying to tell you I love you in actual romantic way. . .”
I smiled at her.
“You already told me you loved me at my show” I said.
“I know, I know” Y/N said. “But I wanted to say it the right way this time. And Anguilla sounds really nice”
I took a step closer to her.
“Well, if I have to admit,” I spoke. “That could have gone better”
“I shouldn’t have said anything, shouldn’t I?” She asked.
“Maybe” I said. “But I love you too”
I smirked at Y/N, staring into her eyes. I closed my eyes as I leaned in to kiss her. I felt Y/N’s lips on mine not a second sooner. I held her waist, pulling her closer to me. I felt Y/N place her hand on my cheek. I slowly pulled away, savoring the taste of Y/N’s lips for a moment. My lips lingered over hers. I felt Y/N’s eyelashes bag against my skin.
I opened my eyes to see her. A ray of sunlight was shining on her face. Y/N opened her eyes, looking up to me. She smiled, blushing.
“You have red lipstick on you” She said.
I looked down to her lips.
“No smudge” I said.
“Umm,” We heard Ali say.
We looked to the balcony’s door where Ali was standing.
“God,” Y/N said, taking a step back from me. “How long were you standing there?”
“Long enough apparently” Ali said. “But the cars coming in five minutes so . . . wrap it up”
Ali turned around and walked away from us. I let out a chuckle.
“Wrap it up” I mimicked Ali.
Y/N smiled. She took my hand.
“C’mon” She said. “Let’s get that stain off you”
“Wait” I said, holding her back.
I forgot to give her my ring.
“What?” She asked me.
I looked down at her dress.
“Your dress is missing something” I said.
Y/N looked down at herself.
“Adrian said I looked perfect” Y/N said. “What’s missing?”
I took my red ring off of my finger.
“This” I said, holding my ring out for her to take.
Y/N looked at the ring, confused.
“Your grandmother’s ring?” She asked me.
I nodded.
“It suits your dress” I said. “And I’ve been wanting to give you it for a while”
Y/N looked up to me, blushing.
“No” She said. “I’m not taking your ring. Anne will curse us both if she sees I have it. I know how much it means to you”
“Exactly” I told her. “That’s why I want you to wear it”
Y/N looked at me for a moment. Then, she looked down at the ring.
“Y/N,” I said. “It’s yours. Take it”
Y/N sighed.
“Fine” She said, taking the ring from my hand. “But if I lose it, I warned you”
I smiled. Y/N put the ring on her index finger.
“It feels loose” She said.
“Don’t worry” I said. “I’ll be holding your hand for most of the night”
Y/N nodded.
“We should go now, shouldn’t we?” I asked her.
“Yeah” She said.
I walked over to the balcony’s door but stopped when I didn’t hear Y/N’s footsteps after me. I turned around to see her still standing by the railing. She was staring at me, having that same look I had that night when I told her. That anxious but hopeful look. Those optimistic eyes. She stared at me with love.
“Are you coming?” I asked, holding my hand out for her to take.
Author’s Note: Merry Christmas to all that celebrate! This is the second to last chapter. You know what that means . . . this one is pretty special. Hope you enjoy as always. It’s been my pleasure writing for you. Love, May.
Catch up on everytime here
December 13, 2019. 1 PM.
His album was finally out. From people’s reactions on Twitter, everyone was happy with it. I was happy with it. Harry was happy with it. I took it he was from him making margaritas in the morning. I couldn’t tell if he was happier that the album was out or he was performing at the Forum tonight. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was if Harry was happy with it.
“I'm going, oh, I'm going” Harry sang while playing his guitar. “I'm going, oh, I'm going”
I took out my phone, beginning to record him on the stage.
“I'm going, oh, I'm going home. Hey!” Harry sang more.
Harry bent down to me as he strummed his guitar. He stuck his tongue out at me. I stopped recording. Harry and the band stopped playing. I clapped for them. Harry smiled at me.
“Thank you” Harry said to me.
“Pleasures all mine” I responded.
Harry looked to his band.
“Take ten?” He asked them.
“Yeah, yeah” Adam said.
Harry gave his guitar to a crew member. Mitch and Sarah talked to Naomi and Charlotte. Adam went on his phone. Harry got off stage, walking over to me.
“Question . . .” Harry said. “Pearls or no pearls?”
“For tonight?” I asked him. “Didn’t you have pearls on the album?”
“Should have” Harry said.
“Mhmm,” I hummed as I thought.
I stared at the pearl necklace Harry had on. “Why the hell not?” I said. “Might as well wear them now”
Harry smirked at me.
“Have I ever told you I love you?” Harry said.
I looked at him, surprised a bit.
That was a quick change of topic.
“You mentioned it at least once” I said.
Harry smile slowly turned into a prideful smirk.
“Well, I’m happy I said it again” Harry told me.
I blushed a little, feeling nervous all of a sudden.
I still didn’t say it. I wanted to tell him I love him the other night but I couldn’t get the urge to. I knew Harry wouldn’t care if I said it now but I did. I was scared if it was too early. Scared that I was going to ruin our sail soothing because I said it too early. It happened to me before. I didn’t want it to happen again.
“I took a little glimpse of everyone outside” Harry told me.
I blinked at him, snapping out of my thoughts.
“You did?” I asked him. “When?”
“Before I came in” Harry said. “They’re just sitting outside”
“So, from two hours ago?” I asked him.
Harry nodded, looking to the side.
“I could never get used to it” Harry said. “That they actually came out for me.”
I smiled at him. It was cute he was nervous. It made two of us.
“Me either” I said. “I always think things could never get better but every now and then, I’m proved me wrong”
Harry looked down as he thought.
“I just never thought of myself as someone that special” Harry said. “Even though I’m here and I’ve made it, I never believe I did it. I feel like I deserve none of it”
I felt my lips slowly form into a smile.
Why did that sound like the most romantic thing he ever said?
I stared at him. I sighed, taking his hand in mine.
“Of course, you deserve it” I said. “Why shouldn’t you? You helped more people than you ever could know. Look at me, I’m one of them.”
Harry looked to me, a smirk growing on his lips.
“Listen, all I’m saying is if you don’t deserve it, they wouldn’t be here” I continued. “They love you, I love you. Of course, they would come out”
Harry blushed, his eyes lighting up with surprise.
“You said it” Harry told me. “You said I love you”
I did?
Oh, shit. I did.
“Oh . . . I did” I said. “Did I make you more nervous?”
“No, no” Harry shook his head. “I just didn’t expect you to say it so soon. I had a feeling you were going to the other night.”
I looked down, smiling to myself. I looked up to Harry.
“Well, I wanted to” I said. “But I thought it was too early”
“It wasn’t.” Harry said. “You could have. The kiss would have been less surprising”
I nudged Harry.
“Sorry, sorry” Harry said.
I shook my head, looking down.
“I should have though” I admitted.
There was a little moment of silence between us. I looked to Harry, knowing he had something on his mind.
“What?” I asked him.
“When did you find out?” Harry asked me. “That you loved me?”
I looked down to my hand.
“Doesn’t my sprained hand make it obvious?” I asked him, raising my bandaged hand up.
“It does but . . . how?” Harry asked me.
“I always knew I loved you” I told Harry. “I just didn’t think anything of it. It wasn’t until Ali told me I was letting you walk out of my life that night that I knew how much I loved you. I didn’t want to lose you. Not again”
If Harry couldn’t smile even more, he just did. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me into him. He kissed my forehead.
“I don’t want to lose you either” Harry said.
I smiled, blushing.
“I could use a drink” Harry said. “Do you?”
“Hmm. . .” I hummed as I thought. “I’m really in the mood for orange juice”
“I think I remember there being a bottle in my dressing room” Harry said. “Let’s go”
Harry and I started to walk together, his hand still around me.
“So. . .” Harry said. “What do you think of Anguilla?”
11:30 PM.
“That’s what makes you beautiful!” Harry sang.
I watched him as he danced on the stage. The crowd became louder for the hundredth time tonight. I smiled, standing in the balcony. I stood next to Glenne, Jeff, Tom and Jenny.
So far, Harry was doing amazing. Despite the album being less than a day old, the whole crowd sang along with Harry. It was something I never saw before. I knew how dedicated Harry’s fans could be but this . . . this was something else. I knew how thrilled Harry was to hear his fans singing his album right back to him.
I felt Glenne poke me in the arm. I looked to her.
“We’re going backstage” Glenne said. “You wanna come or later?”
I looked back to see Harry on stage. I smiled.
“I’ll come before Kiwi” I said.
Glenne nodded. She left with Jeff, Tom and Jenny. I crossed my arms as my attention focused back on Harry.
I could have just left with them but I didn’t. I’ve watched Harry perform more than I could count but I had to watch him tonight. Tonight was special to him. And I was his girlfriend now. I owed it to him to stay. Besides, there was only a few minutes left before the show would end. How couldn’t I miss it?
Fifteen Minutes Later . . .
*HARRY’S POV*
I waved goodbye to everyone as I walked down the stairs. I followed Naomi as we went backstage. I immediately took off my sound mic and handed it to Derek, one of my crew members. I saw Jenny and Tom walk towards me. I smiled at them.
“Did you hear them?” I asked Tom. “They sang every word back”
“I did!” Tom said. “I couldn’t believe it”
I hugged Tom.
“We did it” I told him as I wrapped my arms around him.
“You did it” Tom said, patting my back.
I let go of Tom and hugged Jenny.
“Oh, you’re sweaty” Jenny said.
“You’ll get used to it” We heard Jeff said.
I looked behind Tom, seeing Glenne and Jeff walking towards us. Y/N wasn’t with them. Where was she?
“Proud of you, H” Jeff said. “Everyone is”
I nodded. I looked down the hall, hoping to see Y/N. I looked back to Jeff and Glenne.
“Where’s Y/N?” I asked them.
“She said she wanted to stay till the end” Glenne said. “She should be coming now”
She wanted to stay till the end. She could have just missed the ending but she didn’t. All my friends did but she didn’t.
“Back to the dressing room?” Jeff asked me.
“Yeah” I said. “Glenne, can you text Y/N-“
“Don’t worry, I got it” Glenne said, whipping out her phone.
“Or you can just tell her yourself” Tom said, pointing down the hall to Y/N.
I smiled as I spotted her. I ran towards her, surprising her with a hug. I spun her around, lifting her off the ground for a second.
“Okay, I’m dizzy” I heard Y/N say.
I let go of Y/N, setting her down.
“Sorry, I didn’t make it in time” Y/N said. “I wanted to see everything. I left in the middle of Kiwi but some fans spotted me and-“
I cut Y/N off, giving her a quick kiss. I cupped her cheeks in the palms of my hands.
“Thanks for being there” I told her.
Y/N’s cheeks slowly became red.
“It’s what we do” She said. “You’d do the same for me”
Author’s Note: Damn right I used a FleetwoodMac song in the title. You know it’ serious when they in the chapter lol. First of all, there’s less than five chapters left until I’m completely done. I just want to thank everyone who read even one chapter and has been on this ride with me. It’s the end of an era. Just - thank you. Hope you enjoy.
Catch up on everytime here
December 8th, 2019. London. 9 AM.
“And now playing: Adore You by Harry Styles”
I looked to the vintage red radio that sat on my bedside table.
Walk in your rainbow paradise
I slipped on my black Mary Janes shoes. I stood up from my bed, walking over to my dresser.
Strawberry lipstick state of mind
I grabbed my red lipstick. I walked over to my mirror, smearing the red lipstick on my lips.
I get so lost inside your eyes
I capped the lipstick. I smiled at myself in the mirror. I waved my ponytail back. I looked exceptionally cute today wearing my pink vintage dress.
Would you believe it?
I walked out of my bedroom, passing the many paintings that hanged in the hallway. I walked downstairs, stepping into a ballroom.
You don't have to say you love me
I looked up at the ceiling. It was painted, looking eerily similar to the creation of Adam. Was I in the Sistine Chapel?
You don't have to say nothing
I looked down. Wait, when did I change into a white ball gown? I touched the top of my head. I had a crown on.
You don't have to say you're mine
I looked around the room for someone. There was no one in sight. What the hell was happening?
“Honey” I heard Harry say.
I turned around, seeing him. He was dressed in a black suit. By the embroidered jacket, I was pretty sure it was the same suit he wore at his last show on tour.
“I'd walk through fire for you” Harry sang, smiling as he took my hand. “Just let me adore you”
Harry pulled me close to him. He held our hands up together while his other hand rested on my hip.
“Oh, honey” Harry said.
I began to follow Harry as he started to dance around the ballroom.
“I'd walk through fire for you” Harry sang to me, looking into my eyes. “Just let me adore you like it's the only thing I'll ever do”
Harry spun me and then dipped us.
“H,” I said. “What are you doing?”
“Like it's the only thing I'll ever do” Harry sang back at me, not answering my question.
I looked around the room again but this time my eyes landed on Ashton.
“Ashton?” I asked.
Without any warning, I felt Harry drop me to the floor. I shut my eyes, feeling scared to hit the floor. But I didn’t. I didn’t fall on the floor.
I slowly opened my eyes, seeing I was not in the ballroom again. I looked around where I was, noticing I was in a bedroom. A familiar bedroom.
I looked at one of the photos on the wall. It was Rita at an awards show. I squinted at the photo.
I was by Rita. I must have slept over in one of her guest rooms. Why would I though?
I slowly sat up in bed. I immediately noticed the white bandage around my wrist. The memory of last night flashed in my head. Harry and I talking. Me running after Harry’s car. Me tripping and falling on the floor. The rush of pain in my hand. Being in an hospital room.
I sprained my wrist. I sprained it when I fell. I remember I did. I remember it all.
I remember choosing Harry. I ran after his car to tell him I loved him. I didn’t get the chance to but . . . I finally knew it was Harry I wanted. I just hoped I would get another chance to tell him before it was too late.
I stood up from the bed. I walked out the room, going down the hall. I heard Rita and Ali talking as I walked into the kitchen. Ali and Rita sat at the kitchen table. They looked to me as I stepped in.
“Oh, you’re finally awake” Ali said to me.
“I am” I said.
“I made pancakes” Rita said. “Have some”
Rita pointed to the tray of pancakes on the kitchen counter.
“I’ll have some later” I said, sitting down next to Ali and Rita.
Rita and Ali looked to each other. Did they become best friends while I slept?
“How’s your hand?” Ali asked me.
“It hurts” I said. “But it will get better”
I looked to Rita.
“Did you take me to the hospital?” I asked her.
“Yeah” Rita said. “You scraped your hand bad. Thought you broke a bone too.”
I looked down at my wrapped hand.
Rita changed. After years of not being able to trust her with my secrets, she wasn’t judging me. She took care of me when I was hurt. She really did change.
“Thanks” I said.
Rita nodded.
“We didn’t call Harry yet if you were going ask” She said. “I wanted too but . . .”
“He should clearly hear the news from you” Ali said.
I looked up to Ali.
“I’m planning to” I said. “But I need to call Ashton first. What time it is?”
“Nine” Rita said.
It’s two in the afternoon in New York. Did Ashton have work today?
“I’ll call him in a few hours” I said. “Don’t know if he’s at work”
“You should still call” Ali said. “You and I both know it’s best to get it over with as soon as possible”
“I know” I said. “It’s just-“
“Y/N” Ali cut me off.
I looked at her.
“Call him” She said.
I stared at Ali, a little scared. I wanted to call Ashton. It was the right thing to call him and break the news than have him left waiting. It was right but I felt so wrong for wanting to. Ashton has been so kind to me and I never wanted to hurt him. But calling him and telling him that we were over . . . that would hurt him. How can I tell him if I feel so guilty?
“Just rip the bandage off” Rita said. “That’s what you said to me”
I stood up from the table.
Rip the bandage off. I could tell Ashton. Ashton said so himself he would be happy if Harry and I got together. He said that. He wouldn’t have said that if he didn’t mean it.
“Okay” I said. “I’ll call him”
I turned away from the table. Rita wished me good luck as I headed upstairs to Rita’s guest bedroom. I found my phone sitting on the bedside table. I grabbed it off the table and unlocked it. I went to my contacts and pressed on Ashton. I sat down on the bed, holding my phone to my ear. It started to ring.
I had to tell Ashton the truth eventually. It was going to come out at one point. It was better that I told him now than have him see photos of Harry and I together. I had to tell him. It was right to tell him as soon as possible.
The phone stopped ringing. Ashton picked up.
“Hi” I heard Ashton say.
“Hi” I said in a shaky voice. “I thought you would be at work”
“Oh, no. I’m off today” Ashton said. ”Are you back in New York and wanted to visit me?”
“No, no” I shook my head. “I’m still in London. I don’t think I’ll be back home any soon”
“You won’t?” Ashton asked me. “Not even for the holidays?”
“Oh, I will be” I said. “I always spend the holidays with my friends”
But not him. I won’t spend the holidays with Ashton. I won’t get to spend another day with him.
“Well, at least you won’t be alone” Ashton said. “That’s all that matters”
I bit my lip, feeling them start to tremble.
Ashton will be alone. I was leaving him on his own. How could I? After everything, he didn’t deserve to be on his own.
“Yeah . . .” I said. “You won’t be, right?”
“No, no” Ashton said. “My family always spend it together”
“Oh,” I said. “That’s good”
“Yeah” Ashton said. “It is . . .”
I didn’t speak. I stayed silent for a moment. I was pretty sure Ashton knew something was wrong. He always knew when something was wrong.
“I’m sorry” I said. “I wanted it to be you so bad and-“
“It’s okay” Ashton said. “I’m happy for you. I told you I would be if you picked him”
“But I know you’re not” I said, my voice cracking. “I picked him over you. You were so nice to me, the nicest anyone have ever been to me. I feel so guilty for not choosing you. How aren’t you mad? I hurt you”
Ashton stayed silent for a moment before speaking again.
“You’re right” Ashton said. “I’m mad. But I’ll get over it. I’ll be happy again. I know I will be. You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll find someone again.”
“How can you be so sure?” I asked him.
“Well, for one . . . I dated you” Ashton said.
I let out a little laugh. God, Ashton knew how to make me laugh even when I was sad.
“And that’s life, Y/N” Ashton said. “We fall in love and fall out love with people. It hurts now but it gets better”
I forced myself to smile.
“I hope you find someone who loves you like I couldn’t” I told him. “I mean it. You deserve someone who really loves you”
“I will” Ashton said. “I hope he loves you like I couldn’t”
I smiled to myself.
“Thank you, Ashton” I said. “For everything”
“You don’t have to thank me” Ashton said. “I was your boyfriend. I was supposed to love you”
I wiped my tears off of my face.
“I’ll miss you” I told him. “I’ll tell Billie, okay?”
“Tell her after Christmas” Ashton said.
“You know I can’t do that” I said. “Gotta rip the bandage off as soon as possible”
“Well, good luck” Ashton said. “I’ll see you around, hopefully”
Hopefully. Like at show rehearsals.
“Yeah” I said. “I’ll see you around. Goodbye Ashton”
“Goodbye, Y/N” Ashton said.
I smiled, hanging up on Ashton. I stared at my phone. I scrolled through my contacts, searching for Harry. I found his name, pressing on his contact. I held my phone to my ear again.
We fall in love and fall out of love with people. That’s life. I fell out of love with Ashton and fell in love with Harry. That’s my life.
“Hey” I said into my phone. “Are you on your flight to LA?”
Author’s Note: Less than five chapters of everytime. Writing this literally broke my heart but boy, some shit goes down in this one. I was slightly inspired by Miaculous Ladybug but hey, this is my new favorite chapter. Enjoy loves - May.
Catch up on everytime here
December 7th, 2019. 11 PM.
Okay, it was working. Harry’s scheme to make me fall in love with him was working. Well, a little. If getting nervous every time Harry looked or flashed a smile at me counted, I guess his plan was working. It was working ever since I spoke to him in the hallway. I could have swore Harry was being more nice than ever before. It was if he was trying to show me how better he was than Ashton. Paying for all our drinks, giving me too much compliments, charming Ali who I swore could never be swayed and bragging about his accomplishments. I thought I was immune to Harry’s flirting and narcissistic ways but by the looks of my sweaty hands, that clearly changed.
“You put her in a song?” Rita asked Harry. “Your ex?”
I looked to Harry.
“Yeah” Harry said. “The name of it is our name together. Cherry”
Ah, yes. Cherry. The song about Camille. Harry was telling Rita all about her. I hated to admit it but I felt a little spike of jealousy in me. I shouldn’t be but I was. It’s just . . . the way Harry talks about her is beautiful. He talks about her like she was everything to him. Was I everything to him? He practically confessed he loved me and keeps flirting with me all night but I wasn’t quite sure. Would I ever be sure with him? Was I really enough for Harry? Was Harry really sure I was right for him when there are other girls better for him?
“Just in the beginning you hear her” Harry said. “It’s nice to be friends after everything”
Harry looked to me. I looked away, looking around the bar for the hundredth time tonight. I was surprised Rita didn’t notice yet.
“Says you” Rita said. “All of my exes do is talk shit about me . . . Why did you two break up again? You sounded so happy with her”
“The distance got to us” Harry said. “I started tour when we got together. We decided it was better to call it off”
“Well. . .” Rita said, holding her drink up. “I can drink to that one”
Rita took a sip of her drink. She looked to me.
“Y/N,” Rita called on me. “What about you?”
Oh, great. My turn to talk.
“What about me?” I asked her.
“What’s going on with you?” She asked me. “Taken up any lovers?”
I bit my lip, tempted to lie. I had enough going on in my love life to want another person involved. Especially Rita of all people.
“No” I lied, shaking my head. “Nothing really new”
Harry and Ali looked to me, a little surprised. Rita squinted her eyes at me, suspicious of me.
“Liar” Rita said.
“What?” I asked her.
“You’re lying” Rita said. “I saw photos of you kissing someone. He had blue hair, right?”
“They just broke up” Ali said, jumping in to save me. “It was nothing serious”
“You broke up with Ashton?” Harry asked me, dumbfounded.
I turned to him, shooting a “not helping” look to him.
“Ashton” Rita said. “That’s his name?”
“Yeah” I said, nodding. “We’re on a break”
“A break?” Rita said, more interested than before. “Because . . .”
I looked down at my drink.
“I really don’t prefer to talk about it” I said. “It’s confusing as it is”
Rita looked to Harry.
“Do you know something about this?” She asked him. “You know him”
I looked to Harry. Harry looked from Rita to me. I stared at him with desperate eyes.
Please. Please don’t say anything.
Rita looked at us, confused.
“Am I missing something?” Rita asked us.
I looked to Rita, taking matters into my own hands before Harry could.
“Maybe we should just leave it alone, Rita” Ali said. “You wouldn’t want to hear-“
“No,no” I said, cutting Ali off. “It’s just . . .”
Was I really going to tell Rita everything? I couldn’t. But I had to tell her something just to shut her up.
“There’s this other guy” I said.
Rita smirked at me.
“Really?” Rita asked, now excited. “Spill. Everything”
I sighed, looking down at my bottle.
“Well, he’s a close friend of mine” I said. “He told me he loved me but I have no idea if I should be with him”
“Oh my!” Rita exclaimed. “You’re in a love triangle! What’s his name? Do I know him?”
“No” Ali said, answering for me.
Rita looked to Ali.
“He’s from New York.” Ali said. “Not in the industry. I introduced Y/N to him”
Rita looked back to me.
“What’s his name though?” Rita asked me.
Crap. Think fast.
I looked at Ali’s drink. Jack Daniel.
I looked up to Rita.
“Jack . . .” I said.
Harry and Ali let out a small sigh, relieved.
“Okay, Jack. . .” Rita said. “Tell me about him. How close are you with him?”
“Umm, two-three years I’ve known him” I said, lying. “Didn’t talk for a few months between then but-“
“But?” Rita said. “Did he do something?”
I bit my bottom lip.
Great . . . I had to make a whole backstory in a span of a second.
“Yeah, something. . .” I said, having no idea what to say.
Rita laughed at me.
“I know” Rita said. “I’m asking what is that something, Y/N”
I looked to Harry out of panic.
Something. What should I tell her? Should I tell her about what Harry done to me? Should I tell her about how hurt Harry made me? How he left me for another girl? How much pain I felt as I tried to pick up the pieces that he broke all alone? How hard it took me to move on and find someone actually good for me? How he had the nerve now to tell me he loved me after I forced myself to never think of him in that way again? Seriously, who the hell did he think he was? He knew I was happy. He knew I was and always he had to ruin it. You know what? It was my turn. It was my turn to hurt him. It was my turn to make him feel what I felt.
I looked to Rita.
“Yeah” I said. “I liked him. I told him I did and he left me for another girl-“
“Wait, what?” Rita said. “He had another girl?”
“Hmmm” I said, nodding. “Didn’t talk to him for a few months later. One day he came back and apologized to me. Stupid me forgave him and we were friends again”
“Stupid?” Rita asked, in disbelief. “I’m sorry to say it but . . . wow! He left you for another girl and you let him back into your life? I wouldn’t. How could you?”
“I told you, Rita” I said. “I was stupid”
“I know but so is he!” Rita said. “You’re . . . you and he leaves you for another girl?”
“He didn’t mean it” Harry said.
Rita, Ali and I looked to Harry. He had his mouth open to continue to speak but quickly shut it, knowing he had to pick his words carefully.
“What?” Rita asked him.
“I’ve met him . . .” Harry told Rita. “Y/N told me and I talked to him about it”
Nice save. . . asshole.
“And what was his excuse?” Rita asked him. “What was that dickhead’s reasoning?”
I smirked at Harry. What was his excuse again?
Harry looked down for a moment. He then looked to me.
“He was an idiot” Harry said. “Didn’t realize what was standing in front of him before it was too late”
I squinted at him, not believing him for a second.
“Oh, that’s bullshit” Rita said, looking to me. “That’s what they all say. He’s a fuck boy. If he could realize he wants to be with another girl, how could he not realize that with you?”
I didn’t understand that either. It always puzzled me what Harry saw in Kendall but didn’t see in me now and then. It’s me. What did Kendall have I didn’t? She’s not the one who has always been there for him. She’s not the one who sat listening to Harry cry over his ex-girlfriend. She’s not the one who helped him fix his broken heart. I did all that. I did and Harry didn’t see that.
“He isn’t that bad” Harry told Rita.
“H, you think no one is bad” Rita told him.
Rita looked to me.
“If I were you, I wouldn’t give him a chance” Rita said. “He didn’t give you one when you said you liked him”
“I know” I said. “But I wish it was that easy”
“Why not?” Rita asked me. “Just tell him to get out of your life”
I looked to Ali.
Help me out here?
“I know why” Ali said.
“I don’t” Rita said.
I kept quiet.
I basically just told Harry I hated him. How could I tell him I didn’t now? How could I tell him that even after everything he’s done to me, I still wanted him in my life? He hurt me so much but I couldn’t lose him. That would hurt me the most. It hurt me so much when I didn’t speak to him for two years. I couldn’t imagine the pain if we stopped talking again. Harry was my best friend. We were always friends. I still wanted to be his friend by the end of the day.
“Oh, come on” Rita said. “You can’t tease me about it and not tell me the rest. What does he had that your Ashton doesn’t have?”
I looked to Harry. He was staring at me, waiting for my answer. He had that look in his eyes I’ve seen before. The same look in his eyes when he told me Nadine broke up with him. The same look of hope lost.
I let out a sigh.
Why couldn’t I just know already?
My focus returned to Rita.
“Well, ever since I met him . . . I just felt being with him was right” I confessed.
Rita looked at me, expecting more.
“I didn’t have to pretend with him” I continued to speak. “I feel comfortable with him like I don’t need to explain myself. He just . . . gets me”
“And?” Rita asked. “What’s wrong with that?”
“I can’t trust him” I said. “I can’t trust him if he’s going to be my boyfriend.”
“Yes, you could” Harry said.
I looked to Harry, who seemed more determined than before to convince me.
“How?” I asked him. “After everything, he’s done . . . It’s not that easy when to pretend everything is okay when it’s not. It’s hard to believe he could when he showed me he can’t”
“I have. I could. ” Harry said. “I feel the same, Y/N. I never thought I would end up in love with you but . . . I’ve always felt drawn to you since we met”
“Wait, what?” Rita said, shocked. “You like Y/N?”
Rita looked from Harry to me.
“I thought Jack liked you?” Rita asked me.
Rita looked back to Harry. Her mouth dropped open, everything making sense.
“You’re Jack?” She asked Harry.
Harry nodded. Ali facepalmed herself. Rita smiled at Harry and I.
“You two . . .” Rita began to speak, a little speechless. “I mean, I imagined it but . . . shit, you two really”
Harry shook his head, disappointed. He stood up from his chair. He looked to me.
“Sorry” Harry said. “I wanted to talk to you about us but it’s not the right place”
“Oh, no, H” Rita said. “I could leave if you wanted to talk to Y/N alone. I really didn’t mean to call you a dickhead. Well, I did but-“
“It’s okay, Rita” Harry said. “I heard it before”
“But you and Y/N should really talk-“ Rita said before Harry cut her off again.
“No, it’s okay” Harry said, looking to me. “It’s too late anyways”
Rita and Ali looked between Harry and I, waiting for me to say something. I didn’t. I just stared at Harry, completely disappointed.
“I’m sorry, Y/N” Harry said. “I’ll get going”
Harry took his phone and jacket. We watched him as he left the bar. I looked down at my beer, with growing guilt come over me.
I shouldn’t have said all that. Harry looked like he was about to cry. I should have said something but not that.
“You should go talk to him before he leaves” Ali said.
I looked to her.
“You said you wanted to talk to him to get some answers” Ali said. “You don’t know when you will see him again”
“I can’t” I said. “I hurt him and-”
“It’s Harry” Rita said, cutting me off. “He’ll forgive you.”
I bit my lip, tempted.
“Didn’t you say it felt right being with him?” Rita asked me.
I looked to Ali.
“Go talk to him” Ali said. “You don’t need to lose him again. It’s the right thing to do”
It was the right thing to do . . . Harry would think it was right too.
I got up from my chair.
“I’ll be back” I said to Ali. “Watch my stuff”
I walked away from them and out the bar. I stepped outside, seeing Harry stand by the outside of the bar. He was on his phone.
I sighed, relieved. He didn’t leave yet.
“You’re still here” I walked over to him.
Harry looked up from his phone. His eyes looked red. Was he crying before I came out?
“Don’t worry” Harry said. “I’m leaving. I’m waiting for my car.”
I stared at him, having no idea what to say. From his defensive tone of his voice, it was more than clear Harry was angry at me. I always knew what to say to Harry when I wanted to make things right but . . . I’ve never seen him like this before. I felt like anything I could have said or done wouldn’t matter or fix us.
“Aren’t they waiting for you inside?” Harry asked me.
“Uh, yeah” I said. “But you told Rita you’re leaving for LA tomorrow so, this might as well be my last chance to talk to you”
“You still want to talk to me?” Harry asked, a little surprised. “Inside you were-“
“I was mad” I told him. “I didn’t mean it. Well, I did a little but . . . Not like that”
Harry looked down. I did too. Even though we probably had a million thoughts running through our heads, we both didn’t say anything for a moment. I looked down at the cobblestone ground.
I kept thinking of what Harry said to me inside. He said he was always drawn to me since we met. He said he felt the same as me when I said being with him felt right. He said he showed me that I could trust him. But if I did so much, why didn’t I make up my mind sooner about being with him? And if Harry felt he was drawn to me ever since we met, why didn’t he realize or tell me that sooner? He had countless opportunities over these years to tell me but he didn’t. He didn’t give any sign that he loved me like that.
“You really can’t trust me?” I heard Harry ask me.
I looked up from the ground to Harry.
“You said you couldn’t trust me if we were together” Harry said. “Why? You trusted me as your friend”
“Because you were my friend” I said. “You were always my friend. I only imagined you as a friend. Having you as my boyfriend is different. . .”
I let out a little sigh before I continued to explain.
“You always know when something is wrong with me. As much as I try to hide something from you, I just take one look at you and I can’t hold it in anymore. I love you for that but I also hate it. You make me more vulnerable than anyone else and I hate that feeling.” I said. “When I was your friend, I knew I only had to feel that for a little. I knew I could tell you my secrets because the next day you would leave me. I felt safe knowing I could share anything with you and never have to talk about them again. But you asking me to be with you . . . I’m not ready to feel like that everyday. I don’t want to. I can’t-“
“I don’t believe that” Harry told me.
“What?” I asked.
“I don’t think you really feel that” Harry said. “If you felt that way, why did you still be my friend all this time? I know there’s another reason”
I looked down.
There was none. I always had trouble trusting and letting people in. Harry was that one person who shined a light on that problem. He just left me so vulnerable. He made me feel weak by just looking at me sometimes.
“There is no other reason” I said. “I wouldn’t lie about something like this”
“But you are” Harry said. “You did think of me more than a friend once. Before I left you for Kendall”
Harry took a step closer to me. He held my hands in his. His eyes had a little hope in them.
“You thought of me more than a friend once.” Harry said. “Can’t you think of me like that now? You have to a little.”
I looked down at our hands. I shook my head.
“I did once” I said. “But not anymore. I can’t see you like that anymore. It’s too late for us”
I let go of Harry’s hands. I turned away to walk back but Harry quickly stopped me.
“Why are you here, then?” Harry asked me. “If you can’t see me like that anymore, why are you here? You would be with Ashton now if I didn’t feel something for me”
I turned to Harry. I suddenly felt a rise of anger in me.
“Don’t ask me that” I told Harry. “I said it’s too late-“
“But it’s not” Harry said. “If it was, you wouldn’t have broken up with Ashton. You had to break up with him because of a reason. Because of me!”
“Just because I broke up with him doesn’t mean you’re right for me” I said, frustrated. “Let it go”
“I will if you admit it” Harry said. “Say you left him for me-“
“FINE! I LEFT ASHTON FOR YOU!” I yelled at Harry. “I LEFT ASHTON BECAUSE EVERY TIME I LOOKED AT HIM, ALL I THOUGHT ABOUT WAS YOU! YOU’RE RIGHT, OKAY?”
People on the sidewalk stopped walking and looked to us. I sighed, feeling exhausted but somewhat relieved. I looked to the steps by the entrance of the bar. I walked over and sat down. Harry walked over to me, giving me a moment to cool down.
“You’re right, okay? Ever since you kissed me, all I can think about is you when I shouldn’t be.” I said. “I tried to forget about you but I couldn’t. . . Ashton was my boyfriend. The guilt was eating me up inside. I needed to leave him, even for a little while. I know Ashton is better for me and I should be with him but . . . it’s torture.”
I looked up to Harry.
“Why did you tell me?” I asked him. “I actually found someone good and then you had to come to me with this. After thinking you would never say you love me, you actually did at the worst time”
Harry bit his lip, clearly feeling guilty. He sat down next to me.
“Well, I already told you” Harry began to talk. “I didn’t mean to”
I stared at him, not saying anything. Harry looked down at the ground.
“I know if it’s hard for you to think you can’t be with me. I hurt you enough for you not to want to be with me. I understand that” Harry spoke. “I wanted to tell you sooner but I knew how you would have reacted. But I also knew what you meant when you said you felt like you could be happier with someone else than Ashton . . . I felt like I could make you happy”
A strand of Harry’s hair fell on his face. I smiled. He pushed it back. Harry looked to me. I saw my reflection in his green eyes.
“You make me feel scared too” Harry said. “I never have to tell you what’s wrong. You always knew whenever something was wrong as soon as I walked into a room. No one else could except for you”
Harry looked to the side.
“I don’t have to explain myself to you. You just get me” Harry said, speaking with his hands. “You understand me in a way people can’t. I can be myself with you. I never felt as if I had to prove something to you when all everyone else does is expect something of me”
Harry looked back to me. There was something genuine in his eyes. The same genuine I saw in his eyes when I first met him.
“You always believed in me. You’re always so willing to take a chance on something or someone when no one else is.” Harry told me. “You make me want to better. You always have made me feel better just being around you. You were always there for me when no one else was. You have something, Y/N”
Something. I had something to him. Something no else had in his life. Something no one noticed I had except for him.
CRACK!
Harry and I looked up to the sky, hearing thunder. I don’t remember anyone saying there would be a storm tonight. Another rumble of thunder was heard.
I looked down to the ground, feeling my heart beat against my chest. I felt my heart beat a hundreds of times before, mostly from anxiety but this one time wasn’t that. This one felt like that one time when I took my first boyfriend home. It felt like finding out I was pregnant with Felix’s child. It was felt like coming home to my family. It felt like . . . love.
Harry looked to the street, watching a black car drive up. It stopped in front of us. Harry and I looked back to each other.
“That’s me” Harry said. “I need to go”
Harry stood up. He looked to the bar, annoyed.
“Jesus,” Harry said. “How long have you been there?”
I looked behind me. Rita and Ali were standing right on top of the stairs.
“Just a minute” Rita said. “We’ve been here since Harry said he could make you happier than Ashton”
“We swear” Ali said to Harry. “We only came out since we heard Y/N yelling at you”
I shook my head. Of course, why didn’t I expect Rita to come out? She couldn’t stop digging into my life all night.
I stood up on my own. Harry walked over to the car, looking down. He opened the car door but didn’t go in. He stared at the ground for a few seconds before looking to me.
“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t mean to hurt you. After everything, the last thing I want is to hurt you. . .” Harry said. “I wish I knew earlier. I wouldn’t have done all that if I knew.”
Harry stared at me for a moment, waiting for me to say something. I wanted to. I wanted to tell him to not leave. I wanted to tell him to stay with me. I opened my mouth to but I quickly shut it. I looked down.
I couldn’t tell him that. I couldn’t tell him that and give him that false hope. I couldn’t tell him and let myself to sacrifice any happiness I could have for him. It was best that we weren’t together. It had to be.
“You’re right.” I heard Harry say.
I looked up to Harry again. He was looking at the ground again. His lips started to tremble.
“I should have never told you.” Harry said. “You should be with Ashton. He’s better for you”
Harry quickly got into the car, closing the door. I watched as the car drove off. I felt a drop of rain hit my head. Then, another. It started to rain.
“What is wrong with you, Y/N?” Ali asked in disbelief as she walked over to me. “You just let him walk out of your life again like that!”
I turned to Ali.
“But he made his choice. . .” I said. “What did you expect me to do? He told me I should be with Ashton. I thought you were on his side.”
“I am! But I can’t let you do this!” Ali said.
“What?” I asked her. “You never liked Harry”
“It doesn’t matter who I liked” Ali said. “You’re the one who said you can’t lose Harry. So, what are you doing?”
I looked down the street. I saw Harry’s car stopped at a red light the block down. I looked to Ali, feeling her hands on my shoulders.
“Who is Harry to you? A friend or more than a friend?” Ali asked me. “There will never be a better time to be clear with yourself. Do you want him to leave or do you want him to stay?”
I looked down the street again.
I wanted him to stay. I wanted Harry to stay. I was wrong. If him leaving was really for the best, why did it hurt so much to see him go? I felt like my heart broken into a million pieces when he got into that car. Harry had to stay. There was a reason why I chose to have him in my life all these years. There was a reason he made me feel like no one else. There was a reason why I was so jealous over who he was with. There was a reason why it felt so right to be with him.
I ran away from Ali and down the sidewalk, chasing after Harry’s car.
“HARRY, STAY!” I yelled out, hoping he would hear me. “YOU HAVE TO STAY!”
The light turned green. I watched Harry’s car drive and turn around the corner. I ran faster after it. I ran as much as my feet could let me. I ran until I fell, slipping to the ground. I looked up, my sight a little blurry.
“Harry, I . . . I love you” I said out loud.
I blinked a few times, seeing Harry’s car was no longer in my sight.
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Author’s Note: I’M BACK! Did y’all like the last chapter? I warned you things would heat up. More chapters are coming over the weekend so keep an eye out. Enjoy this one! -May
Catch up on everytime here
November 18, 2019.
*Y/N’S POV*
“HE DID WHAT?” Ali asked me. “HE KISSED YOU? HE KISSED YOU AND NOW YOU’RE JUST TELLING ME???”
Ali got up from her chair and started to pace around the room. As if it wasn’t clear enough, she was not happy about what happened last night.
“WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME ABOUT THIS?” Ali asked me. “I’M THE FIRST ONE YOU GO TO WHEN THIS SHIT HAPPENS”
“I am” I told her. “I didn’t tell anyone yet . . .How can I?”
I looked down to the floor. Ali sighed.
“Okay . . . fair point” She said. “But Harry??? What happened to ‘just friends’?”
“I don’t know” I said. “I thought we were friends but I guess we’re not anymore. He doesn’t want to be anymore”
“Yeah. . .” Ali said. “As if the kiss wasn’t clear enough”
Ali sat back down on the couch next to me.
“Please tell me you are going to tell Ashton” Ali said. “He deserves to know”
I looked to Ali. I had no answer to her question yet.
“I want to” I said. “But not now . . .”
“When?” Ali asked me. “He has to know. He is your boyfriend”
“I know” I said, a little frustrated. “It’s hard to tell him when I only have Harry on my mind”
Ali stayed silent for a moment but kept her stare on me.
“Do you like Harry again?” She asked me.
“What?” I asked her. “Why would you think that?”
“Because it’s Harry” Ali said. “You two are naturally drawn to each other”
I shook my head at her.
“I’m with Ashton” I said.
“And?” Ali asked me. “I know plenty of people who are with people they don’t like”
“Ashton and I aren’t like that” I said. “Ashton has been good to me in a way Harry has never been. He makes me really happy”
“Happier than Harry makes you?” Ali asked me.
“Who’s side are you on?” I asked her.
“Ashton” Ali said.
I squinted my eyes at her.
“Listen,” Ali began to speak. “After everything with Harry, Ashton really seems perfect for you. He literally flew across the world for you. I just don’t think it’s fair if you hide this from him”
“I’m going to tell him” I said to Ali. “I just need time first”
“Alright” Ali said, crossing her arms. “Can’t really tell you what to do anyways. . . But what are you going to do about Harry?”
“Well, last night I told him I need time to think” I said. “So, I think he knows not to expect anything from me for a couple of days”
“And?” Ali asked. “What else? Do you still want to be friends with him?”
Of course, I did. I always wanted to be friends with him. Even if I didn’t, it wasn’t if I had a choice. I went two years without talking to him and he came into my life again. Besides, I knew Harry. Harry would not purposely try to hurt me. He may have kissed me last night but that didn’t mean I was going to stop being his friend.
I nodded at Ali.
“How?” Ali asked me. “How are you going to be friends with someone who clearly wants to be more? That’s basically making Harry suffer”
“Harry and I always found our way back to each other” I said. “If I stop being his friend now, I know we would just make up in a few months. We’ve always been like that”
“Yeah but can you be his friend now?” Ali asked me. “Now when you both know he doesn’t want to be? You can’t be friends if you know that”
I looked down to the floor again.
She did have a point. I was in complete agony in 2015 when Harry rejected me and still wanted to be friends. I tried to be his friend but it was painful. I had to stop talking to him after two weeks. Of course I knew Harry was hurt that I was with Ashton. I knew he would be more hurt having to pretend everything was fine when it wasn’t. I was hurt when I had to pretend.
I looked up to the balcony door, remembering last night.
LAST NIGHT
I walked out from the balcony into my living room. I stormed to my bedroom, trying to escape Harry as he followed me.
“Y/N, I can explain” Harry said.
“I don’t want to hear it, H” I said. “I don’t want none of that”
“I didn’t mean to kiss you” I heard Harry say. “Well, I did but I didn’t want you to find out like that-“
“I’m with Ashton” I turned around to him. “You know I’m with Ashton!”
“I know” Harry said. “I didn’t mean to fall in love with you. I just noticed I was two days ago. I wanted to tell you after SNL but you left with Ashton”
I sighed, placing my hands over my eyes.
“Just when I finally think I could actually be happy . . . “ I said to myself.
“I didn’t mean to” Harry said. “The last thing I wanted was to make you upset-“
“Well, I am!” I said, taking my hands off my face. “Why wouldn’t I be? We’ve been friends forever and now you think I will Ashton for you?”
“You said so yourself you feel like you could be happier with someone else” Harry told me.
I stared at Harry, feeling my eyes water up.
“You’re an asshole” I said. “You know how happy I am with Ashton. After everything you put me through, you have the nerve to tell me you love me now?”
Harry looked at me, staying silent.
“Do you know how much I cried when you left me for her? How much I cried when I saw pictures of you and Kendall?”
I told him. “You don’t even know how hard I tried to move on and forget you. Everytime I wanted to call you and scream at you to pick me over her, I didn’t. I couldn’t because I knew it was the right thing to let you be happy. Why won’t let me be happy? Again and again, everytime I think I could be happy and then you come and ruin it. Why couldn’t you let me at least this once?”
I turned away from him.
“Just leave Harry” I said. “It’s better if you do”
I walked away to my bedroom. I closed and locked the door behind me. I went over to my bed, beginning to cry. I buried my face in my pillows.
How fucking can he do that to me? I’m happy. For once in my life, I’m happy. He knows I am and he has the fucking nerve to destroy that for me. I don’t even care that he loves me now. After years of wishing he would tell me he wanted me and having to force myself to move on because I knew it wouldn’t happen, he fucking tells me now. I’m not letting him ruin my chance at happiness. He had more than one chance to tell me how he felt. His chance is up now.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
I looked to my door. I didn’t dare think of opening it or letting Harry in.
“I know you’re mad and don’t want to talk to me anymore . . .” I heard Harry say. “But I just need you to hear me say this”
I sat up in bed. I waited a moment for Harry to continue speaking. I think I heard him sigh on the other side of the door.
“I wish I fell in love with you sooner” Harry said. “I wish I could go back and tell you when I had the chance. I’m stupid, I know. I’m stupid for not realizing sooner of what was standing in front of me. You gave me a hundred of chances and I never took them. I can’t blame you if you don’t want to give me a chance”
I stood up from bed, slowly walking over to my door. I heard Harry sniffle.
“Ashton is right for you” Harry said. “More right than me. You should be with him. . . I’m sorry. I’ll leave”
I heard Harry’s footsteps as he walked away.
I felt a sharp pain in my chest. I stared at my doorknob.
No, I couldn’t. I couldn’t. Harry is wrong for me for so many reasons. Ashton is better for me. Ashton never left me for another girl. Ashton would never make me doubt he loves me. Ashton would never do anything that would hurt me. Ashton was better for me than Harry was . . . So, why did I feel sorry for Harry? Why did I want to stop him for walking out of my life after everything he’s done to me? Why did I want Harry to stay even though I knew it was wrong?
I bit my lip, blinking at my doorknob.
Oh, fuck me . . .
“H!” I shouted out for him.
I unlocked my door, opening it and running to the elevator.
“H, wait!” I said.
Harry turned to me, surprised. Luckily, I caught him before the elevator arrived.
“Y/N, what are you doing?” Harry asked me. “You wanted me to leave”
“I know” I said. “It’s just . . .”
I looked at him, not knowing how say what I want in words.
How could I tell him to stay even when it’s wrong? How could I tell him not to leave when all I ever wanted was him to leave me alone to be happy? How could I tell him how bad I wanted to be with him when he said Ashton was better for me?
“Y/N,” Harry said. “I have to go-“
I reached up on my toes and kissed him. I closed my eyes as I placed my hands on his cheeks. I felt Harry wrap his arms around me, lifting me up a little. I didn’t want to pull away from him. I knew if I did, I would have to say goodbye.
Harry slowly put me down as we withdrew our lips from each other. I placed my hands on his chest. I looked up to him.
“You are stupid” I said. “There were so many chances I gave you. But I kept giving you another one”
Harry smiled at me.
“Does this mean you’re giving me one now?” Harry asked me.
I looked down.
“I don’t know” I said. “I need time to think about it. I just couldn’t let you leave after that”
I took my hands off Harry. Harry looked inside the elevator and then to me.
“I’ll wait for you” Harry said. “It’s the least I can do”
I smiled at Harry, nodding. He walked into the elevator. He pressed a button.
“I’ll see you soon?” He asked me.
“I hope so” I said.
The elevator’s doors closed, taking away Harry from me. I slowly walked back to the balcony, hoping to see Harry one more time as he got into a cab. I looked down onto the street. A minute later, I watched Harry walk out of the building and into a car. I watched the car drive off. I turned around and looked to the Scrabble box. I sighed.
PRESENT DAY
“Y/N” Ali said. “Can you be friends with him or not?”
I looked to Ali.
I can’t pretend everything was fine either. I kissed him. I kissed Harry back. Friends don’t kiss. They aren’t supposed to.
“No. . .” I said. “I don’t think I can be anymore.”
Author’s Note: Miss Allie X and Troye Sivan is who to thank for this chapter. They really got me in my emotions. Enjoy this chapter loves! - May
Catch up on everytime here
November 27, 2019. 1 PM.
*Y/N’S POV*
I thought about it and no, I still have decided. It’s only been a week. I couldn’t possibly decide in a week. I wanted to be with Ashton. He was much better to me than Harry has been. I’ve only been with Ashton for three months. I barely gave him a chance compared to Harry. I loved Ashton. But if I loved Ashton so much, why did a part of me wish I was with Harry instead?
“Don’t you have one of those already?” Ashton asked me.
I held the guitar in my hand as I played a few strings on it.
“No” I said. “I have a blue color of it. Not an orange”
“You’re really going to pay for something you already have?” Ashton asked me.
I shook my head, putting the guitar back.
I was Ashton’s work. I surprised him with lunch and decided to stay around for another hour at his job. I wasn’t spending Thanksgiving with him so I decided to try and spend the day before with him. Ashton actually had invited me to spend Thanksgiving with his family but I refused. Firstly, I didn’t want to rub the sight of us in Billie’s. Secondly, I didn’t want to give Ashton’s parents hope that he and I will stay together because I had no idea of who to pick still. And thirdly, I would just be thinking of Harry the whole time there.
We heard the store’s door chime as a customer came in. Ashton and I looked to each other.
“Can I meet you after work?” Ashton asked me.
I nodded.
“Yeah” I said. “Your place. What time do you get off?”
“I close at 7” Ashton said. “So, 8:30 latest?”
I reached up and kissed his cheek.
“I’ll be there” I said.
Ashton smiled at me.
“See you soon” I said to him.
I turned away from him. I started to walk away before I Ashton call me.
“Y/N” Ashton said.
I turned around to him.
“Yeah?” I asked him.
Ashton opened his mouth to say something but quickly shut it.
“Ash,” I said. “What is it?”
“It’s nothing important” Ashton said. “I’ll tell you about it later”
“You’re sure?” I asked him. “I can stay another minute. I don’t have nothing to do for the rest of the day”
“Yeah, I’m sure” Ashton said. “Besides, I don’t want Ron thinking I’m not doing my job and fire me if he sees one more second of us”
I nodded at him.
“Okay” I told him. “But you’re telling me it later”
“I will” Ashton said.
I smiled at him. I turned away. I walked over to the door. I stopped to turn around and look at Ashton before I left. He was already talking to the customers who just walked in.
My smile slowly faded.
I exited out of the shop, beginning to walk down the block.
God, I hope Ashton won’t say he loves me. Not that I didn’t want him to say it or know he loves me, it’s just . . . I didn’t want to hear it now.
I knew Ashton loved me. He may have not admitted it directly but it was obvious ever since he flew to Paris for me. I knew Ashton loved me. I just didn’t want him to say it to me because if he does . . . I’ll have to say it back. Listen, of course I loved Ashton. He makes me so happy and I wouldn’t be with him if I did not love him a little. It’s just I am not quite ready to tell him I loved him, mainly because I was still thinking of Harry.
How could I tell Ashton I loved him when every time I looked at him I immediately think of Ashton? It was not enough I felt guilty for not telling Ashton about what happened last week. How could I even tell him? Ashton immediately suspected Harry was jealous of us after that night at dinner. I managed to quickly dismiss that possibility to Ashton since I thought Harry would never think of me in that way again. But now? If I told Ashton, I would just be confirming his suspicion and slightly be defending Harry.
I turned the corner of the block, walking towards my car.
I should have just told Ashton the day after Harry kissed me. I should have told him and I wouldn’t feel so guilty now. I told Ali I was going to tell him but I needed some days to think about what I was going to do with Harry. What was I going to do about Harry? I couldn’t tell Ashton about it and still be friends with Harry. That would be unfair to both of them. Ashton is my boyfriend. I’m supposed to be loyal to him and choose him above any other man. But Harry was my friend. I’ve known him longer than Ashton. How could I choose only one?
I took my car keys out of my bag. I unlocked my car, getting into the driver’s seat and closing the door.
I knew I had to tell Ashton at some point. I knew I had to do something about Harry too. I also knew I had to do both before it was too late.
I plugged my key into the ignition, the car turning on.
I just hope I would know soon or I would lose Ashton and Harry.
10 PM.
So far, nothing. I expected Ashton to tell me he loved me right away when I met him at his apartment but he didn’t. I was a little happy he did not mention it to me yet. I would have no idea how to react if he did. All I had was Harry on my head. I couldn’t properly think of what to say if Ashton did say he loved me. But, on the other hand, I was surprised. If Ashton wanted to tell me he loved me, why didn’t he yet? Did he change his mind about telling me? If that was the case, did something happen that changed his mind? Did he know something about Harry and I?
Ashton entered his room, holding a bag of chips and a coke.
“As requested” Ashton said, smiling at me.
“I didn’t ask” I said. “But you know your way to my heart”
Ashton handed me the coke and the bag of chips. I sat on Ashton’s bed, watching the television. Ashton sat down next to me. I opened the can of coke and started to drink it.
No. Ashton couldn’t know about Harry and I. The only people I told were Ali and Izzy. Both didn’t have his numbers so there was no way he could know about Harry kissing me. But what about everything else between Harry and I? I didn’t tell Ashton that I dated Harry for a month before. I didn’t tell Ashton I wrote songs about Harry before. I didn’t tell Ashton anything apart that Harry was a very close friend of mine and I knew him for forever. Did Ashton know I had a history with Harry? I’ve always made it clear in the media that Harry and I were friends only but anyone could suspect more.
No, no, no. There was no possibility Ashton knew about my history with Harry. It wasn’t like he knew someone who wrote songs with me about Harry. . . OH MY GOD. BILLIE.
I choked on my coke. I coughed, clearing my throat. Ashton looked worried at me.
“Are you okay?” Ashton asked me.
“Yeah” I said, between coughs. “Drank too fast”
Ashton took the coke from my hand and put it on his bedside table.
“You’re almost done with the can” Ashton said. “Did you chug it?”
I shook my head, regaining my breath.
“Just thirsty” I said.
“I can see . . .” Ashton said.
I bit my lip, knowing how stupid I just was. I looked to television.
Billie, his sister. How could I forget about Billie? Billie - who practically knows everything about my love life just from my songs. Billie could have told him. She could have. But then again, Billie gave us her blessing. Why would she want to ruin something she wants to happen? It didn’t make sense.
I looked to Ashton.
Should I just ask him about it? Should I just mention to him about earlier? What’s the worst he could say? That he loves me? That Billie told him about Harry and I? He was going to find out anyway. Should I really just tell him now? It’s been a week. Maybe I should wait until after Thanksgiving. I don’t want to ruin this holiday for him. I could wait another week. I would know what to do about Harry by then-
“What?” Ashton asked me.
“What?” I said.
“You’re giving me that look” Ashton said.
I immediately perked up, smiling.
“What look?” I asked. “There’s nothing to worry about”
Ashton blinked at me, clearly not believing in me.
“Y/N,” Ashton said. “You just admitted something is wrong”
I frowned.
I’ll just ask him about earlier. I’ll just ask that and nothing else.
“Fine” I said. “Before I left . . . what were you going to say?”
Ashton smiled at me.
“Oh, that.” Ashton said. “I was going to ask you if you wanted to spend Christmas with my family”
I let out a little sigh, relieved.
Christmas? He wanted to ask me about Christmas?
“Oh,” I said. “Why didn’t you just ask me that?”
“I was going to but since you’re not coming to Thanksgiving, I didn’t want to make any false promises to my parents” Ashton said.
I smiled at him.
“Yeah . . . it’s good that you didn’t” I said.
Especially since I have no idea what to do about Harry or you yet . . .
“I mean, I would love to” I told him. “Anything could happen in a month and I usually spend it with my friends but I wouldn’t mind spending it with you and your family. Just thought you would ask me the week before”
“I was planning to” Ashton said. “Wanted it to be a surprise when I asked you”
“Oh” I said, looking down.
I scratched my neck, realizing I ruined Ashton’s romantic proposal. I looked up to him.
“Well, it could still be a surprise. . .” I said. “I’ll just forget about it and you can ask me a week before”
Ashton smiled at me.
“I will” Ashton said. “And not in my room”
I still smiled, looking back to the television.
I knew he couldn’t have known. If he did, he wouldn’t have asked me to spend Christmas with his family. I’m pretty sure if he did know, he would have broken up with me already and I wouldn’t be in his bedroom. But Christmas. . . he wanted to spend it with me. I never had a boyfriend invite me to spend Christmas with them. The closest I have ever received was Anne invited me to spend Christmas with her and Harry. But Harry’s my friend. He was when Anne asked me.
Ashton imagined a future with me. A future that I could actually share with him. A future where I could actually be happy.
I looked to Ashton.
If Ashton imagined spending his future with me, he deserved the truth at least. It was the right thing to do. Ashton would understand. Ashton knows I would never want to hurt him. He would know I never planned to kiss Harry back that night. I was with him. Not Harry.
“I need to tell you something” I said.
Ashton turned to me.
“You realized you can’t come to Christmas?” Ashton asked me.
“No, no” I shook my head. “It’s . . .”
How the hell do I tell him without making him upset?
“It’s what?” Ashton asked me.
I bit my bottom lip.
Well, here it goes . . .
“Harry and I kissed” I said.
“What?” Ashton asked me.
“We kissed” I said. “Well, he kissed me and I wanted to slap him for it. I ran away to my room from him but then he apologized and the next thing I knew was that I kissed him back”
Ashton didn’t say anything. He just stared at me.
“Ashton, say something” I told him. “Please”
“I knew it all along” Ashton said, looking down. “I knew he was jealous that night”
“Listen, I know how it sounds” I began to explain. “I told you he was a friend and I really thought we were because I never thought he would kiss me. Then he did and I wanted to tell you sooner but-“
“It’s okay” Ashton said.
“What?” I asked him, surprised.
“Harry kissed you” Ashton looked up to me. “And he’s your friend. You were confused and kissed him back”
“You’re not mad?” I asked him.
“Well, a little. . .” Ashton said. “This happened a week ago, right?”
I nodded.
“I wanted to tell you sooner but I’m still trying to think what to do about Harry” I said. “I didn’t want to tell you until I knew”
“And do you know?” Ashton asked me. “About what to do with Harry?”
I looked down, shaking my head.
“He’s one of my best friends” I said. “I know it’s wrong if I’m still friends with him after that while I’m with you but . . .”
“You can’t do that to him” Ashton said.
I nodded.
“Ever since he kissed me, all I ever think about is him” I told Ashton. “I swear I can’t even look at you because I just think of him. That’s why I didn’t want to spend Thanksgiving with your family. It would be torture. I’ve been trying to forget him but I can’t. . .”
“Do you think of him more than a friend now?” Ashton asked me.
I looked to Ashton. I knew the answer but didn’t want to say it.
“If I said yes, would that mean I’m horrible?” I asked him.
Ashton looked down. He sighed.
I immediately felt a wave of guilt hit me. I just admitted I had feelings for Harry. And to my boyfriend.
“You should talk to him” Ashton said under his breath.
“What?” I asked him. “I can’t. He kissed me. I shouldn’t even step a foot next to him-“
“Y/N” Ashton said. “Harry’s your best friend. I can’t force you to pick between me and him”
I stayed silent.
I knew how kind Ashton was but I never expected him to be this kind to me. He was putting my happiness above his. He was willing to give up me as long as I was with the right person. I knew he had to be hurt underneath his kindness.
“You need to do whatever is best for you” Ashton said. “If you need time, you should take it”
I felt my eyes water up. I hugged him.
“Why do you have to be so nice?” I asked him. “It just makes it worse”
“It’s part of my job” Ashton said. “I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to be”
“I don’t know if you will be anymore” I said. “I want you to be. I wish I just knew”
“It’s okay, Y/N” Ashton said. “I’ll be happy if you choose Harry. I just care if you are happy”
Author’s Note: OH MY GOD. I NEVER RECIEVED SO MANY LIKES ON A CHAPTER LIKE LAST ONE’S BEFORE. SO JUST THANK YOU! I’M SO HAPPY AT LEAST ONE PERSON LIKES MY STORY. ANYWAYS, HERE’S ANOTHER ONE FOR YOU. HOPE YOU ENJOY - MAY
Catch up on everytime here
NYC. November 15th, 2019. 1 PM.
*Y/N’S POV*
“I’m one of your best friends, aren’t I?”
“Why do you ignore me for him?”
“I’m not ignoring you, H”
“Y/N”
“My friends would never act like this”
“Y/N?”
“Neither would mine”
“Hello, Earth to Y/N” I heard Ali say.
I looked up from my coffee to Ali and Izzy.
“What?” I asked Ali.
“What do you think?” Ali asked me.
Umm, what were we talking about again? Last thing I remember was just sitting down at the table in this cafe.
“Should I take the job or not?” Izzy asked me.
Oh, Izzy’s job. Right . . .
“I don’t know” I said. “That’s up to you”
Ali rolled her eyes at me.
“That doesn’t help” Ali said.
“Sorry” I said. “I just have a lot on my mind. Didn’t get much sleep”
That was true. I didn’t get much sleep. How could I when I had Harry’s and I’s last conversation on repeat on my head? He basically said I was horrible. I wasn’t horrible. Yes, I knew I was wrong for introducing to my friends so late but Ashton’s my boyfriend. Of course, Ashton met them sooner than he did. And Harry met Ali so many times already. Not to mention, all the times I’ve been on FaceTime with her and Izzy in front of him.
“What’s wrong?” Izzy asked me.
“Nothing” I said. “Just some Harry drama”
“What did he do this time?” Ali asked me. “He has a girlfriend you don’t like?”
“No, no” I shook my head at her. “Why the hell would I be mad about that?”
“You were once” Ali said.
“That was four years ago” I said.
“What happened?” Izzy asked me.
I bit my lip. How was I going to make this simple?
“Am I a bad friend?” I asked them. “Harry thinks I’m a bad friend to him”
“Why would he think that?” Izzy asked me. “You’re always so nice to us”
“He got mad that Ashton met you guys before he did” I said. “He said I was a bad friend for introducing him to you both sooner”
“Didn’t you tell me about this before?” Ali asked me.
“Am I a bad friend or not?” I asked them. “Just answer the question”
Izzy and Ali looked to each other. Izzy sat back in the chair.
“Yes and no” Ali said. “Listen, Harry does have a point. It took forever for him to meet all your close friends. Talha met you both after two months”
I sat back in my chair, crossing my arms.
“But Harry and you have always been in and out of loop” Ali said. “So, you can’t really blame yourself”
“And why would Harry still be friends with you if he thought you were a bad friend?” Izzy added. “You couldn’t be that bad to him”
I looked down, contemplating.
Izzy was right. Why would Harry still be my friend if he thought I was so bad? And why was I still friends with him if he makes me feel so guilty?
“Anyways, what do you think Izzy should do?” Ali asked me. “We helped you with your problem, help her”
I looked to Izzy. I forced myself to smile.
“Is it worth it?” I asked her. “To leave the one you have now?”
“I think so” Izzy said. “I’m worried because I don’t know how it will go. I can’t turn back to my old job if I don’t like it”
I looked to Ali and back to Izzy.
“Take it” I said. “If it is really worth it, nothing should stop you”
“That’s it?” Ali asked me. “That’s your advice?”
I nodded.
“Do you mind if I leave early?” I asked them. “I have something to check”
“You could if you want to be a bad friend to us” Ali commented.
I squinted my eyes at her. I got up from the table.
“I paid for you coffee, didn’t I?” I asked her.
“Just go” Izzy said. “We’ll see you Sunday anyways”
I smiled at Izzy.
“Mhmm” I nodded.
I took my coffee and turned from them. I walked away, taking a few steps before I heard Ali say something.
“I never understood them two” Ali said. “Harry’s so bad for her but she is still with him.”
My smile faded.
I didn’t understand either. And I wanted to know why too.
AN HOUR LATER . . .
I came back home. The first thing I did was go my bedroom and took out my box of journals.
Yes, my journals. I always had them nearby. Whenever I had a problem, I always turned to them. They helped me out a lot, actually. They helped me with when I got in a fight with Ali more than once. They helped me with my parents. Now, I hoped they helped me find the reason I was still friends with Harry.
I already knew Harry and I shared a special friendship. God knows how many times we crossed paths and had our ups and down but I always found to be asking myself why I still let Harry into my life after everything. Harry hurt me so much in the past but so have I hurt him. Maybe him more than me but my point is - why do I still stick around?
I poured my box of journals on my bed. I had about five journals. My first one was from a red journal from 2008 to 2010. My second was blue, 2010 to 2011. Third, black and from 2012 to 2014. Fourth, green, 2015-2017. And the fifth and yellow one is right next to my bed. 2018 till now. But I only cared for the black and green journals in front of me. I picked up the black journal.
I met Harry in 2013. February 2013. The day of the Brits. I met him at an after party. Let’s start there.
I opened my journal, flipping through pages until I saw Harry’s name.
February 21, 2013. Brits were last night. Didn’t win international female but that doesn’t matter. I’m still happy. (Also my therapist said I should try not base my happiness off of success) But I’m happy because I have a new friend. Harry Styles. Yes, the same Harry Styles I bumped into when I was with Dominic and the same one from one direction. That one. Funny story is, he’s Nick friend. I met Nick at an after party and Harry was there. Next thing, I know is I’m at BBC radio station having drunk conversations with Harry. Is it weird I already feel comfortable around him? Like comfortable as in I already know him? I never felt this way before except when I met Ali. Is Harry my new best friend???
I flipped three pages, seeing Harry’s name again.
April 4th, 2013. Ugh, just came back from a museum. I’m so tired but I want to write this down before I fall asleep. Harry. Rita. Tickles. Drink. Shirt Ruined. Harry’s lucky I like him and Rita’s kinda a friend so I won’t kill them. Anyways, my birthday’s in a week. I’m leaving in two days to go back home to New York. Goodnight.
I shook my head, smiling.
I remember that day. Harry was so sorry that he poured his drink on me. He said he didn’t mean it. I knew he didn’t. Rita just happened to tickle him from behind and of course, I was in front of Harry and he spilled his drink on me. Harry practically followed me into the bathroom to wash the drink off my shirt. . . Oh, Y/N. You’re going to get mad at him again.
I flipped through my journal more. I stopped at an entry from the end of 2013.
December 6, 2013. Just found out Harry’s hanging around Kendall Jenner. He told at dinner tonight. Not that I care who Harry hangs out with . . . Why should I? I’m dating Robert anyways. But I feel protective. I just feel like Harry should be hanging out with more . . . good people. People who won’t take advantage of him. . . I don’t trust Kendall. Something about her and her family irks me. According to Twitter, I’m not the only one.
I bit my lip.
A jealous me. Why did I have to land on that?
I shut my journal, putting it down and picking up my 2015-2017. I remember I was on tour for the majority of 2014. Nothing really happened between Harry and I that year. 2015, on the other hand . . .
I opened my journal and flipped through the first few pages.
March 15, 2015. I broke up with Matt. It’s wrong to keep him from his job. If you really love someone, you shouldn’t hold them back. That’s the right thing to do. But why does it feel so bad? Why does it hurt so much? It’s the right thing to do but it hurts so much it feels wrong. . . I told Harry about it. He’s the only one in LA I can trust except Lisa. His girlfriend broke up with him too. I mean, ex-girlfriend. They broke up two weeks ago so, at least I have someone who is going through the same thing as me. . . This is for the best. It has to be for the best.
I flipped to June, remembering that month so clear. It was when I realized I fell for Harry. And when he broke my heart for the first time.
June 11, 2015. I think I’m in love with him. Harry. I never thought I would be but I guess I’ve always did. The last few months just made me realize it. Harry has a strange effect on me. He knows what’s wrong the second he sees me. He knows how to calm me down. He knows how to make me feel better and happy in a way no one has before. I just feel like he gets me. I feel understood by him. Special. The last few months, I felt like shit trying to get over Matt. I did, in the end but I fell for Harry in the process too. I started to feel like I’ve felt for him a few ago actually. I didn’t actually want to believe it. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to ruin my friendship with him over some feelings that could change. And a part of me thinks Harry could never love me back. I mean, I’m broken. My parents are shit. My friends are crazy and so am I. I have attachment issues. I can’t let anyone in and when I do, I can’t let them leave because of the pain. But my feelings for Harry didn’t change and I had to do something about that. I was fighting with myself for the last week if I should tell him and I decided, I am. I’m going to tell him when he gets his break from tour. I deserve to be happy. He makes me happy. I think I make him happy too.
I looked at the next date I wrote.
June 17, 2015. He doesn’t love me. I told him and he said he didn’t think of me like that. He said he was talking to another girl anyways. I saw the girl today. Pictures of them came out today. She’s a Victoria Secret model. . . I don’t want to talk about it.
I felt my eyes water up a bit but I quickly flipped towards September. Harry and I were not quite done. We never were.
September 16, 2015. Harry called me today. . . Yup, after two months of not talking to him, he called me. He said he was sorry and realized he had feelings for me too. He wants to give us a try. Crazy thing is that I said yes. Listen, I’ve tried forgetting Harry. I dived into work, I went out with Ali and Sophia to clubs. Still can’t get him out of my head. Maybe I was meant to wait until he realized his feelings. I just want to be happy, even if it means giving him a second chance. Who knows what it will take us . . . By the way, Ali’s pissed.
I flipped to October.
October 25, 2015. Harry broke up with me. He said as much as he tried, he couldn’t love me back. He said something was missing. I knew something was missing too. We didn’t have that passion I had with my exes. Not that I expected it’s just . . . I thought we love me back. He didn’t.
I turned to January, 2016.
January 3rd, 2016. Kendall and Harry. Harry could be with her and not me? Who the fuck did he think I was? Just a step to get fucked? Was that who I was to him? What did she have that I didn’t? Sure, she was a model and skinner and taller but I’m me. I was his best friend for the last three years. She wasn’t! I was there for Harry when his heart was broken. I’ve seen him cry. Did she? Fuck her. And Fuck Harry. This is the last straw. He can have her all he wants. He won’t have me though. Not anymore.
I looked up from the page.
I wasn’t a bad friend. If I was, Harry was worse. Harry rejected me. He made me feel like I didn’t matter. He forgot about me. What kind of friend does that? I wouldn’t . . . Why was I still here though? I forgave Harry. I forgave him a long time ago. Why did I care about what he did if I’m still his friend?
I looked down at the page. I flipped back to the June 11, 2015 entry.
I think I’m in love with him. Harry. I never thought I would be but I guess I’ve always did. The last few months just made me realize it.
I had to be over Harry. I was sure of it. I was way off happier with Felix. I am with Ashton too. But if I didn’t like, or love, Harry anymore . . . why would I be here? I’ve been through enough of his shit. So why on Earth am I still friends with him if I didn’t like him a bit? Did I love him a bit? I loved him like a best friend but like that? No, no, no. Unless . . .
I never thought I would be but I guess I’ve always did.
What if I did love Harry? Why did I love Ashton more then? Why didn’t I care what Harry would think of Ashton then? I would care for Harry more than Ashton.
I looked down at my journal again. I knew the answer.
I flipped to 2017. September 2017.
September 20, 2017. I don’t like being pregnant. I feel so emotional. . . I talked to Harry again. Well, actually I listened to Harry’s album first and then, I called him. We went out for lunch. I hate to admit it but I missed him. Hearing his voice sing made me realize it. I know we haven’t had the best relationship but . . . we have something. Something rare. We just get each other. I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve always felt something was there but I could never describe it. It’s like something has always pulled us to each other. We bring out the best, and sometimes the worst, but mostly the best in each other. . . I don’t want to lose all that for how stupid we were two years ago. Harry was twenty-one, he was supposed to not take relationships serious. I was twenty-six. I was too old chasing something that could never be. We’re different now and I’m happy with what I have now. Felix and our soon to be bundle of joy. That’s what Felix has been calling her/him. Anyways, back to the point - Harry. I’ll always want to be his friend. I loved him once and I’ll always love him. Not like that but there’s a little part of him that has my heart. Don’t all lovers do? I should tell Felix about what happened now. He invited us to his concert tomorrow and I really really don’t want to go alone.
I blinked at the page, knowing the answer all along.
Harry always had a piece of my heart. I’ve loved him and a part of me will always will. I will always be there for him, just as I have. Six years, on and off, I was always there. He was there for me too.
I grabbed a nearby pen, outlining some of the page. I carefully ripped it out and folded it. I closed my journal, putting it down on the table. I got up and looked for my little leather backbag. I did find it and put the paper inside, closing it.
I knew the answer. Harry was going to know too.
*HARRY’S POV*
I didn’t dare call Y/N today. I wanted to but I knew it was better I shouldn’t. I knew Y/N long enough to know that she needed space to calm down. I did too.
I was a dickhead. To Y/N and Ashton. It was wrong of me to tell Ashton about Felix. It was Y/N’s choice when and how she should tell him. I shouldn’t have acted so hostile towards them to begin with. I was upset with Y/N and took it out on her and Ashton. I knew I deserved to be upset at Y/N but I should have just talked to her alone about it. I didn’t and now I looked like an asshole.
KNOCK KNOCK.
I looked to my dressing room’s door.
“Come in!” I said.
The door opened, revealing Heidi.
“Hey!” Heidi said.
“Hi” I said, getting up from the couch. “Don’t I still have fifteen minutes?”
“Oh, you do” Heidi said. “Just came over to ask if you’re okay”
“Yeah” I said, smiling but a little confused. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, I saw you and Y/N had a little fight last night” Heidi said. “Didn’t mean to see but I was leaving and-“
“Oh, no, it’s okay” I said, lying. “We just had a little argument. We talked after, we’re fine”
We weren’t. I had no idea if we were going to be fine really. Normally, when we did get into fights, we both don’t talk for days until someone finally breaks and admits they’re sorry. Y/N always forgave me whenever I apologized. The thing now is I don’t know if she will forgive me if I did say sorry. How could she if I didn’t forgive myself either?
“You’re sure?” Heidi asked me. “Because it didn’t look like it”
“I’m one hundred percent sure we’re okay” I said to Heidi. “She said she’s coming tomorrow for the show”
“Oh, she is?” Heidi asked me.
I nodded.
“Yeah” I said. “I actually told her about-“
BRINGGG. BRINGGG.
I looked to the dressing room’s table. I watched my phone vibrate on the table. I looked back to Heidi.
“Do you mind if I-“
“Oh, take it” Heidi said. “I’ll see you in a few minutes”
I nodded at her. Heidi left, closing the door. I walked over to the table, picking up my phone.
Y/N was calling me.
I answered her call immediately. I pressed my phone to my ear.
“Hi” I said.
“Hi” I heard Y/N say in a low voice. “I thought you wouldn’t answer”
“Me?” I asked her. “Aren’t you’re the one upset at me?”
“I was . . .” Y/N said. “I wanted to talk to you about that”
“Me too” I said. “I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to act like an asshole to Ashton and you. I was just angry and I should have just talked to you about it in the first place”
“No, I’m sorry” I heard Y/N say. “You’re right to be mad at me. I would be pissed off at you too if I completely ignored if you got a new girlfriend?”
“You didn’t though” I said. “I was just jealous-“
I heard a knock on my door.
“Ten minutes!” I heard one of the crew members say.
I sighed.
“Listen, Y/N. I’m sorry.” I said. “I was completely wrong. Can we talk about this later? I’m on call in a few minutes-“
“Yeah, sure” Y/N said. “I feel like we should talk about this in person anyways”
“So, your place?” I asked her. “I get off at seven. Could be there latest at eight”
“Yeah” Y/N said. “I’ll be waiting. See you soon”
“See you soon” I said.
Y/N hung up on me. I put my phone back down.
She forgave me. And in less than a week. I guess I had nothing to worry about . . . did I?
9 PM.
I walked in seeing Y/N sitting on her living room floor. Pages of papers were scattered in front of her.
“Hey” I said to her.
“Hi” Y/N said back, smiling.
“What are you on the floor for?” I asked her.
“I was writing” Y/N said. “I don’t know but I always find myself being more honest sitting on the floor”
“Were you writing about us?” I asked her.
“Something like that” Y/N said.
I smiled at her. I kicked off my shoes. I walked over and sat down on the floor next to her. I looked down at one of the pages. I picked one up, reading it.
“I won't pretend it's all your fault, when you were there through it all” I read. “I messed things up, I always do, but it was always you”
Y/N smiled at me.
“Like I said,” Y/N said. “Something like that”
I laid the paper back down on the floor.
I looked to Y/N, who was already staring at me.
“I’m sorry” Y/N said. “You were right. I’ve been a horrible friend to you. I didn’t think I would hurt you by letting Ashton meet my friends so soon. I’m sorry I forgot about you when I was with him”
I shook my head at her.
“No, no, no” I said. “I’m the horrible one here. I know you wanted me to meet your friends sooner than I did. I shouldn’t been mad at you because Ashton met them. I was just insecure and jealous of him. I thought that you would forget about me and he was going to replace me”
Y/N lightly smiled at me.
“H, he could never replace you” Y/N said. “How could he? You’ve always been there for me. No matter what happens, you will always be there. Every time we lose each other, we always find our way back.”
Y/N looked down.
“I’m not going to lie” Y/N said. “There were times I did hate you. You did horrible things and I wished I could forget you but as much as I tried to . . . I couldn’t”
Y/N picked a folded paper off from the floor. She looked to me, handing it to me.
“It’s actually funny,” Y/N said. “I found myself asking myself earlier why I was still friends with you. But I knew the answer a long time ago”
I took the paper from her. I unfolded it and started to read what was on the page.
September 20, 2017. I don’t like being pregnant. I feel so emotional. . . I talked to Harry again. Well, actually I listened to Harry’s album first and then, I called him. We went out for lunch. I hate to admit it but I missed him. Hearing his voice sing made me realize it. I know we haven’t had the best relationship but . . . we have something. Something rare. We just get each other. I don’t know how to explain it. I’ve always felt something was there but I could never describe it. It’s like something has always pulled us to each other. We bring out the best, and sometimes the worst, but mostly the best in each other. . . I don’t want to lose all that for how stupid we were two years ago. Harry was twenty-one, he was supposed to not take relationships serious. I was twenty-six. I was too old chasing something that could never be. We’re different now and I’m happy with what I have now. Felix and our soon to be bundle of joy. That’s what Felix has been calling her/him. Anyways, back to the point - Harry. I’ll always want to be his friend. I loved him once and I’ll always love him. Not like that but there’s a little part of him that has my heart. Don’t all lovers do? I should tell Felix about what happened now. He invited us to his concert tomorrow and I really really don’t want to go alone.
I felt my heart jolt. That same jolt I last felt in the summer. It was back but this one felt more . . . more tender.
I looked to Y/N.
“The underlined lines are the important ones” Y/N said.
“You wrote this?” I asked her. “When you were with Felix?”
She nodded.
“You don’t have to worry about Ashton” Y/N said. “You always have a special place in my heart. You always did”
I looked at Y/N’s lips. Why did they look so tempting to kiss?
“The last thing I want is to lose you” Y/N said. “I almost did once and I think it nearly broke both of us”
I stared into her eyes. God, her eyes. Every time I looked into them, I felt safe. Home.
“Nearly?” I asked her. “Didn’t you hear my heart break in that song?”
Y/N smiled at me. She leaned into me, hugging me.
“I love you, H” Y/N said. “You’re my best friend. I can never forget you”
I wrapped my arms around her. I felt another jolt run through my heart.
