#everythingsucksrightnow

All I ever do is cry anymore. Crying about whatever is going wrong during the 12-16 hours a day that I am school. And guaranteed every day at least one thing goes wrong. Either with the class I'm teaching, the lab I'm running, or the dissertation work I'm doing. I am not exaggerating when I say there is something everyday that goes wrong. And it is so hard to deal with that all I can do is cry. And so I do. Every day. 

No one sees me cry (except for my husband). But how long am I supposed to carry on this way? Nothing gives and no matter how much I try to tell myself that it's not worth crying over, it doesn't make a difference. It DOES matter and it IS worth crying over, because it's my life. The more that goes wrong, the more I have to do fix it. I never get a break. 

I just have not been this miserable in so long. Not since I was young and doing stupid things that were making me unhappy. 

I have too much on my plate now and there's nothing I can do about it. I have to suck it up or give up. And I really really really wish I could give up. But I'm guessing that would make me more miserable. 

Meditation helps some, but since I can't meditate after every crisis, it's not helping me enough. And there is literally a 'crisis' a few times a day. I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.