#everything lost

Rory and Jess with Will, if you will.

A family portrait of Jess/Rory/Will for @fayevalcntine <3

i hit a majoR major milestone today. well yesterday. & really it was moreso a stepping stone because it was a partial completion not the whole shabang, but it's a milestone for me to 'complete' well..anything. atleast that's what is encapsulated when looking at my track record. i'm not here to tell lies lol i simply must tell it like it is. sooo yeah big cheese, longg stretch & a real robust sigh! ooop & can't forget a mf round of applause yes yes all the way in the back, noo that's okay no need to st- nO please! everyone remain seated. thank you so much! anyways.... this shit took forever & yes there were delays, there's alwayssss some shit.. that comes up.. that jussssst canT let me be great😮‍💨 but the real juicy part is i somehow find myself unbothered by it. coulda shoulda woulda my ASS. it really does not make a lick of sense to dwell on the potential perhaps possibilities of what is, ultimaltely.. Not. at this moment. what matters is this moment, today, the certification of right fucking neeooow. & it's been a grind i cannot tell lies, it's been a struggle. for me, the grind was not the literal grind of constant nonstop as much as i can, working; it was the literal battle b/w MevsME, to push myself into that space. when i tell you im a realist im like idec about the % of work completed bc i KNOW im not doing that shit, like without capacity is there really capability?? 🤔 gotta ask yourself & i was! & i was NOT lol. but i nEEd to displace myself. maybe my scrambled eggs brains can't literally comprehend the information but if i cant get in the space at all, i can’t grow within it. i gotta get there first. & i gotta learn how to stay there. how to sit, how to observe, how to improve. *little by little / radiohead starts playing in the background* anyways anywaysss, i was very relieved to actually go home & sleep like im trynna log tf out. of life.. for just a second. but i instead have spent the last 3 welp now 4 hours trying to figure out my new toy & writing this daily double one time for the one time. here i go again, setting myself up 4 failure, for tomorrow. it's been a while so fuck brevity. i'm also no where near finished. but another update, another time. ~subtly at first. then; suddenly, all at once~

— Mary Crockett Hill, from “Everything, Lost”, “A Theory of Everything”

I feel almost everyday

Wednesday! New chapter is up! 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12