#everything is wrong

I'm watching the second season of Pit Babe on mute with no subtitles and double-speed just like I did the first season, yet I had no clue this was Charles in the Chocolate Factory because I have no idea what the actor actually looks like without glasses. He Clark Kent-ed me!

And so did this one! I know he played in Long Beans, but I hadn't noticed he was in this show ince he doesn't have glasses! Has he been here the whole time? He is in blue, so he should be good, pero . . . I trust no one this season.

Except Christopher! I trust him completely. He has sass, and he is Waymond with amnesia, so how could I not trust him?

But, truly, from an aesthetic perspective, everyone was serving sass this episode. Or as the French say, "le cunt," because Jeffery is saying something, and the looks he is getting in response are fantastic. My always-handsome-and-gorgeous Alan looks dumbfounded, Charles is looking at his buddy like even he can't go along on this clown journey, and Peter looks like he wants to fight him in a Texas Chicken parking lot.

Then Southwest Airlines is off somewhere in this scene wearing PURPLE, but Vegas' Hedgehog is wearing this little number with white, denim, and a huge ass HEART ON HIS CHEST like he is in a competition at the gay rodeo, and even he looks like he is ready to slap Jeffrey.

But I trust whatever Jeffrey is telling them because he is the ONLY one to be consistently in blue this season with his bosom buddy Charles, so regardless of what he told the squad, I'm going to defend this Blue Boy in the making.

WHAT THE FUCK, JEFFREY! I was just rooting for you! Why are you wearing green?! It's not a bad color; it's just not blue! Are you pregnant? Is that why you are wearing green? Is it like a gender reveal, but for Omegaverse? Red is for an Alpha, Blue is for Beta, and Green is for the Holy Spirit Omega? Alan will make a great dad. He has already raised a team of racers.

Unlike this shitty father! Anthony, why are you alive?! Playing with dead animals is a little to heavy-handed, sir. We get it! You've been bringing dead things back to life (like yourself, Waymond, and Dean???). But why did you let Kentana go? He killed you? Unless you wanted him to be free because that's part of your plan . . .

Because although Whiny Winifred is committed to Team Evil, he is no Kentana. Anthony, you crazy bitch, what's the angle here?

Because I, once again, do not think William is a threat since he brought a sunflower to Barbie which symbolizes friendship, happiness, and loyalty, and he ate the oranges, which bring luck and a sense of sharing.

BUT WHY THE FUCK DID HE JUST MOVE SO QUICKLY?!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Charles, we know that you are strategically placed in between William and Barbara to show that you are the true barrier between them, but WILLIAM JUST MOVED VERY FUCKING FAST AND IS THAT HIS POWER?! I thought he was blocking or amplifying other people's powers, but is this bitch the true Sonic the Hedgehog here?!

Now these two are standing in the dark when they could just move over a foot and be IN THE LIGHT! Why must we exist in such dark places this season? Do none of you want to be happy?!

*Kentana's dark ass has entered the chat* Well, I guess that's a "no" then considering Kentana showed up at Peter's place and they didn't make out about it. Waymond is "dead" and Peter still won't let Kentana on second base. The tragedy!

And, of course, Team Evil, with its red lights, is experimenting on people and killing them in the process. Unless, that is part of the process, so Anthony can bring them back to life?

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING RED, ALAN?! YOUR MAN IS PREGNANT! YOU CANNOT GO TO THE DARK SIDE!

I won't panic just yet because Black Brooder Barbie is in black boxers and Blue Boy Charles is in blue boxer, and there is some light in their black bathroom, so not all hope is lost. Alan could just be upset about something else not at all related to Team Evil.

Because Jeffrey is still blue, and Dean is . . . also blue and not evil, so . . . uh, WHY WAS ALAN WEARING RED?!

And why won't Peter just make out with Kentana so that barrier between them can go away?! He killed your shitty father. He deserves some under-the-shirt action!

Thank goodness Southwest Airlines made it out of the purple sweatshirt only to wear a blue cardigan and a shirt with RED TEXT ON IT! I officially hate this episode. Too much red, no Kimberly, and no kisses. Why must I suffer?

Even Vegas' Hedgehog, in white, seems perturbed. What is his deal? Why is he so light? Is he an angel coming to save everyone? Or is he devoid of color because he lost his way? Tell me your secrets, you beautiful bitch!

Now Alan is wearing green, Jeffrey is wearing brown, and dark cloud Dean is feeding Jeffery! WHAT IS HAPPENING?! Did Jeffrey tell people he was pregnant and Alan didn't take it well, so now Dean is like, "you need to eat for the baby" so he is making sure he eats? On God, I'm about to unblock this tag because between this and William moving fast, I'm freaking out!

AND WHOSE RED CAR IS THAT?! ALAN, WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING, BRO?!

KIMBERLY, SAVE US WITH YOUR BLUE LIGHTING! Peter, move out from between them. You cannot be the barrier that gets in the way of their love. You had your chance to go to third base with Kentana, but you fumbled, so now let Kentana get his reward for stabbing y'alls shitty father. Let my Black Brooder be kissed by a man, and let that man be my Pink Power Ranger!

Okay, without the glasses I know this is Charles because he is blue (color), but I also know something is going wrong because he is blue (sad). I learn quick!

So now that Peter has gotten his ex a new beau, it's time for him to make his move on Waymond Christopher. Christopher is wearing black now instead of white, so I think he is feeling whatever Peter is dropping off, and I don't mean the food.

Vegas' Hedgehog is wearing blue again! I wanna trust him so badly. I don't want him to be bad. I want to trust these two idiots, but Waymond 2.0 is going to kiss a man before these two make out, and I just don't know what secrets they have that are holding them back from making out with each other! Don't be Kentana and Peter. Don't aim for first base when you could have a home run!

William, and his little gay scooter, will make out with a man before them! AND IT WILL BE WITH CHARLES BECAUSE HE IS LOVE WITH HIM (look at the way he is staring him down as he scoots along).

WILLIAM, WHAT DID YOU DO TO CHARLES?! WHY DID HE GLITCH?! WHY DID HE CRASH? WILLIAM, THIS ISN'T HOW YOU GET A MAN'S ATTENTION!!!!!!

WHAT IS FUCKING HAPPENING?!

Bon Soir 💙🎤 🎹 🎻💙

Moby & Jacob Lusk 🎶 When It's Cold I'd Like To Die

Live from Moby's living room