Feb 25
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#i'm so tired of it all i cannot do it anymore#every day is taking strength i do not possess#why is everything so damn much and so damn heavy and so utterly consuming#i feel like collapsing any moment under the burden of my own stupid life#despite it all i'm dragging this miserable piece of a body from one day to another but it's used and such a burden and no matter what i try#there's less and less energy to go on#i feel like i cannot deal with the most banal things anymore and yet i have to go on and get things done and work and cook and clean#and work and go here and go there and work and cook and clean and work and here and there#and there is no fucking rest and yet it's no enough#hardly the bare minimum to get by#no progress#on the contrary#losing the one job that i actually enjoyed and that was decently paid for the amount of hours they offered#because my stupid contract expires and can no longer be extended due to sudden budget changes#how the fuck am i supposed to add job hunting to the list of things to do#how am i supposed to do that#how am i supposed to work even more hours for probably even less money and find the energy to do the things i felt too weak to do even now#how can things ever get better#how am i supposed to live while i'm actively suffocating under the weight of my own life#while being fully aware that it's so much worse for others and it makes me feel even worse#even weaker#which is bullshit and i know it but what can you do when you're feeling so stuck and you're spiralling ever downward#i cannot shoulder all of this i can't and i can't and i can't and yet i will because i have to and it will lead me ever closer to collapse#and yet i will go on because there are no other options#i just want to breath#i just want to live my stupid life and feel like a person#this cannot be it. it can't be#und alles ist konfus#und alles bleibt konfus#and i'm having a shit night and please don't mind me
