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Red Queen Secret Santa 2020: Nightmare (affectionately) - Part 1
A/N: This is my present for @evangeline-of-montfort and the first part of my Evangeline soccer AU! I wouldâve liked to wrap it up in one story but I felt to better do the characters justice, I need a few more pages and time to brew over it. Bear with me until the next part arrives, I promise not to make you wait too long.
This idea was largely inspired PVRISâs recent album Use Me which is why the record is alluded to in the text as Iâll also name-drop all the songsâ titles en passant.
PS: Nightmare is not on the album but a song on PVRISâs last yearâs EP Hallucinations and I couldnât pass the chance for the wordplay and thus made it the title of whole story.
Happy holidays!
Also on Wattpad and AO3
Part 2
Mare
The chance flashes before me like a lightning strike; not stunning but charging me as Iral passes me the ball and it comes to me. I donât dribble, donât let the opponent grasp what I see. I kick immediately to Captain Samos who meets my eye as much as the ball, sharing the moment with me.
Consequently, she evades the opponentâs 9 in a move so simple and elegant as if she were dancing, right before she shoots, still beyond the penalty box yet straight through the gap in the defense and before the goalkeeper can react to prevent our scoring.
Captain Samos roars, once, and so do I. Just as in sync, our team gathers to cheer with her. There Iâm slower, keeping it to a half-hearted hug and a few high fives. Still the newbie come from another club, but part of the win.
No time for more connecting when the match goes on and already, the captain emerges from the embrace cluster to shoo her team back into positions. She jerks her chin and a shiver runs down my spine as I realize itâs for me. I donât know what to make of it. Acknowledgement? Praise? Or rather another, âIâm watching you, Barrowâ, as to remind me she is not only the captain, but also the central conductor of the team and no matter how well I filled the same role in my old clubâs soccer team, I have no place to challenge Evangeline Samosâs lead.
In the locker room, I wonder if I couldâve passed to another player, and avoid Samos entirely. I couldnât have made the goal myself from my point, but at least Iâd have been recognized for good preparation if Samosâs textbook shoot didnât grab everyoneâs awe by the throat.
She really has enough of that, mine included. Hailing from prestigious families, sheâs the star of the Archeon Soccer Club, a talent able to pick pro-team scouts instead of the other way around. But her stardom begins to outshine the rest of the club like weâre the darkness between when â
I startle embarrassingly for a mere hand on my shoulder, a proof my grumbling went too deep when among a group. I canât help it; Iâm frozen even once Iâve turned. Speak of the devil, of course itâs her, the captain.
The perfect and pristine model athlete, from the curve of her thighs, to defined abs and strong arms and not a hair out of place. Iâm envious of her magic tricks to fix her hair so short after the match, my short curls would take ages just to get dry.
Not that I intend to bother with her generally elaborate coiffure, with her long ponytail bleached a silvery-white the black roots shift into through carefully dyed, dark-greyish transitions.
She snorts and I cough, finally releasing the breath Iâd been holding.
âGood work, Barrowâ, she says with a smirk I canât determine as ironic or genuine which reminds me that Iâve gaped enough. Itâs her method, reaching out while never making you sure of your footing, encourage while letting you know her doubts. Like when she offered to drive me to training or matches in her car â our ways overlap expediently â and then never talks with me like Iâm not worth the attention.
Too bad I excel at this game as well. A sneer I can return, just like her resolute posture. âI do my best for the team, Captain,â I reply.
She frowns, detecting my tease. Maybe a mistake. Maybe I should bow and flatter to rise in the team but such had never been my strength. I only know success by demanding my due. Now she leans forward, stepping ever closer as if to put me back in place.
When she lays a hand on my chest, I expect her to shove.
I donât fall back an inch. Only her head inclines to speak in my ear as my heart beats faster with her hand pressing against my collarbones.
âIf you want my position, Nightmare,â she whispers, âyouâll have to take it.â
I flinch at the blighting of my name as she shifts aside, smiling sweetly. âDonât call me that,â I quietly retort, ânot among the team.â Iâm all too aware of the teammates around us and yet I donât scan their reactions to our exchange and my hot face. Iâll be glad enough if by tomorrow, not everyone calls me Nightmare.
Her smile doesnât waver at all. âSure,â she mouths unperturbed and leaves me standing, back in the game thatâs both soccer and not soccer at all.
 Evangeline
On autumn Sunday mornings, I enjoy running at the break of dawn when the streets are so empty as if they belong to me alone. I may exert yet it feels like freedom on my strictly scheduled Sundays. After running comes styling for the nearly endless family brunch with Grandmother Ăva and Aunt SofĂa, followed by the weekly soccer match, the team meeting aka fastfood feast, and another formal dinner while Iâm to excel on all accounts, which is naturally impossible.
Grandmother resents the sportive break in showing me off to Motherâs and Fatherâs business connections in finance and industry, as I resent missing the teamâs more outgoing after-match events. There were âŠthe parties in our lake house but they grew rare since last year, like so much. Formal dinners arenât what they used to be when hardly anyone besides the most loyal friends attend anymore, and even the brunch is make belief the Samos shipyard isnât in decline.
SofĂa and Grandmother are the worst at it, treating brunch and dinner like a family tradition when itâs always only revolved about the prestige they could reap from the familyâs success, having never been their own, but always swept up in the gearing of a company that exclusively demanded from, but not encouraged them.
All they see is more reason for ânetworkingâ, as Grandmother, SofĂa and my parents call their matchmaking, when my college fund was depleted for my brother and the company, as if they werenât the ones who decided Tolly is more likely to save the company instead of giving me the chance.
Once more checking my straps, one more breathe before I break into a run. I grind my teeth for the first minute until I get used to the cold and the pace. I endure it, as I endure the stress at home. I welcome the first as a distraction from the latter.
I canât help resenting the company, canât ignore my aversion to ever work for it. It is not my brother who Iâll always love more that envy, though nowadays Iâm almost glad when he doesnât come to visit and I suffer our familyâs reminiscences of our better times alone. Heâs expected to present his efforts at connecting in college which means bringing at potential date for me.
Of course, they never call it that, as if my future lies in marriage, certainly not so soon, but what options do I have when Father wonât give both of us a company to rule? I hear SofĂaâs voice and want to scream but the exertion does the job of numbing my anger just as well. Pretending must run in my blood, as Grandmother can also very well feign ignorance if I simply allude to the truth of my romantic intentions.
At least Tolly showed his instincts when such a setup couldnât be avoided, presenting friends not any more interested in âeconomically advantageous relationshipsâ than me.
Moments like that remind me how close Iâve always been to Tolly, smiles and eye-rolls our secret language. Without him, I have no ally when I canât keep a straight face as Father rants about Lesbos and greek politics once more.
Tolly played soccer with me first, passing me the ball I never let go of. We both joined clubs, he for fun and friends, me for passion. And ever-growing ambition.
With our money gone, Iâll need a sports scholarship to study and later get a prestigious job, like a proper Samos. Or I give a fuck about the crumbles of our past glory and seek it by becoming a totally unladylike soccer pro.
Imagining my familyâs faces at that news first lets me giggle, then stumble in my tracks, just for a second. If the idea hasnât been growing more and more serious lately, I wouldâve burst out laughing.
Elane certainly wouldâve, her chirp-like giggling my favourite melody. The memories of her are those I hold dear, where Father dreams of vanished successes. Hallucinations both.
Our only dates not in the dead of night in her garden and yet as much out of sight.
In my now loveless days with her in boarding school in paradise â Finland â I can only imagine the feel of her hand, my hand tracing along her spine. Thereâs just me, the crisp morning, and the performances ahead of me.
Catching my breath, I finish my lap at my car and donât want to drive home at all. I want to check on Barrow, my reluctant driving companion living in a village along the way, to invite her to jog with me, or her to invite me to her Sunday morning, to pick on me in her very own way, anything but to crouch back under the dead weight of expectations.
I need several more breaths before the illusions of escape vanish and my lungs relax. I lean back against the car. What a foolish notion â the weight has never left; I only need to wait for the afternoon to pick up Barrow for our match.
It canât come soon enough, but it will come.
âGood to be alive but I hate my lifeâ â I try to restrain from humming along to the song playing in my car, try to evade Barrowâs glances attempting to figure me out, my choice of music.
âWho canât relate?â, she says with a shrug. A trace of a smile hides in her face as she settles in, stretching her legs and putting her ankle boots up to the dashboard. She fits there surprisingly well, thanks to her short stature. I faux-glare at her, long used to this display. I canât refuse her the repose, not when I can hardly find the words when once more, I try to unravel the familiar secret of her perfume.
I could ask, but never do. I could tell so such but stay silent. I keep on pretending yet also want her to see me. Itâs tiring to no end and still each small but true guess elates me.
Barrow, on the other hand, remains unknowable to me with her eternal frown. If my resting bitch face is noticed, for good or bad, itâll always be inferior to Barrowâs. Perfection in its own way; perfection my eyes are ineluctably drawn to at every chance the traffic lets me.
I chew my lips at the next song, with its âlove like a loaded gunâ, to distract myself from brushing Mareâs hand as I use the hand brake. From laying my hand on her thigh. From â
I catch her gaze and avert it, my heart rushing as I rush back into traffic.
Barrowâs ever-apt perception didnât miss it, of course not, the same perception that makes her so good a player she desires my position, my rank.
I canât give it up, not when my future hangs from it, but â if she desired something else â
Foolish. Foolish. Iâm sick with yearning from missing my ex-girlfriend and listening to sad sapphic songs that make me long to kiss any girlâs lips â
âAlready know how to use me today, Captain?â Barrow breaks into my confusion and I donât know if I want to thank or throttle her. Use me.
Good weâre just arriving at the club house. I lean back and flash her my widest grin. âI always know what to do with my team. Forgotten the tactic?â
Barrow isnât intimidated. âThought youâve come up with something better by now.â
âDream on, Nightmare. Iâm still the number 10.â
She sighs dramatically. âToo bad Iâm an 11.â And then she â we â burst out laughing, our sound both harmonious and discordant, different from Elane and me, but as engrossing. Even when the laughter dies down, the mood lingers and I touch her brown hand before I can stop myself.
âWant to come running with me next week?â I ask and donât curse myself for it, for once.
She is silent. Ridiculously blinking for seconds as if itâs funny. âWeird way to ask for a date,â she blurts out.
Whatever we had for a few seconds is gone. âAre you fucking joking?â, I spit, my voice low like a hiss.
Her mouth opens and closes, stunned quiet.
I canât decide whether to berate her or scream at her as calmly explaining how terrible a joke it were is out of the question. âAre you fucking joking?!â I repeat, louder, and finally shame begins to bloom on her face.
If only she took me seriously, she could know it to be true. And yet â how can saying the truth out loud feel so disrespectful? I wish, I wish â
âGimme a minute,â I mutter and storm out of the car.
I am truly a coward. I donât speak to her until the match begins.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
đđ turns out I like Evare so much I wrote a second part! That's pretty neat I think~
Summary:
After everything that's happened, Evangeline seeks out Mare to learn what is truly between them. Passion, power, emotions; but what are they? Why does she feel this way?
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Red Queen Fan Fiction: Nightmare (affectionately) - Part 2
A/N: This is the second part of my Evangeline soccer AU for @evangeline-of-montfort. I hope the waiting is worth it and Iâm sorry for the delay.
This idea was largely inspired PVRISâs recent album Use Me which is why the record is alluded to in the text as Iâll also name-drop all the songsâ titles en passant.
PS: Nightmare is not on the album but a song on PVRISâs last yearâs EP Hallucinations and I couldnât pass the chance for the wordplay and thus made it the title of whole story.
Also on Wattpad and AO3
Part 1
Mare
The kick-off whistle reverberates through my body but as much as I crave the sound, my strides, or the action of the match to drown it out, none can stop to hammering of my heart.
My last exchange with the captain in her car returns to pierce me at any moment Iâm not preoccupied. So I provide just that, focus on all I can achieve for the team in this match. See every player, sense the ball like a part of my body, anticipate its movements.
And yet, Evangeline Samos remains a presence in the back of my mind, like Iâm tethered and drawn to her by a golden cord.
Captain Evangeline Samos cannot but stay gold. The star of the soccer team, the top of the science classes, the daughter of prestigious families with at least half a dozen college and sport scouts vying for her, likely proud to award themselves brownie points for her japanese-greek origins by recruiting her. Even her art class projects â ambiguous metal sculptures â make it into school exhibitions. Sheâs so perfect sheâs asking for resent.
She doesnât appear to care about that, of course, as to be expected of any high school queen bee worth her rank. Indeed, she might just see it as preparation for a career in a similarly socially mined field. And thus, Iâm glad to be of service to rile her.
Though it shouldnât rile me so hard, when sheâs a year above me. Maybe itâs like my siblings use to say, Iâm born to be a thorn in someoneâs side. A nightmare, they tease, just what Samos has begun to call me, like a lure I canât withstand.
If she likes a fight, I grew up on it. What fell into her lap, I had to work for. While she runs and brunches on her Sunday mornings, I look after my impaired Dad as Mom works at the factory. Even her shifts as supervisor arenât enough to secure college for me. My brother Shade is the first in our family to try and he still complied with the quite average and inexpensive college in the next city.
If I want more, putting my advanced science classes to use for an engineering career, I need the scholarship scouts the captain is so keen to flirt with although she already has every chance in the world at her hand while Iâll need luck to grasp any.
âIt could be worse,â Mom would say at times and hug me. I know. I know. Mom immigrated from Mexico as a teen and only gained US-american citizenship as an adult, so my siblings and I could have it easier here from birth. And my parents are proud of me as I am. But thereâs no such as wanting too much for me. Canât I not strive for the best just because?
I curse under my breath as Iral runs offside just when I kick the ball to her; and curse again when the captain loses a vital duel. Iâm not demure or silent, not a nice and friendly girl moving smoothly forward without getting seen. Iâm raw and full of edges and Iâll use them to climb up â but they make it so hard to enter the soft realms of cliques.
I miss the old team I grew up with and as I struggle to fit in the new, all Iâve got is to give my best, snort and keep running.
Captain Samos, though, does not acquiesce, as if her coolness turned into ice, brittle and stiff. Almost as if she invites me to usurp her place like she told to me last week. I canât believe the mess sheâs making. When she misses a pass and viciously fouls an opponent, the whole team is left aghast and frozen at the shrill whistle from the referee.
She takes the red cart with dignity, throwing back her head and managing to look both subdued and upright as she exits the field and hands Goalkeeper Welle the captainâs ribbon. Her gaze falls on me as we cross. I donât hear what she whispers but itâs obvious enough â your turn.
I donât enjoy it, thatâs not my place. Yet I make damn sure that we win this match.
Afterwards, the surge of victorious joy stays curbed. It is there, a new level of certainty, of belonging, holding me up and in the team, which, I believe, should leave me euphoric before it settles in like a new normal. I didnât expect Samos to make me deputy captain, but in this moment, I believe I could be, one day. Still, on the way to the locker room, I brush it aside because my eyes cleave to Evangeline.
She likely received our coachâs scolding already but must be preparing for more â from the teammates. Even if theyâre all besties.
Suddenly, my outsider-who-doesnât-give-a-shit-instincts kick in again. Before I go in to change, I take her by the arm and pull her away, outside.
The late October sky is cold slap without the exertion to warm me but I donât care. I need this. I need the cold to focus. I need to face her. I â
âDo you want to chide or to gloat?â After coming along easily, Samosâs snap is a lash.
I flinch and let go of her. âI wanted to apologize,â I say.
Her dark eyes burn, from anger or tears I canât decide. âNow you want to apologize? When Iâm down and youâre on the rise?â
Whatever broke loose in her, I feel it as well. âOh, is that a new feeling for you? Welcome to my life! No matter what you were told, you canât have everything, Evangeline Samos, so get used to it.â
She sucks in her breath like this hits her harder than anything. Sheâs taken aback, shocked, enraged, I canât say, as I canât say what sheâll do. Hit me, shove me, scream out loud? But then she simply steps back and spins around, as if it â Iâm â is not worth it, not worthy to know what she feels. And for me it feels impossible to agree with this, to let her leave as a stranger and never cross the rift between us when I know in my veins the bridge is already there.
I grab her hand and hold her back. She is shivering, I notice, and itâs infective, although mine has another reason than hers. Every time we touch, even by glances, she wakes something in me I no longer wish to ignore and let sleep.
-Â Â Â Â Â Â âWant to come running with me next week?â
-Â Â Â Â Â Â âWeird way to ask for a date.â
âI wasnât joking,â I whisper to her back. Deep down, it was both and that shames me. A hurtful joke as well as a dare that I hoped sheâd accept so she could show me what to do.
It was mean, and coward. I swallow and, trembling, my arm moves to embrace her from behind, uncertain how tight or close I may go. âEvangeline,â I whisper, and this time, speaking her first name leaves my tongue bewitched.
I need a moment to try again. âIâd like âŠâ I start but am too exhilarated to continue.
Itâs of no consequence, because Evangeline both turns and leans into my feeble embrace, and makes it real by it. No matter her sorry performance in the game, sheâs on the offensive now, as she kisses me.
 Evangeline
January rain prattles against the windows of the lake house. I watch the raindrops fall into the water, leaning back in my sunchair and stretching out my bare legs, their summer tan slowly fading to dark beige, glad to be inside and for the coffee in my hands.
âWhat a grey day,â mutters Mare as she sneaks in and puts our brunch on the table. Sheâs not quiet about it, though efficient, shoving clutter aside and dropping bread rolls on plates, lastly tossing her wet coat out of the way.
We can afford to, now, and here. Unlike before, this brunch is wholly ours. Private. Alone. Without family attending. The first time we did this I couldnât believe itâd be so easy, just not to give my Sundays to my family. With Mare at my back, I made this space for me, for us, by taking it.
My gaze follows her motions and soon hers traces mine when I rise and step to the table. The difference is stunning: Me in the revealing but comfortable black nightgown, she in wet and loose jeans. I wonder if sheâd like a warming hug. Or the trousers out of the way entirely.
She snaps out of her stare, tucking her chin-long browns curls behind her ear. âThereâre cakes as well,â she mumbles and proceeds to place the mouth-watering cherry- and hazelnut cakes, more careful this time while avoiding my eyes.
I see enough of her though. Her blushing cheeks. How she bites her lips. I grab her wrist before she runs off any further. âThank you, Nightmare,â I say softly as she gives up to hide her smile.
Mare falls on a chair, sighing and covering her face with her hands. â⊠that you really turned that into a pet name,â she says. She straightens to cross her arms and brown eyes fix me.
I set down my coffee with a clank, trying to subdue my smirk. âIt is a reminder,â I say in a neutral voice and close the little distance she put between us. I cup the nape of her neck with my hand. âThat you arenât an unattainable fantasy I dreamt of.â She leans back into my hold. âBut real. And here.â
âAnd a nuisance?â she asks softly, the challenge in her voice swallowed by her trembling â that she stills trembles at my touch! â lips, full lips I long to kiss like nothing else, to test if they taste better than the delicacies she brought.
I grin with a headshake, letting my hair sway. âThe best kind of nuisance. The one who succeeds.â
Now itâs her who pulls closer.
 Eventually, Mare did get rid of the jeans, to sit crossed-legged on the couch to multitask between eating and doing homework on her tablet while I sit beside her, my feet against her thighs. The food is enough for me as she does physics again, reminding me of our earlier afternoons of learning together when she was still undecided whether to go into engineering. A surprising mutual interest of ours. Mare is certain now, ambitious to take a leading position in the industry where her mother had to work her way in step by step, and only got so far.
We shared a lot of worries and hopes, as well as family memories and secrets in the last months, ignorant of how much we had in common and where we diverged for real, or where we erred about the other. Unlike my former Sunday circles, Mare wasnât diplomatic about it and I fell for that as hard as I fell for her. She has the teeth to fight but for me, theyâve been a blessing. I want to warn her sometimes, against the industrial high society I hail from and she intends to enter. Theyâre not more refined, certainly not better than anyone else, but believing themselves so rather makes them â us â worse.
âCaptain?â
âWhat?â I startle, then roll my eyes. âDonât call me that.â
âAnd I told you not to call me Nightmare.â She frowns. âIâve asked about geothermic efficiency factors twice now and you said nothing.â
I grimace. âYeah, well âŠâ But I fall silent.
âWell, what?â
I open my mouth, sigh, shake my head. Finally, I pull my legs back and straighten my posture. I take a sip of juice, Mareâs full attention grazing my neck. âAbout that. I let it slide.â
Before more exclaims of confusion rain down, I stare her down and go on. âIâve decided to sign with a professional team. Iâll start training with them in spring, so.â I shrug.
Mare is completely stunned. âWow,â she gasps, then smiles all over her face and embraces in a flash. âCaptain, I mean, Eve, just, wow.â
I squeeze back, once, but canât let go. I hold her closer and closer, drinking in her reaction and basking in her support. It takes an age before we break apart and still I want to hold her. My fingers trace her cheek, playing with her hair. âSo you see,â I mumble, âI canât be your captain for much longer.â
âSure, but âŠâ Although sheâs happy for me, sheâs struggling to grasp the whole of it. Pursuing a sports career wasnât a main possibility I considered, not even with her. The weight of it hits me again, sobering me too much for more caresses.
âYou were right,â I say, fumbling with my ponytail. âI could be anything. Do everything. So, I realized I should do exactly that: Go for everything and gamble. Start anew and work myself up from scratch, even if I could fail. Take the risky way instead of the straight one.â
Mare canât help chuckling at that, and neither can I. Before I notice, my resolved declaration is over and Mare takes me in her arms again. âI wish you well, Eve.â My name in her mouth feels like the touch of a feather. âAll the best.â
My head leans back on her shoulder as I take her hand. Elane and I, our love was always like a whisper in the moonlight. But Mare is like a lightning strike. She could be the death of me as well as a challenge. Energizing. Illuminating. And powerful all on her own.
Iâm tired of fearing to touch old wounds Iâve gathered by wanting to be myself. Even if it hurts, Iâll open up and unfold the person I can be.
 @lilyharvord @mareshmallow @samanthaslytherin @elliemarchetti @farleydiana @percelain-doll