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Miss you
Sometimes it's with a smile, sometimes a somber thought, sometimes a gut wrenching pain, sometimes a restless clinging to a pillow until 3am thinking of all the things I would have done differently to take your pain away. I miss you in so many ways.
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Sometimes I feel like I don't have air to breathe. Sometimes I laugh. Sometimes I smile. And even still, sometimes I cry. You were the brightest of burning suns whose warmth was felt by all, and you truly are the boy who stole the world's heart. It's like I have a short in the mechanics of my mind that keep me from functioning properly. It's hard to keep moving on.
I realize now that love isn't picking and choosing through the desirables of someones being. You love someone for the collection of their dark, their light, their happy, their sad. Good and bad. You don't look at someone struggling in life and question your love for them. You look at someone struggling and you think "how can I love you more?"
Does your belief in yourself outweigh the disbelief in others?
Happy Valentine's day, I wish you were here, But I know you had to get where you were going. I forgive you. But I hope it's okay if I still call you mine tonight one last time.
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I'm just waiting for you to text me like usual. But that will never happen again That's really hard to wrap my head around.
There is a heaviness in my heart. It might take some time To shake this one off If ever
Of Waterfalls and Incense
I ran hastily through the woods that I took you to the last time I saw you here; Looking for the secret place we tried to find but never did. Once again it evaded me, I followed the path further downstream.
From the brush flew a single butterfly Whose presence seemed to echo everything is going to be alright
I ran faster towards the sound of rushing water I headed methodically. Large rocks formed a coven perch this is where I will remember you I thought.
I sat down and pulled out the incense I had brought with me
You told me while eating sushi that the Japanese viewed it as rude to leave your chopsticks stuck within your food, facing up
You said “It symbolizes death, In Japanese culture they Burn incense for the dead”
you loved Japanese culture
Brown, Blue Yellow, Red, Black purple
yes, Â this one will do
I snatched it out of the plastic housing, Shielding it with my hand from the wind I lit it and propped it up on the rock next to me.
At first the smoke rose directly into the sky I laid down and pondered your presence I want you here with me
With my eyes closed laying prone against the rock The smell of incense filled my lungs I look up, Ashes fall from the stick as the smoke begins to trace the contours of the land
I think as if it’s you exploring this place for yourself do you like it?
Tears rush down my cheeks Akin to the waterfall That screams out your name
Your presence fills the vicinity
I adjust my leg Having to lift it with my arm The blood had been constricted Sitting cross-legged for the past while
could you feel the life leave your limbs?
I notice the incense has burned quickly There’s only about an inch left I snatch it longingly.
don’t leave me
The smoke is going faster now Puddles form on my shorts Tears falling faster.
it’s time for you to go
The ember shows as the last bit of the incense is consumed
I’m shaking, Cold. The sun has left it’s highest hour.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
The ember stops As the last bit of smoke trails off in the distance And the ashes fall into the crevasse of the rock.
I’m left holding a purple stick, No longer burning.
It’s flame had consumed it Left trailing to the sky
I don’t feel you there anymore. Your presence gone; left with the smoke.
I kiss the stick and place it into the placid waters Above the waterfall And trace it’s path as it disappears Into a rush of white.
Godspeed
