Top Posts Tagged with #eugene.txt

damn i'm not even that source connected i feel like but wow even lightly talking about my source self with anyone we know more in my source's fandom just makes me feel like i'm bad at being a fictive of that guy. ain't that fun (said through gritted teeth)

made even worse bc it's such a niche source/fandom too

#eugene.txt #fictive #endo safe #i haaate being a cb fictive man #idk how sunny does it considering we share a source. i hate it here more often than not #there's nothing fictionfolk wise for cb i HATE it . it's so lonely and i hate my only option being fandom spaces-#-to actually talk to people who know my source. it sucks. i don't even *like* source talk with people who aren't like #close friends or who are also fictionfolk. it's awful and i need somewhere that's for niche source fictives or SOMETHING #if there's like. nothing fictionfolk wise for my source

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sort of a system related vent now that i'm realising it? nothing serious but i gotta get it off our chest since we can't really bring it up to our friends without getting anxious </3

how do we keep thinking our amnesia isn't that bad when we consistently keep forgetting entire dates and bc someone was misremembering a work day for us we've kind of. fucked up scheduling an event with friends and i'm way too anxious to admit that someone else messed up the day we work so i just. have to pretend for the next. two days that we're working instead bc we already fucked up the scheduling enough if no one else is up to saying it

...fun /s

#eugene.txt #pluralgang #endo safe #disordered system #<- sighs it's relevant #i. really hate how bad our amnesia can get sometimes bc it really doesn't feel like it's 'enough' to count for a diagnosis?#bc it's very clear we're disordered. and while we know we don't need a diagnosis (or even want one) it's. still frustrating #especially not feeling like we have a right to call our experiences smth when a lot of it Does line up

it hasn't even been that long since we last changed our system name but...thinking about changing it again lowkey (partially because i don't really like the one the others chose and they mostly chose it in a hurry while editing our profile because we couldn't find anything else that sounded nice fast enough)

(also ough we keep forgetting to use this blog </3)

#eugene.txt #pluralgang #our in-sys communication has been. really bad lately with making decisions for the whole system #and no one is really Happy with the new system name i'm seeing so. might as well try starting with our system name ig?#idk hopefully it. works out #it hasn't been this bad in a while since our current host hasn't been fronting as much partially bc of it so it's . yeah #(there's other stuff contributing to that too but that's up to sunny if she wants to talk about it)

we only use the labels adaptive and mixed origins for describing our system like that but we Do fall under the definition of stressgenic and like. damn i think these past several months have been like a buffet for our brain creating all these headmates and fragments /lh /j

#eugene.txt #pluralgang #endo safe #vent ish #ish bc it doesn't really feel like one bc i wouldn't be as joking about it if so but idk some people might consider it one #we've only noticed a couple but like. there's probably a lot more fragments and headmates who we haven't noticed yet...#we've been so stressed since like. september of last year it keeps piling up until we have another major dissociation headache #(see: forming a new headmate)#it's not like. big stuff like it was earlier in the year or in 2025 but like! the little stuff piles up really fast when there's so much #i've had to do so much emotional regulation for the system in the past couple of months it's. really exhausting individually

trying to look into terms to describe our experience with our collective otherkin identity directly involving plurality. instead gets hit with stupid bullshit about mixed origin systems being impossible like ok Thanks did not need that rn

anyways to any other mixed origins systems out there you guys are awesome <3

#eugene.txt #tw syscourse #pluralgang #endo safe #i feel like it falls into the syscourse area so i'll tag it just in case #we're like. trying to figure out the words for a specific otherkin identity we probably have and it's. difficult #bc we technically have two fictives of the same guy who we're kinsidering. and they both front a fair bit so it's um. Yeah #it's irritating trying to look into stuff that mentions plurality in an alterhuman context and you get with that like :|#like ok man. did not need to hear about what systems you think are more valid than others

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been in front for over 24 hours despite never fronting often.....and i haven't had to do any emotional regulation at all........

this shit is scary let me leave /hj

#eugene.txt #pluralgang #endo safe #i'm like . an emotional regulator and i usually only get booted to front if we need our emotions regulated #i do not get a choice in the matter but shrugs #however i'm not having to do any of that afaik so this is??? really weird???#...actually it's also bc sunny isn't in front rn ik she'll be back more than likely but it's scary bc she's so damn front-sticky #like i'm usually in co-con with her not actually controlling the body RELEASE ME FROM THIS HELL /hj #i guess this is an opportunity to do things i wanna do/find more stuff i wanna do separately from her but like i just wanna Not be fronting #too much responsibility considering we have a job and all sorry /j

we're primarily an adaptive system but we Do Not understand the recent willogenic hate lately man

like personally the stuff we see for created systems for creating headmates also helps us as we've used some of those tips and whatnot for helping some of our fragments have more of an identity of their own bc we have a bunch of known fragments that Don't have that

idk man. being pro endo but anti created systems is weird. you're already acknowledging that the human brain can be complicated and having multiple people in it regardless of why definitely falls within that complexity, but created systems are somehow too weird for you??? idk i think you're the weird one if anything tbh

#eugene.txt #pluralgang #endo safe #tw syscourse #to be clear we're mixed origins but we primarily call ourselves adaptive bc we don't really like -genic terminology for ourselves much #and we're mostly adaptive anyways #anyways i don't get it i'm feeling this is one of those discourse things that will pass with time but damn is it annoying #like do these anti willo people not have anything better to do or.....#discourse is annoying idk why you'd spend all your time harassing random systems on the internet who just wanna exist

being in front on my own for the first time in a while is . it feels weird

like it's not bad weird but it's still kind of weird? especially since i usually just hang around in co-con while sunny's doing whatever in front, maybe take over for a bit if i wanna bug her in our system discord (this is affectionate) or smth but never fully fronting

(it's lowkey also kind of weird bc i'm a fictive who uses his source name still but like i'm not. terribly connected to my source and i feel that slight disconnect a bit more when fronting bc i Feel like i should be more connected to source but i'm just. Not? idk it's kind of weird too but not as much as the actually fronting thing lmao)

#eugene.txt #pluralgang #endo safe #i don't know when she left front ngl but i know i'm not her bc this feels. Distinctly different #and the distinct feeling is familiar to the rare few times i've fronted more on my own. i just don't like fronting much i think lmao #i don't mind though she's probably been needing a break from constantly having to front anyways #curse of the brain choosing her to be the host i am nooot jealous

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