#ethan please

IMPORTANT: AID NEEDED FOR SAD POOR SICK CHILD.

Dear Malia, 

I am a mother of four sick children. My first child, Nigel, has just been diagnosed with stage nine cancer and appendicitis. His rich dying uncle, lord Edmundington of the northern lands, refuses to offer us any aid. I am reaching oyt to u because I have been told by my secret agent spies that you are a good and caring person. I need you to loan me 1000 AMERICAN US DOLLARS for my son’s operation. When the uncle dies you will be compensated with a payment of 100,0000 AMERICAN US DOLLARS for your kindness. 

The situation is getting worse by the second. Little Nigel is crying because he thinks you won’t help him and he’ll die yoing and miserable and in pain. 

Paypal me the sum of 1000 AMERICAN US DOLLARS at your earliest convenience. 

Thank u,

Catherina Myers Westen, mother of 5. 

. . . hits the delete button. nope, she isn't falling for it, sorry Nigel. hope you're well.

An actual sentence he just said: “Big titty mommy is kinda scared, I’m horny and scared which is the perfect combo”