#essaysontumblr

“The only way out is through.

Humble and strong people don’t have the same trouble with these troubles that egotists do. There’re fewer complaints and far less self-immolation. Instead there’s stoic—even cheerful— resilience. Pity isn’t necessary. Their identity isn’t threatened. They can get by without constant validation.

This is what we’re aspiring to— much more than mere success. What matters is hat we can respond to what life throws at us.

And how we make it through.”

—Ego is the Enemy (Ryan Holiday)

Okay, so i just this paragraph in the book I’m reading and i think it kind of explains my paralysed state that has lasted for more than 3 years now, it’s because my sense that of self is so completely and utterly dependent on either validation and success/accomplishments and as a former-gifted-now-burnt-out-kid, (which is the entire foundation of why and what’s wrong with me).

We see that normally students don’t get the extra amount of praise and adult-validation that is received by the children that do well in school so, naturally they develop:

skills (other than school).

An identity or sense of self that isn’t dependent on constant extra validation so they can function well without it.

Social intelligence and relations that are a skill important enough to be mentioned (deemed as too insignificant by these students which mostly a lifelong incapability to form healthy relationships and/or respond to them).

With me however since the whole identity is/was ‘does well at school’ the moment i got into higher grades that actually required serious hard-work, practice and concentration none of which I possessed, and my grades dropped so did my self-esteem and confidence resulting in insecurities and shock lasting till date, and so i have been, emotionally, unable to move forward, and it is finally catching up to me, insufficient work and last-minute efforts aren’t working anymore.

I don’t/can’t do my best because then i will have tried my best and the results will be my actual true grades which will, subconsciously, determine my worth in my eyes and everyone else’s (as it has), and since i have skipped learning any other skill it wouldn’t be very wrong, (and another reason why I can’t progress is because I’m a lazy bum).

Khair this explains the insecurities, self-pity, apathy, lack of empathy, and general uselessness that sadly, i possess, and like we say about Snape, his crush on lily ‘explains’ but doesn’t ‘excuse’ his behaviour.

Therefore, i will have to fix myself and acquire three things I’ve lost in this process:

Basic skills

An identity and sense of self that isn’t completely linked to accomplishments

SYMPATHY AND HUMAN EMOTION

And of-course work, work and work because the only way out is through and i can, hopefully, handle whatever opportunity I’m given by Allah to higher my ranks aka adversities.