#esfp loop

Dear Evan Hansen • ESFP • In the Grip

"An ESFP in a rut will revert to their introverted intuition. This normally happy-go-lucky type will turn their vision to the future and may get lost imagining negative courses of action that could develop. They may become crippled by self-doubt and adopt a cynical viewpoint toward others. This normally warm and enthusiastic type is apt to developing a ‘short fuse’ while operating from their inferior function and may lash out at others – imagining a sinister ‘hidden meaning’ behind everything others say and do."

- Heidi Priebe

Symptoms of the Grip in an ESFP:

• Jumping to conclusions

• Believing the worst in people's intentions

• Emotional outbursts

• Feeling lost within themselves; hopeless; alone

• Sensitive to what others say/do to them

I.E.

Jared: "Hey, Connor. I’m loving the new hair length. Very school shooter chic."

Connor turns and glares at Jared, who is unphased by this. Evan is clearly uncomfortable.

Jared: "Calm down, bud. It was a joke."

Connor: (deadpan) "Yeah no, it was funny. I’m laughing. Can’t you tell? Am I not laughing hard enough for you?"

Jared: (walking away, shaking his head) "God, you’re such a freak."

Connor now turns his attention to Evan who is forced into eye-contact. There is no one else in the hall (that we can see). Evan doesn’t know what to do, so he laughs.

Connor: "What are you laughing at?"

Evan: (freezing up) "What?"

Connor: "Stop f***ing laughing at me!"

Evan: (his palms becoming sweaty) "I’m not."

Connor: "You think I’m a freak?"

Connor steps towards Evan.

Evan: "No, I don’t-"

Connor: "I’m not the freak!"

Connor is in Evan’s face.

Evan: "But I wasn’t-"

Connor: "You’re the f***ing freak!"

Connor shoves Evan into the lockers and storms off.

- Script

Connor: "Is this yours? I found it at the printer. 'Dear Evan Hansen?' That’s your name, right?"

Evan: "Oh, that’s just a stupid, it’s a paper I had to write for an, um...assignment."

Connor: “'Because there’s Zoe.' ...This is about my sister."

Evan: "No, no, no..."

Connor: "You knew I would find this."

Evan: "What?"

Connor: "You saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab, so you wrote this, and you printed it out, so that I would find it."

Evan: "Why/ would I do that?"

Connor: "/So I would read some creepy **** that you wrote about my sister and freak out, right? And then you can tell everyone that I’m crazy, right?"

Evan: "No, wait. I don’t even...what?"

Connor: (furious) "F*** you!"

Connor charges past Evan, leaving him calling after him

- Script

Trying to Escape the Grip:

"To break out of a rut, the ESFP needs to engage their extroverted sensing. They will need a new situation, adventure or group of people to help them remember that they think best on their feet, when directly engaged with the world around them. This type requires a great deal of external stimulation to feel healthy and happy – they are the most themselves when they are constantly engaged with new people and projects."

- Heidi Priebe

I.E.

Connor realizes he has an opportunity to talk to someone and walks over to the printers

Connor: "So, uh, what happened to your arm?"

Evan: "Oh, I um. I fell out of a tree."

Connor: (laughing) "You fell out of a tree?"

Evan nods and Connor sits down next to him. He is holding a paper in his hand.

Connor: (still laughing) "Well, if that isn’t the saddest f***ing thing I’ve ever heard."

Evan: (faking a laugh) "I know."

Connor: (pointing to Evan’s cast) "No one’s signed your cast?"

Evan: "Nope."

Connor: "I will."

Evan: "Oh, you don’t have to…"

Connor: "Ya got a Sharpie?"

Evan reluctantly hands over his sharpie. Connor grabs Evan’s arm roughly, Evan winces. Close-up on Evan’s cast as Connor writes his name in massive letters across it. Evan isn’t too happy about this. He stands up.

Evan: "Oh. Great. Thanks."

Connor: "Now we can both pretend that we have friends."

Evan: "Heh, sure."

- Script

Se-Te Loop:

"An ESFP in an Se-Te loop becomes overly concerned with 'doing' all of the time, unable to let themselves stop to take a break. They become forceful, aggressive, insistent upon taking action whether or not it hurts those around them or fulfills their inner sense of duty. They dismiss their necessary stage of stopping to reflect on whether their choices are in line with their values, instead shutting off this voice and focusing on outward manifestations of logic and planning."

- @infj-mbti

Symptoms of a Loop:

• Aggressive Behavior

• Giving In to Impulses

• Disregarding Others

• Ignoring their Moral-Compass (Fi)

I.E.

"Just because Connor isn’t here, trying to punch through my door, screaming at the top of his lungs that he’s going to kill me for no reason—that doesn’t mean that, all of a sudden, we’re the f***ing Brady Bunch."

-Zoe Murphy

Personal Thoughts:

I think Connor is an ESFP who tried to reach out to others, but when no one reached back, just sunk deeper into the grip. I think for awhile growing up (prior to the events in the play), he might've been in a loop.

From Cynthia, we learn that he got clothes to go Bar Mitzvahs (but was never invited to any). I'm sure that the idea of going was exciting to him and he enjoyed looking for an outfit, even if he played it off. From his mom's positive testimony of him in Requiem and throughout the rest of the play, I feel like he did have a connection with her. I don't think that her view of him is only there because she's his mom - I think they genuinely had an understanding, even if they got frustrated with each other sometimes. He probably just put up walls with her - walls that she patiently waited for him to take down, but never did.

Larry "gave him the world," but he gave his own world, not a world that Connor wanted. He didn't meet his son where he was. I'm sure he wanted to hang out with his dad and connect with him, but maybe he wasn't into baseball (or skiing or whatever else his dad pushed him to do). Larry decided, even when Connor was still there, that he wasn't worth investing in because he wouldn't listen anyways. The connection was dead because his dad didn't seek to break down his walls. He saw them and assumed that's all there was.

Zoe saw him as a villain, and for good reason. From what we learn of his time with her, he treated her terribly. He pushed her away. He threatened her. He scared her. Of course she didn't seek him out, why would she? She was forced to protect herself from the monster beating on her door every night. How could she break down his walls when she was building up her own?

Jared joked about him looking like a school shooter and called him a freak, and probably never considered actually trying to befriend him.

Evan was terrified of him. *Though, I would like to point out that Connor probably never got to sign someone's cast before - Evan was probably the first. They could've had a genuine connection after that had Connor listened to Evan explain the letter rather than jumping to conclusions and storming off.

The script says, "Some people [in the school halllway] point at him and snicker. Unlike Evan, Connor makes deliberate eye-contact with these students, making them uncomfortable."

He was hurt. He was alone. He could seek out new experiences and new people all he wanted, but if no one else was receptive, then he would never be satisfied. He wanted a connection with someone, anyone, to pull him out of the grip, but at the end of the day, he felt completely isolated.

But he wasn't, and you're not. If you're feeling stuck or isolated, anxious or depressed, please let a friend/family member know or check out this link and call one of the numbers. Seriously. You were created for a purpose. Your existence matters. You matter, just as you are. Please don't forget that, and get yourself the help that you need!!

Also, even if you don't have clinical depression, you should still reach out to those around you. Sometimes, we all need someone. Don't justify not getting yourself the help you need just because others have it worse. My brother does that all the time. It's not selfish to need support. Reach out. It's okay.

Additionally:

By the time we come to meet Connor, he is so deep in this rut that in order to have a relationship with anyone, he would need someone to seek him out fiercely and intentionally - to toss a rope into the hole Connor was in and pull him out. He needed a friend who would call him out and tell him he needed to calm down, but also someone who would support and encourage him. More than anything, he just needed someone who was willing to try and wasn't going to give up on him.

I apologize that I am just now getting around to this. I am not always alerted when I receive messages, plus I need some time to sort/plan out my response.

I have actually done a lot of research on this (via Google) in the past, and you are right. There isn’t a ton of information out there at this time. However, I’ve gathered enough info to give a decent idea. Assuming there is already a good understanding of the different cognitive functions, Se-doms in the grip use Ni in not the most useful way (as most types tend to do). In this case, ESFPs may draw many conclusions that are often times unfounded, and thus put a lot of stock into it. ESFPs in the grip may distrust or become paranoid of people or things they otherwise trust due to their Se (x). A common example I normally come across is an ESFP (under much stress) may torture themselves over a significant other being away for a few hours in the evening. Although it may be a normal occurrence (say a night out with friends), the ESFP may imagine they are out cheating or something like that, and dig themselves deeper into this paranoia.  

As with all types “in the grip” an ESFP may do/say things that are completely out of character. Other than becoming distrusting of people and things they normally trust, they may assign meaning to things that are also otherwise unsubstantiated. In severe cases, ESFPs in the grip will put much stock into the conclusions they come to and try to advise this (usually inaccurate) advice onto others (x). An example of this may be an ESFP putting much faith into a newly founded religion. They will then push some of this advice onto others, even if it is just regurgitating what they have heard others in field say, and having no original understanding of their own. Or worse, they completely miss the point and advise something completely inaccurate, no matter how well intended. They may also become uncharacteristically withdrawn. I shared this article not too long ago that goes more in-depth with the inferior function of ESXP types. Whereas Ni-Doms are able to find patterns and draw conclusions that make sense and can usually be supported by evidence, the ESFP draws conclusions that are a bit “out there” with no real foundation (when in the grip).