#esc rambles

But it's over (and not that I wanted more anyway, I just wanted A/B to still have a happy ending), and now I have... nothing. Like have like... two shows that I enjoy to a degree still but they aren't on That Level. And after I was betrayed by the show that shall not be named, I've struggled to enjoy scripted TV. And that's been so hard for me, because truly my biggest fandoms are my ships. And ESC.

People today are like, okay, time to take up a handicraft as a hobby! But I've already tried that. I took up crocheting back at the beginning of the year. But see, crocheting isn't something I can carry in my pocket. It doesn't fill my thoughts. It doesn't fill my time in the say way as looking at blorbo pics or reading/writing fic, or reading up on ESC news or opinions on songs, because it's also not something I can do in snatches at work or when snuggling into bed. I mean I guess I can attempt to daydream about crochet patterns when I'm stuck at the front desk at work, but it doesn't hit lmao. Handicraft really isn't a replacement for fandom, and I mean I am (was?) a cosplayer, so sewing is too intertwined.

I've been trying to work on my own novels, but it's harder to engage passively in one's own writing. If I've got a good idea, I'm gonna want to write it down and not just daydream it.

To get back to ESC, I've been into it before DA was even thing and thus the fandom that I've been active in the longest. And I knew things weren't looking good at the last two years, but still it sucks because I wanted to believe that because at least four broadcasters had a spine, maybe some of the others did too. But alas no, and I cannot have good things. Loving you is a losing game indeed.