#erwinthomas

Nature is fascinatingly diverse with no known normal only a delicately held balance on a quest for expansion. A dance between chaos and order and a  filled with relationship and endless sacrifice and my own nature isn't much different.  No bad or good but thought makes it so.

I come from abused people who often mistake violence for affection. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE it’s a habitual and conditional thing. We who verbally abuse and mistake it as paying attention. Who feel that apology is a sign of weakness. Wielding power over others often those younger then us and saying it’s for their own good. We who are unsure how to truly empower. Who use the phrase but have trouble living the ideas behind “your children choose you". We whose hearts and imaginations are have grown callas. What does is mean for us to submit to new acts of forgiveness, compassion, unselfish kindness, shared acceptance, non judgement. Even allowing our selves to love and be loved from afar ?

It’s clear that my awareness and being witness is to what I see and continuing to seek understanding of it all is to be used in my own daily practice of self-forgiveness and compassion but when I witness this pain played out. I too am activated… pain bodies get pass like the sharing of a bitter food force fed often from adult to child and then amongst the youth. I don’t have any biological children but I have been blessed with godchildren. I am thankful to them for choosing me because a am held accountable as i grow to work out my response time. I pray often yet not often enough to have a cool head. When you have practiced reacting to what you know for so long it takes a minute to break the habit to recognize the cycle and to put in the work to pay attention. I see why many choose to not do the work.. to continue to carry the rage to carry the blade of attitude because the fear of the what else there might be is to great. The environment is not so nice and it make logical sense to be ready to cut anyone any any thing that threatens you idea of yourself that you have. Struggled so hard to create. So pass on almost as an inheritance “the devil we know" because we are often to afraid of the new challenges. But I’m a bit to emotionally and physically sensitive to hold all that…. I pray that I am not judged… and that I can forgive those who inevitably will. I also pray that i will be able to write as fluidly about a live lived through new values and practices.