Mar 29
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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while going through the sadness that’s losing my lil cottonball kitty Erna (ernz, ernie, aka the most tolerable, affectionate, pleasant, friendly, happy, “simple thing” enjoyer), I constantly think about how I feel she will always be a pet/friend that truly stays with me. kinda like, will always be a part of me. helped shaped me.Â
sitting here, I go to smoke a bowl, and realize there’s a little gray cat hair on top, just as im about to light it. I literally, hesitated, then lit it up in her honor. Had to chuckle tho because, quite literally she will somewhat always be a part of me, as I can’t even to begin to count how many times I have smoked her hairs lol.Â
I love that little bitch, and don’t think i’ll ever to be able to fully understand or explain the connection I felt to her.Â
I just hope she realized what love was and that I had it for her, endlessly. Honestly, maybe that’s part of the unexplainable connection. Maybe she did understand what love was, because her precious little self really did make me feel loved.Â
All my exes know better than me: in the end I'm just a fucking slut jumping from one guy to the next and then being upset about it. In the end it's not about them, it's all about me. In the end, I'm just the one making myself sad.
reminder to myself that work is all that really matters and I need to stop being side tracked by relationships
feels like I took 3 steps forward and 20 steps backwards
Who am I? What am I? Everything that we ever remember is wrong. Everything that we ever experience is wrong. Everytime we remember, the story is retold and retold until it’s twisted completely out of context. Like a pass the message game; except that my head only ever receives the very last message that’s already so fucked around with. I want to yell. What am I? What has everything I’ve done up until this point amount to? How does every single emotion I’ve tortured myself over suddenly turn into nothing at all? What is the truth of things?
Fuckin memories fucking with my head
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03/06
- art science museum with klis and z n dar n bebe n ernz - klis being so accommodating. Going out of his way to wait for me. Chatting by me cause I told him I'm low mood. - holding hands with bebe. Dar called me pretty girl. Bebe buying ice cream. Me trying to stuff ernz face with ice cream. Punching ernz to try and cheer him up. - eating food together with them. Z letting me drink his $1.80 bandung. Sharing meals and klis and Bebe didn't know that one whole chicken = wing + drum, klis literally ate one measly drumstick and thought that cost $1.50 altogether omg poor kid - giving z the "thanks for not judging me for my all the time/sometimes bad decision making" card and him saying that it's ok - walking about and talking. Accepting that we're old and can't stay out late anymore HAHA - ernz craving beer - bringing him out for drinking and trying to look after him. Admitting stuff about how I feel about having a personality disorder. - going home, running into sharmz on the train - ernz saying that I have changed him, and how he's learnt to become less controlled now. - I love meeting up with my Uni friends to see how everyone's doing at work. Reminds me that even if we're working, we still can chill with each other. We can still look out for each other.
“You change your friends every season.”
It’s true
from childhood to nursery primary school to secondary school to church to IB years to after IB to year 1 to year 2 to year 3 I change my group of friends every single year. I’ve never had long running friends and the only ones I do (sota) I don’t keep in constant contact I only meet up occasionally and talk to them and I
Is there something wrong with me? do I have. problems with keeping friends? someone once said that to me. I have no idea how you keep your friends. I told them I have no idea either. and I wanted to add, I don’t.
I don’t keep people around. I don’t bother to. no one touches me deeply enough and when they do, they end up being another point in my life that I can grieve over and write poetry and draw sad things about. I have no. I’m not. I’m not rooted anywhere. To anyone. I don’t understand what it means. I. I’m. I’m confused. Maybe. Maybe I’m so selfish that I don’t see it as important to keep people around me. I get that there’s always circumstance that affects it but. but maybe I. Maybe I don’t know how to keep people. I. I don’t know how to keep people.
Things I Cannot Stand About Boys That I Myself Do:
Get angry or upset or hurt by something that they think you’re purposely doing to or against them; when in fact you’re just being troubled and busy with your own shit and then they come around like “you don’t want…” and I’m just jESus chRISt I’m just fucKING caught up in my oWN thiNGS I’m sorry but it’s not always about you, people have their own struggles too that exists beyond our relationships????