Oct 27, 2020
My boss: Did you just pit the entire nursing administration against HR?
Me: I have started a fire and now I'm roasting marshmallows.
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My boss: Did you just pit the entire nursing administration against HR?
Me: I have started a fire and now I'm roasting marshmallows.
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Dept. Manager: I noticed an employee doing (minor problematic thing). Can you send me a picture of it so we can do some coaching on what not to do?
Me, security: Sure. *emails picture*
Dept. Manager: Could you also include (other dept. manager), (nursing administrative), and (executive administrative)?
Me, thinking they're just gonna remind all managers to talk with their employees: Ok *forwards picture and explanation as to why*
Executive admin: *FWD TO ALL 2400 EMPLOYEES IN THE REGION!* Everyone! (Me, security) says to stop doing this (minor problematic thing)!
HR: *freaking the fuck out*
My bosses: Ummm... What's going on?
Me: ...fuck...
Random person: How did you even become a guard? You're not exactly... *gestures to all of me*
Me, in all my 5'4" glory: Normal person sized?
Guard 2: You're fucking tiny, is what you are.
Me: A tiny ball of rage. 😁
Guard 3 I'm in the process of training: Rage? You're the nicest guard here!
Guard 2: You obviously haven't heard the Mom Voice yet.
Real talk, I've lost a lot of respect for ER nurses because of how they treat hospital security.
I wonder what the ER staff is thinking whenever they overhear the conversations coming out of our office? Like, there will be a passionate argument about gun control with sentences like "so you're saying a woman who's been threatened by a 300 lb ex can't go out and get a gun to defend herself, that it's more important she dies because the less guns the better?" which is quickly countered with "I'm saying I don't want Crazy Craig who we had to tackle last week to be able to go into any Scheels and buy a gun" to "but now Defenseless Denise can't buy a gun to protect herself!"
and then not even two minutes later there's a discussion on zombies and all the scientific possibilities of it occuring.
Like damn, there's a linear connection between the two but how would a nurse filtering in and out of that conversation react?
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Real talk, I've lost a lot of respect for ER nurses because of how they treat hospital security.
Life as a security guard
Visitor: Why do you carry a taser?
Me: Because they won't let me have a sword
Best feeling in the world: when men don't underestimate a woman's power
E.g: Me, rather small, rather thin female security guard, currently standing watch over a very non-cooperative patient high off meth. Two male security guards and a few nurses watching on the camera down the hall, wondering how it's gonna go.
Nurse: Shouldn't you be in there?
Male guard 1: Nah, we only need one officer in there at a time
Nurse: But what if he attacks her?!
Male guard 1: Well, he's about the same siz-
Male guard 2: *blurts out* Then that poor bastard!