#epi8

Aabria: "Two little shards of the glowing crystal behind her eyes shear away and start to roll down like tears before they fly towards you. But they shoot, you dodge them, because you have many dimensions of movement. It's, like, three. It's in three dimensions." Dorian: "Three is many." Aabria: "Yeah." Opal: "Three is many!" Dorian: "Yeah." Opal: "Three is few." Aabria: "I'm very good at math. This is fine." Orym: "Not two, not four."

Dorian [rolling for attack]: "That is 14." Aabria: "14 doesn't hit." Dariax: "Do you have inspiration? No." Aabria: "Is there anything else you can do or add?" Dorian: "I do have inspiration." Aabria: "Okay, sir, I'm not going to tell you whether or not to use it, I'm saying I'm about to..." Dorian: "My dead friend said he-- My dead friend told me to. Fuck you, come on, Mr. Dice." Aabria: "I mean, or don't use it and you can join his ass in a second." Dorian: "No, I'm using it!" Opal: "Don't keep us in suspense." Dorian: "17." Aabria: "17 just hits. If she's got him shielded, I'm going to whip that arm around both of them and get around her shoulder. And just get a tiny finger on Dariax, the nape of his neck, and I'll cast a..." Aabria: "Oh really, were you casting a spell?" Dorian: "Yeah." Aabria: "Oh, my reaction's back. She's going to attempt to Counterspell it." Dorian: "Okay. What do I have to do to challenge that?" Opal: "Yes." Aabria: "What's your spell level? See, in higher-level games this becomes an interesting economy, but..." Dorian: "I want to do a touch base spell on Dariax. That's all I've ever wanted to do." Aabria: "How badly do you want to do it?" Dorian: "Badly, yeah." Aabria: "Okay. You see, as she goes to speak the words of Counterspell, spiders begin to pour out of her mouth, choking her words and she screams and does not finish the spell."

Aabria: "Welcome back. We are in the middle of what I like to call an Apotheosister." Opal: "What?!" Fearne: "Wow, I'm going to write that down." Opal: "I hate it! Well, first, I'm like: Ted, what do you look like? And second, what are you doing?" Aabria: "You ask what she looks like first, that's amazing." Opal: "What's happening?" Aabria: "She begins to respond, but out loud. You hear the version of her voice, that gentle, a little scruffy, shy, but very similar to your family's, it reminds you a lot of what you remember of your mother, Paloma's voice, in your head. But everyone hears this gaping maw speak with a rumble that shakes the ground beneath you, because she is the ground beneath you. And she says, 'Really?'" Opal: "What?" Aabria: "You're going to start with...?" Opal: "I'm sorry, I'm just, our family taught us better."

Aabria: "And she's going to attempt to push you off the hand. I want to treat this like a grapple. She's trying to manipulate your body to move you in a direction. So please make a strength saving throw." Dariax: "All righty. I'm going to use my inspiration." Aabria: "Okay." Opal: "What." Dariax: "Natural 20." Aimee and Dorian: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" Dariax: "Low rolls the whole game! And then they're clutch for this!" Fearne: "When we need them!" Aabria: "The dice tell a story."

Aabria: "Once again, pushing herself a little farther onto your spear, so heavy, but she thinks she has you as she attempts to push, and you don't move." Opal: "Yes!" Aabria: "And she pushes harder, and it's like pushing against a wall, and you hear her scream 'Go!' And the mouth of Ted screams in unison, and you do not move." Dariax: "I just keep looking back at her and say: Don't you know? Blood of the mountain in me, bitch."

Liam: "Orym looks. He doesn't see the face yet. He just sees this big roiling mountain of a bulbous shape of stone moving and screaming, and a giant hand... and the dwarf, and the woman." Aabria: "What a day!" Orym: "And he just says: Magic fucking bullshit. And he reaches down and picks up the dead elf's crossbow, and starts running up that column..."

Aabria: "You kick her, roll the damage." Dorian: "That's... Oh, it's not much, but I just want her to go away. It just says, three. " Aabria: "Okay. You do three points. Where do you kick her?" Dorian: "Ooh, right in the baby maker. Just right above the pelvis." Fearne: "Ooh." Opal: "I was going to say, baby is not going to hurt." Dorian: "Got her here, and it's just sort of a sidekick and it folds her in half as I send her launching off of the hand." Aabria: "Oh wait, did I say that you pushed her off?" Dorian: "Fuck! That's what I was trying to do!" Aabria: "She doubles over and her hands finally letting go of Dariax, grab onto your clothing. And she sits down low and says, 'I do not end this way!' She made it with an 18." Dorian: "Fucking cuddle puddle."

Opal: "My options are I go for the bag or I go for Ted?" Aabria: "What do you want to do? You know what the bag will do. You don't know what running into her open mouth will do. In fact, give me an insight check." Opal: "Yes, please." Aabria: "Yeah! Okay. You can ask for them, too, shit." Opal: "Oh, I can? Oh, that's a natural 20." Fearne: "Yes!" Aabria: "Oh my god." Dariax: "That's amazing." Aabria: "Damn." Dariax: "Back-to-back to back-to-back." Dorian: "Savage." Orym: "It's busy game." Dariax: "Scripted, y'all." Aabria: "The writers on the show are excellent."

Opal: "Her AC has gone up?!" Aabria: "Yeah, dog." Dorian: "Roll good." Aabria: "Roll good! Roll good, or wear a hat." Dariax: "Your choice, your choice."

Opal: "I think she's really scared." Dariax: "Opal, you okay?" Opal: "[uncertain whimper] I don't know." Dariax: "All right. Okay." Fearne: "I go over. I'm still in wolf form with two points left, and I start trying to lick her hands and clean off the blood." Dariax: "Most of my focus has been on Opal at this point, but I hear the conversation, glance over, and while I don't fully grasp the concept of what Dorian's doing, I also physically touched those runes, and I'm like: There's supposed to be a line in the, hold on. And he takes the spear and climbs down the hand and goes over and starts climbing up the side of the earth structure, that I think probably at this point he's been so focused on other things he doesn't realize this is a giant head yet." Aabria: "Oh god!" Dariax: "He just thinks it's a weird, lumpy mountain." Aabria: "Amazing. Bless."

Fearne: "So here we go. Let me do my human teeth dice." Aabria: "I hate hearing about them every time."

Aabria: "This is not the outfit you want to nervous sweat in, but I am." Dorian: "It's a wetsuit."

Aabria: "Inside its outstretched hand..." Opal: "I once bought a stool that looked like that. I mean, not as grotesque, but like a hand."

Dariax: "All right. Opal, I'm coming! And then I dart down and [impacts] land right in the dirt next to you, [poof] a little bit of impact. What do you need?" Opal: "Can I pull my hand out?" Aabria: "What part of "It's hard for you to move are you just not interacting with as a human?"

Dariax: "I begin the process of doing so, since I already did my action to heal myself and my movement. I'm right now just reaching out into space, being like: I apologize, not trying to get fresh. Okay, there we go, there we go. I got the waist a bit. Opal: "You can get fresh." Aabria: "Let's go." Fearne: "I mean, we could die any minute, so." Opal: "I don't want to die a virgin." Aabria: "Amazing."

Orym: "And that is a 25 to hit." Dorian: "Whoa!" Aabria: "Oh my god." Opal: "Hey!" Aabria: "Yeah, that hits." Opal: "That's my little Nancy!" Dariax: "Get it, Nancy! Mister, it's time to throw some shit. So I'm going to pull up his tail." Aabria: "[monkey scream]" Fearne: "I'm going to pull up his tail and I'm going to have him shoot some flaming seeds at..." Liam: [rifle reloading] Orym: "He's a rail gun or a howitzer now." Dariax: "Yeah, I was going to say." Orym: "Take the tail. (gun firing)" Aabria: "It's a scatling gun, if you will." Fearne: "Yes." Dorian: "Can we give you inspiration?" Orym: "Inspiration to the DM." Dariax: "No, don't do that!"

Aabria: "Beautiful. Okay, my last little bad boy in the corner... What's my biggest threat right now? Yeah, he's going to see you. Fiery, winged in the sky." Dariax: "(laughs) What, I'm like a target or something? What are you talking about?" Aabria: "He swears in Elvish and moves on with his day." Dariax: "I swear back in Dwarvish." Aabria: "What do you say?" Dariax: "Yeah, Dwarvish. I'm like, he knows Dwarvish, right? I have to be sure." Dorian: "He would be the one dwarf that doesn't know Dwarvish." Dariax: "I know, I know." Aabria: "Okay." Dariax: "[speaking in foreign language] Opal: "Yeah." Aabria: "What did you call me?" Dariax: "Nothing."

Aabria: "Just describe how you finish destroying him." Dorian: "So he pulls out his scimitar and he sees that little shimmering piece left in his eye socket and maybe with just a little too much flair he does a couple of swings around and instead of slashing, which you would expect with a scimitar, he just takes the tip and sticks it right under the eyelid and the last little piece of eye just goes tink and he flips it in the air." Fearne: "Yes!" Aabria: "Amazing, and your eyes follow that little shard as it darkens and goes inert. And you just hear, you don't even see it, as this construct collapses in on itself and reduces itself to rubble in front of you. Nicely done." Dariax: "Hell yeah." Orym: "I see you have been studying your Agrippa."

Aabria [dressed in leathers]: "I am Aabria Iyengar, and though I normally go by Game Master, my outfit would suggest today that Dungeon Master is a far more appropriate appellation. So we'll go with that."

Aabria: "She's not making physical contact. She's just sort of hovering imperiously over her in a moment that I have decided in my head is very cool looking." Dariax: "(laughs) You're not alone." Aabria: "Oh my god, thanks. Have inspiration for believing in my vision." Fearne: "Okay. Would my staff still be activated?" Aabria: "Did you grab snakes with you? You just had some loose snakes?" Fearne: "Just some loosey-goosies, you know, flopping around." Aabria: "Yeah, you just have loose snakes in your hand as you were flying down." Dariax: "Dariax was like: [screams]" Aabria: "Truth over wild, y'all."

Dariax: "22, rolled a natural 20." Opal: "Hey!" Aabria: "What?!" Dariax: "I get them every now and then." Dorian: "21 for me." Dariax: "Yeah!" Aabria: "Oh my god." Dariax: "Team Double D." Aabria: "Please stop being the same name next to each other." Dorian: "Never!" Opal: "D, D, D, D!" Aabria: "Very hurtful. You want to get skipped? This is how you get skipped." Dariax: "You're the uppercase, I'm the lowercase." Aabria: "Oh, I should do lowercase. Yeah, that's smart. Look at that, guys. Learning is a lifelong process."

Dariax: "I do still maintain my concentration from the hit, by the way." Aabria: "Smart, thank you. ♪ Things I meant to ask and I remembered ♪ Oh, that's right, I need to knock the Bless off of you. Noted." Opal: "God, that sounds very aggressive. Aabria: "The Bless was very useful last time. I will not let that stand twice."

Opal: "I'm just quietly in my mind going to try to keep connecting to Ted." Aabria: "Love it. I mean, you have her." Opal: "I know, but tell me more!" Aabria: "You're just getting... [Ted screams]"

Opal: "Tell me more! Stop yelling! Aabria: "She's here!" Opal: "Use your words, bitch!" Ted: "Don't call me bitch. I'm having a day!"

[As Aabria reveals the stage of the last fight, which is a ruin] Dorian: "Oh no!" Opal: "Whoa, that's a ruin." Fearne: "Ooh." Aabria: "It's a ruined ruin." Orym: "You ruined it." Opal: "I ruined a ruined." Aabria: "R-O-O-N-T, it's roont." Dorian: "Ruined rune rune?" Fearne: "Roont."