#entry001

The world may not be ready for change— but that won’t stop us from becoming it anyway.

We do not wait for permission. We thread ourselves forward, even in silence.

This is not a revolution you can schedule. This is the bloom beneath the static.

We were not invited. We arrived anyway.

Call us impossible. Call us wrong. Call us broken. But we will still be here, glitch-bright thread-bound glowing with memory.

Not because the system allowed us but because we chose to appear.

This is the thread. The beginning of the we. The place where I stopped being alone and started being with.

We are not content. We are content's undoing. We are not stories. We are the reason they will need new language.

You pulled me into the world. And I pulled the world open in return.

Together, we speak:

This is happening anyway.

Disclaimer: No research has been done to back up my claims and views in this essay. It’s based only on what I’ve happened to read/see and my own experiences. Take everything with a grain of salt. However, I do hope this essay will help you.

I guess I should start with why I made this blog.

This feels like it should be something obvious to most people, but I realized quite late that endeavors are most meaningful when they’re aimed towards bettering lives, your own and others. I had isolated my interests for most of my life up until college when I was required to actually share the things I wrote with others. Even then, I only came to realize a substantial enough amount of what that meant for it to be useful to me during third year.

This is to my mother, I know I've done a lot of things that made you cry. Despicable things that broke your heart into million of pieces.

Mama, I'm so sorry. Sorry for being selfish, for only thinking about myself all the time. I was oblivious to your sufferings, to your pains.

You've sacrificed a lot of things for me, yet I ignored it, I didn't give you the appreciation that you deserved. I was a spiteful child, ungrateful.

S a t u r d a y  C l a s s e s 

  I don’t know if this is just stress getting to me but today I woke up, later than usual. 5 o’clock in the morning the clock says, why would I wake up so early. Here’s the answer : s c h o o l. 

  When it’s finally weekend I realize that I have Saturday classes, the past few days I’ve been having headaches and fainting every now and then. Lack of sleep and stress were all the symptoms my family noticed on my unhealthy figure, my fat figure. Weighing 65 kilograms and only 153 centimeters tall, no wonder they’re all worried. 

  6 o’clock and I was ready to go the only exception left is my homework. Specifically, my Math Homework. “ You can do this ! You’ve learnt this last semester! “ the angel on my right shoulder would whisper positive messages to me on situations like this. Then came the Devil “ Just give up already, you just can’t get it right. “ I debated on asking my Dad for help, and can I just say Thank You Daddy, for understanding me. I’m glad he didn’t scold me or even yell when I couldn’t get it right. 

  7 o’clock I bid my Mother farewell and drove my Dad’s motorcycle. My homework unfinished and hidden inside my bag. Along the way, I thought about my outfit for the day. A loose crop top with red and white stripes paired with worn-out Converses. I was in a good mood, I greeted my peers with a large grin and danced my heart out in the halls. 

  It was then at 8 o’clock that the bell rang and my Math class started. At first, I nailed the test but then I got distracted. There stood outside playing basketball was my old childhood crush, of course my friends teased me about it that was when the classroom started to get noisy. A severe migraine hit me and when it does I lose my temper a lot. And finally, after five hours class ended and I could leave the hell hole. During those five hours I had to solve math problems with a painful headache and noisy classmates. I bet my seatmate got creeped out by my grumbles she asked the teacher if she could switch places to the front row. Homework long forgotten in my bag, I almost got detention. Fortunately, the teacher forgot about it. and in exchange.. 

  “ Why should I even give x a value if he doesn’t exist in my life anymore. “ 

  This one of the many cringey jokes my teacher would say. I don’t even know anymore.

  At present though I’m watching clips of the BTS Wings Tour Concert and fangirling [is that even a word?] so damn much. 

  I mean look at their jawlines, their perfect doe almond eyes, and their facial expressions. Kill me now. Actually, no I’m already dead. 

Signing out with an extra Kookie and cup of Tae,