Whatever put me in that mood, I have no clue. Maybe I was using too much Se, maybe too little. Regardless, I just wake up at a certain point in the day, and, suddenly, I am an entity of raw, unbridled fire. I am powerful and violent, destructive in this best, most thrilling way. I’m edgy and sharp with Te, but I speak my criticisms with this sort of charm that no one can defy. My mind translates their silence as correctness, so I become even more arrogant. I’m loud and I’m funny. I’m the life of the party, a sexually-intense hot mess. I am coordinated and gregarious and intellectually stunning, just like I always crave to be.
And, because I am blind, I begin to destroy anything in reach, thinking that I - and my current life that I have pulled together with Te and Ni - are static and unchangeable. There’s this sense of invincibility, and this cynicism that life would ever change. “Life never changes. People and systems are all the same, no matter what I do.” Trying to test my strength, I begin to see how much of life I can tear apart, breaking apart relationships with insanely honed manipulation. Lying. Laughing a lot. Acting like I am not at fault. Somehow, I am able to pin the blame on you almost completely. If you insist, I may apologize, but I apologize with a cocky grin that tells you I mean absolutely nothing that I’m saying. You get more aggravated and ask me if I mean what I say. I tilt my head and say, “To be honest, not really.”
Then, we argue. At the end of the day, I enjoyed that. I enjoyed hurting you. I enjoyed ripping you apart, because I am only concerned with strength, and, if you were so weak as to be affected by my actions, that’s your fault. To me in a loop, you are weak. Eventually, you realize you were too sensitive, and you apologize to me. This continues to feed my ego, and I move on, without considering how my actions may have completely, irreparably destroyed all of the trust and love and security we had between us.
Oh well. If you’re not even attractive, why would I bother being friends with you any longer? If you are attractive, you can apologize to me in bed.
In a loop, I eat like crazy. When my functions are healthy, I am physically healthy, but, in a loop, I devour anything that I crave at the moment, sometimes blowing copious amounts of money to satisfy myself. I’m always hungry, probably because, from a chemical standpoint, I’m burning through loads of adrenaline to keep up this level of activity.
Physically, I also am constantly jittery. I want to punch someone, aggress and fight and bleed - because Se in full makes sure I feel almost no pain, so I think I will come out as the victor no matter what. I keep tapping my hands violently, incessantly, on hard surfaces, my fingers flickering at my sides. I want to scream on the top of my lungs for a really long time, and I crave sex intensely, dehumanizing and objectifying others.
Decrease Se. Put an immediate stop to all social outings, cancelling engagements if you can. Force yourself to eat healthy, preferably mildly-flavored food. Put a block on your credit or debit card for a while. Take off all of that sexy make-up, the low crop-top, the leather leggings - and wear an unflattering old t-shirt and baggy jeans for a while. (If this feels like death, because it probably will, remind yourself, “I take pride in a person’s mind, not their appearance. I have only gotten this far because of my intellect and theoretical prowess, not my sexiness. If I cannot continue to succeed wearing this outfit, then I am not truly capable.”) Calm down. Lie down. Breathe evenly and force yourself to be physically still.
Increase Ni. Typically, in a Te-Se loop, the only ideas that fly are practical, elaborate, and attractive ideas. Instead of waiting for those diamonds to fall out of the sky, allow yourself to think of anything, no matter how absurd or unrealistic it may be. “What do I want?” is always a great starting question. Stay away from fantasizing about Se experiences, but incorporate future Se activities into your dreams. (For example, instead of thinking about eating melty, creamy, chocolate-caramel-nut-brownie-cookie ice cream, think about when you would go to NYC to try out several eatery places, and envision how you would feel coming back to your hotel at night: full and satisfied. Stand in that hotel and look out at the city lights at night, feeling strong and confident and peaceful.) Scheme as much as you can, devoting time to maybe even purposeless planning, like how to take over a small country or provide India with fresh water or completely eradicate homelessness in America. Force yourself to make comparisons between absurd things, like your weird half-uncle and a salt rock.
If all else fails, overextend Se with the purpose of getting back to Ni. Hang yourself upside down until you want to throw up. Get into an environment where you can scream and dance around and wear yourself out, like a gym or a club. Whatever outlet you choose, stay mentally conscious, so no alcohol, no hot girls or boys, and no zoning out. Se wants to empty your mind. Ni needs to fill your mind. As you begin to wear out, start thinking: “What am I doing?” and “Where am I going?” Se will tell you what is happening around you, but Ni will tell you what is really being communicated. Stay mentally awake. With time, you will probably begin to feel your mood darken and then eventually mellow. With luck, you should have escaped your loop.
