#engorgio

“Listen, it seemed like a good idea. I mean, it’s a charm made to make things bigger. No one could have known it would go so wrong,” Sirius defended himself.

To her disappointment, Remus caught her before she could smack him. “Someone with half a brain would’ve known. A shrimp would’ve known, dumbass!”

As Sirius whined, she turned around with an exasperated huff. A part of her was so mad that she wanted to punch something -or them, if possible, but the other side was worried sick and hoped that Professor Flitwick would arrive soon.

The engorgio charm was designated to make inanimate objects or even food bigger than their actual size; it was a cool trick to use during a feast or get more butterbeer for less gold. It was a safe, non-harming charm. But all magic had risks if used wrong, and using it on their dicks was, without one single doubt, a wrong use of it.

So, three idiots friends and a too responsible during exams one later, The Marauders were at the hospital wing, with their dicks growing and in pain. If she hadn’t loved Sirius so much, she would have laughed her ass off. Perhaps she would still, once the situation was fixed.

“(Y/N)”, Sirius called. She ignored him, but he kept calling her name in a soft voice and she couldn’t help but oblige and turn around, approaching him. “Don’t be worried, please. I know it was a stupid thing to do, but it is done. It won’t ever happen again, I promise.”

She touched his cheek. “You don’t believe a single word of that, Black. And I know it.”

He smiled and she was thankful that Remus wasn’t able to catch her before she smacked his head that time. Although Sirius whined, she knew it was impossible he had felt the hit. One, because she didn’t use the force she wanted to and two because the situation that was going on between his legs was too painful for his brain to function.

“What in Merlin’s name happened here?” Professor Flitwick spoke as the doors opened and he, alongside Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore walked in.

James and Sirius looked at each other, their faces even paler than before. McGonagall was going to give them the worst punishment she could think of because of this one.

“Two assholes,” she said, pointing to James and Sirius, “had the idea of using the enlarging charm on their dicks, and the third asshole,” this time she pointed to Peter, “followed them.”

Flitwick turned to Remus. “And Mr. Lupin?”

“Mr. Lupin let them do it because it’s exams period and he has better things to do than to go around making sure these idiots don’t waste their shared braincell.”

Remus nodded at her answer, while Sirius, James and Peter complained.

Professor McGonagall tried to hold her laugh, but when Professor Flitwick started laughing, it was impossible to hold back. Even she let out a soft, long laugh. In the distance, she heard Sirius call her out on it, but she didn’t care at all if he was offended. Not in that moment. He had done something stupid and she had worried about it since she found out, it was good to let out for a moment and see the comical side of the situation. She did hope his dick wouldn’t explode, though. It would be a greater loss for her than for him.

Sighing, she wiped off a tear and straightened her back, walked up to Sirius and sat besides him. He was in such pain he couldn’t focus, his hand tried to reach her but it missed. She, so he wouldn’t feel alone, grabbed it with all the strength she could muster.

Idiot, she thought. He was going to end up hurt for real if he continued down that path. Sirius and James didn’t think things through when doing a prank. It still escaped her how the two of them could be so intelligent and so stupid at the same time.

Professor Flitwick took a breath and moved over where Peter was. It seemed he was in more pain than the rest, but in her opinion he was just scared. Sirius and James, although it had to be painful for them too, knew nothing was going to happen. But Peter was ever the soft spoken, scared little kid. Helping him first seemed obvious. Also, it had been Padfoot and Prong’s idea. Torturing them a little longer wouldn’t hurt, right?

“Finite Incantatem!”

Professor Flitwick moved from Peter to James, and then to Sirius. She guessed it was done, but all three of them were still in pain and it seemed their penises weren’t going down.

“It’s going to take a few hours for it to go down. I have stopped the spell to stop the growing. Drink this potion,” Flitwick motioned to them as Madam Pomfrey handled them a cup. “It has a sour taste, I must warn. But drink all of it to recover. It’s better to spend the night here, just in case something happens.”

Professor McGonagall thanked Professor Flitwick for his help and he left.

She had to help Sirius drink the potion. For the look on their faces, it tasted like hell, and hell was what all three of them deserved. Behind her, Remus was chuckling.

“Ten points from Gryffindor.” McGonagall spoke.

Remus turned around to complain, but she was quick to shut him up. “Your friends could’ve of died, Mr. Lupin. I believed them smarter than this. And as comical as the situation might be for them, or for the rest of us, it was a misuse of magic in non-academic hours. I should take more than ten points, but given their state, that it punishment enough. Rest now.”

She and Remus watched McGonagall leave, upset for the points but knowing it wouldn’t be too difficult for them to earn them back.

Headmaster Dumbledore let out a soft sigh and spoke at last: “Mr.Lupin, there isn’t much to do here. Return to the Common Room and keep studying.”

Remus looked at her and she nodded, then he said goodbye to his friends and left. Soon after, Dumbledore left as well. She didn’t, though. Had decided to spend the night with them.

And when night came, and James and Peter were deep asleep, she smacked Sirius in the chest. Not harsh, though. Just enough so that he’d know she was still upset.

“I apologized. What more can I do?”

“You can not be an idiot.” She sighed, looked up to him. “I don’t understand. You are one of the smartest wizards I know, talent aside. Yet at the same time, you’re the dumbest person I have ever known. How’s that possible?”

Sirius chuckled. “Thanks for the compliment, I guess?” She heard him sigh. “Just because I am a smart wizard doesn’t mind I don’t get to be a stupid teenager. I make mistakes, I have fun because of them. Yes, I fucked up on this one, but it was bound to happen some time.”

“Yes, should’ve see it coming, huh?” She laughed with him. “Just be careful next time, I don’t want that dick to explode without having impregnated me first. I’d be devastated.”

“Well, we can start working on it now. James and Peter are asleep…”

“Don’t even think about it, Mr. Black.” Madam Pomfrey interrupted. Where she had come from she didn’t know, but she almost had a heart attack. “The potion should’ve made effect by morning, but it’s going to be at least two months until you can… normally. Any intercouse before that could cause severe damaging and pain. Now, go to sleep. This is a public place.”

Sirius swallowed the knot on his throat as he watched her leave. “Two months?”

“No,” she scolded. “At least, two months. You do something stupid near that dick again, and I swear on Merlin this pain would be nothing compared to what I will do. Understood?” He just nodded, scared. “Stupid. Enlarging his dick, as if he needs it.”

Outside the hospital’s door, Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall shared a laugh.

“I thought you were going to give him detention for a year.” Madam Pomfrey confessed.

“Oh, I was going to,” McGonagall nodded. “But I thought this would be a greater punishment. At least to Sirius. The other two, I’ll come up with something. Goodnight, Poppy.”