hello day and his sons! i wanted to ask if your family celebrates any holidays, and what your favorite ones are if you do!
It seems as though this time, the family is eating dinner.
Or, at least, they were trying to eat dinner. Everyoneâs expression falls somewhere between murderous and tired.
That is, except for Theo, who doesnât stop speaking despite hearing the question. Heâs got a wide grin, almost taunting. âReally, itâs your own fuckinâ fault that you donât hide shit you care about! If you donât fuckinâ want me to hold stuff ransom, donât piss me off.â
Orphâs eye twitches, and he grips his knife tighter. âYou started it, you absolute asshole, you were the one who swapped all my pictures with clown paintings!â
Theo grins even more. âDunno, sounds like your fuckinâ taste, though?â
Lee grabs a roll off the table and throws one at their hands with a surprising amount of both speed and accuracy. âStop it,â he says, glaring at his eldest brother with enough heat that it leaves no doubt that heâs been on the receiving end of Theoâs needling.
With no small amount of relief, Day accepts the lifeline of this question. âChristmas, New Yearâs, birthdays, April Foolâs day, fatherâs day, every day that passes where Theo hasnât managed to get his brothers to revolt against him.â
Thereâs a loud bark of laughter from the eldest son in question. ââCause they know Iâd kick their asses!â
Dayâs eyebrows shoot up. âI hope you know Iâm going to bring this up later, after they wreck you.â He ignores the offended squawk and continues, âMy favorite is Christmas. I get to make or find things for everyone, I get a week of none of them pranking each other, and I get to inflict the rest of the server with quote-unquote thoughtful presents. Lucidâs sweater remains my crowning achievement.â
âItâs a migraine given physical form,â Perce says. âIâm still impressed by it. I didnât realize you could see nausea. Iâm almost positive itâs got some kind of admin bullshit done to itââ
âThat would be cheating,â Day tells him. He looks more than a little smug. âWhatâs life without a little challenge? Besides, if it was admin bullshit, he could just undo it. He canât even get rid of it because itâs too warm and comfy. I know exactly what textures are best for him, and I know heâs more willing to wear it out of spite. Thus, I inflict suffering on more people. A gift that keeps on giving.â
âI really feel like people donât give him enough credit for being a chaotic bastard,â Dee mutters under his breath. âThey forget we learned it from somewhere,â Orph agrees.
Day grins. âYouâre all just feral gremlins by nature. Sure, I might haveâŠnurtured a littleââ âYou kept telling dad jokes and bad puns until we banded together to stab you so youâd stop! Thatâs not a little nurture,â Atlas argues.
Thereâs a little hum of disagreement from Perce. âI meanâŠI didnât grow up with him, so itâs not just that?âÂ
His eldest brother tells him, flatly, âPerseus, you got fuckinâ Monopoly banned because you decided to keep one-upping how much a fuckinâ bastard you were.â
Perce stares at his eldest brother for a long moment, head tilting to the side like heâs deciding something.
The youngest sighs and scoots his plate closer to himself in what seems like resignation.
âIâm the one who rigged everyoneâs bedrooms with motion-activated frog recordings. I also made it so I could shut it off specifically to fuck with Dee.â
The entire table is perfectly still for a single heartbeat.
And then chaos erupts; Dee lunges, Theo withdraws a set of throwing knives, Orph pulls out his crossbow, and Atlas shoots forward with his hands outstretched.
Perce laughs, tossing himself backwards and telling them tauntingly, âToo slow!â
As he nimbly darts away, his older brothers all speed after him.
At the table, Day hums to himself. â...Yeah, I probably brought that on myself. At least it wasnât Theo this time.â
Thereâs a gleam in Leeâs eye that he suspects bodes badly for Perceâs health and/or sanity in the future. âYou still canât use the Swords and Shields punitively. Iâll ground you for a month.â
âIt would be worth it,â Lee tells him. The gravity in his voice is definitely worrying. Day replies, âTwo months, then. Use your power responsibly. Itâs a bad precedent to set and one that would upset others. Do you really want to scare new people because thereâs a ten year old with an army who uses it for petty revenge?â
His youngest sighs with visible reluctance. âFineee. Iâll justâ poison his food, or something.â âOnly if itâs not lethal.â
Lee glares at him and says, outraged, âThe others can just stab him!â âA hazard heâs aware of. Do you really want to make your brother afraid of food? And of you?â
The ten year old groans in defeat, wings slumping as he puts his head into his arms. âBuzzkill.â Day reaches over and pats his back. âWe both know youâd hate yourself if you hurt others for more than just a short respawn.â
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WasTaken family, what worlds do you like going to best?
Unlike the last time a question was directed towards the entire family, this time they're split into groups.
Theo, Perce, and Lee are once again in the arena, though theyâre joined by three of the Council membersâAster, Aleph, and Khons.
Lee sits attentively in the stands with Khons and Perce, attention zeroed in on the other three. They're having some sort of three-way spar and it's...fast. Very, very fast; so fast it's easy to miss the identical, feral grins that Theo and Aster have. Aleph doesn't seem as blatantly enthused, nor quite as speedy, but seems to be enjoying himself and holding his own just fine.
Especially when Theo falters for a fraction of a second and gets a sword through his chest for it.
Almost immediately he starts shouting, darting back into the arena from the respawn room. "That didn't fuckin' count! Interference!" The other two disengage, glance at each other, and then over to Theo. "...Are you sure you aren't just being a sore loser? There wasn't anything that I saw," The piglin hybrid's mostly monotone voice carries a bit of amusement, even if he knows damn well what's going on. All of the Council members do, actually.
Observers are present and almost certainly have asked something.
Theo scowls at him. "Fuckin' question popped up! S' still weird as shit!"
Aster, still catching his breath, squints at him. "...How is it any different from the Fates? Isn't it just one more voice?" The warrior rolls his eyes, flopping down near his brothers in the stands. "No, nâ it's hard to explain why it's not the same," he grumbles, âIt just is.â Aleph and Aster both take seats nearby, since there wasn't much point in continuing without him. They had plenty of time to spar just the two of them.
Perce speaks up from his place next to Khons. "As funny as it would be if Theo was just making excuses for fucking up," he says, ignoring the indignant squawk from said brother, "I got it, too. I'm sort of surprised, thoughâand a little confused about how much they all know. Theo and Dad are the ones in the family who travel a lot--the rest of us only occasionally go elsewhere. For me, it's less of a 'kind' and more a specific one. I like visiting my original world. It's nice meeting up with my friends and seeing how things have been. I donât regret moving here, but...I still miss them sometimes."
Lee grins, elbowing him. "I was too adorable to not move here for, right?" Perce laughs, reaching over to ruffle his younger brother's hair. "Of course. You'll only be tiny for so long. Plus I thought it would be good to give the rest of them more space. I'm not even the admin any more--and before I get asked, I was...different, from how Dad and Dream Prime. I just kept things running smoothly, no world-talking or link to it like they have. Had, in Dadâs case. From what everyone back on my original world has told me, Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo are doing a great job. I figured they wouldâwouldnât have given them control otherwiseâ butâŠitâs still nice to be proven right."
There's a grin from the eldest brother at that. He extends a fist towards Aster as he says, "Tommys are just fuckin' pog like that." The Sword bumps his fist back, smiling a little. "We're pretty capable, given the right motivation."
"Best world is Opinionated Ranboo's. Cookie Dream nâ the rest of the cookie team are awesome! Even Ranboo is funny, if a little...likely to give me a headache. The cookies are worth it though! Nothing beats getting one right out of the oven," Lee declares, earning a few smiles. "Capitalist Tommy is another very pog one of us,â Theo comments, âPretty fuckinâ sure weâd end up signing our souls over if he, Tommy Prime, nâ Caper ever went into business together. Weâre just real fuckinâ lucky that Capitalist Tommy is more focused on his own world.â
Khons adds mildly, âAnd that Caper is more focused on the Prank Guild. Most Tommys areâŠpretty scary, when they want to be.â Really, though, Khons had his own opinion of who the most terrifying Tommy was. It took a special kind of person to quietly create an entire organization with a secret council at the helm, hide all evidence of said councilâs existence from someone who could be shown anything that happened in the world and seamlessly lie to countless people for three years. It took an even more special person to do that for the defense of an admittedly already very safe child, and to then thrive on the deception.
There were a lot of things about Daz that were baffling. Most of them tied back to whatever the hell his original world had been like. A lot of the details of that were withheld even from the other Council members. Though, to be fair, the rest of them weren't exactly open books about their own first worlds either.
âAnd you, Theo? Favorite kind of world?â It only takes a few moments after Perce looks to his eldest brother before the answer comes. âProbably peaceful-weird ones. Yâknow, where shitâs fuckinâ strange but thereâs not any real danger. Or, if there is, sâ more like we need to bring people back âcause the world is fucked, but not in an insta-death way. More like, uhâŠthere was one with fuckinâ--Dream on a little island, nâ the world had flooded, right? But he refused to go unless his friendâfuckinâ merman Quackity, which was wild for a few fuckinâ reasonsâcould go with him. Sâ you might be able to guess, was sorta hard to bring a person who doesnât have legs nâ canât breathe air through a portal with us!â
Perceâs eyes narrow slightly. â...Wasnât that the one where Vio reverse engineered a water breathing potion out of spite? Even though he has basically a magic allergy?â Theo laughs cheerfully, âYeah! Fucker scared the shit out of the two we were fuckinâ there to help, âcause he flat out didnât sleep for about four days. Dream asked at one point what was up with him, and Dad fuckinâ said that Vio has a personal grudge against water. Fucker then shouted back that water had a personal grudge against him, nâ I think I laughed so hard I blacked out for a few seconds.â
âSounds about right,â Aleph says, smiling faintly. âHe wasâŠinteresting. In the world Moons and I came from, he decided to leave a message for the group we were running from that time.â Khons has stilled, an uneasy expression on his face. Aleph carefully leans against him ever so slightly, a gentle reminder of his presence. Theo watches them for a moment, then says helpfully, âSo, yeahâthat kind of place. Or justâŠones without all the real fucked up shit. Iâm real fuckinâ sick of finding another fuckinâ Protege Tommy world. No offense, Aster, butââ
A shrug meets the apology. Aster says mildly, âNone taken. Itâs depressing to see how common they are, anyway. Granted, a lot of them do end up in the Swords and Shields becauseâŠwell. Lee is a sweet kid and one of the least threatening Dreams we have.â He looks at the kid in question, whose smile falters a bit. â...Would be nice if nobody was hurt at all, butâŠif they end up here, bad stuff happened to them or their world. I didnât reallyâŠdeal with any of that. Or, at leastâI donât remember it. Iâve gotten a lot of kindness from everyone here. Itâs sort ofâŠthe least I can do, to try to make the really messed up people feel a little safer.â
One hand goes to touch the brooch worn over his heart. â...I just want everyone to be safe and happy. They deserve that much.â The quiet words linger for only a moment, and then he feels a hand settle gently on his head. When he looks up, Aster is smiling softly at him. âYouâve got a big heart. Itâs what made all of us decide to stick by your sideâwe donât want you to stop being that kind.â
The sheer weight of that draws a tiny frown from Lee. âI know, I know. ItâsâŠâ he trails off, struggling to put the feeling into words. After a few moments Khons gently offers, âIt feels like youâre being given too much, right? Like you havenât done enough to earn that sort of loyalty?â Lee nods a little. âMhm. Thatâs how we all felt, you know. What had we done, to make us worthy of being taken back here? What had we done, to merit the kindness and empathy weâd been given? What made it okay for us to finally be safe?â
The rhetorical questions make Lee look a little offended. Feathers puffing in outrage, he protests, âNobody has to earnââ âWe know that, now. But at firstâŠitâs hard to believe that. Itâs easier to accept flower crowns and scrawled drawings and disarmingly sweet compliments from a little kid than it is to believe that the world really is safe. âLeph and I would probably never have gotten as involved in things if you hadnât opened that door. It might not have been your intention to start anything biggerâŠbut you did. Weâre glad for it.â
Aleph inclines his head a little. âAll of the Swords and Shields are behind you because of that. You didnât say anything about Khonsâ wool or my furâyou just said that his eyes are kind and that I looked like a good friend. Itâs still not what weâre used to; a lot of new people will make comments about what we look like.â
Silence falls over them for a few moments, Lee clearly considering all of it. â...Okay,â he says with quiet reluctance. âBaby brother, just accept that youâre pog. Sâ just a fact. Canât turn the sky green or the fuckinâ grass blue, canât change that youâre the best tiny brother Iâve ever had. None of the others fuckinâ compare,â Theo declares. Perce rolls his eyes, and elbows his elder brother. âDonât rank us; Iâll tell Dad.â âDonât be a sore loser, Perce. I can still kick your ass,â Theo retorts.
Perce grins at him, a toothiness to it that spoke of mischief and the innate competitive drive he had. âThat really depends on what weâre going against each other in, but sure. Tell yourself youâre the bestâif you say it enough times it might become true.â Thereâs a scoff from the elder brother, who ruffles his wings a little. âI can come out on top in anythingââ âManhunts, trivia nights, ability to keep my fucking mouth shut for more than five secondsââ âFuck you! I could beat you if I wanted toââ
It quickly devolves into petty bickering, though thereâs still that ever-present affectionate edge to it. Then Lee jumps into the verbal fray, which drags the two Swords and the Shield with him, andâŠitâs unlikely that the sparring will resume any time soon.
=================
Over in the flower fields next to Summer Hills, the second eldest of the family barely has to stop and think about the question. âBest worlds to visit are any of the peaceful ones with big societies and a lot of advanced tech. New things to take apart, new media, new internet to dive into. Thereâs always something unique in those worlds and I fucking love them.â
The two with himâRaine and Tubbo Primeâboth stare at him. The other Tubbo looks confused. âUhâŠDee, who are youâŠoh.â He stops, realization dawning. âDid you get another question?â âMm. Wanted to know the familyâs favorite kind of world to visit,â Dee says, idly watching as bees float by them.
â...The wholeâŠquestion thing unsettles me,â Raine admits quietly. âYeah, shitâs weird. Itâs just one more to add to the pile, though, and we canât do much about it. Better to answer than be stubborn and piss whatever or whoever is asking off, right? Unless theyâre assholes. In which case, Iâll meet that assholery in spades.â
Tubbo Prime grins a little. âOh, definitely. Vee was pretty annoyed about the first fewâlast time I saw him go all eye twitchy like that was when he heard the names of Booâs picks. Which was fair, because heâs been stabbed for those.â Raineâs expression turns deadpan. âHis axe is bad, too. Not as bad as some of the other names Iâve heard, butâŠâ âItâs okay,â Dee says earnestly, though with a mischievous grin. Putting a hand on his shoulder he continues, âThis is a safe place. You can tell us how terrible Dream Primeâs equipment names are. We understand. We feel your pain.â
The three of them all crack up, Raine being the first to break. He wheezes out, âI still canât believe he went from naming everything Nightmare toâwhatever the fuck his current ones areââ Dee scowls, gesturing with his hands as he talks. âDad knows what they mean. He refuses to explain beyond saying that theyâre melodramatic and dumb as hell. I keep trying to get him to fucking crack, butâŠheâs him. So, you know, heâs a stubborn asshole who refuses to let me have any funââ
Tubbo Prime shakes his head sympathetically. âTruly, heâs the head of the Fun Police.â âYeah, but heâs pretty alright. AndâŠa little scary,â Raine says as he lays back against the grass. âOh yeah, no, you didnât see him fight a fucking god with Theo, Techno, and Vee. Heâs weird, but good weird. Like everyone else from that world!â
Dee makes a face. âNo, there were assholes. There were a lot of assholes, actually. Hell, Vio used to be one of them. Still is, a little bit! I could start listing them off, but thatâs fucking depressing. Iâd rather watch the bees.â âBees are superior to most things,â Tubbo Prime agrees, watching two of them drift by.
=================
Day sighs softly at the sound of a question. Heâs in his living room with both Atlas and Orpheus, all three involved in their own projects. Day is in a chair and knitting a sweater in dark green, white, and light blue yarn. Atlas is positioned sideways on the couch with some sort of odd-looking board that heâs deftly knotting thin wire and beads onto in a complex pattern. Orpheus isâŠwell. Heâs got a ton of papers with notes and music on them spread out across the floor, his com propped up off to one side, a guitar halfway in his lap, and is chewing on a pencil.
âYou two get that one, too?â âYup,â Atlas says, not looking up from his project. Orph makes a noise of distracted agreement, eyes narrowed as he stares down at one of the pieces of paper like it personally offended him.
âAny of them I can go see musicals in,â Orph mutters after a moment. Atlas nods in agreement. âYeah, those ones usually have good stuff for jewelry. Itâs a pain to put away our wings, but worth it to justâŠgo have a day of fun.â
âI keep getting mistaken for their brother. Itâs funny,â Day cheerfully adds. Orpheus makes a face, finally looking up at him. âYou get smug about it. Itâs not their fault immortality isnât a thing for most peopleââ âHe gets so smug,â Atlas groans, glaring at their dad.
Day is entirely unrepentant. âYes, wellâŠitâs still very funny.â Orph points his pencil at him. âHypocrite!â âMmm, special Dad privileges. Iâve earned being a chaotic asshole from time to time,â Day says with a little shrug.
Orph starts intoning, âEvery day spent here is a nightmareââ âNo, thatâs an axe. And a set of armor. And a swordââ Dayâs interruption makes his son make an infuriated noise and hiss, âYou know what I meant!â
That only makes Day raise his eyebrows slightly. âOf course I did. I also know that youâre a terrible gremlin child and deserve every single terrible dad joke I make. All of you do. Iâm getting belated revenge for the raccoons, Orpheus.â Day shifts his attention to Atlas, who laughs nervously. âSo, uhâyour favorite kind of world, Dad?â
Day shrugs. âAnywhere thatâs peaceful. Itâs nice to not have to immediately deal with some horrible, nightmarish crisis involving pain, suffering, and death. The solution in those cases is usually more death. Or making everyone talk. Either way, I donât like those. Ones that are justâŠsilly, or lighthearted, or just generally arenât deeply depressing. OrâŠhurt my head. Weâve had a few of those.â
â...Wilbur being married to XD was weird to hear about,â Atlas says, and all three of them make similar faces. Orpheusâs voice is slightly higher pitched as he rants, âHow do you think it felt for me?! I had to hear about an alternate self that was married to a god who my Dad created here!â
âI had to meet a version of someone I fought a war against and another of whom is my son who married a god that is, for me, little more than an admin program I created. I had to have a little scream into a pillow after that one, because it was so baffling. We didnât even do anything; we were just there to see it existed!â Dayâs voice goes from oddly flat to somewhat frustrated as he speaks. He takes a moment to set his knitting down and stare blankly up at the ceiling. âI feel like the butt of a cosmic joke sometimes.â
âNah,â Atlas offers mildly, looking back at his project, âthat would be Dream Prime.â
All of the Was-Taken kids are in the living room of the main house. With them are their closest friends; Quizzy, Aster, and then Perceâs friends who had moved realties with him, Agni and Damon.
Notably, Day is nowhere to be seen.
There seems to be some sort of show the group are all watching. Or, well, loudly heckling and not taking very seriously at all.
Several of them boo and throw some sort of snack at the large screen.Â
The question makes all six of the brothers startle a little.
The first to react is Dee, who makes an affronted noise. Despite the fact that he could very easily fit onto one of the multiple couches or padded stools in the room, he instead seems to have opted to sprawl out on the floor. "First of all, fuck you for excluding me. As the best brother, Iâ" "Bullshit," Orph interrupts, giving him a not-quite kick. "We all know I'm the cream of this cropâ"
"I thought we agreed not to get into this argument again," Atlas mutters.
"We did," Theo says, rolling his eyes. "'Cause Lee wins. Tiny baby brother with a fuckin' heart of gold n' kinda bad taste in cookiesâ"
Lee twists around to point threateningly at his eldest brother. "I know where you sleep and the Fates love me."
A slightly sour look flashes in Perceâs eyes for just a moment. His insecurities might have gotten quieter, but they were still there.
"And the Fates love clowning on Theo. He deserves it, though," Aster comments.
Heâs a little annoyed that this is when the Observers have opted to manifest. One night, one, where he can just be a normal person instead of dealing with whatever new form of weird bullshit has decided to crop up. Surely thatâs not too much to ask?
And yet here he is, faced with the uncomfortable reminder that heâs keeping the sort of secret that could destroy the server if it were known.
The indignant squawk from Theo makes most of the group laugh.
"I'll play anything that has a good story, an excellent soundtrack, and a good game play loop," Orph answers. "We do not speak of the twisted blights that are rhythm games.â
âHeâs salty he always gets the lowest score. L, imagine having no rhythm,â Atlas chimes in. Immediately, Orph lunges at him with clear intent to main and/or murder. âTHE SCORING SYSTEMS ARE FUCKING BULLSHITââ
In a motion that should probably be less familiar-seeming than it is, Theo hooks an arm around Orphâs waist and stops him from completing that lunge. âLet Attie answer the fuckinâ question before you try to stab him.â The Wilbur variant gives a shriek of displeasure, which just makes those with good hearing wince.
Rather than let him continue with that, Dee slaps a hand over his mouth. He warns, âLick me and the next time you wake up, itâll be to a warden in your face.â
Orph narrows his eyes, clearly trying to determine if the risk is worth it.
Instead of making further threats, Dee says, âStrategy games, especially ones with deep mechanics, are the most valid games.âÂ
Perce grins at him and asks, âAt least until I beat you, right?â âThose are the result of game balance issues. If you can beat me in your first three games, itâs broken.â âOr youâre just bad. And a sore loser. And pissed I can exploit mechanics you overlooked.â
Dee glares at him. âI know where you sleep, little brother.â
The grin gets wider and toothier. âI know where you sleep, and have a backlog of prank ideas Iâm happy to pull outââ âMenace,â Dee mutters, though his annoyance seems like a bit. Perce retorts, âFun police.â
Righteous indignation twists Deeâs expression. âYou take that backââ
âOh my fuckinâ Prime youâre all like coked up ferrets,â Theo says, disgruntled, as he shoves a wing in between them to break their line of sight. Aster laughs and tells him, âThatâs one of the most fascinatingly hypocritical things Iâve heard you say.â
Thereâs a deadpan, âFuck you.â He gets a smug smile in response. âYou can always try to kill me for thatâŠif you think you can.â The taunt just makes Theo give a bark of laughter, though heâs got an alarmingly similar grin creeping up. âI see how it is. You have a fuckinâ deathwish, huh? Iâll fuckinâ--âÂ
âTheo, be nice,â Lee interrupts. âWhâ but heâ!â âBe. Nice.â
The youngest brother stares at the eldest with a wide-eyed look thatâŠprobably shouldnât be as intimidating as it is. Achilles is all of ten, with a significant amount of baby fat still clinging to his face.
And yet, Theo, the heavily scarred veteran of multiple wars he decided to throw himself into mostly for the hell of it, wilts under his babiest brotherâs not-quite glare.
Despite his muted affect, Asterâs aura of smugness only grows stronger.
At least, until Lee turns to point a finger at him. âDonât you be a jerk, either. Arenât you supposed to be at least sort of responsible?â
Like Theo had, Aster looks immediately chagrined. â...He deserves it, though.â âNot disputing that. I just expect better from you.â
Several people in the room, Theo included, give surprised laughs.Â
Agni, the Sapnap that is one of Perceâs best friends leans over to said Dream and whispers, â...Isnât it a little worrying he can scold them like that? Iâm not crazy for thinking that, right?â âThe second he decides to weaponize his disappointment weâre all fucked,â Perce mutters back.
âLanguage,â comes the knee-jerk response from the Bad of the friend group, Damon.
Before Theo can do more than take a breath, Lee whips back to stare at him with an even stronger warning glower.
Theo wisely closes his mouth again.
Satisfied, at least for the moment, Lee says, âI really like games where I can build stuff up. Terraria, Stardew Valley, that sort of thing. But the best games are multiplayer ones. My favorites are ones where somethingâs randomized. Everybody gets a turn to get angry, and sometimes there are even bonus team ups!â
âThe teamups are to murder the winner,â Atlas clarifies. âOr, in some cases, because they were being rude the entire game.â âI went to one family game night. Never again,â Quizzy laments. He idly flings a small pretzel at the screen.Â
It misses and instead lands on the floor.
âCheers to that,â Agni says, knocking his can of soda against Quizzyâs. â...You havenât ever been to a family game night,â Dee points out.Â
With a roll of his eyes, Agni tells him, âDude, we can hear the aftermath from our house. And we hear Perce complaining about whatever happened and whoever won for days afterwards. He still gets mad about whatever the hell caused Monopoly to be bannedââÂ
Perce immediately argues, âThere wasnât anything in the game or house rules about betrayal being bannedââ âYou backstabbed me!â Like Atlas didnât say anything, Perce barrels on, âand thereâs nothing about not playing dramatic music for revealing I had deals with everyone and am now betraying them all in one fell swoop. Or recording everyoneâs reactions. Or not selling said reactions for a tidy profit. Or manufacturing memes and betting on which ones get popular to make even more money.â
By this point, Orphâs anger level has lowered enough that his brothers let him speak. âThere are now!â âOnly because youâre all mad you didnât think of it first.â âThatâs not the point!â âThe point is youâre all sore losers who really need to learn to take an L.â
Aster lobs a pillow at him with startling precision. âYouâre going to start another brawl. At least let Theo answer the damn question first. Or do you want to be the one to explain to your dad that his eldest son is comatose because of Monopoly-based rage?â
Damon looks worried. âWait, if we donât answer questions we go into a coma?!â Theo sighs and tells him, âWe have no idea what the fuckinâ consequences are, nâ even if we did, it wouldnât fuckinâ apply to you. Just me, Dad, nâ Vio. Nobody else got told to answer.â
Technically heâs wrong about that, but Aster isnât really going to correct him about it.
Theoâs board game based rage almost visibly subsides. âDunno, I donât play a ton of games. Good story s' the most important thing to me. If that's good, I'll play pretty much anything."
Perce nods, wings ruffling a little. "Yeah, it's nice to share that with everyone. Other than thatâŠfor me, rouge-likes or RPGs with a good story are the best. Oh, or a really good visual novel."
Theo points at him. "Yeah, those too. Some're duds, others're fuckin' amazing."
His little brother grins and holds out his fist. Theo grins back and bumps it.
"Nerds," Atlas sighs, though itâs clearly a fond insult. "For meâŠman, I just want something to veg out to. Listen to music or a podcast and just vibe. The genre doesn't matter; Slime Rancher, Crypt of the Necrodancer, Bejeweledâ those are all great."
Orph perks up a little. "Oh, Crypt of the Necrodancer is a decent rhythm game. Not perfect, but better than fucking Guitar Hero."
The title is spat with a surprising amount of venom.
âWhich reminds meââ Orph wheels back on his twin, a gleam in his eye. âDonât you dare,â Atlas warns, though seems to realize itâs a lost cause.
Exactly as Orph lunges forward again, Atlas springs up off of the couch. Using his wings, he scrambles up past the TV and into the kitchen. Orph is barely a second behind him, wielding one of his daggers. âPlay bitch games, get bitch prizes!â
Nobody seems so much as bothered by the attack.
Though Perce does lean forward and say, âMy moneyâs on Atlas.â Dee scoffs. âYou kidding? Orph has righteous fury on his side.â âYeah, exactly. Itâs funnier if he loses despite that. So, Atlas will win.â
âI want Atts to win because heâll sulk for days otherwise,â Quizzy comments. âBut do you bet on it,â Dee presses. âNo, because I like having money. Iâve made too many dumb bets with all of you to get tricked into this one.âÂ
âIn my defense, I usually can make jumps like that,â Perce mutters. Theo reaches over and pats his head. âUsually pretty kickass, yeah. Nâ that just makes you cockier nâ you hit the ground even fuckinâ harder.â
Perce huffs, but heâs grinning too much to even fake annoyance. As much as they can get on his nerves, he does love his family.
âFive emeralds on Attie. Sâ vicious when he wants to be,â Theo says.Â
After a moment of thought, Aster asks, âIs this a binary choice or can we add a third option?â
âNo, you canât go bet for yourself, kill them both, and take the pot,â Perce answers.
The heavily scarred Tommy hums to himself. â...And if I did it anyway, just for fun?â âBets are invalidated.â âAnd I stab you, fuckinâ wrongâun,â Theo adds, affronted.
He knows all too well exactly what his friend is considering doing.
âWeâve established you canât actually do that, actuallyâ both literally and without Lee getting mad, sooooââ âI dunno, youâre kind of being a jerk right now. Pretty sure I made my stance on that clear,â said ten year old points out.
Theo grins, wings ruffling with more than a little smugness. âStill want to talk shit, bitch?â
Aster rolls his eyes, flicking a piece of popcorn at him. âFine, fine. You have to admit itâd be funny, though.â
âI feel like thatâs a worrying stance for the leader of the Swords and Shields to take,â Damon says. âI usually have to be the voice of reason. If I donât take chances during my free time to be a little unhinged, itâll leak out when I need to have my head on straight.â
Perce makes a face. âYouâre never unhinged, though?â âNo, you just donât see or hear about the boring parts of my life. You get adoring fans, I get to figure out who should be on rotation during your events and whoâs able to be backup if the first, second, and third stringers fall through.â
Theo bumps Asterâs side with one of his wings. âIsnât there a fuckinâ chart or something?âÂ
Something alarmingly like despair creeps into Asterâs voice. âSpreadsheets. Plural. Iâm notâ I dream of those fucking things, Iâm not talking about them right now.â
Lee leans around his eldest brother to reassuringly pat Asterâs arm. âI appreciate your hard work. And also how good of a friend you are to Theo.â
Alright this time this is for Theo. Hereâs a little context for why your father decided to jump out a window: âOk SO! Incredibly cursed idea incoming, directed at Day. One day in your multiversal travels you come across a version of you, not Dream, but you, in a happy and loving relationship with Philza Minecraft, the other worldâs version of Darkza. However this relationship came to be, whether itâs after Kristin and Phil split or they have an open relationship does not matter. What would your reaction be?â. I sent him this message. Also, I know exactly who Philza Minecraft is. Itâs why I chose him and not someone like George. Have a nice day now!
Theo is starting to suspect that the askers find his suffering entertaining.
It's the only reason he can find for why the context of the incident that happened half a day ago pops into his head right when he takes a swig of his soda.
Naturally, half of it is spat back out and a fourth of it exits via his nose. The last fourth feels like it went straight into his lungs. None of those should have any liquids going through them that way, much less a carbonated one.
Plus now his shirt, the couch, and the coffee table are going to be both damp and sticky. The later two can be cleaned fairly easily--and are marred by far more dubious stains anyway--but he does not want to admit to Aver that he may have fucked up another of his casual wear shirts.
AverâTommy Primeâwas terrifying in a way that Theo never would have imagined he could become when he first met him. You just didnât cross the guy, because heâs the single most powerful person on the server. Aver has a stranglehold on the entire clothing and fabric import, production, and export related to the server. Anything related to that goes through him at one point or anotherâup to and including employing at least a dozen other Tommys full time.
He also runs off of spite and probably-eldritch coffee. The guy is cool, but he also maybe scared Theo a tiny bit. Hard not to respect, or not be glad he adored Lee. Said little brother has been learning sewing and embroidery from him for years now; Lee has a voracious appetite for learning any and every skill he could convince anyone to teach him.
Not that any of that will help him when Aver pulls out Seam Ripper to run him through. "Fuckin'--why?!" He's irritated, despairing, and overall unhappy with this entire turn of events. The Fates chitter in amusement at him, though.
I'll take weirdest things a voice in someone's head has said for 500, Alex No no some of you have said WAY weirder shit! I agree, some of you are cringe as hell Lmao look at this guy, thinks cringe culture isn't even deader than Niki Yeah, what rock have you been living under?? Same one that Lucid's sense of style crawled out from, apparently Ooooh burn
Theo puts his head in his hands and sighs. At least this train of thought might distract them from examining what just happened too closely. "Some of you have said some real fuckinâ weirdchamp things before, agreed."
Rude Hey in my defenseâŠthe frog looked tasty It was bright red tho??? Yeah like candy! Cherry flavored frog!! Bright colors means poison you piece of soggy toast Okay but if it was one of the ones that gets you high, it would have been VERY funnyâ Double D would have been mad tho He would have probably found it funny Not if we got Theo killed?!
"A frog wouldn't have fuckinâ killed me, I'm too incredibly pog for that," Theo argues. Heâs more than a little offended that they think so little of him. They've been in his head over a decade, they should know better by now. "I would simply not die. Nature fuckinâ quivers before me."
Yeah okay, tell that to a box jellyfish Or a creeper Pfft you should go tell Sam he should quiver before you He DOES though???
His lip curls at the thought of the creeper hybrid. Sam never truly got off his shit list--his crimes may have been largely in his dadâs first life, butâŠwell. Theo forgives nothing and no one for harming his family.
It didn't help that Theo had been forced to watch how the baseline version of the Vault went down at his dad's side. Or, more accurately, sat with him at the bottom of the lava wall and tried to ground him while they both did their best to block out Dreamâs screams.
So, yeah, any Sam involved in shady shit related to the Vault was automatically on his bad side.
He's too wrapped up in his own thoughts to attempt herding the metaphorical cats in his head. This proves to be his downfall.
WaitâŠisn't that basically just selfcest? What the FUCK are you talking about Double D and Phil thing! Think about it, Double D is likeâŠmostly Phil, right? I--no?? How does that make any sense??? I'm lost here too, actually No, no, that's a fair point. Double D is something like 4/5ths Philza, if we count memories as time he livedâ DO we count them though??? He does! Yeah, see! Exactly! It TOTALLY counts, therefore we're entering very dangerous territoryâ
Desperately trying to reign in their bullshit before it ends with him needing to book a therapy appointment again, he tells them, "I'd fuckinâ appreciate if you all wouldn't discuss the idea of my dad nâ Philza being together or the--Dad is not mostly Philza, that's just fuckin stupid!"
Dee takes this exact moment to hop down from the level above and land right in front of his brother. His eyes are narrowed slightly in that way they get when he's trying to figure out if being nosy is worth the possible costs. He evidently decides they are because he asks, "...Care to explain?"
Theo isn't going to suffer through this alone; if this bullshit is being inflicted on him, heâs sharing that burden. He immediately says, "Dad got a real fuckinâ weirdchamp question asking how he would react to seeing a version of himselfâhim, not Dreamâdating a version of Phil. His response was to just fuckinâ fling himself out the window. And now the Fates are fuckinâ debating if it counts as selfcest because of the ratio of memories that are Dadâs versus the ones from Phil. And now I got the same question for context because I was real fuckinâ confused."
After a moment to digest that, Dee gives a thoughtful hum. "I see." He pauses, and then adds, "I deeply regret asking. But since I did, I'm going to say for the sake of my sanity that it's not. As funny as it would be to tell Dad not to pull a Onceler on us, others are already doing that way more clearly. Fates, please stop creating cognitohazards. Theo is enough of one already."
Theo's outraged squawk is coupled with loud laughter from the Fates.
Dee saw where I was going with that!!! Theo tell your older brother he's the second best Wait you were thinking of Onceler??? In this day and age??? Some of us are haunted by those dark, dark times I thought it was all very entertaining, actually And that's why we keep a spritz bottle for YOU I've evolved beyond being afraid of that!! I'm stronger now. I am unstoppableâ Yeah that's why thereâs a second bottle with bleach. Oh that sounds painful actually. No thanks!
As always, Theo has very little clue what the fuck is happening with them. Is it a bit? Are they actually capable of spritzing wayward members of the chorus with bleach? Is he just trying to do anything to get the idea of his dad dating Philza out of his head?
Only one of those he knows the answer to for sure. He looks up at his brother and tells him, "I'm going to go find Lee and get him to test an experimental potion on me. Anything to skip past this fuckinâ bullshit." He gets up and starts to leave, when Dee shouts after him, "Clean up the soda first, you asshole!" "Sorry, can't hear you over the sound of trying to ignore the fuckinâ bullshit going in my head!" "Theo I swear to fucking Prime if you don't get back hereâ"
Theo hastens his pace to run and launch himself off the deck and into the air. "Nope! Go fuck yourself!" He throws a middle finger back at Dee as he gains height and, more importantly, distance from him. He curves away from that section of the house because Dee is a bullshit good shot with arrows.
âŠThough it may have been worth it to get shot a few times rather than deal with whatever Dee will come up with to get back at him for this.
Eh, thatâs a problem for future-Theo. Present-Theo is just trying to distract himself from whatever the fuck the Fates are up to in his head.