#eng posts

I worry too much.

I mean, I knew that already, but I’ve had such a good first impression of Vilnius and Lithuania (and Lithuanians!) in general that I feel so stupid thinking about how worried I was before my arrival, three weeks ago! Perfection doesn’t exists but, really, at least for now everything is going incredibly, surprisingly, unbelievably well! 🙂 And there’s so much to say about these first 21 days in Lithuania! First impression was good, sure, but that doesn’t mean that there was no culture shock 😉

This has actually nothing to do with Lithuania itself but my blog, my rules still, after 10+ times that I’ve taken a plane, this time I actually managed to eat while at 35,000 feet 😆 in the past I had always feared I would throw up, but this time I was literally starving so I had no choice but give it a try. A small step for a man, a giant leap for mankind (cit.) 😆

I didn’t expect the airport to be so small 😆 I mean, it’s an European capital city after all! Not that it’s important, but I guess that was the first thing I’ve noticed once arrived.

And of course, the snow! So much snow ❄️ I’m starting not to mind it too much (but let’s talk about it again in a few months 😂 here they say it’s gonna melt soon, but we’ll see), though the thing I really hate is the ice. With good shoes you can easily walk on snow, but I seem to understand that there’s not solution for slippery pavements! Good thing volunteers have private insurance then, you never know 😆 but the weather in general is not so bad, I guess London’s grey sky prepared me well for these days ❤️ I’m adjusting good to the new climate… and you know, what? I think I’m actually going to miss the snow once it melts! It really gives this city a “Winter in Wonderland” vibe and it’s really, really pretty! (Pics coming in the next post 😉)

Vilnius is a very peculiar city. There are modern houses, roads and buses, but in some places it feels like we still live in Soviet Union… if you know what I mean. Very tall and old buildings, very old buses… not that I’m complaining, of course! To me it’s interesting to see how things have evolved or not since that time, I was actually looking forward to this!

Buildings may be old, but the apartments and places in general I went to till now look very cozy… and hot! I understand that considering how cold it is outside (though I have to say, -15 °C doesn’t feel much different from -2 °C… actually, the only thing that really makes a difference is the moist) you want to feel good at home, but I didn’t bring so much winter clothing to feel hot 😆

Did you know that in Eastern Europe, the toilet and the sink (and bathtube) used to be in two different rooms? I mean… why. Very unpractical. Luckily for me, my host family’s house is a modern one 😆

Lithuanian people are much more welcoming than what I had imagined before coming here! Sure I was lucky, but both the people I interact with at work and my host parents and kids are very nice, welcoming and open-minded people! Cashiers at shops and restaurants may not be as smiley (with very welcomed exceptions), but overall I really can’t complain!

And to be a bit more specific, my host kids and parents really are the nicest people I’ve ever met. Sure, we’re still in the “honeymoon phase”, but for now they are waaaaaaaay more welcoming than my English host family in London! They prepare traditional food for me to try, they sit to talk to me, they show me pictures and videos of their vacations (and if it’s not pictures, it’s films! We can stay up just chilling till past midnight... I mean, WHAT?! Nicest people ever), they’re already inviting me to spend some time off with them… and actually already brought me with them for a small trip to Trakai on my first weekend here! And we’re going to the theatre on Wednesday, than the Observatory at the end of the month, and so on! Again, things may change anytime, and sure there are times when the situation does feel awkward… but I feel so lucky and blessed right now! The kids seem to like to have me around, it’s great! Even the shyest ones are already starting to open up despite the language barrier, right now I really couldn’t ask for anything better! 🙂

Being around so many nice people really helps with homesickness! In London I’ve cried a few times during the first days, while here the bad days have yet to come! The second night I had more trouble sleeping, and during my first week here, every time I was on the bus to go back “home”, it would really hit me that this is my life right now, that the bus won’t ever stop in front of my actual home… but again, things could be waaaaaay worse. Maybe it’s because it’s not my first time living abroad… or who knows, maybe I’m really, really liking it here! Whatever the reason, I feel fine. Really. 🙂

And the kids at school are amazing too! Again, there’s some exceptions (especially between teenagers, but you know how teenagers are), but most of them are very helpful and interested in learning more about Italy and myself in general, very curious kids, open-minded, kind… and they speak such a good English, it’s impressive! Sure, the school is brand new, everything is big and modern, and most teachers are young (and very nice to me as well!) but still, the schools I went to in Italy were nothing like this one, and Italians take themselves too seriously even at a young age, so this also was a very nice surprise!

School keeps me very busy. It may also be because last week there was one teacher missing and I was covering for her, but everyday there’s actually so, so much to do! And I haven’t even started my club, my personal project yet! I’m not complaining at all, being busy helps with homesickness, and I hear too many complaints from other volunteers about how little they do at their hosting organizations to mind the job I do at mine! It’s tiring, but for now the work I’ve done in the school has been just as rewarding. 🙂

But why is there a 10′/15′/20′ break after every lesson, I don’t understand! I could go back home HOURS before I actually do without them! For now I find this way of organizing the day very annoying.

Lithuanians don’t do meals, they at eat any time of the day. There’s no breakfast, no lunch, no midday or afternoon snack, no supper… there’s just “I was feeling hungry and so I’ve eaten something/a whole meal I could have actually split in three” 😆

Lithuanians are (understandably) very patriotic. You can see the national flag or coat of arms waving outside houses and buildings, or inside cars or halls… you can see it literally everywhere!

Someone finally explained to me the reason why Eastern Europeans (okay, Lithuania is now officially a Northern European country but still, they were part of the URSS and that’s what’s important now to prove my point) like old Italian singers so much! Apparently they could listen to Italian music back in the days of the Cold War, and that used to give them a sense of freedom… while now, it’s all about nostalgia! I’ve always wondered about this, and finally now I’ve found my answer! #themoreyouknow

I’ve met some pretty amazing people during the past weeks and as I’ve already said, the large majority were very welcoming… but still there’s also people who happens to see me every day at school and just stare at me. No smiles, no “Hello!”, not even a distracted “Labas.”, nothing. I guess they do are Northern people after all 😉

Last but not least, meeting people from all over the world (especially other volunteers, who can understand better than everyone else what I’m going through) is still one of the things I prefer about living abroad! To hear their stories, about themselves and the things they have left home and found abroad, really is something enriching and priceless for me! Sure I’m missing something by living in a family and not in an apartment with the other guys, but every situation has its perks… and maybe this topic deserves a post on its own 😉

And now a short list of things that #mademyday during the past three weeks:

I was on the bus two weeks ago and we were in the middle of nowhere an old man sits near me and asks me something. I immediatly assume he’s speaking Lithuanian, so I tell him that I don’t understand him... and he answers me in English! Long story short, he is Lithuanian but has Italian roots, speaks so many languages #goals and at some point he tells me that I have “an interesting life!”, and I think that’s the best compliment I’ll ever get EVER from anyone in my life!

To the Ukranian kid whose face LIT UP when I thanked him in Ukranian (probably the only thing I can say in that language, but still 😂) - I’ll always remember that smile, thanks. Totally made my day.

You know sincere smiles? The ones you make without even noticing you’re smiling so kindly, with mouth AND eyes? The ones you make when the other person is not even looking at you? Well, I’m so glad I was able to catch those smiles, they felt so nice 🙂

This isn’t the kind of post I wanted to write.

This is in fact not the post I wrote two weeks ago and saved in my drafts for the new year (have I already told you I have a problem with editing? In addition to all my other problems, of course).

Two weeks ago I wrote a post so full of enthusiasm and good intentions for my next adventure in Vilnius, I wrote a post filled with expectations and hope for my 7 month-long EVS, full of love, full of life! I had just come back from Milan where I had my pre-departure meeting, I felt like I got it all, like I actually knew what I was doing moving to a country without knowing no one, the language, the culture! Because that’s exactly what I had shot for! Because I like travelling, I love learning, and because I thought that the experience of getting to know a new culture while helping others would be the single most important thing I could ever do in my life! I had made my choice, I felt in control, I was happy!

Then all it took was a flu and a couple of bad days, and now anxiety and fear are literally consuming me. You know it’s bad when not even watching Sam’s speech at the end of The Two Towers makes me want to put my boots on and go!

I went through my old posts, the ones I wrote before London… and they’re all so bubbly and full of excitement! Either I didn’t write about my down days before the departure or I didn’t have any. Lucky (past) me. Sure I had bad days too while in London (what was I even thinking when already in September I wrote something like “I would have no problem going home already”?! Stupid, naive, past self!), but they came after, not before I left! And the truth is that even with all the negative, the year I spent there just set the bar too high. Or at least that’s what it feels like right now. Nostalgia, of course... but I did have the most amazing time in London.

Still, it’s part of the process, innit? The anxiety, the fear. It’s not like I wasn’t expecting them, but the timing couldn’t be worse! I still have three whole days at home and I’ve basically already done everything I had to do, I’m just… waiting. And the waiting is consuming me. The thinking, the OVER-thinking… I’ve ended up questioning everything. What if I miss my flight, what if they lose my baggage, what if my host family is awful (long story short, the volunteers’ apartment is too far away from the school I am volunteering at, so they found me a family to live with. It’s going to be a bit like au pairing again, and I’m yet to decide if that’s a good thing or not), what if I don’t make any friends, what if the job is horrible and I find nothing to do in my spare time apart from writing and watching Netfilx (I know Vilnius is not London, that’s actually part of the reason why I’m moving there, because it’s nothing like what I’m already used to… but Vilnius is not London. There must be a reason why nobody wrote the sentence “When a man is tired of Vilnius, he is tired of life”, right?), what if no one understands me, what if they all hate me and I hate them all! I already knew that you need to keep yourself busy the first days after you’ve moved abroad, to avoid homesickness and general anxiety, I just didn’t think it would also be a good thing to have plenty of things to do before the departure! The more you know, uh? There’s always room for learning, I guess.

So, that’s basically it. I just wanted to update my blog in case I feel like writing on here again in the next days or months, to rant keep up with all the new things and people coming into my life soon. At some point I felt like just opening an Instagram profile this time, but the sad truth is that I almost never take pictures, plus I find writing therapeutic. Maybe this wasn’t the post I wanted to write, but it is the kind of post I needed to write. So that the next time I’m leaving (I find it difficult to think about it now, but the hard truth is that once you start wandering around it’s difficult to stop, that’s what got me here in the first place), I will find at least one post that is not overly enthusiastic, a post in which I express all my fears for the upcoming trip. And hopefully I will read it and think: “Wow, what was I even afraid of? Realx, past self, you ended up having the time of your life!”. Or at least a “It wasn’t that bad”. Or “It was bad, but you’ve survived”. Or even just a shrug and a “Whatever, it’s only life.”.

Hopefully.

Here, I already feel a bit better… kinda.

:)