#endmsforever

And The Hourglass Turns…

From the moment we are old enough to understand that life is fleeting, in the back of our minds we know that day will come. That day with the doctor tells us ‘it’s incurable’. My day was December 2nd, 2013. That day, my hourglass flipped over and started running the opposite direction. My past and future defined.

After a few years of 'not feeling normal’ followed by 4 weeks of uncontrollable, all consuming muscle contractions through my whole body (that were exhausting by the way), I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

In many ways I was relieved and oddly comforted in having an actual term with which to label my mystery ailments. I mean, it wasn’t the massive brain tumor I thought, it wasn’t the big scary C word and it wasn’t something that would give me a definitive expiration date. I greeted the news with relief and a optimistic 'it is what it is, but I can live with that’ attitude. Nevertheless, it’s a very serious disease. One with no cure. One that is very solitary. One that has the potential to be extremely debilitating. One that you fight alone because there is no common thread. One lacking a single protocol. No one - even those with MS - exhibits the disease the same way.

Having lived with MS for over a year now, I can say that since my diagnosis, I don’t even know what to expect from one day to the next. This is the only true known. What I also know is, my hourglass has been turned.

The hourglass concretely represents the present as being between the past and the future. Not only does it measure time, an hourglass symbolically depicts that human existence is fleeting, and that the 'sands of time' will run out for every human life. For whatever reason, upon diagnosis, the hourglass stuck firmly in my mind.

Like an hourglass, my 'present’ - my emotions, my physical abilities and my outlook - shifts just like sand. Like an hourglass, my 'past’ - my career, my skills and hobbies - have been turned ass-on-end (pardon the phrase, but it’s true) only to begin a unknown 'future’ that is, well, limited by the sands of time.

Lucky for me, my 'hourglass’ is full. It is full of wonderful people whom I love dearly, whether they are in my life now or in the past. They hold me up when the MS makes me unstable and wobbly. My hourglass is full of experience, both joyous and challenging, that provides a compass when the MS makes me disoriented. It is full of optimism and laughter that greets my new ‘MS frenemy’ (my witty name I have given the enemy living in my brain that I have come to befriend) every morning with “Let’s see what you got for me today? Whatever it is, I can handle it, bring it on!”. My hourglass is full, even if my healthy days may be running out.

With Chronic Orange, my blog, launched on World MS Day, I hope to share with you my experiences with my frenemy called MS. Selfishly, it will be cathartic, but more than being self-serving, I hope to reach out to others with MS to share experiences and to 'fill their hourglass’ as well. Above all else, for everyone reading, I hope to be inspiring.

No matter which end faces up on your hourglass…your sand is moving, today is here, live it!