#enchantedcosette

(*winces* I just. I have no illusions about it, but I feel like I was deluding myself into thinking any of those covers were acceptable to begin with, not that I ever thought they were ‘good’  - I knew how third rate I was. I could actually feel my lack of talent, as if it were cheap clothes I was wearing inside. it’s not even humility or self-deprecation as much as it is an all encompassing feeling of shame, to the point where it borders on feeling like I’ve done something wrong. or maybe that is self-deprecation, idk. hearing myself makes me really miserable, and there’s no point in pushing myself to do something that hurts so much, so unless that feeling somehow dissipates…? and it’s terrible to say this to you, to anyone, and not graciously just say, “thank you” and accept the compliment, because I don’t want to come across as invalidating or being ingracious towards your compliments/support/opinion. I value it so much and it matters ENORMOUSLY to me, because I know you mean it, and I know you believe it, even when I can’t myself).

today, there was a ring at the doorbell, and lo, a package arrived! 

remember the marvelous gothicky raven birdcage fairylights?

darling Giselle sent them to me for my birthday!!! what a wonderful surprise my love, I cannot thank you enough. ♥♥♥  (had I realized what the box was when it came, I wouldn't have opened it and would have saved it, but my mom didn't know, so it's just a little early. :D the timing was wonderful, though, because I was taken quite ill this morning and it was nice to have something cheerful to focus on!) some of you already know this, but the wall of my room that my bed is on is constructed very oddly (it's a retaining wall, I guess?), and it has this ledge that runs the entire length of it. my bed takes up one part of it, and I have a bunch of my Monster High dolls displayed along it (it's to my left side as I sit at my desk), so I strung the cages behind the ghouls to light them up a little bit. (yes, I have Disney princess plaques hanging above candy-colored monsters. ...no one is surprised). the lights are such an atmospheric touch, they give off a warm glow but are perfectly spooky at the same time!

is this a belated response to the tv series meme? I’ll take it. (oh my gosh, The Nanny, though

okay, I left The Nanny off of the essay I wrote last night in regards to television, but allow me to speak about this for a moment - I just had a discussion with Melissa about ethnic identities/cultural heritages, and talked to her about how I’ve always felt a connection with my Jewish background, even though it’s only half of my family, and not even the half I grew up with, I feel very culturally Jewish, and it’s always a tricky thing to explain, and it’s also something I have been ostracized and attacked for in various places and on various occasions. I don’t want to give everyone a boring tale of my struggle to find acceptance/understanding of it because that’s a whole other issue much too weighty for this moment, BUT The Nanny was a big deal to me when I was a kid, because Fran was so unabashedly who she was. Yes, it’s over-the-top and a comedic stereotype of Jewish women and families - though I find it less offensive than other similar jokey Jews that have been portrayed on television since - but there was still an authenticity to it and it gave me a deep feeling of representation? She didn’t have to be ashamed of her culture, she just owned it, and I still love that, and I respect Fran Drescher a lot in general. BLAH BLAH YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS YOU JUST WANTED ME TO DO A SIMPLE MEME)

❤ Favorite Male: Niles❤ Favorite Female: Fran❤ Favorite Pairing: Fran/Maxwell❤ Least Favorite Character: I’m not sure, maybe Brighton❤ who’s most like me: Grace, a lot of which is because she is a real blending of both cultures since being raised by Fran has a big impact on her (and the imaginary friend neuroses aren’t too far off, either). She is her Anglo-European side, but she gets a lot of influences from Fran’s outlook on life and her distinct background.❤ most attractive: Max???? (shhh HIS ACCENT THO)❤ three more characters that I like: C.C., Yetta, Maggie

and in the submission Annabelle sent me, she asked me to do Gilmore Girls, but I hadn’t had a place to answer that yet, so I’ll do it here!

thank you, bb, that means a lot. <333 it’s not as bad as most of what I recorded, at least I don’t feel like it was a huge disservice to Judy or anything regardless of how lightweight my voice is overall. I know how second-rate I am, etc.

;___; I love you both infinitely, and thank you for being nice to me, but NOPE I HAVE THE WORST MOST AWFUL NOSE, I HATE IT, IT RUINS MY ENTIRE FACE. like not that I particularly celebrate my face as a whole, but I often think, “IF I COULD ONLY FIX MY NOSE.”

It’s way too bulbous and very Jewish looking, I got my fathers’ family nose (I sadly take no comfort from Barbra Streisand and her never-changing-her-nose legacy). It’s also technically broken - I had a perfect little turned up ski nose when I was a child, but in elementary school, this girl Tiffany threw a ball right at my face during gym and busted the cartilage in the bridge, so it’s crooked and gross on profile, and then my baby cousin fell on me a few years later and broke it further (he gave me a concussion and he was fine lol). I could also get it fixed for actual medical reasons beyond the cosmetic ones, because I have a deviated septum that has always plagued me with sinus problems, but the cosmetic horror at looking at myself is the reason I’d most want to get it fixed (superficial about it idec). When I was a teenager and was more tormented about it (the boys in high-school used to call me Miss Piggy?), my mom used to say we’d find a way to get it fixed when I was in my twenties, but of course life sort of didn’t work out the way we planned so I’m still stuck with this stupid nose. The first time I ever saw Liv Tyler, I was like, “THAT’S IT THAT’S THE PERFECT PRINCESS NOSE THAT I WANT” and it will forever make me sigh heavily when I see her (though Liv is the epitome of beauty to me in basically every other way, as well, no one is surprised). 

Amy Adams also has a fantastic nose, I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW THOSE HAPPEN. D: But, darlingest Jamie, shhhh, YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND REMINISCENT OF A PAINTING AND YOUR NOSE IS REALLY CUTE (she says, stubbornly, knowing how easy this is to say and impossible this is to internalize).