#emptyheir

@emptyheir left an offering :

your nose is bleeding .

max doesn't react to the observation . in fact , max doesn't move at all , save for the occasional involuntary twitch of her facial muscles . eyes rolled back in her skull , she couldn't staunch the flow of blood from her nose if she tried : in fact , she can't tell just yet , but she's over a year away at the moment , tucked into a pocket of the past . it's still hard for her to focus in the haze , a muddled red mess that will take practice for her cloudy eyes to see through . she can hear steve .... though the comment about her nose bleeding sounds so faint it doesn't seem real , and she hears his voice much more clearly here . she moves through the space as if in a dream , though in truth her body is stiff & stationary . steve ? she can hear him talking to her , his voice low & shattered against a backdrop of hospital gowns & clinical beeping . was he going to get hurt ? is that what this is about ? she moves with more urgency , fingertips digging desperately through the thick , almost gelatinous air . the hospital bed , silver & cold , doesn't hold the man she's looking for : instead , max is face to face with her own mangled body .

suddenly , what steve is saying makes a lot more sense : he's talking about the letter . the letter . she had wondered every now & then whether he had read it ---- she hasn't asked anyone in the party if they had or hadn't . max doesn't really think she wants to know whether or not they had accepted she was gone or not . it makes it just a little too real to stomach . if vision - steve was right , he hadn't touched the thing . he won't , he says . he won't give up on her . he had thought about it , but when he opened the paper and saw the tearstained pages he couldn't stomach it . and then .... he stays . he talks to her , tells her about what each of her friends have been doing . they haven't been good , that's for certain . they miss her , he says . come home , max . she would if she could . she tries , though the air floods her mouth like blood and the sound comes out garbled ---- she reaches out , frightened , desperate ----- and for a second it seems like steve looks her right in the face .

the lights flicker before everything turns black once again ,

@emptyheir asked : ‘  it’s  scary  not  knowing  what’s  coming  next ,   but  you’ve  got  the  worlds  best  safety net .  ’

steve’s  got  one  thing  right :   it’s  really  fucking  scary .   you  spend  your  entire  life  looking  forward  to  the  future ,    you  kinda  have  an  idea  of  what  you  want  &  what’s  coming .    in  the  span  of  less  than  a  week ,    almost  everything  max  loves  was  taken  from  her .    when  vecna  took  her  sight ,   he  took  much  more  than  that :    he  stole  her  independence .    skateboarding ,    trips  to  the  arcade ,    movies ,   clothes  —-   none  of  them  fucking  matter  anymore .   she’s  spent  more  time  than  ever  moping  around ,   &  despite  it  being  wholly  justified  she’s  just  been  feeling  worse  &  worse .

which  is  why ,   at  eleven  am  on  a  crystal  clear  friday ,    the  door  to  family  video  opens  &  in  walks  a  redhead  who  should  absolutely  be  at  school .   by  noon ,   max  is  perched  on  the  counter ,   diana  curled  up  on  the  ground  below  her  as  vans - clad  feet  swing .   she’s  not  really  sure  why  she  finds  steve  so  easy  to  talk  to ,   why  he  feels  like  such  a  safe  presence .   for  a  split  second ,    she  wonders  how  different  her  life  would  be  right  now  if  steve  had  joined  her  family  instead  of  billy  —-  but  the  thought  is  quickly  smothered  by  guilt  &  grief .   it  feels  cruel :    like  she’s  erasing  billy  &  forcing  steve  into  the  brother - shaped  hole  in  her  heart .    

he’s  easy  to  talk  to ,   though ,   especially  when  the  family  video  is  as  desolate  as  it  is  now  —-   and  he  has  a  knack  for  getting  max  to  lower  her  defenses ,   anyway .   their  idle  chatting  grows  heavy  when  steve  finally  breaches  the  subject  of  why  the  girl  was  here  instead  of  at  school .   the  answer  comes  out  more  honestly  than  max  had  intended ,    raw  truth  bitter  on  her  tongue .   ‘  there’s  no  point  in  school  anymore .   i  can’t  take  notes ,   can’t  see  the  board ,   can’t  read  the  assignments .   it’s  stupid ,   it’s  all  so  stupid .   when  my  cousin  murphy  lost  her  vision ,   her  mom  pulled  her  out  of  school  and  taught  her  at  home .    but …    my  mom  can’t  afford  to .    i  have  no  idea  how  i’m  even  going  to  graduate ,   and  i  definitely  don’t  know  what  i’m  going  to  do  after  that .   it’s  all  just ….  one  big  question  mark .   or  a  giant  middle  finger .   kinda  feels  like  both .   ’   her  stomach  turns :   with  no  way  to  gauge  steve’s  reaction  the  vulnerability  is  more  than  a  little  uncomfortable .

despite the frigid temperatures waiting outside, she'd neglected to wear a coat. she's never liked coats. they've always been too restrictive in her movement. instead of protecting her from the cold outside, they only strangled her. a guise to hide their true intention. ( much like her guardian had. ) with the recent negative degree weather, perhaps a few layers of sweaters hadn't exactly shielded her from the wind. her cheeks must be bright pink which only makes her blush harder. especially since steve noticed so soon.

there's a pleasant haze to the edge of her vision , tension eased & smoothed over with the help of the vodka in her water bottle . she's not fucked up drunk , okay , this is just .... her average state of being these days . she's yet to find any other option to get her through the long days & cleanse the emotional wounds that are still gaping open .

it's also the only thing that unlocks the vault of honesty she keeps locked away so tightly . she's better at navigating it now ---- there's no sloppiness , no slurred words and bullshit , bullshit , bullshit . ( the word makes her feel fucking sick with regret just thinking about it . ) even as steve gently cradles her face in his large hands , nancy hesitates . always standing on the precipice , never willing to take the next step . why is that , nance ? don't you think steve deserves an answer ?

she can't keep the smile from her face as steve takes her hands & leads her towards the clearing . for the first time in a long time , the fluttering in nancy's heart is from excitement rather than fear . ' there's no music , steve . ' it hardly even counts as a complaint , considering she's already drawing him close & settling her hands on his shoulders . with the other stranded teens otherwise occupied , the moment was oddly intimate as the pair swayed .

there's not words for the way nancy's stomach twists at steve's soft admission . there was joy , certainly , but it was tainted with all of the darkness nancy has kept tucked away for years . all of the regret , the insecurity .... all of the damage she knows she's done to him . her first instinct is to withdraw : all these years and she's still in this same old habit of evading intimacy . want me , but don't depend on me .

but this wasn't just anyone . this was steve . no matter how many years pass , her love for him persisted . despite the arguments & the harsh way it ended between them , nancy will always hold the man in a special place in her heart . now , with him standing before her , shining like a beacon of hope .... it's time for nancy to pull the trigger .

she could laugh. oh, how nice it would be! life has never given her a quiet moment just to close her eyes, it seems. every time she has tried to pause, something else has thrown itself at her. the drugged nights in fogg's, unable to erase all that blood from her mind, the birth of her daughter, losing anthony . . . johanna never thought she would make it this far, nevertheless as a mother. do mothers ever sleep? every moment she can manage should be sacrificed for her child. perhaps it's the lack of her own mother in her childhood or the dreams she made up about lucy b.arker.

for now, her daughter is sick and how could she possibly close her eyes when her forehead feels that warm? even now, johanna guilt nags at her. she left her in the other door to get the door.