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I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am I don't know who I am ....
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im so fucked up rn??
i have an incredibly complex and confusing relationship with romance and with what i want and its stressing me out so much
im aromantic but no one i know seems to get what that means! i dont not want romance in my life. i love love! and i want to be loved. to me being aromantic means that theres no distinction between the type of love i feel for my closest friends and family, and the love id feel for a partner. its the context and boundaries that make it different, but it also means ill never hold a romantic relationship higher than my closest friendships
it doesnt mean i cant love or i cant be in a committed relationship w someone
i also just played a game where the romantic subplot was super strong (like 100% in stats) and it still ended with this horrible melancholic, empty feeling of two people who know something is ending but they dont want to let go yet
it reminded me how finite everything is, and now im wallowing in it and feeling like ive just gone through a breakup, which is SO DUMB BC IT WAS A GAME??
theres no point to this post. i just feel deeply deeply sad and alone when it comes to this stuff. im terrified that no one will ever love me bc of what and who i am - a gay aromantic transmasc nb with severe adhd and ptsd
i feel so robbed of so many things in my life, and its something im struggling with violently lately. im full of resentment over it and even though im happier than ive ever been, stuff like this wounds me more deeply than it has in years
i just want someone whos emotionally available enough to talk about this stuff to understand what im going through and suport me, rather than brushing me off or changing the subject bc its too hard
Is it wrong to want to fix things? To want to make things right for her? All I want is for her to be happy and well, so why does everyone get so upset with me??? I just want to protect her!! Why dont they see that? They do, I bet. I bet they just want to be in the way of us! They never did like me and her together, they said we weren't right together. I'm trying to help them too though! If the let me fix things, it will be okay for them too but they're too busy getting annoyed and calling me names. I'm sorry I can't help the way I am. I'm sorry I love her so much I'd do anything to help her. I'm sorry you're jealous of our devotion to each other. Im sorry...sorry you have such a problem. She's mine. Let me protect her.
