#empathic reading

Okay so I’m not focusing on the dialogue here but I wanted to throw these things together. Talking cinematography again mostly (because I love it) but here, look. First of all, when Dean goes out hunting in this episode he’s dressed in his army surplus green. He’s even carrying the big green army tote bag in this scene. Dean has been at war, doing his duty (even though it’s traumatic: look at how he frames death and horror over here) , and the khaki represents that strongly. Don’t forget the Winchesters are in fact a military family on top of everything else.

Anyway cinematography started here. Dean with his back against the wall, and Jack too, both of them are cornered by this conversation. And we pan out and the way Jack is framed gives you a clear view of his throat. #vulnerability

So here we are and we’re filming from behind Dean, yes. But not just behind him. We film from below, so it makes Sam look a lot bigger (and look at Sam emoting it’s amazing! he is so personally invested right here, I suspect he’s been planning this fight in his head. He seems surprised to me that Dean isn’t as pissed about Mary as he is about Cas, because I think to Sam Mary (whom he never knew) is the biggest loss here, and it makes sense in his head that Dean would be missing her harder. This response is planned, but he has nothing to say when Dean bring up Cas. “What about Cas?” he asks, only to go stony faced when Dean flies off the handle.) This scene also makes it look like Dean has his back up, which of course he does. 

Then as if Sam isn’t big enough, we film from behind him, and from slightly below, and Dean’s shoulders barely even make it into frame while Sam’s fill it. We pull in close to Dean’s face (as we pull into Jack’s, drawing parallels in emotion between the two of them), but as we do we fill the frame with Sam’s shoulder as well, and he looms bigger the closer you get to Dean’s emotion.

As if that isn’t bad enough look at his throat. #vulnerable again. It’s like someone went in there and caught a finger around it and literally pulled it over to one side to show more of it. Now I will concede this it the bag pulling fabric down on that side, but the effect is blatant, and if they didn’t want it all they had to do was film from Sam’s other side. The effect is that the Soldier Dean that walked in is gone, and there’s this fragile, vulnerable man left behind by the war of his entire life, and he’s lost everything, he’s lost Cas, he’s been caught in this conversation out of nowhere where Sam is making him out as the bad guy who’s going to screw Jack up for both of them. 

Dean puts everything out there with his words. He exposes himself, he exposes how he cares about Cas so that the audience (and Sam) can connect the dots about all his ‘Where’s Cas?’ ‘Why isn’t Cas answering his phone?’ ‘Cas is--(dead)’ moments, and at the same time as some incredible acting from all parties involved, and callbacks to all sorts of scenes throughout the series (12 years of layers, nvm John’s ghost haunting the whole season) we also get these visual elements, and they all add up to the final punch in the gut.

This is how things usually go for me:  --gets (finally) outwardly upset about something (generally something that can’t be fixed) --everyone else volunteers to make me a coffee/tries to convince me to chill with the Sims/watch TV --eventually deals with my shit emotionally and calms down --goes back to dealing with feelings on the inside like a totally coping repressed empath

With volatile emotions from one person when you’re in a state of focus yourself there’s such a strong impulse to try and gain serenity that you’ll go out of your way to try and fix it. Doesn’t matter if you care about the person’s feelings or not, because the motives from someone who’s doing it selfishly or someone who’s doing it selflessly are the same: please stop being upset right now this is harshing my groove. If it’s for selfish reasons it’s usually because you want to get on with something else and the upset person is causing a roadblock. Selfless reasons imply you want the person to stop hurting because the depth of their upset it in itself agonizing for you.

Speaking in terms of how things go in our house: I generally refuse to accept these platitudes because I can see how false they are, but eventually I’ll suck it in and pretend to be okay for the sake of everyone (usually because emotional feedback from me sets off the other empaths in the house and they get snappish). Anyway, not the point.

Dean told Sam that he was not okay. Their argument was the first sign Sam had (really) that Dean was not okay and that this wasn’t just him being standoffish and brusque for no reason. When Dean then tells Sam that he’s still not okay at the end of 13x04 then we move to this: Sam trying to resolve the status quo by bringing things to Dean that he thinks he likes, and trying to convince Dean to go and do the things he likes.

In my opinion Sam’s motivation could easily be selfishness, compassion or both at once, but he’s basically doing the Sam Winchester equivalent of bringing me a coffee when I’m upset out of - in my opinion - a sense of helplessness that he neither knows what the problem is entirely or (because it’s so vast and nebulous) how to deal with it, not realizing that it’s really just something Dean has to work through on his own.

Hi Loryn!

The first thing that I started to feel was a clinch in my throat that made me want to cry. I’m just feeling tears and tears and tears, and I see a room of dolls but there is one in particular with a tear coming out of its right eye (left if you’re looking at it). I feel sadness, a deep rooted sadness. Do you suffer from depression? Are you in the midst of grief? I feel like it’s more of the first than the latter. And it is such a heavy burden on your shoulders. It feels as if it even hurts to breathe. But when I search deeper, I feel your souls and my goodness, your soul is on fire, it’s so strong. You’re made of iron and fire, you are not a force to be rekoned with. Your soul is in there, but it’s hidden in thorny brambles, but it’s there. the fire might have dimmed for a time, but fan the flame and it will gnaw and flame its way through its barriers. I also see this image: you snarling/ biting your teeth at something. It feels to me as if you want to tear something apart, and that something may be what your depression is triggered by. I’m wondering, is someone keeping you down / locking your soul up / making you feel as if you have to hide your true self? I feel like you might be hiding from something, and I’m getting that you’re hiding from yourself just to survive or be accepted. When I reach out to see your animal guides, I keep seeing large cats (mostly jaguars) and a bear. And I keep hearing “your bear is in hibernation, but it’s spring! your bear needs to wake up in order to survive the winters in life. wake your bear up and use its strength to get you through this time!” I would highly recommend looking up bear medicine or bear spiritual guides. I think more specifically it’s a black bear. When we look at the bear we automatically jump to carnivore due to its large teeth and impressive stature, but this is wrong. While bears do eat fish, mostly they are herbivores. Perhaps this is a reflection of you: people see you one way and make assumptions, but you are truly another way, and only those who know you, those who truly know you (and I’m getting a vibe that it’s not many if anyone) would know otherwise.

Hi Alyssa <3 Thank you so much for your sweet compliment! <3 I hope the reading below helps you xoxo

((First of all, you’re beautiful! :)

I get a sense of someone who was a people pleaser for a very long time, but then recently -- and I'm feeling like two years ago? ish? -- something happened and there was a very definitive and maybe sudden change to become more focused on happiness for the self. I see old relationships that might be pulling you down from time to time -- family of origin, for example -- but even so it seems like the recent changes were strong enough that this is not really even an issue for you in any big, real way.

For career, I'm seeing something actually kind of serious -- you're in a black suit, and you're holding your own in a very real way -- some kind of advocacy is the sense that I get. It might be law, it might be victim advocacy, or it might be some other kind of speaking up on behalf of others, in some way.

I see tons of happiness and a great potential to become more and more free from whatever it was that you have started to leave behind, and lots of happiness. I see a natural warmth and humor that shines through. And emotional self-sufficiency that is good but that you might need to consciously address if you find yourself wanting to get closer to a romantic partner -- let them in and let them help you every once in a while.

are open. 

but i'm only doing four and if i'm not mistaken there's 3/4 slots already filled.  

please be patient with me. i can read people accurately it's the interpretation that's the hard part and one that i'm trying to work on. i think i've gotten a few aspects down but definitely not all. your reading will more than likely be an odd little story of you roaming around in nature but everything is a symbol of sorts. it's a little hard to explain.

i do not know when i will get these readings done; i take my time and i'll probably only do one a day, a couple at best. they wear me down pretty fast. (:

if you'd like one, message me with a focus if you've got one (focus on career, spiritual path, etc). i'll really try to focus on what you specify. 

i'm not being humble when i say that i'm not very good at interpretation so if you're looking for some clarification or a solid answer, i'm probably not the one to come to. i'm not trained in these, not officially tested, but in good fun / curiosity if you'd like one, just lemme know!

let the fun begin!