Aug 14, 2023
Many times men are known for having what can be viewed as unbridled rage. We will get furious at the drop of a hat. Here is how you can calm
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Many times men are known for having what can be viewed as unbridled rage. We will get furious at the drop of a hat. Here is how you can calm
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Hey hey! Wondering if you could address feeling stuck/ left behind in life? I look at my siblings and friends who are married, own houses, have / planning kids and good jobs. I never thought I would make it this far in life. I stumbled into my current job (which is amazing) but don’t know where I am going or what I want. People ask where I will be in 5 years. Honestly I don’t know. I still don’t see the point of life and surprised I made it to where I am. Cheers!
First off
Well done! You are still here!
It sounds like there is a bit of envy or like “that’s where I should be maybe” ism. Everyone charts their own course. And tbh even those siblings and friends don’t know for sure where they will be in 5 years - life changes and changes and changes. For good and for ill. It’s okay to not know where you are going.
Envy or jealously can be helpful for us (hear me out okay?) . Premise: all emotions are signals for folks. Sadness = grief and/or need to connect; anger = boundary violation or covering hurt, sadness or fear, etc. Envy signals a deep longing. So what is the longing for you? Does that represent family? Safety? Stability? Does not having those things mean safety? Is there anxiety? Spend some time with those feeling and try and figure out what’s going on for you.
The other piece is - well say that you are still having these thoughts and you know that it’s not really serving a purpose but it’s annoying you still. You can do a couple of things. Acknowledge it and put it away mentally (“wow Kate is a professor now cool cool I guess *internal jealousy to 100* I see that thought and I’m going to put it away because it’s not helpful or good for me to focus.”). Focus on the things that you do well (god I just got a cat and she is the BEST. And my job rocks. And I did a load of laundry). Distract yourself - explore someplace, meet up with a friend watch something new.
Somebody teach me how to be the angry friend. Like, how to just turn on rage for someone else's sake even when they're just going to tell you it's okay, but you know you getting pissed would make them feel better?????
Dykes writing about sexuality and vulnerability have forged an emotional knowledge out of the need to situate intimate lives in relation to classism, racism, and other forms of oppression.
Cvetkovich, An Archive of Feelings, 4