#emonemo

Update on our bucket list this week! We marked a few more things off, like cosplaying as our new characters, starting a book from the same genre as our WIP, and doing some word sprints. So excited to keep working on this project after april : ) But also glad to get the bucket list done, we're getting close to the end

I don’t quite know what to feel

of all the things I notice about you

I want to know you better

but I don’t know how to let you know

 I don’t quite know what to feel

After all those words you said to me

I guess it’s for the better

but I wished it didn’t happen

 I don’t quite know what to feel

About how unlikely it seems

It’s not going to get better

but it’s time to make a change happen 

All these feelings that I don’t quite know

How to make sense of this complicated world

It sucks to not understand

whether it helped me or not

it ruined my psychological and logical thinking

when i dont eat, i feel like i was in control. like i could control and restrict myself from eating more. like i skipped dinner or ate around 500 calories. sure i felt hungry but i was in control. i was happy that i was getting stick thin (my crazy self speaking)

when i binge, my own actual self is eating and feels happy at that moment, only at that moment. but after my ed self sprials out of control thats when my brain is yelling at me to stop but nah mate my brain is trying to derive the feeling of happiness when i used to eat normally but i just cant feel it anymore. why ? because my ed makes me hate food so i dont binge if not ill have to purge

when i purge, i feel so horrible and it stinks (pun intended) but my ed says “hey its okay its fine, you’ll be empty again”

i love food alright but food makes me go haywire and i put myself in a haphazard state my health is definitely at risk.

i tried to recover, i have. but whenever i eat i get this psycho thinking that my fat heavy thighs are getting bigger so i purge