#emoitional

Great reminders in all of the above.

Jessie Ware has shared a new song she co-wrote with Ed Sheeran. 

"Sam" is written about her husband, Sam Burrows, and motherhood. She recorded it when she was eight-and-a-half months pregnant.

And I hope I'm as brave as my mother Wondering what kind of mother will I be? I hope she knows that I found a man far from my father Sam, my baby, and me.

When you’re sitting on the sidelines, wishing you had followed the guidelines of acceptable social conducts.

Have you ever felt like someone has opened you up and poked at every last thing that you feel like you’ve lost your value? (Like a gem chiseled away at)

What is it about our insecurities that we feel as though no one else is experiencing them but everyone is.

That too many pick up their own scalpel at start dissecting themselves.

Running water of the faucet race my tears as the trail down my face and wash over the brush of judgement they’ve faced all day.

I’m not sure I can keep giving myself away to people, investing in people, believing in people,

With nothing much left for myself. I need to grow too...

My own light is not enough to shine through the darkness I feel that suffocates me with the quietness of the world.

Sometimes it seems like my acne shines brighter than I do.

Shuffling through this existence with the fear of near turning bright enough to make it past those dark clouds in the sky while

I sit contemplating and comparing,

I see myself in a mirror, my reflection farther away then any fantasy or picture can take me.

The fear of putting myself out there and trying blends with the fear of failure to create the fear of an undetermined soul.

I need a timeline, some sort of guidelines to follow because I feel like I keep falling behind everyone else, no better than the people I left behind because they fell from my hopes and dreams and expectations,

And in turn I fell below all of them myself. 

But through it all, I ask

Have I fallen from grace? Or is this God’s plan?

(An emotional response to Tarriana ‘Tank’ Balls poem “What You Tell Yourself When You Think No-One’s Watching”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IBDB0ppKsY

They had tongues like guns I had nowhere to run Yeah, this world can get so lonely Yeah, the paper and pen Were my two best friends 'Cause the sad songs understood me

Ahh.. Finally, peace at last. I thought as I looked over the East, seeing the place I have been wanting to come again ever since I was a kid.

I leisurely walk over to the tree, standing in front of the wooden swing hanging from one of the branches, which is chained too.

‘Poor branch, bet that chain has been suffocating you for years.. If only I could help.’ I sit down on the wooden swing, looking down at the wood and feeling it.

Lacquer. Someone must have replaced the wood and everything and put it on so it would stay this good. I appreciate it. I look forward, staring at the now setting sun. Today was going to be a calming day, and to say goodbye to it.

The irony and all my dreams were keeping me from sleeping 'Cause there’s something so fun being young and being dumb 'Cause you’re not afraid of feeling

I take a deep breath in, smiling to myself. I start to move myself back and forth, slowly getting higher and higher by the minute. I’ll make this quick and peaceful, so no one will have to see me fully as it happens.

I look down as I swing back and forth, also moving my legs with it. My smile gets bigger and tears start slowly seep through my eyes. I chuckle lightly looking back towards the sun. This is going to be fun.

I start to think back to my past, to when I was a kid, swinging on the exact same swing, at this very spot. It seemed like it just all happened yesterday.

Yeah, all of my demons are kicking and screaming but I’ll never leave them behind Yeah, maybe I’m crazy but don’t try to save me 'cause I’ve never felt so alive

‘ETHAN! Get down for there this MOMENT!’ My mom yelled at me, extremely angered.

I laugh out loud in amusement, not towards her yelling, but to the joy of being in the air. I was swinging on my swing, when all of sudden, I got so high, that I ended up on top of the tree, almost falling off at first, but then get balanced and sitting on the branch I was currently standing on.

Yeah, when they knock you down, down, down Kid, you gotta stand up (stand up), stand up (stand up) Yeah, when they gotcha down, down, down Gotta make your own luck (own luck), own luck (own luck)

I look down at her, beckoning towards her, with a genuine smile that hardly ever appeared.

‘I’m not coming down!’ I yell towards her and my dad, who was looking up at me with a slightly amused look.

‘Oh yes you are, mister!’ If you don’t come down in the next 10 minutes, I’ll send your dad up after you!’

At this, my dad’s widened in shock, and looked towards my mother. ‘Go up after him?’ He asks, hesitantly.

‘Oh, yes!’ She looks towards my dad stepping close to him and getting her face close to his. ‘And if you aren’t down in the next 10 minutes, to after I you after him, you will also, not get dinner along with him.’

At that. My dad looked up at me determined now. ‘I’m going.’ He walked towards the tree, and started climbing it. When he finally got up, and sat on a branch lower than mine, and sighed out of relief. ‘Glad that’s over.’ He looked towards me, smiling with  me.

‘Looks like we’re both out of dinner tonight.’ After that, me and him stayed up there until midnight, watching the stars and talking about certain stuff that is going on.

That was the best night of my life.

‘So, tell me I’m outta my mind. Give me a sign, Take it one step at a time, I know it's gonna be fine Give me a sign, Take it one step at a time, I know it's gonna be fine, Open your eyes, Shut up and give it a try, Yeah, when they knock you down, down, down Kid, you gotta stand up (stand up), stand up (stand up)’

I smile, fully crying now, smiling. I let go of the chains on the sides of me,  and when I was in the air, I let go.