#emoceans

Anybody feel me rn? my heart feels the weight of our apathy and it truly makes me sick.

emoceans. i’m stealing that. LMFAOSNJDNSNKJD

go over to my mans house to cook him dinner and end up staying the night (which is the first time thats ever happened so cool) but like

wake up get ready to go to work go downstairs hey fuck wheres my car???

they towed it, somehow between 2 and 6am bc i definitely went down there to get my clothes and meds out the car at 1ish.

call the apartment, they claim they basically dont know whats up but heres the number of the company that probably took it

place has 1.5 stars on google etc. tow companies are a scam??? who knew? i guess the police know bc i spoke to a policeman today bc i really dont see how stealing someone’s car in the small hours of the morning with no preamble or warning and then saying “that’ll be $125 until 5pm after which tie we take $25 more for every hour″ isn’t exploitation but u no welcome to capitalist america.

typical real housewives of north hills shit @werk because no, susan, i can’t honor a coupon you supposedly had if we don’t have a note of it. maybe there was a note of it on an old appointment you didn’t show for but it’s gone now. sorry, go through your purse.

lizard brain picks me up drives me to the tow yard and pays for it and when all of it’s said and done they forgot to give my drivers license back to me. which i didn’t realize until i’d driven all the way past home the other direction to get my car inspected. registration was somehow at the house too so by this point im screaming at myself as i drive back home, back to the mechanic 40 minutes before they close then i turn back around and drive BACK to the bloodsucking fuckwad compound to retrieve my government mandated identification.

can you wear cheap makeup? it's not much but i could send you like 5 bucks for some cheap stuff from dollar tree if that would help

unfortunately my skin is really sensitive and to top it off ive been having some kind of weird allergic reaction which is probably seasonal but my coworkers/boss....bought me some compact powder and one of the esties did a peel for me the other week and im still healing. which is all vaguely embarrassing.

once i get over this financial hump and...get new glasses and replace my tires idk maybe i’ll be ok its just so hard to see the end of the tunnel.

brick myself into a clandestine wine cellar

because im really sick of feeling like i cant speak freely about certain shit thats going on in my life

lets talk about some motherfucker put his hands on me yesterday and called me “mentally disabled” as though he is the arbiter of my personal progress. as though i was going to stand there and be pushed and derided and tolerate the disrespect of my person and my property, including fresh food that i spent money for so that i could have a meal when i come home from my full time job at 9pm. 

how i’ve asked not only thrice in the past three weeks, but several times over the past year and a half to be treated like an intelligent responsible adult only to be told that i have not earned such a privilege because i leave my clothes in the dryer.

how someone thought they could shove me around and think that they could get away with it. lets talk about how lucky they are that i turned around and walked away instead of finishing what they started.

let’s talk about how i’ve been compared to a crying, neglected animal (which is not a reflection on my attitude, to be honest).

let’s talk about how all of the hardship and progress i’ve made, the efforts i’ve taken to secure my own transportation and gainful employment instead of ending my own life. not that my body would have been discovered until it started to decompose.

but clearly i’m just not doing anything to help myself.

the fuck do yall know about a mental disability? what the fuck gives you the right to spit those words out at me as though they’re the dirtiest reflection of my character?

so i’ve cried myself to sleep at night, but you know what? i get up in the morning and i go to work anyways. i come home and i try my hardest to go out on dates, to meet new people and my friends. i organize opportunites for myself to see friends and family that i previously couldn’t. i find time to eat, even though the atmosphere in my living space is such that i am not even comfortable going downstairs to cook for myself.

but i’m just totally unable and unwilling to help myself tho right?

my disability exists, it is not invisible and it will always be a part of me to struggle with, but that does NOT mean that i am not fighting every single day. because sometimes fighting is simply staying alive and it is fucking amazing that i have made it 24 years of my life despite indiscriminately having every aspect of it uprooted over the past three years.