#emo...

I'm obsessed with all the amazing cookie run x y/n art out there so I think I'll add to the pile (⁠ ⁠ꈍ⁠ᴗ⁠ꈍ⁠)

As everyone knows, in my bio it talks about how I am trying to find who I truly am. I often follow other people. I used to love being a leader, but after me being through so much, I lost that spark. So I'm on a journey to regain not just my confidence, but me.

For starters, my favorite color. Sounds small huh? But honestly its a really big factor. It used to be my FAVORITE. color, but then I just, backed away from it during 2020, and thats because back then, pink was something that was just...cringe. And I was scared of being pushed away, and I know having an "emo goth girl faze lol" is SO cringe and embarrassing but it genuinely ruined me. I shut down so much just to make others happy. And thats when my friend group came in. Now by this time my favorite color is light blue, nothing real big. My sister, @radioactive-roze, said something to me. "You remind me of the color, pink."... What. And that just, made me so fucking Happy. And all of my friends agreed, and thats when my sona was born<33 a pink MESS.

Now, next topic..

My fashion+Choice making, whatever. I never really knew what my style was. I wear anime shirts and fucking flared tights. But, every now and then.. I wear these really nice outfits. I never knew what did and didnt look good on me, and to be honest, I still don't. I seek out approval from others, and sometimes I really wish they would just, not answer. And I know what your thinking.. Why wouldn't you want them to answer? Because it forces me into choosing for myself. Which is also a big factor. I can't choose for myself. It's honestly not a bad thing, but it pushes me further back from my goal because I'm basically taking others opinions and not my own.

Something that can be a little scary is just the fact that I will loose a lot. I have so many different personalities for so many different people. Thats why I'm in this mess, and idfk who I am. I need to do thia but it's just scary. Because what if I become to sour? To sweet? To much? I dont know. Hell I dont even know if I like cats or dogs more. Thats how much Ive lost with me. And whats making this harder for me is ADHD. It is awful. Waking up everyday with no motivation but also so much of it. And it gets wasted with me just sitting in my room. Ofc I know that I can just.. Get up. But it's like if I get out of my bed even I want to destroy everything. But I'm going to have to go through it. If that means finding who I am.