#emerald talks

And maybe a little bit emotional, too.

Something happened to me this evening that I feel the need to talk about and just let people know if they are going through anything similar that it's okay and you're not alone.

So Christmas was nice for me this year, more or less.  I spent time at home, got lovely presents and had a delicious turkey with all the trimmings.  I count my blessings at how lucky I am to have a Christmas, to have a safe place to go to and a family who loves me.

But there were some issues that were aired that are too personal to talk about and frankly too painful to tell on here, so I will just say that things were not all that great pre-Christmas day.  There were some very intense moments that happened that were beyond my control, and I am slowly working through those feelings and dealing with them as best as I can.

I rang in the New Year with open arms and the hope of remaining positive and to leave regret behind me for the most part, even though 2018 was a pretty good year for me personally.

So I was sitting down this evening and watching a compilation of Arin, Dan and some other Grumps talking about their childhoods, just by way of background as I was tidying my apartment.

A lot of them I had heard before, especially about Avi Avidan and Arin's family as well as any other stories that featured in animateds before.

It then came to a segment talking about how Avi would sing a Hebrew lullaby to Dan when he was very young, as an offshoot of a conversation about Hebrew being his first language, and riffing about the famous 'Numa Numa' dance, from an episode of 'Ocarina of Time', I believe.

I wasn't even paying that much attention, just half listening and having a chuckle to myself, when Dan sang just a few bars of that song, and his voice sounded so beautiful and so gentle, I literally burst into tears and had to stop the video for about ten minutes and just cried my eyes out.

I don't know whether it was his voice, whether it was the thought of him singing such a lullaby to his nephews and niece, whether it was the lovely relationship he has with his dad, or that I've been strong for too long after what's happened recently, but it just made me cry so hard.

It may also be the fact that I just love him so much, and realising what he means to me and so many, that could have been part of it too. It may also have been that my main work 'Walk You Through the Dark Side of the Morning' has been so positively received and that means a lot as well.

I also think about him almost every day, so these moments of me being absolutely in love are not that unusual, but it was just the intensity of my reaction that was a bit of a blindside to me, because I've heard him sing so many times but he rarely makes me cry (apart from The Last Unicorn, Wish You Were Here, Madrigal and DDYK.  They always make me tear up, true story.)  

It may also have been down to the fact that the photo of him bottle feeding his niece made me cry as well last night.  Emotions, everyone.

I wanted to put this up not as a cautionary tale, but for everyone to be aware that anything you are holding onto, anything that is bothering you, to just let it out.  Whether it's writing things down in a journal, pouring it into your art or written works, by punching a pillow, singing at the top of your voice or even just having a good cry, just let it out.

We do not have to be strong all of the time.  There is even a strength in knowing when you need a break, when you need to step back, when you just need to be vulnerable.

I'm always grateful to Arin and Dan for their advocating of positive mental health awareness, and I want to do the same, to project more kindness into the world.

💙Kyanite: The question was about a thing NOT AN ACTION–

💛Amber: –but kissing IS a thing, Ky!

💙Kyanite: I SWEAR TO THE COSMOS

💚Emerald: There they go again…

💛 … it was more like Kyanite was a knight in shining armor who selflessly risked her life for us 💖💖💖

💙 W-What?! No, I just happened to be in the general area – it’s not a big deal really –