Today was the first time I’ve spoken about you in this much detail, and at length.
It was bittersweet to say certain things, and realizing that we really did, meet at the wrong time entirely.
And no, I’m not trying to light a flame again as that isn’t what you want anymore.
I don’t know what I want, but I know that I don’t want pain. I don’t want to be put on any pedestals, because at the end of the day.. I’m just me.
I can’t lie or shy away from the fact that I actually wanted this day to happen. I wanted to talk, because I missed my friend. Even if we haven’t spoken in 2 years, when it’s felt like longer.
I am not watering down what we shared, what we had, or dimming the light from our short love.
I’m always going to have this ember.. this burning feeling in my chest, my cells. I haven’t turned anything to ash, for the hope that that love, does find me again.
To me, you’ve always been my heart of the ocean, something I’ve clutched onto in secret for longer than I care to admit. Something that I’ve long tucked away, but never forgot.
You were the last person, that I let in in an intimate sense. And probably the last, if I’m being completely honest.
You closed your door, and I threw the key in a lock box. I’m glad I could give you some reprieve, even though I’ll never know the depth of what you’ve endured.
That’s your piece, your story, that I was only a partial chapter of.
