#elsbeth x reader

If I could skip a day at any time, and go to the next one, today would definitely be that day. It wasn’t even just one big thing that happened to make today such a fiasco, it was a bunch of tiny things, such as spilling my coffee, getting yelled at by a customer, tripping on my shoelaces and falling, and a lot more. 

By the time I got home, I wanted to cry, but I held back my tears. Elsbeth was home, and for as long as I remember, I’ve never felt comfortable crying around people. Maybe it was the fact that I would be belittled every time, or everyone would get annoyed, but I avoided crying around anyone because of the sheer dread that it now put in the pit of my stomach.

I decided I would try and make something to eat, because maybe it would help me feel better. I made my comfort meal, and sat down on the couch, turning on the TV. On the TV was my favorite show, and as I watched it, I started to feel better – though not completely fine, more eggshell okay than anything. I knew that if anything even small happened, I would break down. So I still made the effort to avoid talking to Elsbeth too much.

I realized in the middle of watching the show that I needed to get a few things from the store. I sighed, and got up, getting my shoes back on, grabbing my shopping list for today, and heading out the door. The drive wasn’t super long, and I got to the store in less than five minutes.

I looked at the shopping list. There were about seven things I needed to get.

I went down the aisle to the first item, and put it into my shopping cart. Six items to go now. I rushed up and down the aisles, grabbing more of the items I needed. I may have splurged a little and gotten a few - a lot of comfort food items. Yeah, tonight was gonna be a long night in. I hoped that I would be able to calm down completely soon so I didn’t break down in front of Elsbeth.

I was walking down to the cash registers when my cart rammed into another cart, seriously making me jump out of my skin. It scared the other person too, making them curse.

“Sorry ‘bout that.” I said, trying to keep my composure. My heart was still racing from the jumpscare, and I felt quite shaken.

The person just glared over at me, grumbling, “Pay attention, asshole.” and then moving past me. I felt like a total jerk, but tried to keep myself together as I checked out items.

I finally got home, and flopped onto the couch, putting the show back on. I heard footsteps coming downstairs and quickly tried to hide my exhaustion.

Elsbeth came up behind me and began to gently rub my shoulders, “Hey there, I feel like I haven’t seen you all day.” She said in her usual chipper voice.

“Oh yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Just wanted to watch TV in the living room.” I said, trying to keep my voice even.

“Ooh, do you think I could join you?” She asked.

“Uhh, sure.” Elsbeth sat down next to me on the couch and began watching the show with me. She saw all the snacks around me.

“Hey, you sharing those snacks?” She nudged me, smiling.

“Yeah, go ahead.” I decided to snack on some of the chips I got as well, and Elsbeth grabbed some popcorn, popping it into her mouth.

“Man, popcorn is great. So, what’ve you been up to today?”

“Uhhh, not much. Just went to work, went to the store and got these snacks.” I said, deciding to omit most of the truth.

“Same here, minus the snacks. I had a great day at work, though. Did you?”

“Uhhh yeah. A customer yelled at me, but it was otherwise pretty good.”

Elsbeth looked over at me, an expression of concern on her face, “Oh no, I am so sorry about that. Are you okay? They sound like a jerk…”

“I’m alright. Just a little tired, it was a bit of a long day.” I said.

“Well, if you wanna talk about it, I’m here.”

I just nodded, worried that if I spoke, my voice would crack.

Elsbeth leaned her head against my shoulder, a dopey smile on her face. “I am so glad to have you here.”

“Me too.” I smiled, feeling a little emotional hearing that.

“Though I am a little worried about you… You don’t seem very happy right now.”

“I’m alright.” My voice sounded hollow, but also full of emotion.

“I feel like that’s not true…”

“Nono, I’m okay!” I may have sounded a little too chipper to believe.

“Okay… but know I’m here if you need to open up.” She kissed my shoulder gently.

I nodded, suddenly feeling all the emotions of today flooding in. But I tried to keep my composure, I tried to keep myself together, I didn’t want to fall apart in front of her.

I heard Elsbeth sigh next to me, “You’re all stiff, something’s troubling you…”

“I’m fine.” I said, but my voice cracked.

Elsbeth peered up at me, her concerned expression giving her almost puppy eyes, “Please, I’m worried about you.”

“I just… had a really hard day is all.” My eyes began to fill with tears, and if I wasn’t already stiff and anxious, I definitely was now. I looked away as I felt a tear fall down my face, my heartbeat quickening with panic. I couldn’t fall apart, not in front of Elsbeth. I couldn’t ruin this, I couldn't ruin another relationship with my crying.

“Hey…” I felt Elsbeth’s arm snake around my shoulder, squeezing it gently, “You don’t have to hide your tears around me, you know? It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry.” My voice cracked, and I sniffled.

“It’s okay, you’re safe here.” Her voice took on a soft, soothing tone as she rubbed up and down my arm.

“I just had a really bad day, so much bad stuff happened, and now I’m crying in front of you, and I feel ridiculous, and I feel like I’ve ruined everything.” I rambled.

“You haven’t ruined anything, I’m still here. I’ll always be here. Look at me...”

I finally turned to face her, tears rapidly falling down my face and snot dripping out of my nose. I really did look ridiculous.

“Tell me what happened.” Her hand reached up to brush hair out of my face, and then wiped my tears. I explained everything that happened that day, and apologized for making such a big deal about nothing. “Hey, your feelings are completely valid. You’re not being ridiculous, it sounds like you’ve had a really hard day. It’s perfectly okay to be sad after today. And that jerk who cursed at you for ramming your cart into theirs, they’re just a sad person who wanted to make someone else feel small. It was an accident, and you didn’t do anything wrong.”

I nodded, trying to fix up the broken dam of my emotions, “Thank you.”

“Now, I hope I’m not prying here, but do you think you could tell me why you were so scared to cry around me? Do I seem like I would judge you or something? Because I would never do that, and I am so sorry if I’ve made it seem that way.”

“I just get worried that I’ll make a fool of myself, and once I cry once around someone, I’m more likely to cry again and again, and I didn’t want to ruin our relationship with all my crying.” I explained truthfully.

“Oh dear, I wouldn’t leave you even if you did cry a lot. I love you, ___” Elsbeth’s hand reached up to stroke my hair.

“Thank you.” I closed my eyes, trying to let the comfort of her presence guide me out of this hole I was in. “People haven’t always been nice to me when I cried around them, not taking me seriously or acting like I was trying to manipulate them.”

“Well I promise I will never do that.” Elsbeth planted a gentle kiss on my temple.

“What did I do to deserve you, you’re so loyal and understanding.”

“Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve you.” She smiled warmly at me. I wiped my face clean using the tissues next to me and kissed her, cupping her face. Elsbeth’s lips felt so soft against mine, it was like an oasis in the desert. I pulled back and smiled, still feeling slightly bad, but feeling a lot better with her present.

“You have such a lovely smile…” I said, looking at the radiant smile gracing her features.

“Your smile’s even more lovely, though.” She kissed me on the cheek.

“Not true…” I said, giggling.

“So true.” She poked my cheek playfully.

I rolled my eyes, laughing more but deciding to give up and accept the compliment.

The natural light shining through my window woke me up gradually, and I felt a sense of bliss encompass me. Today was the perfect day, the perfect morning, but I couldn’t quite figure out why. I felt a weight next to me, encompassing me, but didn’t question it until I had woken up a little bit more. Then I looked next to me, confused, only to see Elsbeth sleeping close to me, her arms wrapped around me tight. My arm was wrapped around her too.

My brain blue-screened, and I laid there, unsure about what to do. I knew laying with her in bed would be a bad idea, what would she think once she woke up to see us snuggled up together? 

I looked away as soon as her eyes fluttered open, and thought of pulling my arm back to my side.

“Hey there…” Her drowsy voice greeted me, “Wow, we’re quite close, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that. Dunno what happened…”

“Honestly, I don’t mind this.” Elsbeth nuzzled her face into my shoulder, “So cozy…” My face was probably so red right now.

“What do you wanna do today?” I asked, trying to keep the flustered tone out of my voice.

“Can we stay like this a little longer? I’m tired, and it’s the weekend.”

“Sure…” My body started to relax and I cherished the feeling of her arms around me.

“You’re so warm!” Elsbeth commented.

“Oh, thank you. You’re warm too…” I felt my eyelids begin to grow heavy again. For a while, we just laid there, basking in each other’s company.

“Alright, I guess we should get up now. We can’t just lay in bed all day, though I wish we could…” Elsbeth got up, and I missed the feeling of her arms embracing me.

“What should we do today? Unless you wanna go home.”

“I wanna watch TV, come on let’s go.” We went into the living room and I turned on the TV. Right now a game show was on, so we sat on the couch to watch it. I wondered if Elsbeth would be alright with me resting my head on her shoulder, and it took so much convincing myself it would be okay. I mean, we were cuddling this morning, what’s a little more cuddling? As friends(?)

I got a little closer to her and leaned against her shoulder, gently at first in case she wanted to pull back. But she didn’t. In fact, she rested her head against mine. My heart thudded in my chest yet I felt more relaxed than ever.

“This show is hilarious!” I felt Elsbeth’s shoulder shake with laughter, and I laughed along.

“Not as funny as you.” I replied, trying to sound casual.

“You always make me laugh, so maybe you’re the funny one, have you ever thought about that?” Elsbeth nudged my waist playfully, and I giggled.

“God, I like you so much.” I regretted those words as soon as they left my mouth. Did I just admit my feelings for Elsbeth?

“Aw, I like you too. You’re such a great friend!”

“No, I mean, I like you.” Shut up shut up shut up. “Like, like-like.” Oh my god.

“Oh.”

Oh god, what have I done?

“I think I like you too.” The way she said it was so casual, as if she hadn’t just dropped a bomb. But then again, I was the one who dropped the bomb first.

“You do?”

“Yeah. I didn’t realize it until last night when we were in bed together. I dunno, I just like being around you, and being close to you.”

“Oh my god.”

“Did I say the wrong thing?”

“No,” I shook my head, “I’m just surprised, is all. I get surprised when anyone I like likes me back, I just assume they think I’m a friend at best, annoyance at worst.”

“Well, I’m not annoyed by you at all. I like you, a lot.” Elsbeth wrapped an arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze.

“I like you a lot too!” I closed my eyes in bliss, sighing in contentment.

“Does this make us a thing?” Elsbeth asked.

“Yeah, it does.”

“I guess that means I can do this, then.” Elsbeth pulled away from the hug, and I was a bit disappointed at first, but then she turned my shoulders so I was facing her, cupped my face gently, and leaned in slowly, planting a gentle kiss on my lips. She pulled back, gauging my response, and when I smiled at her with flushed, she leaned in for another, longer kiss. I wrapped my arms around her neck, pulling her in just a bit closer. We stayed like that for a few minutes, slowly and lovingly kissing like we were the only two people on Earth.

She pulled back for air, and rested her forehead on mine, “That was amazing…”

“You’re a really good kisser Elsbeth.” I smiled shyly.

“You too, it made me feel so loved, so cherished! God I can’t wait to do that more in the future…” Elsbeth giggled.

“Me too!”

Today was my first day as a detective, after working as a cop for five years. Apparently the case I was assigned to was a murder case as well. When getting ready for the investigation, I made sure to be dressed as presentably as possible.

Going down to the crime scene, I recognized it by the crime scene tape surrounding it as well as the multiple detectives and cops. One person in particular stuck out, however.

A woman with unusually bright and colorful clothing, short reddish hair, appearing to be average height. I didn’t pay much mind to her, though.

Until she walked up to me.

“Hey there, I assume you’re a detective working the case? I’m Elsbeth. Elsbeth Tascioni.” The woman introduced herself, “What’s your name?”

“Oh, I’m ___. It’s nice to meet you, Elsbeth.” I said, holding my hand out to shake. She took it and shook it quite eagerly.

“We were just about to speak to people who knew the victim.” Elsbeth then lowered her voice a bit, “You showed up a bit late. Is it your first day as a detective?”

“Yeah actually, it is.” I said, a little embarrassed about being late.

“That’s alright. I’m not actually a detective, really, but I help out with cases. Let’s go talk to that woman over there.” She pointed at a taller woman in a red dress who appeared to be crying.

“Alright.” We approached the woman.

“Oh dear, I just gotta say I’m sorry your uhh…” Elsbeth began.

“Sister.” The woman simply said.

“I’m sorry your sister had to go like this. Do you know anyone who would want her gone?” She asked.

“No, I don’t. Eleanor was simply likable. I don’t understand this, why would anyone want her dead? Why would someone murder her like this?” The woman broke down sobbing.

Elsbeth gave me a suspicious look, but I didn’t know why. “Oh, alright. I gotta say, your dress is so lovely, where did you get it from?”

“Oh, Shein. It’s the only place I can afford at the moment.” The woman started to calm down.

“May I ask your name?” I spoke up.

“Elizabeth.”

I noticed their names were very similar, but didn’t know if I should bring that up.

“Your name’s a lot like mine! I’m Elsbeth.” Elsbeth said.

“Oh, okay. I don’t really see why I should care.” Elizabeth said in a slightly snarky voice.

“Oh sorry, I just found the fact interesting.” Elsbeth explained.

“Right then. I don’t really see why you’re talking to me when you could be trying to find the murderer. I need to go to work now, I already missed yesterday because my sister needed help with something.” Elizabeth walked away.

Elsbeth turned to me, her face contorted as if she was in thought. “Did you notice that?”

“Notice what?”

“How did she know Eleanor was murdered?”

“Well, you did kind of lead the conversation like someone did murder her.” I said, shrugging.

“I left it vague to make it seem like I suspected it could be a murder, but she jumped in like she already knew it was.” Elsbeth had this passion in her eyes, like she was really into the case.

“Well, we can keep an eye on your name twin. She did seem a bit snarky if I’m gonna be honest. But it could be the grief talking, I don’t know.”

“That is true… Well, I’ll definitely keep my eye on her. Just make sure it wasn’t her. Which I’m kind of sure it was.”

“Well, we’ll see. But we can’t jump to conclusions just yet, we gotta talk to other people, see if they might know anything.”

“I wonder… she said she got her dress off of Shein. That’s a cheaper shopping option, right? Well, Eleanor was very well off. I wonder if maybe she was jealous of her sister’s money, and wanted some inheritance or something.”

“Well, now we have a potential motive, but that’s still not a lot to work with.” I explained, “I’ll tell you what, you watch her for a bit, and I’ll go interview some other people.” 

“That is such a good idea! Wow, you’re already doing a great job as a detective.” Elsbeth patted me on the shoulder.

I flushed slightly red, “Oh, thank you. You seem great at… whatever it is you do, as well.”

I interviewed more people who knew Eleanor, and they all had an alibi on the night of the murder.

I regrouped with Elsbeth the next day, and asked her how things were going with the suspect.

“Well, do you have any suspects?” She asked first.

“Oh no, they all had an alibi.” I said.

“Alright great, because I uncovered more info about Elizabeth! Apparently, according to someone else she and Eleanor knew, she was jealous of her sister’s financial situation, and had been making some jokes about wishing she could get her inheritance.”

“Wow, that does sound pretty suspicious. You know, we found a tag at the scene that said ‘Shein’ on it, it wasn’t uncovered until today. I think if it was Elizabeth, she must have tried to bury it underground, because there it was, about an inch under soil. It was only uncovered after a long rain last night.”

“Well why didn’t you lead with that?” Elsbeth said.

“I wanted to hear your news first, to be honest, before I could confirm anything. Anyways, do you think we should make an arrest?” I inquired.

“Hmm, I’ll ask the other detectives to see if it’ll be worth it.” She thought for a moment, and then beckoned for me to follow her.

We talked to my fellow detectives, one of them seeming to be a friend of Elsbeth’s named Kaya, and decided we would arrest Elizabeth later today.

Later that day, Elsbeth and I ran into Elizabeth. Well, ‘ran into’, because it was more of a planned thing.

“Are you those detectives from yesterday?” Elizabeth asked.

“Yes, but I’m technically not a detective. I’m here to assist the NYPD.” Elsbeth said.

“Look, I don’t really care, I’m a bit busy.”

“Well, do you mind if we follow you along and ask you some questions?” Elsbeth asked.

“Fine, whatever. I don’t see why you’re talking to me, you should be trying to catch Eleanor’s murderer.” Elizabeth began walking, and we followed her.

“Well you see, I never said Eleanor was murdered.” Elsbeth said, “I asked if there was anyone who might want to hurt her, but never confirmed that she was murdered.”

“Alright I must have misunderstood, what does it matter?”

“Well, we recently found a tag at the scene of the crime. The tag said ‘Shein’ on it, and you said your dress was from there.” Elsbeth explained as if giving a piece of terrible news.

“So what? Everyone shops at Shein, doesn’t mean I did it. I can’t believe you’re actually trying to pin this on me, you’re not even a detective!”

“Well I am.” I said, “And the evidence seems pretty conclusive. Elsbeth also spoke to a mutual friend of yours and Eleanor’s, and he said that you made jokes about wanting her inheritance all the time, and were also jealous.”

“Well anyone would be jealous! Look, my sister had the money to help me out, to at least help me buy groceries when I was struggling, but she never did. She always said I needed to pull myself up by my bootstraps, as if she didn’t get that money from marrying someone who was well off. Of course I was jealous, she didn’t earn that money but acted like she was so much more hard working than me even though she’s never worked a day in her life!” Elizabeth panted from all that ranting.

“Well, now that we’ve gotten a little more confirmation from you, it’s going to make this arrest a little easier to make.” A couple of cops came up behind us, and approached Elizabeth, putting her in cuffs.

“You know what, if I was really capable of murdering my sister, I would have been perfectly capable of murdering you, too! You don’t look like you’ve fought a day in your life, Elsbeth! I could have easily hid your remains and no one would find you!” Elizabeth yelled as she was taken away by the cops.

Elsbeth cringed, “Oh jeez, I hope she does go to jail, so I won’t have to worry about that. She seems quite lovely.” She said with a slightly sarcastic tone.

“Eh, I wouldn’t let her hurt you.” I assured Elsbeth.

“Oh dear, thank you. I’ve enjoyed working with you a lot, I hope I get to work with you on another case.” Elsbeth smiled at me.

“Me too, you’re friendly and smart.” I returned her smile.

I came home from work after a long, tiring day, excited to see Elsbeth. When I called out for her, though, I didn’t get a response. I assumed she was out doing something, so I went up to my room, only to see her sitting on my bed, watching a documentary. Something about her was just off, like she was gloomier than usual.

I sat down on the bed next to her, but she didn’t acknowledge my presence, which really worried me, “Hey Elsbeth, you alright?”

“Mhm.” Was all she said.

“You sure.” I asked.

“Yes. I’m alright.” She said, and I could have sworn she even seethed a little as she said it.

“Alright…” I decided not to press further, but couldn’t stop worrying as I watched the show. And every now and then, I would hear her sigh, or huff, for no apparent reason.

In the middle of the documentary, she got up and practically stomped to the bathroom. I waited for her to come back, and eventually she did, somehow seeming even grumpier than before.

“Hey grumpy, you wanna cuddle?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood. All I got was a grunt in return. I sighed, “Alright, what’s wrong? I don’t like seeing you like this.”

“I said, I’m okay.” Her tone had a cold edge to it.

I pursed my lips, “I don’t think you’re okay. You can talk to me, y’know?”

“Mhm.”

“Do you want a hug, would that help you feel better?” I held out my arms for a hug.

“I already said, I’m fine!” She snapped. But as she looked over at me, there was no sharpness in her eyes, her voice wavered as she spoke, and her eyes were glossy with tears.

“Oh, Elsbeth, what happened?” I asked.

Elsbeth began to break down into sobs, her body shaking, “S-Somebody said my outfit was hideous and that I dress like I’m colorblind.” She practically wailed, her face contorting in a painfully sad way.

“Elsie, why would you care about that?” I asked softly, putting a hand on her arm, “You don’t usually care about what other people have to think.”

She sniffled, “It was someone I really cared about, a new friend I made. I thought they were nice, I thought they were different, but it turns out they’re just judging me like everybody else!” She sobbed.

“Oh honey, that person isn’t someone you want to be around anyway. They sound like a douche, and I love your fashion. Boring people are gonna judge what they deem to be ‘weird.’ Somebody called me a freak because of the shirt I was wearing, but their opinions don’t matter. The only opinion that matters is your own. What do you think of your clothes?” I asked.

“I d-dunno… I used to like them, but now I’m questioning if I even should.”

“Well, if it helps, I think your fashion sense is amazing. It’s one of the things that makes you, you. And I never want you to change just to conform.” I smiled reassuringly at her, “I just want you to keep being your amazing quirky self. You have saved so many people with your unique talents, and my heart would be broken if you started stifling yourself just because others think you’re ‘weird.’ Now, do you need a hug?”

She nodded, and practically tackled me into a tight hug, sniffling and sobbing quietly into my shoulder. I rubbed her back, giving her a loving kiss on the top of her head. “It’s okay, Elsbeth… if you can, report that person to Wagner, hopefully they’ll get in trouble.”

She nodded, gripping the back of my shirt tightly with her hands, but starting to calm down. “Thank you…”

“You’re the light of my life, I would do anything for you.” I pulled back, brushing hair out of her face.

She smiled tearfully at me, “You’re the light of my life too…”

I kissed her gently on the lips, “I love seeing you smile.”

This caused her to grin, “Well, I’ll be doing a lot of that around you…”

“You wanna watch a horror movie?” I asked.

I didn’t realize until around 6:30pm that I hadn’t eaten all day. It wasn’t even intentional, I had just forgotten. And this wasn’t the first day I had forgotten to eat either, yesterday the first meal of my day was the ice cream cone that Elsbeth had brought home from work.

This wasn’t the only thing troubling me, either. Lately, even brushing my teeth every day was a chore.

Of course, I tried to hide this from Elsbeth, as it seemed like I had so many problems all the time, and I felt like I was just weighing her down with them.

And of course, today of all days, when I hadn’t eaten all day, was a day that Elsbeth just wouldn’t stop talking to me. It didn’t annoy me, I just worried that she would get worried about me.

As usual, she came up to me with a huge grin on her face, the one that made my heart melt.

“Hey there, I was just wondering if you wanted to go watch a movie with me! I have the perfect one picked out, it’s a horror movie.” She offered.

“Oh, sure.” And like that, the thought of food completely slipped out of my mind.

We went into my room and put on the movie. I leaned my head against Elsbeth’s shoulder, sighing in contentment.

Elsbeth looked over at me and chuckled, “You like this movie?”

“So far it’s interesting.” I shrugged.

“Just wait, it gets really good!”

We watched the movie in silence for a bit, before a scare happened and I jumped, my head bumping Elsbeth’s shoulder on accident, “Sorry about that…” I said sheepishly.

Elsbeth chuckled, “Aww, that’s alright. Yeah this movie is pretty scary, or at least the scares are loud…”

“Yeah.”

“I still can’t believe she didn’t look in the basement!” She groaned, shaking her head.

“If I were hearing creepy moaning noises coming from the basement, I probably wouldn’t go look! Could be some scary ghost or something.”

“Orrrr it could be the people the farmer trapped in there calling out for help, and you just ignored them cause you have no heart!” Elsbeth teased.

“How am I supposed to know the farmer uses people to make the meat he sells? He seemed like such a pious dude!”

“Well, one thing I’ve learned from defending many guilty people, is that when someone tries to act all holier than thou, they likely have something they’re hiding.” She explained, “And why would your mind even go to ghosts that quickly, anyway? Even I don’t watch that many horror movies!” 

“I dunnoooo, why are you attacking me, Elsbeth?” I pouted.

“Awww, I’m sorry. Do you want an apology hug?” She asked. I nodded eagerly and she wrapped her arms around me tight, pulling me in close.

“You’re so warm…” I mumbled.

“Well, humans are warm blooded animals!”

I giggled, “That is true…” She pulled back, but kept one arm wrapped around my shoulder.

“What do you think you’d do in that situation?” She asked when the farmer was playing hide and seek with the protagonist.

“Uhhh, probably beat the farmer’s ass and stab him with his own rake.” I gloated.

Elsbeth laughed, “Okay, but what would you really do?”

“Man, I dunno, probably cry too loud and get killed immediately!”

“Awww, but joking aside I think you would do great! You’re really brave and stronger than you think, y’know?”

“You’re just saying that.” I rolled my eyes.

“Of course I’m not just saying that!” She nudged me playfully, “I mean it, you’re way too hard on yourself.”

“Well…” I looked down, my cheeks slightly pink, “I’m glad someone believes in me.” I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

“You’re so silly.” Elsbeth reached over and poked my cheek. I giggled once more, slapping her hand away.

Finally the movie was over, and I got up, stretching, “Man, that was a good movie.” But while I was stretching, I noticed that I felt slightly weak and shaky, and remembered that I still needed to eat. I groaned, annoyed at my own forgetfulness. It had to be what, 8pm now?

Elsbeth shot me a concerned look, “You okay?”

“Yeah… I just, ugh I’m really hungry.” I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

“When did you last eat?”

“Uhhh, 3pm.” I cringed at my own voice shaking, making it obvious I was lying.

Elsbeth sighed, “Are you sure about that?”

I groaned, “I really can’t get anything past you, can I?”

Elsbeth shook her head, “Nope. Now when did you really last eat?”

“Last night.”

She rushed over to me, “Oh no, is everything okay?” She put her hands on my shoulders as she looked me up and down, a look of deep concern on her face.

“Yeah, I just… forgot.”

“That’s not good… Do you want me to make something for you? And other than that, have you been feeling okay lately?” Her voice lowered on that last sentence.

“No.” I sighed, “I’ve uh… been feeling kind of depressed.”

“Oh dear, I wish you had told me. I would have been perfectly okay with helping in any way I can.” Her hands rubbed up and down my arms.

“I didn’t want to burden you, I already have so many problems all the time, and I didn’t want to weigh you down.”

“Nonsense, honey… you wouldn’t have been weighing me down, I’m perfectly happy to help. Come here…” She engulfed me in a hug. I squeezed my eyes shut, the hunger and mixed emotions too painful for me. Elsbeth noticed me shaking, and rubbed up and down my back, “You don’t have to do this alone… Please let me help you.”

“You would really do that?” My voice cracked as I spoke, revealing my vulnerability in that moment.

“I would do that and more.” She said with a confidence in her voice that soothed me deeply.

“Alright…”

She pulled back, “First of all, let me make you something to eat. What do you have?” She asked.

“Uhh, honestly not much. But there are supplies to make my favorite meal, if that’s alright.” I rubbed the back of my neck, a little embarrassed to be asking.

“Of course it is. No need to ask, I’ll make it pronto.” She patted my shoulders and quickly rushed to the kitchen, gathering the supplies needed to make my favorite meal. I sat down at the dining table, feeling a little guilty that I made her do this for me. She must have sensed this, and looked over, a reassuring smile on her face, “And don’t feel guilty about this, okay? I’m choosing to make this for you, because I like making you happy. It’s no sweat off my back!”

I smiled gratefully at her, “Thank you.”

“Of course, honey. Just relax and look forward to the meal.” She continued making the food, and eventually served it up to me. I started scarfing it down, not realizing just how hungry I was until I tasted the food. Elsbeth smiled at me warmly, “I love seeing you happy. I wanna make you this happy all the time.”

“What did I do to deserve someone as amazing as you?” I wondered aloud.

“You were you.” She poked my shoulder playfully, “And you are perfect.”

“Nobody’s perfect.” I smiled, rolling my eyes.

“I guess you’re nobody then.” She winked at me.

“Wow, I never thought being called a nobody could be so romantic.” I said.

“Yeah, now that I think about it that did come out a little wrong…”

“Nah, it came out perfect. Just like you.”

“Really? I thought ‘nobody’s perfect’.” Elsbeth repeated my words back to me.

“Well, I guess you’re also nobody, which makes us perfect for each other.” I said.

“Wow, that was smooth.”

“Thanks, but yours was better.”

“Now…” I had finished my food, and looked up at her waiting for her to continue, “Have you brushed your teeth today?”

“Uhhh, yeah.”

“Hmm, I don’t think you did.” She said confidently.

“Fine, I didn’t. You know me so well.” I groaned.

“Why don’t we go do that, then?” She held out her hand, and I took it, following her to the bathroom.

I grabbed the toothbrush, and brushed my teeth.

“You know what I think would help? A bubble bath. With wine, and candles.” Elsbeth offered.

“Hmmm I suppose.”

Elsbeth drew a bath for me, and set everything up. I undressed and got into the tub, sinking down into the warm water. “Wow, this is the perfect temperature…”

“See? I know you too well, don’t I?” Elsbeth had a cheeky grin on her face, and I shook my head, smiling lazily.

“God, I love you.” I said.

“Awww, I love you too.”

I cleaned myself in the bath, and afterwards just relaxed, enjoying the warm water that soothed my tense muscles.

After I got out of the tub, Elsbeth gave me a warm and fuzzy robe, “I think you need some rest now… Why don’t I take you to bed.”

“Sure!” I said.

“Alright, come on.” She led me to my room, and I laid down. She tucked me in, giving me a gentle kiss on the forehead. “Goodnight, honey.”

“Aren’t you gonna come to bed with me?” I asked.

“Well, I guess I could…”

“Yayy!” Elsbeth got into bed next to me, and I laid my head on her chest. She wrapped an arm around me.

I didn’t know why I felt so… blegh. From the moment I woke up, something just felt off, and then I would spiral into negative thoughts way too easily. This led to me staying in my room for half of the day, not wanting to face the world.

The TV was my only companion through this as I watched hours and hours of some brain rotting sitcom. It wasn’t funny, and I wasn’t enjoying it, but I didn’t have the energy to change the channel and surf through tens of channels looking for a good show or movie.

“Jason, I told you to do the laundry!” The cliched overworked wife scolded her husband, her hands on her hips as she stood in front of the television.

“Sorry, I was too busy watching football!” The cliched lazy husband did an overexaggerated shrug, a dopey smile on his face. I hated this type of humor. Why was I even watching this show?

 I flipped off the TV and rolled over, already annoyed with the world and tired. Everything felt like it was crashing in on me, even though everything was fine. I tried to hold back the negative thoughts closing in on me, but they were just too much to handle, and I would occasionally find myself trying to redirect from the latest negative thought.

While I was in the middle of my wallowing, I heard a knock on my door. I groaned loudly into my pillow, hoping the person didn’t hear that, and yelled out ‘One second!’ before quickly trying to make myself at least a little presentable.

I ran down the stairs and answered the door, panicking a little when I saw Elsbeth outside my home. I did not want her to see me like this.

“Hey there! I know this is sudden, but I was just thinking we could have a girls night in, huh how does that sound?” She offered, a giant grin on her face. In place of her usual many bags, were many grocery bags, all filled with a variety of treats.

“Uhh sure!” I tried my best to sound cheery. Why did I accept? Because I hate myself. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy hanging out with her, I just didn’t want her seeing me like this.

She came in, putting her grocery bags on the couch. “So, where do you wanna hang out? The living room? Your room?”

“I guess my room.” I said. Luckily, my room wasn’t that messy, so it wouldn’t give my awful mood away.

“Alright, hey do you think you could do me a favor and carry up some of the bags? I know I’m usually carrying a lot of bags – at least according to other people – but these ones are kind of heavy and my arms hurt…” She rubbed the back of her neck, looking a little embarrassed.

“Yeah sure.” I grabbed some of the bags, and we went up to my room.

“So, what’s on TV?” She asked.

“Oh, some shitty sitcom about a lazy husband and a tired wife.” I sighed.

“Is there anything else on?”

“I didn’t check, but I totally can!” Maybe that came out a bit too eager. I flipped the channels until some mindless action movie caught my eye. Well, better a mindless action movie than a mindless sitcom.

We sat down together and watched the movie. Elsbeth had brought candy, chips, stuff to make raw s’mores, ice cream, and popcorn. The food was pretty good, and even though I still felt pretty bad, I felt myself starting to feel a bit better with her company.

“Hey, could you pass me the chips?” Elsbeth asked.

“Yeah sure.” I passed them over to her from my side, and she grabbed them, thanking me.

“You know, salt and vinegar is pretty good, wouldn’t you agree?”

“I honestly prefer sour cream and onion.” I shrugged.

“That’s also pretty good!”

Elsbeth’s gaze locked onto the screen as an epic scene came on. “Wow, this movie is really good!”

“Yeah, I heard the main actress did all her own stunts.” I said.

She looked at me, surprised, “Wow, really?” “Yeah!”

“If you became an actor, would you want to do all your own stunts?” She asked.

“I guess. At least some of them. I think it would be pretty fun.”

“I don’t know if I could do my own stunts, I’m pretty afraid of heights…”

“Yeah, me too.”

“By the way, are you alright? You seem a little off.” Elsbeth asked.

“I’m alright, just been a bit tired today.”

“Alright. You know if you’re ever feeling down, you can talk to me…” Elsbeth said in a gentle voice.

I nodded, trying to keep my emotions at bay, “Yeah, I know.”

“Okay.” She still didn’t look quite convinced, but she went back to watching TV.

After a while, she spoke up again, “So how’s your day been?”

“Oh, it’s been alright. I’ve been watching that stupid sitcom all day.” I shrugged.

“Seriously, are you okay? Because you would’ve normally switched to something better.”

“Yeah, I’m alright I swear, don’t worry.” I feigned a smile.

“Okay…”

“I have to use the bathroom, I’ll be one second.” I got up and went to the bathroom, doing my business, and then washed my hands. While I was in the middle of doing that, I caught my reflection in the mirror. I looked quite a mess today, and seeing that kind of started bringing back the negative thoughts I had been trying to fight all day.

I started thinking about how easily affected I was by things, and then about how weak I was, and how Elsbeth didn’t deserve someone who was so weak and sad. I really was a mess, and was I ever going to get better? It didn’t feel like it. Maybe I would always be this weak. My eyes filled with tears as the negative thoughts wouldn’t stop, and then I started to sob quietly.

I heard a knock at the door, “Are you okay in there? You’ve been in there a while.” Elsbeth’s voice called out.

“Yeah…” I couldn’t stop my voice from cracking.

“Please let me come in… I know you’re not okay.”

“Okay.”

The door opened and Elsbeth rushed in, putting a hand on my shoulder, “Oh dear, what’s wrong, huh?”

“I don’t know, I’ve just been so sad and tired today, and I can’t stop being sad, it won’t go away…” I started to fall apart and ramble.

“That’s okay… we all have our off days, it’s perfectly okay to feel that way. Hey, look at me.” Elsbeth tried to meet my eye. I finally looked at her, my vision blurry with tears.

“I’m sorry. I don’t deserve you, you’re too good for me.” 

“Oh, come here…” She engulfed me in a tight hug, “You know that’s not true… Your mind’s just being a jerk right now, don’t listen to it okay?” Elsbeth cooed, rubbing my back in circles.

“I hate my mind…”

“I don’t like what your mind’s saying to you right now… You deserve so much good, okay? Don’t listen to those awful thoughts. It’s gonna be okay, I’m here…”

I sobbed into her shoulder, her embrace was what I most needed right now.

“Shhh, let it all out… It’s okay.” Elsbeth ran her fingers through my hair.

I eventually began to calm down, and pulled away from the hug. Elsbeth gave me the most tender smile, and brushed hair out of my face, “I just wanna say, I know it seems like you’re not doing much right now, but I am so proud of you. You’re doing great, and you have progressed so much over the months. Please give yourself a break, alright? You deserve a break.”

I nodded, returning her smile with a shaky one of my own,

“Your smile is so beautiful, you know?” Elsbeth raised her hand to cup my cheek, “I wanna see it more.”

“You make me wanna smile more.” I said earnestly.

“Aww, you’re so cute.” She leaned in to peck me on the lips, making me giggle, “Come on, let’s go back to your room. We can cuddle while watching the movie. Does that sound good to you?” I nodded, and we went to my room, snuggling up in each other's arms while watching the movie. Elsbeth’s hand stroked my hair while the other one rubbed up and down my arm. As we watched the movie, I found myself starting to feel a lot better, and even tired as my eyes began to close.

“You going to sleep?” Elsbeth asked in a soft voice.

“Nooo, just resting my-” I was cut off by a yawn, “eyes…”

“Awww, get some rest, you deserve it sweetheart.”

I laughed, “I’ve slept enough already…”

“After the day you’ve had, you deserve rest. I’ll be here in the morning.”