#ellowen

It all begins with the dreams.

—Maybe you weren’t looking hard enough, hm?

It was the masked men!

First, you set this horrible fire to your sister’s crib… she screamed and screamed and Mommy heard it.

The dead don’t forget! Do you hear me? The dead don’t forget!—

Of what, you ask? 

Many things. They can be haunting to some, beautiful to others.

But that is not important.

—Now would you look at that…our mysterious survivor has awoken.

And it came with these visions?

Quite the sight, isn’t it?

Oh, yeah, I do, and this goal is called ‘surviving’.

How unexpectedly death calls us to him…it is bitter, is it not? Unfair.

Three words: I…don’t…care—

Heed my words.

The connections you forged, your little adventures, ambitions, heroics— in the grand scheme of things, none of it really matters.

…

Now, now. 

There is no need to get upset like that.

—Deep down you wanted them dead, didn’t you?

I thought about joining them when all of this is over…and let’s just say, I wouldn’t mind some company.

This is the last stand. They are afraid of us, I can feel it!

Let’s just…see where it takes us.

You just couldn’t handle it anymore.

Will you give yourself to Coarek as he said he would?

You saw an opportunity, and you took it.

You could have made the right choice, but you refused—

It will happen again. And again. And again. And again.

Devour. Strengthen. Cleanse. 

They will reap, over and over and over.

It is pointless to resist. 

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The outcome has been decided from the very beginning.  

People screaming and running away, foolishly trying to save themselves from their inevitable demise. Bodies littering the streets, charred beyond recognition, faces forever stuck in an expression of despair—

Everything hurt.

As they limped through the corridor, Jespar supporting most of their weight, Ellowen told him everything she learned from the Black Guardian. 

Everything besides the two options to forestall the Cleansing, as well as her choice. 

If the new information surprised him, he did not show it, but she did not miss the way he kept glancing at her with a worried frown. Her ribs kept hurting, a hollow pain that spiked with every step they took. It did not matter. They had to put some distance between her and the still smouldering body of a pretender God. 

—You were meant to dissolve, like the rest of mankind.

Yet here you stand, and I tell you the truth.

This was never meant to happen—

They were stuck in a cycle, destined to fail from the start. 

Except they weren’t. Not this time.

To Ellowen, the solution was obvious. Better her than thousands of innocent people. Still, it did nothing to calm her wildly beating heart. What would they tell Jespar? They searched for the right words, thinking of a way to soften the blow, but came up empty. How does one even tell their partner they want to sacrifice themselves for the greater good of mankind?

A dry chuckle, bordering on a sob, forced its way out of their throat. They immediately grasped their throbbing side, vision swimming.

“Whoah, hey! No passing out just yet,” Jespar said and shifted his arms around her body. Ellowen sagged against him. “One foot after another– that’s it, you’re doing well, just stay awake.”

His voice washed over her, mixing in with faint sounds of rushing water. The combination helped to soothe her frayed nerves, somehow. The next few minutes passed in a blur, as they focused more on breathing through the pain, rather than the surroundings. They couldn’t remember closing their eyes, but somehow they found themself in one of the open chambers of the Undercity, slumped against a cold stone wall.

“The Black Guardian…” Ellowen said, voice hoarse. Jespar dug through her satchels, hurriedly taking out healing potions and food. He set everything beside him and cupped her face with his left hand.

“Shh, shh, just stay still for a moment, alright? Can’t have you dying on me, now can we?”

Slowly, the pain subsided as the potions did their work. Her vision cleared, breathing coming out less forced, but her chest still ached– ached with the knowledge of what was about to come. 

They both stayed silent for a while, pretending as if they hadn’t nearly died just now– Ellowen watched the river pass by and tried to collect their thoughts, while Jespar busied himself with storing away the now empty potion flacons. 

Jespar was the first one to break the silence before it got too unbearable. “You wanted to say something. About the Black Guardian.”

Ellowen swallowed. They worked their jaw, still collecting their thoughts. “Yes, he…before he attacked me, he told me of a way to circumvent the Cleansing,” they began softly and forced themselves to look him in the eyes. 

“More than one, actually. One, we flee to the Star City and escape death, while the rest of Vyn is wiped out. We do not age– we become immortal, Gods, in our own right.” They wrinkled their nose and scoffed. “This allows us to oversee the creation of a new world, give birth to a new humanity. They will not know pride, they will not know deceit, effectively starving the High Ones and stripping them of their power.”

“A utopia,” he spat out the word. “A senseless fairy tale. And the other one?”

Ellowen looked down, carefully choosing their words.

“Two, we destroy the Beacon and halt the Cleansing. It will drive the High Ones away for a while, giving us the time we need. I know which one I want.”

“Alright,” he said, reaching out to grab their hand and intertwining their fingers. He stared at them for a while, seemingly mulling over something. When he spoke again, his voice was even, but she could feel something else hiding underneath the surface.

“Your decision… is it final?”

“Yes.”

“I still don’t understand this…fleshless thing. I mean, you’re here, right before me, and I can see you. Touch you, hold your hand. Could you really be an…an illusion?”

Ellowen looked at their connected hands. They opened their mouth to respond and— 

Jespar hunched over and gasped in pain. Ellowen barely had the time to catch him by the shoulders.

They brushed a couple of strands of hair out of his face, noting the way he seemed to glow from within. Their heart skipped a beat. “Are you alright? What is it?”

“It’s– the Cleansing. Agh, my skull…burns, it burns– like it’s on fire,” he gritted out, holding his head. “You…seem to…Don’t you feel anything?”

“Faintly, it feels…dull, somehow.”

He took a deep breath. “Your…situation– it, it protects you. By the Wise Hermit– it burns, if this is how it feels down here…fate have mercy on those who are on the surface.”

They slowly got to their feet. “I have to go. Before it’s too–”

“No!” his hand shot forward and gripped her leg. “No, The Black Guardian is right, sacrificing yourself would be pointless. Even– even if I somehow manage to escape the explosion from the Beacon.”

Ellowen watched him struggle to get up, torn between helping him and leaving when they still had the chance.

“No, no, no– you can’t.”

“I have to. I have to stop the Cleansing.” Ellowen took a deep breath. “I can’t let all of those people die, I can’t let all of this be for nothing.”

“Then I’m going with you,” he said and stepped forward, raising his chin defiantly. His tone brooked no argument.

“Jespar, I’m not going to let you do that.” They took a step back. “There's…there’s no need for you to die as well.”

“And I’m supposed to let you?” He laughed bitterly. He threw a hand up. ”We have an out, we can both live if we escape to– to the Star City, as bizarre as that sounds.”

Silence settled between them, so heavy it was almost suffocating. 

Ellowen watched as his body lit up and he spasmed again. They couldn’t turn back. Not now.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t,” they said, voice soft. On the verge of breaking. 

I’m sorry, Jespar.

“You and your fucking idealism, what about all of the things you still want to do? What about Lethonia?”

They balled up their fists, ignoring the sting of pain as her nails bit into the flesh. Looking anywhere but his face. I’m sorry. I have to. “After the High Ones are defeated, you can still travel the–”

“—It doesn’t mean anything without you!”

Once again, silence descended over them, but this time it was tinged with something else. She searched for something, anything, to say– anything that was not a hollow apology or a fake smile.

Jespar gasped softly, realising something. A mask slipped over his face, eyes distant and cold.

—Burning, blazing– their screams echoed through the modest wooden house. Ellowen, young and full of righteous anger, eating away at their insides like acid, just watched. Watched as the flames licked their way up the building, hungrily devouring everything in their way. They deserved it, after all the things they have done to her—

“But this isn’t about saving everyone…is it? You think if you sacrifice yourself, it will finally make up for what you’ve done to them. To your family.”

“Jespar, don’t–”

“Is it not?”

—You wanted them dead, didn’t you? You wanted them dead, didn’t you? You wanted, wished, prayed, desired—

Jespar reached his hand out— to grab them? They did not know anymore. Everything spun. They were sure their breath was coming out of their chest in shallow, erratic bursts. It was too much, too much, crushing guilt and endless sorrow, when will it ever end? —and retracted it, swallowing. He stepped closer. Ellowen automatically took a step back, all of their senses on high alert. Blood pounded in their ears. 

They had to do something. Stop this. Fix this.

I’m sorry, Jespar. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—

“Ell, you have to stop letting this dictate all of your actions, you–”

Her hand moved unnaturally fast, unerringly finding his temple. A brief flash and he stopped dead in his tracks. 

Ellowen forced out a weak sigh, which quickly turned into a sob.

Jespar’s gaze became unfocused. Distant. 

“Please forgive me,” they whispered, ”for doing this, but this is the only way I can make sure you can get to safety.”

Ellowen swallowed. “And maybe you’re right…maybe I am doing this for selfish reasons, but…it’s the choice that has the potential to save everyone.” They gave him a tired smile. “Ultimately, it doesn’t matter, does it?”

They took a step forward, brushing his fringe to the side with a shaky hand. They touched their foreheads together. A tear slipped down their cheek. “I wish we had more time together.”

Jespar’s face remained blank, eyes glassy.

“Find a Myrad and get to Qyra. The spell should wear off within an hour.”

They kissed his forehead and closed their eyes. 

“I know you can beat the High Ones. Kick—” their voice broke, as did her resolve. Tears streamed down her face, unbidden. “Kick their asses extra hard for me, alright?”

“I’m sorry. I love you, you know that? All this is– was worth it. All of it. Travel safely.”

Ellowen turned around, clearing her mind. They hastily wiped their eyes and took one last look back. Out of their sight, a solitary tear slid down Jespar’s cheek.

They made sure their weapons were in their respective places. The Cleansing, nearly at its peak, towered over the imaginary horizon. They had a job to do.

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The last Black Stone shattered and soon after that, their vision went dark. The Prophet, known by many as simply Ellowen, ceased to exist.

The world was safe– for now.

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The entire world mourned, but it did not know why. Something tremendous had happened– something important, that much was certain –and only a selected handful knew the truth of it. 

Yet, only a limited amount of time remained until the Cycle began anew.

It all begins with the dreams.

Breathe.