#ellen mccarthy

Judy Y. Chu, a human biology professor at Stanford University, says that as very young children, boys are socialized to mask their sweetness and emotional attachments. The less emotionally vulnerable they are, the higher they land in the boy hierarchy—where independence and toughness reign.

That socialization intensifies in middle school when boys seek to figure out what kind of young men they will be, and what the world will think of them.

United States | Remarks to the Media

United States – SECRETARY POMPEO: Good morning, everyone. I want to update you on three issues, four if you want to count the – my upcoming trip to Asia, including North Korea.

First, the situation in Iraq; the second, a statement about the ruling this morning from the International Court of Justice; and finally, I want to talk about my effort to put America’s diplomatic corps back on the field.

VIDEO: Life lessons learned in prison

Robert Barksdale was only 16 when he was sentenced to eight years in federal prison. Now that he’s a free man, the 24-year-old has a chance to start again.

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excerpts:

"[Bella DePaulo's] message is that society has it all wrong about singles — casting the whole lot as miserable lonely hearts, too selfish or damaged to marry. Moreover, the stereotype leads to exclusion from dinner parties and the expectation that they'll work holidays because there's no family waiting at home."

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"In fact, DePaulo writes, the study found that people who were married or had always been single were equally healthy. It was those who were cohabitating, separated, divorced or widowed who were significantly less well.

In response to claims that married people live longer, she points to a study that started in 1921 and tracked 1,528 11-year-olds throughout their lives. Those who either stayed single or stayed married lived the longest. Divorcees and widows had shorter lives. 'What mattered was consistency,' she writes. 'Not marriage.'"

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"[Wendy Braitman] hoped the blog would allow her to serve as an example, showing others that a single life could be rich and meaningful. Growing up, she watched as family members pitied two great aunts who were single. She ingested and feared the idea of spinsterhood.

But as an adult, she found that the projection bore no resemblance to the reality of her life. It could be lonely, yes, but she was not crabby or closed off. She has been active and perpetually open to the prospect of a life partner. But she has not found one, and so, she writes, 'I decided to make the most of it, with as much grace, spirit and levity as possible.'"

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"It became clear to [James] Geoffrey that he liked his life as it was. The only unpleasant part was when he was questing for what it wasn't. He had friends and travels and long summers at the pool. And he had peace."

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"We assume a single life would be incomplete, and quite possibly awful. A 2010 survey of 18- to 25 year-olds found that their biggest fear for the future wasn't illness or poverty. It was 'being alone.'

And when we meet someone who hasn't married by 40 or 50, we want an explanation. So, we assign one: He's a commitment-phobe. She's too picky. They all have 'issues.' Because if there was no reason, it could happen to any of us — and that's not a prospect we're eager to confront.

Braitman, the blogger, knows people assume it's somehow her fault, and they're quick to try to fix the problem. 'Everyone's weighed in on it,' she says. '"You should wear your clothes tight. You should not have short hair. You should dress more like a girl." I think I've heard everything.'

None of it feels like the truth."

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"If it's a person's lot in life to live with a chronic disease or raise a child with disabilities, we are sympathetic. But if they don't have a partner, we assume a character flaw.

'There is so much sadness and guilt and shame,' [Braitman] says. 'There's a lot of shame. I think if you could just take some of that away it would make the whole thing a lot easier.'"

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"At the end of our lunch I ask [Aviva] Kempner if solo life is as bad as society would have us believe.

After a beat, she says, 'I think if I found true love now, it would be the icing on the cake — but the cake is still pretty good.'"

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"After several hours in Braitman's comfortable home, with Rose curled up on the couch, it's striking to think about how much of the distress surrounding her singleness stems not from her actual existence, but the reactions of others, whether real or perceived.

'I've survived and had a really full, rich, interesting life,' she says. 'Part of writing about it is spreading the good news: Move on, there's nothing to pity here.'"

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"There's no way of knowing how a movie about Braitman's life would end. But perhaps that's not the point. Maybe the point is that it would be surprising, compelling and deep. And that its theme would be universal.

'It's about having something we want and not getting it,' she says. 'And then how do you live your life and have it be good?