#elixirofthoughts

I’ve always been a fall-winter kind of girl. The way the cold air seems inescapable- Seeping through my layered clothes Clinging to metal objects like doorknobs & keys Turning many things frigid; leaves, flowers But it makes me feel alive, awake And when it rains & little snowflakes form I feel an innocent happiness

I’ve never been a spring-summer kind of girl. Unless there’s a pool or a beach nearby, the heat never appealed to me. Stuffy and draining Sweaty and sticky Cool air is my relief Inside is my escape

Until now. Now all I long for is being outdoors I drive with my car windows open to get a breath of fresh air I kick off my sandals and step on the fake grass outside of my house Wishing it was real I say “outside” when a hostess asks me where I’d like to eat, Just to feel the sun- Just to stare at the big blue sky. I take night strolls to my mailbox, trying to spot as many stars as I can through the bright lights from the city

We are much too privileged with our air-conditioned cars & our air-conditioned homes Our nice shoes, our nice clothes That most of us don't get the full beauty of the world We don’t feel the wet grass, or the gloppy mud We don’t get dirt on our clothes and hands

But we should We should spend more time outside We should dig our hands in the soil We should get our feet wet We should smell the flowers We should appreciate the world’s natural beauty

When I was 9, I was itching to turn 10. I thought, “Two digits for my age: a 1, a 0- together. 10.” How cool.

When I was 12, I was itching to turn 13. Thirteen. I would officially be a teenager. How cool.

When I was 15, I was itching to turn 16. I could finally get a license and watch a Rated-R movie without having to sneak in to the theater. How cool.

When I was 17, I wanted to turn 18. I could say, “I’m officially an adult.” I could get a tattoo, buy cigarettes, roam around the city without worrying about a curfew. I could do whatever I wanted without parental consent. I’d be of legal age. How cool.

Now I’m 20. Most people think, “What a useless age.” & arguably, it is. It’s the purgatory age between being a full-fledged adult (21) and being a teenager (19).

We’re still not allowed to buy alcohol. Still not allowed to gamble. Still not allowed to go to a bar or go clubbing.

But what I couldn’t stop thinking about was that now, I am in no hurry to age. I’m in no hurry for 21, 22, 23 and on…

Because being in a hurry to age means I’m in a hurry for the rest of my life. And I’m not. I never want to be in a hurry for it.

I admit, I think:

“I’m supposed to be done with college in two years. Ideally, I’m supposed to have established my career and have a place of my own at 24/25. 26, I’m supposed to start settling down. 27/28, I should be in love with plans to get married and plans to start a family.“

How frightening. & I don’t want to be in a hurry for all of that.

Now some people- most people- wouldn’t think about things this way. Most wouldn’t methodically plan out their future because in all honesty, plans don’t always unfold the way they’re expected to. But it’s still good to have plans.

I don’t want life to happen to me. I don’t want to sit idly by, waiting for something to happen. I want to have a hand in what happens.

I think 20 is meant to be the “wake-up call,” age. It’s supposed to encourage us to plan. To set goals. To motivate ourselves before we turn 21 and free ourselves from the many constraints we’ve felt as teenagers. (Which, yes, means going crazy and having a ton of legal fun).

Which really, will be okay. Because if at 20, we know where our heads are at- if at 20, we know where we want to go- then a little fun won’t hurt.

For me, turning 21 feels kind of like a gift for figuring it all out at 20. Because I am. I’m figuring it out. I know that I'm right where I’m supposed to be in life.

I really think a new chapter of our lives begin at 20. We’ve lived for two decades now, and though we still have many more decades to painfully celebrate through (30,40,50?!) This is the decade where life REALLY happens to us and WE really happen to life. This will be the most exciting decade we’ll live through.