#eli.

rereading vicious (especially after eli’s backstory in vengeful) is just like. if only Someone told him that he’s not a monster and all the things that happened to him in his childhood were Not his fault, things would be so different. he convinces himself that killing the EOs is righteous like killing his dad is righteous, he needs to be in control as serena points out several times, his own power is about not being able to be hurt anymore. eli chases the sense of calm because if not then he’s committed a sin, then he really is a monster. if he falters then it’s all over, everything he’s told himself from a young age is a lie. he doesn’t know how to move on or heal so he’s stuck physically and mentally.